Dakota Roth…
What the fuck just happened?
I mean, I know what happened but why now?
Jeremy said he was giving in - what did that mean?
Is it just sex?
Or is he after more?
Is that what I want?
I can't deny that I am falling for this man. From the moment I stepped off that plane a couple of weeks ago - I have felt like my body has been leading me straight to him. My thoughts are constantly consumed with him. My body aches for contact, any kind of contact and my heart burns with the heat of the sun for him to want me the way I want him.
Is that what this was? I mean in the heat of the moment it had truly felt like he was claiming me but now that his cock is beginning to shrink inside me, I can't help but fear that he is going to put space between us again.
Everything with him so far has been like one step forward and almost twenty steps backwards. My heart feels shredded, and I am not sure that I could handle it if he backed off again. After what we had just shared - I am terrified that it won't happen again because that was the most intense, most mind-numbing pleasurable sex I have ever had. Granted he is only one of two people I have actually had sex with, and this was actually only the second time I have had sex but the difference between both experiences is as fucking vast as night and day.
Alan, the man I lost my virginity to, wasn't exactly what you would call a generous lover. There was no care for me and what I was feeling, no time spent on making me cum, no gentle touches and no sign of him being affected in the way that most women want to see when giving someone their cherry. But I can't blame Alan, I won't blame him because honestly - I was the one who chose to lose my virginity that way. I didn't have to worry about what he thought of me afterwards because we were never going to see each other again, I didn't have to worry about any awkwardness or getting my feelings hurt because I didn't care enough about him to care what his actions did. It was all a very clinical way to look at the loss of my virginity but that was how I wanted it - I was 19 years old and sick of being the only virgin that I knew.
"You're thinking awfully hard there sweetheart, are you ok?" Jeremy asked, his lips grazing my earlobe from how close he was.
Both of us were panting and shaking. It was the shake from him that took me by surprise. I never imagined it would affect him this way. I never thought that he cared that much.
"I-I-"
Almost as soon as I stuttered, I felt the knee-buckling sensation of Jeremy sliding his still semi-hard cock from my sodden and used pussy. Carefully turning me around, he bent forward sliding one arm behind my knees and the other around the middle of my back and scooped me up off my feet.
"What are you doing?"
"Taking care of you!" He growled as my arms looped around his neck and nuzzled my face into the delectable nook that connected his shoulders to the thick, strong column of his neck and throat.
Allowing my body to sink into his arms, as he moved across the space of his large office and lowered us both onto the sofa, where he adjusted me so that I was resting sideways on his lap. Tenderly he reached up with one hand and wiped the hair from my face while his other hand came to rest gently on the spot just above my right knee, his thumb stroking light circles on the inside of my thigh.
"Now, what were you going to say?!" He asked once he felt me relaxing against his chest.
The scent of his aftershave kept hitting me in dizzying plumes and I swear to God, I was sure that it was seared into my sensory bank. Every time I caught the scent, it had my core clenching in need. I needed him. All of him. Not just for sex. I wanted so much more than just sex. I wanted him. I wanted a life with this man so desperately that I was almost sure I could reach out and touch that desire.
"I-"
"Why don't I start?" He sensed my nerves and offered to be the first to lay his own wants and needs on the table and I nodded with a grateful smile, to which he learnt forward and placed a light kiss to the tip of my nose, "God you are fucking beautiful," there was no denying that he meant what he said because I could see it in the way he was looking at me almost reverently.
It was a look that instantly stole my breath away from me and I could only hope that he could see how much I reciprocated his feelings.
"What just happened between us - it wasn't something that I planned; in fact, I was adamant that I was never going to act on the way I feel-"
"And how do you feel?" I asked shyly.
"Patience little one, I am getting to that," he chuckled stroking his thumb across my cheek and keeping his gaze settled on me, "so, as I was saying, I wasn't going to act on what I am feeling, but this little outfit had already pushed against those limits I had put on myself, all morning I have been walking around with a cock that simply refused to go down, no matter what I did, it was like a constant reminder that you were right there, just out of reach and then I saw the way you were laughing and joking with Gavin and it was like something inside me snapped,"
"You know that -"
"Let me get through this sweetheart, because I feel like it has to be said, I feel like I have been jerking you around and that doesn't sit well with me," his tone was firm and I could see it in his eyes that he did indeed need to say this, he needed to get this off his chest and like any other time, I am unable to refuse him, so I just nodded, "so, I saw you with him and it snapped something inside of me, if I wasn't careful I was going to lose you and honestly, I couldn't stand the thought of that. So, when I said that you were mine forever - I meant it. You are mine now, and that means no other men, no more fighting the way I feel, no more denying that I want so much more than just the physical side of things. You are what I want. Forever. Always."
