Mind's eye (pilot)
The one thing that scares me is the human mind. It can love someone one minute, and hate them the next. It can hurt someone, scar someone, and traumatize them but unconsciously make themselves the victim. They can believe the villain and shame the hero. The human mind can urge you to kill someone who truly deserves it but have you crawl to the same person. It can make you a liar, the worst of the worst. But it can also love, It can love oh so graciously.
For the human mind can do anything.
A father and a daughter.
One memory
"What would you like Sa rang?"
The girl ponders for a moment. Her eyes watching the lake. Her father watches her curiously.
"A companion."
She responds coolly.
"You have many?"
"No, I want one that doesn't care about status, they could have none for all I care. I simply want someone who can talk to me without thinking about the benefits."
"Sa rang, I don't think that your friends care about the benefits. Where did you hear that?"
"Their parents do. That's why it's ok for us to play together."
"Is that where you heard it, Sa rang? From the adults?"
The little girl shakes her head and points up.
"My friends told me about it."
"Your..your friends?"
Her father asks in disbelief for a second, forgetting that children can create anything from their imagination. Maybe it was a surprise from his silent daughter who was only excited about a few things. to make a comment like that. It didn't make a difference to the father who loved his daughter abundantly. He smiled at her and let his hand rest on her head.
"What else did your friends say?"
He asked, amused at the child's ambition to speak to him about this. His daughter rarely made a complaint or a request. Nor did she wonder why her father was gone all the time. It saddened him but made the times when they talked all the more important.
"Mom is going to leave soon."
"What?"
The little girl touches her father's hand and closes her eyes.
"But I'll have the little sister I've always wanted!"
She says her smile widening to her eyes.
The scene fades from view as she wakes up to reality.
Waking up was a painful experience. It was even more painful when the maids actually tended to me.
"get up my lady."
I peer over at a maid. a maid I had never seen before. so why was she talking to me that way? I stare at her.
"why..?"
"what? what is it, my lady?"
why was she talking to me as if I was below her? and why did she bother with honorifics if she wasn't going to be respectful anyway?
"nothing."
I mumble, and she just glares at me, before moving over to the drawer again. I couldn't care less. I have no power in my own palace. and everyone knows it. I'm like a false empress. someone who, although doesn't get the authority or respect they "deserve" I don't need it anyway. it was a hassle to put people in their place if I didn't really care anyway. it was a waste of my time and energy to feel superior. I have already learned I am less than human, so why bother trying to be more? for what? a change? a better image? no more rumors?
but, I have already neglected my empire, so why should I try? do I think that if I sell my coins and diamonds, and gold and silver. that I will be perceived as a better person? that they will think I changed? no. the things that will come out of that will simply be more rumors. and it will be about me bribing my citizens. my empire, the people will speak about my ways and spit on my name. I will be shunned and the people who did speak about me will use the money no less.
shame. not for them. but for me. I winced. a maid was putting pins in my hair and had accidentally stuck me. accident. right? My head was pounding as the maids guided me to the chair and rushed past me in a blur. Like different portraits moving faster than I could comprehend, stop motion. All a blur. as they moved past me, their faces blurry. I wondered why they were here anyway? What was today anyway? What was so important. What had happened last night? Had I had a dream? Oh, I can't remember.
"Which color, your majesty?"
A maid offered, I glance at the hairpieces she was holding. one was white, as pure as snow. one was red, the color of blood. and one was blue, of spring rivers. I raised my head and looked at the maid. she was a foreigner. she had skin that was sunkissed, it reminded me of the sweet, of chocolate. she was radiating a golden aura, her cheeks were flushed and her eyes round. but she was beaming at me. as if my opinion really mattered. I gazed at the girl.
"Which one do you like?"
"huh?"
the maid looked surprised, and then without missing a beat she pointed at the white one.
"this one your majesty!"
"very well, I shall wear that one."
I could hear the other maids behind us. talking. asking why the girl would do that, because well, my opinion doesn't matter. but nonetheless, the girl smiled at me. and gave the hairpiece to the one doing my hair. I watched her. the maid. the one who called my title correctly. I watched her. and I wondered.
for a useless person like me, she really was kind. all I could do was try and hold my head up. And when I couldn't, I let the maids simply hold my head up for me.
"What's wrong with her?"
"Is she ok?"
"She's freaking me out.."
"How ridiculous"
"She can't even keep her head up without our help."
"I wonder what the elders think of her."
Giggles and snickers. Laughs and whispers. Entertaining indeed for the people who talk. Embarrassing indeed for the people who they talk about.
I bit my lip, the skin I had just ripped off becoming tender. Doing my best to not let the blood show, I hastily swept my tongue over my bottom lip, tasting a salty liquid as I did. Blood.
