Jeremy Danielson…
There is absolutely no way that I can get the picture of Dakota out of my head. I mean that is true of every day but tonight she had taken it to a whole other level. Form fitting leather and denim trousers that I swear had to have been painted on because they were so tight that I could even make out that sexy little gap at the top of her thighs. A shorter than short midnight-blue shirt that sat only centimetres from her full round tits; giving a sliver of sight to her beautiful tattoo, hanging off one shoulder to reveal the midnight-blue bra strap that she was wearing. With her blonde hair straightened out instead of her usual natural curl and tease, it was a sophisticated look that drew my eyes to her beautiful features - eyes as bright as an Alaskan ice-berg caught in direct sunlight, a light brush of smoky eye make-up that you would think would darken her eyes, but I swear it only made them appear lighter. A subtle hint of blush over her high cheek-bones gave the impression that she was indeed blushing, making her appear almost innocent. Fire-engine red lipstick painted on her full-ripe lips. And a pair of those shoes that the soul is thick and chunky which had her standing way taller than she actually was.
My cock has never been so fucking hard in my life. Even now, the girls have been gone for what feels like days and not mere hours, but my cock is still so hard it could hammer dry-wall without any problems.
Ever since we shared that hot-tub a few nights ago - things between us seem a little better. I mean they aren't exactly where they were, but I have to accept that, that is my own doing. I messed it up and I can't just expect her to accept my apology and jump right back in. It is going to take time and honestly, I can handle that. I will handle it because she is most definitely worth it. I know now that my fate is sealed. Me and Dakota - we are a done deal; we just have to get there, and I know we will.
My real issue right now is how withdrawn she has become, and I am not going to lie - there is something screaming at me that it has to do with whatever she saw on her phone the day after she left work with her migraine. I want to push. I want to demand that she tell me, but I am already on unsteady footing with her, and I cannot risk her shutting me out completely.
Then of course there is Gavin. I know that they have been talking the entire time we have been away from the office. What did that mean?
Were they a couple now?
I'm sorry Gavin, even if you are - it isn't going to stop me from claiming her. Dakota is mine. She belongs with me. She was made for me, and I have never been so sure about my thoughts than I am about the ones I have regarding my Dakota.
Obviously, Jason is going to be a hurdle. How could he not? He is after all her dad. I just have to hope that given time to come to terms with it that he realises that I am still the man who is his best friend and remembers that I am also a good man, and I will do anything and everything to give his little girl the life that she deserves. He has to come around, right?
Am I willing to lose a life-long friendship for Dakota? Yes. That doesn't even need any thought. My only thought is - is a life-long commitment what she wants? Because at this point I am all in. I am ready to slip a ring on that finger and make it official right this second which is ridiculous because we haven't known one another all that long but even that doesn't feel right. I feel like I have known her forever and a part of me knows that is the truth. I mean I was one of the first people to ever hold her.
"...Rem'?" The wave of my friend's hand in front of my face pulled me from my thoughts with a wave of embarrassment.
Shit. I really need to get a grip of myself. I can't let him know what I am thinking - at least not until I talk to Dakota and see where her head is at.
"Sorry, what were you saying?"
"What's going on with you, man? You have been out of it a lot lately-" he began and then smiled, "you've met someone?!" It was part statement and part question that he threw at me.
"I-"
"Who is she? Does she know?"
"It's complicated right now-" I sighed; I mean I can tell him this much, right? It's not like I am lying to him. I just have to be careful in my approach and my wording - and I have to say there is a wave of relief at being somewhat honest because ever since Dakota flew back into our lives, I feel like I have been lying to my best friend and that is not something that we have ever done to one another.
"Well, tell me about her - what's her name?"
"Nothing has happened yet, she doesn't even know how I feel yet, so do you mind if I keep it to myself, when there is something to share, you will be my first port of call-" and not for the reasons that you think - not going to lie, I don't like that thought but it is true and there is nothing that can be done to change that.
"Of course, man," he grinned draining the last of his beer and held it up to ask if I wanted, I nodded and he got up to go to the kitchen, "it's been a while since I have seen you like this over a woman, Rem', I really hope that it works out because that smile you just got on your face isn't a smile I have seen since well before you and Lauren split up!"