My heart jolted inside of my chest at his words. This was what I had been aching to hear for the past week. I mean I knew that he was it for me the moment that I stepped off that plane and saw him for the first time in fifteen years but getting to know him could have easily changed all of that but thankfully it hadn't - if anything it has just made it so much stronger.
"Say something sweetheart!" Fuck, does he know how much I love it when he calls me that?
"I-" my hand, as if independent from my mind, slowly reached up and cupped the side of his face, "that is all I have ever wanted," I sighed softly and the smile spreads when I see his body almost relax in relief, "from the moment I laid eyes on you at the airport, I knew you were the one for me. I am just-"
"Just, what?"
"I guess you could say I am scared that you are going to retreat again!" It pained me to say it and almost killed me to see the way the shame flashed over his handsome features.
"I totally deserve that, beautiful but all I can do is show you that I am going nowhere and that this is it - you and me against the world, because I don't know if you have put any thought into this, but it isn't going to be easy,"
"I know. And I don't care what people are going to think-"
"What about your dad?"
Fuck.
Shit.
It was true that I didn't care what other people thought of me, I never have. I couldn't afford the luxury of wondering and catering to others' expectations of me and who I should be. But this was my dad and that meant there was a whole Hell of a lot more at stake.
Would he accept that this is the man I love?
Shit. Where did that come from?
Do I really love Jeremy? Yes. I don't even really have to think about it. I think I have loved him from the moment that my eyes landed on him. And that means I will fight for him and what we are about to start building between us. My dad would have to come around. Wouldn't he?
What if he doesn't? Will Jeremy blame me? Resent me for costing him his friendship?
There is just too much to think about that my head feels like it is spinning out of control. All I know for sure is that I am either setting myself up for the greatest love of my life, or the deepest pain I could ever imagine.
Jeremy Danielson…
Believe me the very last thing that I wanted to do was bring up her dad. I mean the man was my best friend…is my best friend. Jason and I have been brothers since kindergarten and our bond is definitely more familial than simple friendship. I have been at his side since Anna took this beautiful woman in my lap and ran with her. I helped him slowly build the pieces of his life back together and I was the one who suggested that he open a bank account for his daughter, so that when she came searching, he could tell her that she was always in the fore-front of his mind and his actions.
In turn he was there for me - Hell, he'd even given me a bed when my marriage fell apart. Supporting me and he even agreed that I wasn't reacting dramatically when I decided that it simply wasn't fair to either me or Lauren to continue pretending that our marriage was something that it clearly wasn't.
And we had been there for one another through everything in between those two defining moments in our lives. I am now potentially risking that friendship for a woman who sets my whole body alight with something that feels remarkably like love. The way her touch warms me from the inside, out. The way her mere presence eases the ache that has developed in her absence. The way she soothes my worries about everything - my gut instinct that she is going to be the mother of my children is so strong at this point it feels more like some sort of prophecy than a mere wish.
"Obviously I care about what my dad thinks-"
"If he isn't happy, will it change how you feel about me?" I think that this is a perfectly reasonable question to ask given the stakes.
"No, never!" Her reply is simple and so instant that I can't help but wonder if this is something that she had been thinking about, "what about you?" The drop in her tone was not lost on me. And it pained me to hear her sound so unsure.
"What about me, sweetheart?"
"Would it change the way you feel?"
"No, never!" I growled passionately.
"I'm sorry, I just - I don't know if I believe that!" Her eyes dropped to my hand that was drawing light circles against the inside of her thigh.
"That's ok baby-girl. I know that I have been less than consistent when it comes to us, but I can only hope that you will give me the chance to show you that I am all in?" My breath locked in my chest until it started to burn as I waited for her answer.
Please don't have let me fucked this up before it even got started!
Please give her the Grace to forgive me and grant me the time I was asking for!
"I-I- can do that!" Bringing her eyes to mine, she smiled so nervously that my heart cracked at being the asshole who caused that. I was the fucking dickhead who put that doubt in her head. And now, I knew that I had my work cut out for me to get rid of it. But I would do it because this was my woman! This was my future, and I would never do anything to mess that up again.
"I will do everything in my power to ensure that you never regret this chance that you are taking on me, sweetheart!"
The brightness in her smile slowly came back until she was once again lighting up the room, before she snuggled her head into my shoulder, the soft sound of her breathing me in had the smile on my face before I could stop it.
Finally, my heart seemed to level out but my cock on the other hand was refusing to fully deflate. That wasn't something that had ever happened to me before. I have never kept a chub on after cumming - not even when I was a horny little asshole in my teens. And while I am thinking about it, I don't think that I have ever cum so fucking hard in my entire life as when I did while inside of this amazing, beautiful girl. It was as if my cock knew that it was about claiming every inch of this stunning woman who has had the Grace and heart to forgive me for my actions.
I know without a doubt that I am the luckiest man on the planet. No one would have blamed her if she had decided to tell me to fuck off. I would have deserved it. I mean, I would have died a little on the inside, but I would have accepted it. Wouldn't I?
