A Couple of Hours Later…
Jeremy Danielson…
The insistent beeping of my alarm clock tore through my slumber, scattering the dream world into slices of memory as I fought to remain where Dakota and I were enjoying our honeymoon, after having been married by Jason of all people. Dakota had a big round belly that I had seemingly been unable to stop curling my hands around - feeling the soft kicks from the life growing inside of her. Seeing my woman smiling contently and cooing every time the baby kicked her was an image that will be forever ingrained in my mind.
I ached to make that a reality.
I burned to claim her in front of everyone we knew.
I longed to put a baby in her little belly.
And as the dream began to fade, my mind grew impatient. I needed to see her. As I did every morning, I climbed into the shower and turned the temperature to cold but as always it did very little by way of ridding me of the morning wood, I always had but was now somehow ten times worse knowing that my woman was somewhere in the depths of the same house. Just out of reach.
Rubbing one out every morning was getting ridiculous. I felt like I was back in high school. And just like back then, I had little to no option but to give into the need because if I didn't - I would never be able to face her in front of her dad without staking my claim. And she wasn't ready for that. I knew that.
However, the time was coming. I knew it. I think she knew it too. We simply couldn't continue the way we have been. It is just getting too hard to hide it. And I knew that had Jason not been so enamoured with Charleigh right now, he would have already seen through the charade that 'Kota and I were putting on.
Climbing the stairs from the basement, my mind, already, wondering what cock-tease little outfit Dakota was going to be wearing for me today.
The rest of the house lay dormant, as I moved into the kitchen and made my way to the kettle where there were three envelopes - each addressed to Jason, Charleigh and myself in Dakota's neat hand-writing and the moment I took mine in my hands I felt a sense of dread swell up inside of me as I tore a path to the bedroom that was hers, knocking lightly on the door, "'Kota, you awake?" I enquired my voice low as I heard the faint whimper of Zeus and the light scrape of his paw against the inside of the door.
The uneasy feeling, I was beginning to experience was rearing up with so much force that I was more than certain it was trying to devour me whole.
When I got no answer, I pushed the door open as quietly as I could for Zeus to jump up, so his front paws were resting on my chest and his eyes were staring into mine with some sort of message. I was sure of it because I have always stated that this dog has some sort of crazy intuition, and it was all pointing to Dakota leaving.
Moving into the room, with Zeus hot on my heels, whimpering as if trying to tell me to get it together and go bring our girl home. Lying on the nightstand was her cell-phone and her kindle. I didn't bother picking them up as I dropped onto her bed and ripped open the envelope with my name on it…
'Jeremy.
This is the hardest letter I have ever had to write. It is hard for so many reasons and right now, it feels like not one of them is good enough for what I have to do.
A couple of weeks ago, my mom's boyfriend, Stuart, started texting me. At first it was just little texts about him clearing up the incident with mom and that I owed him my gratitude. I never once replied to him. I ignored him and tried to push it to the back of my mind, but then he started talking about coming here and taking me back to Scotland. Again, I ignored those because as far as I was aware, he and my mom weren't exactly flush with exposable income. It never crossed my mind that they would ever actually come here.
At the beginning of this week - I left the hotel room to get ice, do you remember that? Well, that was when my mom approached me. Apparently, she and Stuart had been watching me and they knew about us. Mom told me that if I didn't show up there this morning, ready to travel back to Scotland with them then they were going to come and tell Dad that you…that we are sleeping together. I know my mom, Remy, that isn't all she will do. I know that she will rip your life to shreds. And all because you gave me what she always wanted.
You.
Yes, my mother has apparently been in love with you all along. In her mind, she believes that when you are with me, you are seeing her. I don't believe that by the way. I am just relaying what she muttered to me when she gave me her little ultimatum.
For the first couple of days, I thought that I was going to have to give in. I thought that I was going to end up back in Scotland where I would be continuously raped by a man that my mother seems incapable of seeing for who he really is. But that is not happening. I am taking matters into my own hands. I am taking steps to preserve your friendship with my dad, which is the best possible outcome for me.
I want you to know that I will never regret anything that we shared with one another. I will never look back on our time together and wish it never happened because Remy, you changed me.
You changed me for the better. You made me a better person.
You showed me what it felt like to be cherished.
You showed me how to feel.
You showed me for a small fraction of time what it was like to be your girl. And that is a feeling I will forever cherish. I never managed to build the courage to tell you to your face, but I love you.
I, Dakota Roth, love you, Jeremy Danielson. With all of my heart and soul. I never knew it was possible to feel this way about another person.
Just thinking about you brings a smile to my face and my heart does this strangest little flutter that takes me by surprise every damn time. The dreams I had for us had felt almost within reaching distance at times.