I mean it isn't like he is wrong. For about a year before Lauren and I decided to end our marriage, I was beyond miserable - desperate to hold on to my marriage at all costs, even my own happiness apparently. Now, I feel like I have hope again. I feel like maybe there is someone right in front of me that holds the key to my ultimate happiness and contentment that it feels scary to think of her out there tonight.
What if she meets someone?
What if she hooks up with Gavin? Right now, I feel somewhat calm about them because they haven't yet had the opportunity to consummate whatever it is between them. And that means that I am still in the running. Right?
"Thanks Jay!"
"Just calling it as I see it man," he stated, coming back, and handing me a bottle of beer, "can I ask you something?"
"Of course!" I nodded, the game on the TV all but forgotten at this point.
"You ever been attracted to someone younger than you?" He asked and I swear to God my heart stopped dead in my chest, my bottle halfway to my mouth stopped as I looked at him.
Did he know after all?
Was he testing me?
"Uhm-"
"The thing is, ever since I laid eyes on Charleigh, I feel like I have met my wife for the first time-" he grabbed the cigarettes and lit one, inhaling deeply before offering me one, which I happily accepted, "it's stupid right?"
"I wouldn't say it is stupid, these things happen!" I nodded, hope threatening to bloom in my chest in a way that I am not entirely sure how to cope with, is it really possible that he could understand?
All this time I have been frantic and almost ashamed of what I have been feeling for his daughter, but now hearing this, I feel that hope inside of me beginning to take shape. Shape that everything will be fine. That somehow this will all work out the way it is meant to.
Dakota and I being together feels closer than it ever has.
Having the life, I want with the woman I want feels almost too good to be true. The thought of her pregnant with my baby swims through my mind and not for the first time. I feel almost delirious at the foregone conclusion in my mind.
Jason was going to be ok with this.
Jason was going to actually accept this.
My thoughts and plans finally felt within reach and I couldn't help but let my mind latch on to them and let them become even more crystal clear in my mind.
"Yeah, but how can I let anything happen?" He sighed, "I mean she is almost the same age as my daughter, if it was Dakota, I would kill the asshole who was having these thoughts-"
And just like that my fantasy world came crashing down around me. Jason was never going to be ok with this. Jason would kill me if he ever found out. Our friendship would be in the ground before I had time to even register what happened.
Years of friendship up in smoke.
For Dakota.
My only question now is - does she feel the same way about me as I do about her because I can't destroy my friendship with my best friend over a fling. It has to be all or nothing. It has to be marriage. Kids. White picket fence. And maybe a dog. Anything less than that - I just couldn't do it.
Jason Adler…
Admitting how I am feeling out loud feels like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders. From the first moment my eyes landed on Charleigh I have felt this pull to her - like I am looking at the woman I am going to spend the rest of my life with - loving her, providing for her, supporting her and for the very first time, I can see myself having more kids.
Ever since Anna left with Dakota, fifteen years ago, I always assumed that I would never have more kids. Hell, I ensured that I never allowed a woman to get close enough to even think about starting a family with me. Sex was always protected. And never a repeat performance. Now I am here, and this beautiful, supple, young woman is living in my house and all I can think about is the life I want to build with her.
Charleigh is consuming me in ways that make me shake. It is honestly like an onslaught - there is no reprieve from her. During the day I am enveloped in her physical presence and at night-time I am haunted by dreams of her.
Does she feel the same way?
There are moments when I would swear that she does - there are moments when I am so sure that I can see hunger and lust swirling in her beautiful steel-blue eyes of hers. The way she will bite her bottom lip while watching me. The rapid form of her breathing when I get up close to her. The fact that I notice all of this only makes resisting all the harder. However, despite all that, she hasn't ever said anything that would lead me to believe it for sure that she is exactly where I am.
"So, what is your plan then?" My friend asked me, pulling me from my musings. The same musings that I have been having for the past few days.
"Ignore it-" I began but stopped when he chuckled loudly, "what's so funny?"
"Attraction like that can't be ignored Jay, you know as well as I do that our dicks will never allow us to do the right thing,"
"Yeah, I guess you're right!"
"So, again, what is your plan?"
"Fuck!" I groaned, dropping my head in my hands, "I am going to have to talk to her about this amn't I?"
