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The Secret Life of My Professor

Jaycee Gasa
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Synopsis
“If only you knew that I love you too, maybe you are still here with me. If only I was brave, then I can still see your smiles even for this one last moment. None of these would have happened. I hope you can forgive me for being coward. I love you so much, B13”---Dennis. “I do not feel any regret for loving someone who only lived in my memory. I don’t feel any regret for loving a man I barely know. Because of that short moment we’ve shared together, it was clear that there is nothing wrong with me. My only wish for now, even for the last moment, is to tell him face to face that I love him so much and thanks for everything.”- Jeffrey. A love cross path in the normal world which had started from an unwanted moment and place dares to bloom between them. A love unknown and silent wanting to be felt and waiting to be returned. Is there a future waiting for them? Or everything is better left in the fall walls of that room where everything had started?
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Chapter 1 - Chapter 1 – S.T.E.M

Dennis…

“You want coffee? Let’s go to the cafeteria.”, Sam invited. It is our normal routine to have our coffee first before going to our classes.

“Another school year is starting again sir. What do you think is waiting for us this year?”, I replied to Sam with a positive outlook on what is about to come.

“What do you mean Den? Everything is like the way they are every year. What difference are we expecting?”, Sam asked with a crease on his forehead.

“Well, we are in Senior High School now. This is not college anymore!”, I said cheerily and very meaningful.

Sam is right. This is the first time Senior High School is opened in the Philippines. And to avoid laying off of teachers, the University decided to move the first year instructors to Senior High School Department since there will be no college student enrollees this year.

“Maybe you’re right. But somehow they’re like college students at one point. Only the label is different. Grade 11.”, I said casually.

Beep…beep…beep… I felt my phone vibrates in my pocket.

“Is that the same texter again?”, Sam asked on my side.

“I’m afraid yes.”, I replied in dismay.

“That guy had been texting you this whole summer. Doesn’t he understand the meaning of hookup?”, He said sarcastically.

“I don’t know. Maybe. Don’t mind him anymore. He’s just a kid.”, and I ended the topic.

Sam and I are very close. We were classmates in college. We both took Education course and we graduated at the same time. After teaching in a private school for two years, we continue our studies to post graduate. After finishing our master’s degree, we pursue our teaching career in the university.

We share things between the two of us that no one else knows. At first, we were shy with each other. No one wants to initiate the conversation about it but since we’ve been together for a long time, we managed to open up to one another and confess.

We are both gay guys. Most of our classmates and friends in college thought we were best of friends. “The best duo” is what they called us because we excel in all of our activities especially when we were partners. We seldom compete against one another. We were always partners; in doing our presentations, projects, assignments and many more.

It’s only with Sam whom I share my side activities whenever I remove the teacher-coat. My getaways, bar hopping, hookups, sex dates, and many more. Sam also shares his stories but I think he prefer to just listen when I tell mine. I don’t understand him sometimes.

Like this kid we are talking about. I told him about this meet up I had last summer somewhere in Las Pinas. Before the meet up, the kid was very persistent to me. Every day my phone is receiving tons of messages from him, stories I don’t even care about. He never ran out of stories to tell, question to ask or anything just to start a conversation. And because it’s summer vacation and I had nothing to do, I entertain him.

I was very cautious when the conversation started to come close to my job. I don’t want my professional life get tangled with “my life”. I always stop him mid-talk or change the topic immediately whenever I notice that it is starting to go down that road. To be fair, I never asked anything personal about the kid. He was the one who is very chatty.

The day that we met was the most peculiar date I’d ever had. I don’t know why. As far as I could remember, it was only a date. The usual thing I do whenever I had nothing to do. The kid was very persistent. To just let the steam blew off him, I agreed and went on a date with the kid. I still remember his face when he saw me for the first time. I see disappointment on his face. Who wouldn’t? I haven’t had my face shaved for a month. My beard and mustache are growing vastly like forest on my face. I don’t have my hair cut as well. It was summer vacation, no work so I don’t have to bother. I stuck myself inside my apartment because I am taking advantage of the vacation. I only eat, sleep, and eat again the whole day. Sometimes, I get invited on I date so I go out. Just like that time.

I invited him inside and allowed him to settle on the couch. I am afraid that this kid might get shocked when I get started on him. One of the reasons why I am very reluctant to meet him is that fact the he is younger than I am. Like the kid is only 20 years at least. According to him, he stopped schooling for two years for whatever reasons he didn’t want to talk about. I did not ask any further and just went on with it.

The kid looks very innocent. In the outside at least. As much as possible, I don’t like the virgin-like or the boyfriend material type of guy because that is going to be a problem in the long run. Especially with the kind of job I have. I don’t know what had gotten into me and agreed to meet this kid.

After I brush I teeth, I get out of the comfort room. The kid was about to take off his shirt when I pulled him closer to me by the waist and wrapped my arms around him. It was a bit funny because the kid was ticklish with my touch and pulled himself away from me for a bit. He looked me straight in the eyes momentarily. That moment, I saw his face clearly.

He looks very charming for a twenty-year-old kid. It was hard to believe that a kid of this age is no longer innocent with that kind of fire he was about to play with. His eyes were captivating. It was drawing me closer inside. I felt him shrivel when I ran my fingers on his cheek.

His body is not toned or muscular like most of those guys I dated; gym goers, narcissist, and self-proclaimed dumbass who thinks they’re most wanted. But this kid’s not. His physique is unlike the others. In fact, his chubby. Like baby fats. But he is smooth. Fair skinned. A complexion that obviously didn’t get much exposure to sunlight. Judging by the hands, it seemed like this kid never do any chores at home. This kid may be well off then.

I really don’t have the intention of meeting this kid in the first place because I feel like he just wanted to get to know me. To be honest, I am looking for something more romantic when I go out on a date. And I am not sure if we both wanted the same thing or this kid just reluctantly agreed to set up.

“Are you drinking Nescafe again?”, Sam poked me on the side.

“Ah yes, the usual.”, I didn’t notice that we are in the canteen already. My mind was elsewhere while we are walking to the cafeteria.

“Don’t reply to it anymore. Let him get tired on texting you. Or better yet, block the number if you want.”, Sam suggested when we took a seat.

“Let me handle this Sam. Let’s just go and get some coffee.”, I told him.

It was really my intention to block the number of that kid when I left him in that room. I don’t want to establish any connection with any of my random dates. It’s just hookup, nothing more, nothing less. I remembered tearing his shirt off when we started. So I had to leave my black shirt by the bed for him to wear after. I couldn’t let him get out of the room wearing nothing but pants rights?

After that night, it was weeks before he texted again. I usually save my text mate’s number before our meet up. But when we meet and that thing already happened, his number is immediately got deleted. That’s why I didn’t recognize him when he texted again. I recently realized that I was him because of the text patterns and it resemblance to the previous text messages. He started texting with a “hi”. I know those kinds of text are just group text message. For gathering attention only.

But his succeeding texts started to bother me. One of his messages goes line, “I found your number on my phone but you are not on my friends list. May I know who this is again? Thanks.”

The common follow up text of people who dates and dumps after the meet up. I never respond to such. Ever. I never replied to his texts that are always “good morning”, “happy eating”, good night”, and many more. If he has unlimited cellphone load, he’ll get tired of texting but I will never answer.

All of these will come to pass. This is what I always say to myself every after meet ups. Nothing is permanent in this way of living. One night we’re hot and after a few hours, it’s over. So why keep it, just let it go.