I moved my lips together. Watching as the blood mixed with my red lips. how exactly could I watch? A mirror stood in front of me. Its figure, long and slim. Its frame, golden and bright. Its reflection… dull and boring. I stared back at myself. Hoping to erase my mirror's existence so that somehow I wouldn't exist as well.
I sighed and let my eyes rest. Into a pitiful darkness that we call sleep. I see it as another way of waiting for death to come to overtake us. I opened my mouth slightly and let out a heavy gust of air. A yawn. I was tired and no one cared. Not the maids that tended to me. Not the guards that protected me. Not my father. Not my brothers. Not my fiance…maybe he's dead.
I would assume so. he hasn't shown up in years. death is the only possible outcome, right? I gaze at nowhere in particular and let my eyes rest. the room was cold. the maids had left me be and we're off doing more important things I suppose. I blink slowly. trying to stop myself from falling asleep. I hear Footsteps outside my room. Heavy ones and light ones. And? Footsteps that were rushing.
"Your majesty please, her highness is not ready!"
Now I have to open my eyes. Inhaling, cold air went through my nostrils, cool and pleasant. reassuring, exhaling, I prepared myself for yelling, hitting, throwing, smashing, hair-pulling, and insults. The heavy footsteps were now stomping and the shoji was thrown open. I turn to face the people who have come to greet me.
"Hah. so you're still here residing in your royal glory??!"
"Hello, father-in-law."
I greet him
His face is red, he must've been humiliated by the elders again. I hang my head back and look up at the ceiling. His anger will be "cured" for the time being by me again. He grabs my hair in a bunch and yanks it. My face was in front of him now. I simply peered at the man full of anger. My hair falling out of its design. His anger must've been fueled by my gaze because he threw me to the ground.
"You!...you are the reason my son is at war! If it weren't for you-"
I glance up at him, my robes falling out of place. I didn't know if he was right or wrong anymore. I've heard it so many times it's become engraved in my mind. Am I? The reason his son is gone. Really I must be if he so strongly believes so. why else would his son ignore his letters. I sigh and bring my head up to face him.
Before I can get to my feet again, a sharp impact is felt on the side of my face. He steps on the back of my head. His boot forced my gaze down leaving My ear numb. I crane my neck to the side. In the doorway stood a man. A man who followed my father around. A man who was my father's, right-hand man. Who was my fiance's best friend. Someone who was forced to stay here instead of fighting next to his best friend for his country. Because of me. I was the reason he stayed. Because my fiance requested that he'd stay and protect me, and watch over me.
Now that man stands in the doorway. His face was stone cold. Almost as if he was goading me. He has always hated me since the beginning and now that he has to stay with me because I'm his best friend's priority, he despises me. His anger rooting deep from the bottom of his heart. he could care less and watches me nearly get beaten to death by his best friend's father. Fucking hilarious. I chuckle under my breath. My throat makes a wispy type of croak. Which I guess was still identifiable as a laugh because father presses his foot down on my neck now.
"You bitch. You think you're all that huh??"
He asks, his voice full of fury. I shut my mouth and turn towards the ground. I groan in pain as he buries his boot into my neck. I gasp and desperately gasp for air, my breathing being cut off. I whimper and try to speak but my voice isn't there. Reaching for the door I extend my arm toward the man who loves my fiance as much as I did. I know it isn't worth it. but I still try. My eyesight is blurred and blotchy and I grit my teeth through the blinding pain.
The man simply stares at me with no emotion, no pity, not an ounce of feeling. he doesn't care. he meets my eyes, his gaze chilly and cold. he stares at me like that and then turns the other way. his attention averted. Moreover, his stone-cold face hasn't changed but still, it seems like he's happy to look at something else other than me.
No hope. ahhh, I should've known. even if this man was at his happiest and had everything he ever wanted. He wouldn't spare me a dime. More or less a glance. My gaze still pointed at the man. I give up trying to breathe. And choke back groans of agony. I blink and my vision blurs even more. But I still see the man's expression while talking to a maid. His expression was no longer stoic and unreadable; it was now shocked, maybe surprised. No. I must be hallucinating. Blinking again I see the man rushing over to father. And yelling something. Something important because father let goes of me completely.
Gasping for air and being able to breathe again I let out an inhumane sound and laid my head on the ground, my robes and hair completely messed up. My nose was running. I slowly glanced down and gazed at my bruised arm. Rubbing my hand against my bruised skin to wipe the mucus off but see a dark red consistency instead. Blood. I was bleeding and no one even noticed. Looking up I see the man and my father talking. They were excited huh? I wonder about what? My eyes couldn't stay open and my pupils rolled back.
"Min-ho has sent a letter!"