"'Fraid so, buddy!"
"What about Dakota?"
"What about her?" His entire posture tensed in a second and honestly, if I weren't so consumed by my feelings for my daughter's best friend, I might have questioned his response.
"What if she isn't - what if she doesn't - I mean this is her best friend-"
"Listen, 'Kota is a smart young woman who hasn't exactly had it the easiest, but it has allowed her to see the world for what it is, and I have no doubt that she will come around if you and Charleigh decide to do something about your attraction, at the end of the day, all your daughter wants is for everyone to be happy!"
When had he become so well versed in who my little girl is?
I suppose it stands to reason that he would - they are working together every day now. Spending time with one another more than what she and I are managing to spend together. Maybe I should be less concerned with my feelings for her best friend and more concerned with spending time with my daughter.
"She's doing ok working for you?"
"She has been invaluable, I swear my calendar has never looked more, clean and understandable for one thing," he chuckled stubbing his cigarette out in the ashtray, "she's doing good,"
"And this thing with Gavin?"
"Not sure man. I mean they had one lunch-date that ended with him having to take her home, but as far as I know they have been talking a lot over the phone since then,"
"You know I am not happy about it?" I asked.
It isn't that I think Gavin is a bad guy, I just think that being that he is even older than Jeremy and me, he is just too old for my daughter. What could he possibly have in common with her?
My fear, however, is that I haven't earned the right to assert my wishes for her. I haven't been a part of her life long enough to tell her who she can and cannot date, right? I mean she is an adult now - old enough to make her own decisions and besides Jeremy is right - she has had to grow up quick and has been exposed to the harshest realities of the world, I have to put my faith in the fact that she knows what she is doing and will make good choices, right choices for her.
"I figured as much, yes!" He nodded, swinging his bottle back.
"I can't say anything though, can I?"
"What would you say?" He asked me.
That is the question. What would I say? Telling her that Gavin is too old for her would only earn me a lecture on how many couples live with massive age gaps between them and they make it work.
Telling her that she is too young to be getting serious with a man twice her age would only result in her reminding me how she has been making her own decisions for longer than she really should have been.
Fucking Anna. That woman was a fucking nightmare when we were together and even now that we were apart and living in different countries, she was still making my life a fucking misery. I know that my issues come from what she did to me - taking someone's kid away from them is possibly one of the cruellest things that someone could do to someone else. I mean, for the longest time I wondered what I had actually done to make her hate me that much.
That isn't to say that I was completely blameless in the situation because honestly, I could have, no I should have done more to get Dakota back and knowing now how she was living her life, that is a regret that will haunt me for the rest of my life.
Could I really have spared my little girl from the hardships that she faced with a mother who was so obviously, and officially out of her mind?
Would my pursuit of full custody be awarded given all that Dakota faced?
I have tried hard to imagine the things that she has told me that she lived with, and I have heard what Charleigh has told me too, but I doubt even my worst imaginations even hit just how hard my little girl had it. And that scares me.
What if she blames me deep down?
What if she thinks that I didn't do enough? I mean it isn't like she would be wrong. And I have no excuse. I have no possible explanation as to why I kept my distance. Sure, I thought about her all the time, and I squirreled money away for her and it is all sitting in the bank account in her name, and of course I always sent birthday and Christmas cards, letters but why had I thought that was enough?
My only excuse is that I believed that despite how crazy Anna was, I always assumed that she would rather die than let anything happen to our daughter. Is it a weak excuse? Of course, it is but it is the truth whether I like to admit it or not.
"Honestly, I have no idea man!" I sighed slumping back on the sofa.
"I think you should just try to trust that she knows what is best for her, because honestly, that girl has a good head on her shoulders!" My friend voiced my own thoughts.
I mean, I could see how mature she was, fuck me she had to be. But that still doesn't stop my dad instincts from kicking in. I have to try and put my faith in my daughter because she deserves that faith. More than anything, she deserves all the time she needs to find who she is without being a care-giver to her own ungrateful mother.
And while I give her that time I have to try and work Charleigh out of my system. Easier said than done but it has to be done. Deep down I know that I am lying to myself. I am kidding myself if I think for one second that Charleigh is the type of woman that I can just simply push aside because even deeper down, I know that woman is mine, she just doesn't know it yet.