—
Found Pyronica today. I was exploring the marketplace in a shady part of DimensionCF8WK4U when one of the stalls was overturned and fire was being flung around. I watched as a pink cyclopian woman snarled and fought off a green colored male of her species. While her body was covered in white flames, the man had ice.
"Keep your hands off asshole!" She screeched and threw another fireball.
"You're the one who tried to steal one of my wares bitch!" The man shouted back angrily as he put out her fire with a blast of ice.
"It belonged to me originally! You're the one who STOLE it!"
The other vendors were huddled behind their stalls. The other customers had already run off. It didn't look like anyone was going to step in. I float lazily up to them, making myself visible as I went. "So what's happening here?"
They both look at me in surprise. "B-Bill Cipher!" The man gasps in fear.
"That's my name don't wear it out. Not that you can. If anyone tries to wear my name I'll have to sue them for copyright. And by sue I mean sew. And by sew I mean their mouths to their ass as punishment for using my name as their own." I laugh.
The man is backing away warily at the sound of my laughter. "But seriously, what's the problem here? Here I am enjoying a nice stroll through the market and a fight breaks out. At least let me get some popcorn first."
"This bitch is a thief!" The man points at her rudely.
"Oh really now?" I say cheerfully. A quick series of blinks is all it takes for me to get the information I want. The brooch Pyronica is holding belonged to her mother. It was the last thing she had of her. Through a long series of circumstances it wound up in this merchant's possession.
The man takes another startled step back. "B-but she is clearly taking it without paying for it."
"It's mine! Why should I pay for what already belongs to me?!" Pyronica hissed at the merchant.
"She's right you know. It does belong to her. Specifically her mother, also you were charging waaay~ too much for it considering you didn't acquire it under legal means either." I leaned against my cane casually.
The man looked to be at a loss, glancing back and forth at both of us before sighing in resignation. "Fine whatever. Just go." He trudged back to his stall to set it back up.
Pyronica spun on her heel and left the area. I followed and aside from a wary glance she didn't protest. As soon as we were out of earshot to the market I laughed. "Nice job with the others."
She grins sheepishly and pulls out a few necklaces and rings from hidden pockets in her robe. It was strange seeing her in clothes. "Um...thanks for the assist."
"Eh, he was over pricing all his stolen wares. And they really are ALL stolen. What a hypocrite."
She giggles before storing her haul away again. The brooch she just holds and looks at. A slight melancholy in her expression.
"You okay kid?" I ask.
"I didn't expect to find it here. I was just grabbin' stuff. But then I saw it and just...I messed up and he noticed me take it."
"It means a lot to you huh?"
"Yeah. Mom used to wear it all the time. Said that dad gave it to her as a gift before they mated and she devoured him to have me." She traces the delicate design on the brooch with a finger. A memento of both her parents.
"Well...um...thanks for earlier but I should...go..." She says awkwardly as she pins the brooch to her robe and begins walking off. "You don't want to hang out?" I ask somewhat sadly.
"Oh. Um. Look, I'm grateful for the help earlier but I didn't ask for it and I don't owe you anything...no offense..." She backs up a little. A trace of apprehension as she tugs her robe more tightly around herself.
"Wait. You think I-? Ew no! No way!" I hurriedly shake my hands at her. "That was NOT my intention at all!"
She relaxes a little and just looks confused now.
I flush orange. I can't believe she thought I only helped her because I wanted something from her.
"So...if you didn't want ME, then why did you help me?" She asks.
"I dunno. You were there. And no one else was gonna do anything."
She squinted suspiciously at me. "You're different from what the rumors say about you. Aren't you supposed to be some kind of evil chaos demon?"
"That's just 'cause you haven't seen me angry yet. Besides, it's my day off."
"Demons get days off?"
"What do people think I do when I'm NOT summoned for some stupid task? I have my own life too you know. Getting pulled away from watching a show I like because some idiot can't figure out how to flush a trans-dimensional toilet is bound to get them turned inside out for wasting my time."
Pyronica starts laughing "Did that really happen?" She gasps.
I roll my eye. "Twice actually. Fuck those toilets. Whoever invented them was a bigger sadist that I'll ever be."
No surprise he was finally killed by an angry mob shoving him into his own invention. Of course they realized afterward that with him dead they had no one who knows how to dismantle the toilets. The whole area had to be quarantined off for the sake of public safety. Even now there would be random sprays of fecal matter from some unknown location in the multiverse.
I shuddered. Gross.
Pyronica and I just hung out. Talking and joking back and forth. It was a great time. I bought her dinner, after bluntly telling her that this wasn't meant to be romantic in any way. I'm not interested in that, we only just met and she's not really my type. Pyronica laughed "It's fine Bill. I get it."
"So...friends?" I asked hopefully.
"Sure. You're a lot of fun to hang out with, for a demon and all." She chews on the deep fried Mierkurk and grins at me with her mouth full.
"This has been a nice day. I don't get to just...hang out with someone. People don't normally want to be around me." I took a sip of my drink. Haven't had alcohol in a while. Interestingly enough, its one of the few things I can actually 'taste' as a triangle. There was no alcohol back in the 2nd dimension so I only discovered this fact a few centuries ago.