Marriage.
Babies.
A whole life that felt vibrant in my mind. I convinced myself that somehow you would want all those things with me. I prayed for it, and you know I am in no way religious so that should tell you how desperately I hoped that you could return my feelings.
However, here is the thing, Rem' - even if I could stay, it would never work because there is no way that my dad will ever accept us. And I will not be the reason that you lose that friendship because I know how much it means to both of you. I have to let you go. I have to let you all go because my mom and Stuart will never let me go if they know where I am. So, I have to take this chance. I have to take this small window of opportunity to disappear.
Please just know that even as I am writing this, I am dropping tears all over the paper because it is truly tearing me up on the inside to walk away. My heart feels like it will never truly recover from this pain.
I promised you earlier today in our hotel room that I would belong to you forever and always. That is never going to be a promise I will break - wherever I end up, I will always be your girl. Forever.
Try and go easy on dad, I know this is going to be tough on him but please don't give up on him, regardless of what he might say after reading my letter. I know he is going to need both you and Charleigh. And if you can - don't give up on finding love Jeremy because you are an amazing man who has a heart that can make a difference in someone's life. You deserve all the happiness in the world.
I hope that one day you will have that family you have been aching for. Whatever woman ends up giving you that will be the luckiest woman in the world. Maybe in another lifetime it could have been me.
I hope that one day you can forgive me. And look back on our time together with fondness and love.
I love you.
Always & forever.
Yours,
Dakota
Xxoxx.'
The paper fluttered to the ground as my world shattered into a million fractured pieces. My heart screaming from the empty cavern of my chest as I realised that she was gone.
She was gone.
Dakota had packed up and left in the middle of the night.
Dakota loves me.
Like I love her.
And she was gone.
My breath was coming in short frantic gasps as I tried to get my emotions under check. What am I supposed to do? They say that your life flashes before your eyes when you die and honestly a part of me died in that moment as images of Dakota and me together flew across my vision.
No. I am not accepting this.
Getting to my feet, I stormed out of her bedroom and made my way to the front door, stuffed my feet into my sneakers and grabbed my coat, keys, phone and cigarettes. Moving with purpose because there really was no time to waste - I climbed behind the wheel of my car and started it up as I dialled Jensen's number.
"Why are you calling me?" His voice rumbled down the line when he picked up.
"'Kota is gone-"
"What?" Instantly he was alert and moving, "what do you mean?"
"Go into the kitchen, on the island there is a letter addressed to you and one for Charleigh too. I am headed to the airport, hopefully I will make it on time-"
"Why the fuck didn't you come get me?"
"Because I don't know how much of a head start, she has had. I don't know if I am even going to make it -" I bit back at him as anger surged through my body.
Fucking Anna. This was who was to blame. Anna was the reason that Dakota didn't feel safe staying here. Anna is the reason that my girl is out there alone. Heading to God only knows where and I have no way of getting in touch with her.
"Have you tried calling her?" Jason asked, as if he had just read my mind.
"She left her phone behind!"
"Fuck!" He growled, "do your best to bring her home, Rem',"
"You know I will," I replied, "did you find your letter?"
"Yeah, just ripping it open now-"
"Listen there might be-" I began but obviously my signal dropped out as the call got disconnected. "Fuck!" I growled.
Now my best friend was going in blind. I just know that Dakota had told him what happened between us in her letter. And she had every right to do so but a part of me hated that she had done it without talking to me about it first because I have absolutely no idea what she had told him.
I guess I will find out when I get home.
First, I need to make it to the airport in time. Even with the sinking sensation that I was already too late coursing through me, I had to at least try.
It didn't matter if she had gotten a head start. I would find her. I would search to the ends of the earth if that was what it took because now that I know she loves me - I am not letting her go.
Not now.
Not ever.
Meanwhile…
Jason Adler…
'Dad.
Somehow it seems like we have never had the time for me to get used to calling you dad. You will never know just how sad that makes me. My whole life I was led to believe that you didn't want me and just when I find out how utterly false that statement was - I am being ripped away from you again.
Over the next few hours, you are going to hear some things from Anna. Some disturbing things that I know she will spin into something disgusting and perverted so I want to take this chance to set the record straight before she has the chance to taint your view on.
When I first stepped off that plane - seeing you for the first time in fifteen years truly felt like I was right where I belonged. I have never been so happy to see anyone in my life before. And right at your side was the reason that I felt like I was home.
I had an instant crush on Jeremy - no, that is a lie. It wasn't a crush. It was so much more than that. So much more dad. I don't know if you are the type to believe in love at first sight, I know that I wasn't until my eyes landed on the man at your side. Now, please believe me when I tell you we tried to fight our feelings because we did. Neither of us intended on lying about who we are to one another. Neither of us felt comfortable with just how right it felt to be together when we felt like we were betraying you. Hell, I even tried dating another man to push past what I felt for Jeremy.