"That sounds lonely." Pyronica says sympathetically.
"It is. Seriously though. I know I'm a big scary demon god but I have feelings too. It's not like I WANT to kill people. It just...kinda happens, you know?" I take another big sip, enjoying the mild burn. The drink was nicely fruity and sweet, covering up the bitterness of the ethanol.
"Mmhm." Pyronica hums as she looks around at the empty tables around us. The restaurant was too afraid to turn us away and the other customers too scared to sit near us. The waiters were tense as they took our orders. I can hear the manager frantically ordering his workers to give us the best service and not make me angry. I preened under their subservience to me just as much as I was annoyed by it.
"It's not like I even kill my summoners…normally. There are plenty that...make it out fine." I take a few more gulps of my drink. I should ask for the recipe, this is nice.
"And it's not like it's my fault you know? People need to be more careful when they ask me for stuff. Like, like this one guy...he wanted to get with this girl see? And he calls, and he calls me up and goes like 'I want her to be with me forever' so like...I fused them into each other. 'Cause like how else am I supposed to interpret that right?" I take another long sip.
"Um..." Pyronica pushes the plate of food towards me. "Bill I think you should eat something before you drink anymore."
I toss some food into my eye-mouth and sigh. At least meat has more elements in it. I can already feel it breaking down inside me. I tip my glass back again.
"But noooo~ I'm the bad guy for, for, for granting his Deal...be-because that wasn't what he MEANT right? But like, that's what he wanted. He wanted them to be together so I put, I put them togethhhhher and like how ELSE was I gonna make her be with him huh?"
"You...could have made her fall in love with him?"
"But that would mean ALTERING her feelings! That's like SUPER awful. Li-like imagine if someone just came...came up to you and was like BAM you're in love with..." I glance around the room and point at a trembling waitress "...with that guy right there. And you're like but I don't like that guy. But I'm like well I'm gon-gonna MAKE you like them anyway. And then I mess around in your head until suddenly you think oh wow I DO like that guy! That guy is amashhhhing..."
I reach for my drink but end up pushing it over the edge of the table. The glass didn't break but I did spill it everywhere. What a waste. "Ah...shhhawwy..." I glance at the waitress. Oh hey I didn't know she had a twin.
"But yeah...jushh messin' wi' peoples heads an' shhtuff is like the worsh thing EVER and, and I dun' like dooing it right? Becashh its like...the bad thing...the baddest thing? Like...like you get me?" Everything was all shiny...like...their edges were glowing.
"Bill I think you need to go lay down..."
I giggle and it quickly devolves into sobbing. "An' people ju-jushh don't get it! Dey DON'T and I'm like...I'm like why's they so stoopid?! If theys like shhome-one deys jush t-talk to den righ'? Deys can go ups to them an' jush be like hey I li-likes yoo but dey DON'T! Deys go an' call ME to...to FORSH da outta pewrson to like den! An' it's sho' stooopid~"
Pyronica carefully picks me up and I cling to her robe sobbing. I can't see her face but I can hear her talk to the waitress.
"About the check..."
"N-no it's fine. Just...just go..."
I feel Pyronica walk and sniffle into her robe. I can't think clearly, and everything is spinning. I slump over in her arms and feel myself enter a daze. I can't sleep but I can just...let go for a while. Just for a little bit...
---
I come back into awareness with a groan. I'm not hungry, this body no longer needs food, but mentally I still feel an emptiness inside. Fuck, what happened last night?
"Hey Bill. You feeling okay?"
Pyronica, oh right I met her yesterday. I flicker through some images quickly and flush a dark orange. Oh man. "Ugh. I can't believe I got drunk off a glass of sangria."
"No offense but it was kind of funny."
"Yeah sure, laugh at the light weight." I roll my eye and float up off the pillow I was on. I look around. A small room. Just a bed and a couch. I flicker through more images. A cheap inn. Pyronica sneaking me in under her robe. Putting me gently on a pillow.
"Thanks. For taking care of me." I twiddle my fingers. It's been a while since I've gotten drunk. The last time it happened I apparently went on a rampage and turned half the population of the town I was in into various sea life. In a desert town. The smell would have been AWFUL and I'm incredibly thankful that I don't have a nose. By some stroke of luck my most recent bout of drunkenness was relatively harmless.
"No problem. We're friends now aren't we?"
I glow happily. "Yup!"
We hung out a few more times before Pyronica got arrested for pickpocketing a tourist who turned out to be a Federation officer. I had to bail her out by trading another Favor with Time Baby and making a proper Deal to place Ronica under my care.
---
"So...guess you're living here now? If you have anything you want specifically I can make the rooms for it. Also, you're not stuck here or anything. You can leave whenever you want."
"Dude this place is amazing!"
"Eh, all powerful demon god here, I can pretty much do anything." I couldn't help bragging a little. "Oh, right, I should introduce you to our other roommate…" I Blinked away to pick up Xanthar from Iznang. I found him peacefully nuzzled into some bushes.
I float up to give him a nice pat. "Hey Xan-Xan~are you doing okay by yourself? You've got enough food right?"