I know that you must be feeling angry after reading this. I know that you must feel like we have both deceived you in the worst way possible and I am not going to lie or try to justify my…our actions. All I can say is that I hope that you can understand what forbidden love feels like.
Jeremy is a good man.
Jeremy is a decent man and he only ever wanted what was right for me. I have never felt so loved. So cherished. So respected. So cared for. I won't go into the specifics because no daughter wants to discuss such things with her dad, but please know that he never pushed me into anything. Everything that happened between us was purely consensual.
I love him, daddy. I love him with every fibre of my being. And if you have to blame someone, blame me - I didn't exactly make it easy for him. Where everything was consensual - I may have pushed that along a little with my behaviour and I can only say that I am sorry. I never intended to disrespect you and I can only hope that one day you will forgive me.
Please don't punish him too harshly. You guys have been friends for so long that it would devastate me to think that this was something that you couldn't get past. You need one another. You are best friends. Always.
Mom found out about Jeremy and I - she told me that if I didn't meet her today at the hotel then she was going to come and tell you everything. She demanded that I return to Scotland with her and Stuart. I can't do it dad. I can't…I won't. I would rather die than go anywhere with them. I also know that no matter whether you know about Jeremy and I or not, they won't stop coming for me. That is why I have made the decision to leave. I never intended to bring this mess to your home, I hope that you believe that.
This brings me to my next point dad; I know about you and Charleigh. I have known from the very beginning. Charleigh couldn't pursue anything with you without telling me first. I guess she needed my blessing and honestly, it was the easiest thing to give - at the end of the day, I only ever want you both to be happy and if that means being together then I wish you both nothing but love and happiness. I know that you will show her the love and respect that she deserves. And I know that she will give you her whole heart. Just don't expect me to call her mom lol.
Be happy dad because you deserve that more than almost anyone else, I know. And always remember that I love you, I have never felt more accepted in my entire life. You have a huge part in that. Thank you.
I love you, daddy.
Your daughter,
Dakota.
Xxoxx'.'
…My daughter and my best friend. Blinding rage roared through my veins. My best friend and my daughter.
I feel sick.
My best friend was fucking my daughter.
'"Well, there is someone I have been seeing but it is still new and that is all I am going to say on the matter," Jeremy said.
"Since when do we have secrets?"
"No secrets, man. I just don't know where it's going yet and I don't want to jinx it,"
"You like this girl?"
"I love her, Jay. I love her much more than what is healthy,"
"So, what's the issue?"
"I don't know how she feels. I don't know if this is merely a fling for her, or if she is feeling as strongly as I am, but we will work it out given time, because she is far too special for me to let her slip through my fingers,"'
The conversation from the other day plays back in my head in its entirety. Like some sort of horrific car crash or grotesque horror movie that suddenly brings on a much darker tone. I remember thinking that if I hadn't been so wrapped in my own love life, I would have questioned a few things about that entire exchange.
The way he tensed up. The way he seemed on edge and was guarded with his responses. Now I know why, and it made me feel sick.
My best friend and my daughter.
My best friend who had been the third person in the world who ever held my little girl when she was born. The man who had played tea parties with her. The man who had allowed her ride around on his back as she pretended that he was the horse she had so desperately wanted. The way she had told us all so earnestly that she was going to marry 'Uncle' Remy one day.
Oh God. What if they did get married?
I had to get her back. Whatever her mother threatened meant nothing and couldn't hurt us because there was nothing in this world that would ever stop me from loving my little girl.
As for Jeremy - I honestly don't know where we go from here. I don't know if I can ever get over the level of betrayal and deceit that my daughter's confession has conjured.
My gaze diverted to Charleigh as she stumbled into the kitchen looking as beautiful as ever.
My daughter knew. This amazing woman in front of me had more guts than I had because she had confessed everything to my little girl and God, my daughter not only had the Grace to accept that it was happening, but she had given me her blessing.
Could I reciprocate?
Could I ever give my daughter and Jeremy my blessing?
The bigger question - do I trust my best friend with my little girl? That is a question that I am not entirely sure I can answer and that pains me more than I can say.
"What's going on?" Charleigh asked, looking at the remaining envelope with her name on it.
"Dakota is gone-"
"Gone? Where?" She demanded as she poured boiling water into her already made-up coffee mug.
Taking a deep breath - I began to explain the situation to her. And of course, I should have known that she would know some of what was happening because the girls are as close as sisters and as much as I want to be mad that I seemed to be the last to know, I just couldn't be.
Because all I felt right now - was that I had, once again failed my daughter.