Xanthar doesn't really eat so much as soak his bread in sauces and other liquids. He really likes syrup. I have a special swimming pool with syrup instead of water just for him.
Xanthar leans against my hand as I pet him. I can taste his happy feelings at seeing me again. My poor baby missed me. I Blinked the two of us back to base.
"Xanthar, this is Pyronica. She'll be living here from now on. Ronica, this is Xanthar."
She loves him instantly and coos over his large form. He's happy to have someone else who treats him kindly. I'm happy that I have more friends.
---
Pyronica was a little anxious the first few days after moving in. She wandered the halls a lot and walked back to the front entrance to just look at the whirling space outside. I had a teleporter installed next to the door so she could come and go freely. Sometimes she would just sit with her feet dangling over the edge of the huge doorway.
I came up to sit beside her. "Is something wrong?" I asked quietly.
She blinked slowly, her flames flickering softly. "Why did you bail me out? Why're you letting me live here without asking for any sort of payment?"
I look at her, she's so much bigger than me. Even as a 5 foot triangle, she towers over me. "You're giving me a place to live, food and even the freedom to leave whenever I want. You're not even asking anything from me." She gestures to herself. "You're not doing it because you want…Me. You're…nice. Why?"
"Because you're my friend. One of the only ones I have." I kick my feet over the edge of the doorway as I look out into the void. "What's wrong with helping a friend?"
"I just…not to sound ungrateful, I don't feel right just…accepting all this without giving you anything in return." She fiddles with her robe.
"All I want is company…you don't need to give me anything just 'cause you think you should." I sigh.
Pyronica watches me for a while. I don't know what she's thinking exactly, I don't want to read her thoughts but I can still feel her emotions. If I had to describe the flavor, I'd have to say she was contemplative.
"How about a Deal?" She says suddenly. I sit up and stare at her with a wide eye. "What?!"
"A proper Deal, that's what you do right? I'll be your Friend in exchange for living here."
I narrow my eye slightly. "How about you'll be MY Friend, and I'll be YOUR Friend."
There's a growing smile on her face. "That sounds fine."
"Then it's agreed then? From now until the end of time." The words came out almost instinctively. I glowed golden as I held my hand out, the blue flames flickering to life around it. She grins widely, showing off all her crooked teeth. "Deal." She grasps my hand and we shake on it. I feel the Deal settle in, the universe itself twisting to my will. She's my Friend now, fully and truly, she's mine.
A small marking of a black triangle with a single eye forms on the back of her neck, hidden beneath her hair, my symbol, so that I can see through it, so that I can see her, no matter where she goes. So that she'll have my protection no matter where she is. She's my Friend now. I won't let her be taken from me. Not like Will was. I will keep her safe. From now until the end of time.
—
Pyronica came to breakfast today without her robe. I blink at her in surprise. "Why're you naked?"
She smiles and sits to look at what I made, I've recently started a new hobby of learning alien forms of cooking. They were very different from Human cooking. The process involved a lot more acids and temperatures reaching the surface of a star. I'd like to think my cooking was…edible.
"I don't have to hide myself anymore. I'm safe around you." She says as she grabs a bowl.
I tilt slightly sideways. "I don't get it?"
She giggles. "It's fine if you don't."
I look over her form. Even if nothing was showing in the way it would for a human it was still very naked. Something was missing. Oh. "Do you wanna go shopping later? I think you'd look really cool with a cape."
Her eye lights up. "Oooh! You are 100% correct! I would LOVE to go shopping for some nice accessories!"
After breakfast the three of us went to the Mall and had a lot of fun just browsing. Xanthar had to be pulled away from the coin fountain. Pyronica wanted to just steal the stuff she wanted but I told her there were many hard-working people in retail who would be the ones suffering for any stolen merchandise and that it was just plain mean and unfair to cause trouble for them. She looked shocked before I told her that we could simply steal money directly from the greedy rich business owners and then spend that stolen money to purchase from them. She cackled with laughter "For a second there I thought you were going to say we shouldn't steal because it's wrong!"
"Well stealing is only wrong if it hurts someone, taking money from people who already have too much of it is perfectly fine." I said simply. "Think of it like…they're donating their wealth to us for…charity."
She just keeps laughing. The Mall Security wasn't sure what to do about us. They were too afraid to FORCE me to leave so they simply followed us at a distance as Ronica and I cooed over pretty dresses and hats. She ended up buying several fine capes and I got a bunch of nice thigh high socks. I also tried on a bunch of pretty dresses but sadly couldn't convince myself to buy them. As much as I liked them, I'm sure the universe would have a collective heart attack if I ever showed up like that in public.
Xanthar accidentally trampled the flower shop in his enthusiasm to smell them and I apologized profusely as I fixed everything. The workers were struck dumb and wondering if they were dreaming as I cleaned their shop and neatly rearranged the flowerpots into perfectly even rows. "Sorry again for the trouble. Have a WONDERFUL day!" I call out as I push Xanthar out of the store. He got a pretty little potted yellow flower that I decided to name Flowey. No relation to the actual Flowey.
All in all, a good day.
My socks look fabulous~
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