"'Kota?"
"Mmmm?"
"You need to end things with Gavin-"
"Remy-"
"I don't share, sweetheart! From this moment on it is just you and me, so I need you to end things with him. You have all of me, no distractions, no one else is anywhere near my heart, or my bed and all I ask is the same of you-" I growled desperately, "you're mine and I am not sharing, I won't share, I can't-"
"Uncle Remy -" she smiled bringing her little hand to my face and cupping my jaw in a gentle grip as she pulled away from my shoulder to look in my eyes, "I am not going to do that-"
"What? You want to carry on-"
"No. I'm not going to do that because there is no need to," she began and I have to admit I was instantly confused, "because there is nothing going on with Gavin and me - we are friends and nothing more-"
"But you have been spending all that time-"
"He was being a friend," she sighed, running her hand down my chest, "that first day we went to lunch, I ended up confessing to him how I felt about you - I had been upset about your reaction to me after we agreed that we were going to try and work through this attraction we have to one another, and Gavin cottoned on to my feelings almost instantly-"
"I'm so sorry, baby-girl!" My shame was instant, but I also couldn't deny the little leap that my heart seemed to make at hearing that she wasn't actually dating my friend and employee. I mean, Gavin is a friend at the end of the day but thinking that he and Dakota were together had definitely warped my view of him - I definitely needed to make an apology soon.
"Can I ask you something?"
"You don't have to ask baby, just ask me whatever you want to,"
"Why did you pull away that day?" She asked and of course, I knew that it was a possibility that she would want to know. I had acted like an asshole and my actions today were a direct contradiction to how I had acted that day.
"It's stupid-"
"Please tell me, if we are doing this, I don't want to hide things from each other. I want us to be as open and honest with one another as we can be!"
"Alright," I nodded because of course she was right - if we were going to do this then we needed to be as transparent about things between us, "just don't laugh ok?"
"I would never!" And somehow, I believed that.
"Ok well, when I fell asleep after we agreed that we were going to try and work this attraction out of our systems, I had a dream about you, a very vivid and very graphic dream-"
"What kind of dream?" She asked, her beautiful baby-blue eyes darkened as she knew exactly what type of dream, I was talking about, but she wanted to hear me say it.
"The kind of dream where my face was buried deep in this beautifully tight little pussy -" I groaned as she wiggled around on my lap, instantly turning my half-chub into a fully throbbing rod of fucking steel and I let out a growl at the rush that swept through me, "you need to sit still sweetheart, or I won't be responsible for my actions-"
"Sorry, I just - fuck the thought of that, I've never…" seemingly catching herself, she reigned herself in and dropped her eyes from mine, "sorry, continue!"
"Mmmm-" we were definitely coming back to this, but this was more important right now, "anyway as my face was buried against you, your dad walked in and caught us - the reaction that he had was way worse than I had been thinking up to that point, and it clouded my vision when I came around from the dream and unfortunately I took that out on you when I really shouldn't have, I am so sorry 'Kota, if I could take it back-"
"Hey," her eyes flew back to mine in an instant, "you have nothing to apologise for, I can understand why you reacted that way now,"
"How did you get to be so perfect?"
"I'm not perfect, Remy. I-"
"What?" I pressed softly, brushing the hair behind her shoulder so that I could place light feather kisses against her smooth neck, "talk to me, beautiful!"
"I just - I don't have a whole Hell of a lot of experience with this type of thing and I - I guess that makes me a little -"
"You said that before but what does that mean?" I whispered against her ear as my nose engulfed the powerfully sensual scent of her perfume mixed with the sweat from what we had just shared.
God, she said she wasn't perfect but to me, in this moment she was so far beyond perfect that it made my heart hurt to even think about how close I came to losing her completely. My own stubbornness and uncertainty had nearly cost me the most precious thing in the world…her.
Just her.
It was always going to be her. It was always going to be me and her against the world and I knew that more than I have ever known anything.
"This is something that we need to share with one another, right?" She asked, her voice unsure and a little scared.
"Most new couples tend to have a conversation about how many people they have been with, so yes I would say this is something that we have to share with one another," I nodded.
"Ok, promise me not to laugh?"
"I would never-" what was she so afraid of? Oh God, was she really a virgin after all?
I had been so forceful with her; I hadn't been as gentle or slow as I should have been. What if that was her first time? I had ruined it. I had made it about dominance and claiming. When I should have paid more attention to her body and the subtle little signals that all women give off.
No, she had been right there with me. I had felt it in her. There was no feeling of breaking through her innocence. I would have felt it if she had been intact, right? My heart hammered as I waited for her to talk to me, to tell me whatever was making her nervous.
Whatever it was I would find a way to deal with it and assure her that it didn't change things between us because as I said at this point, I am all in. There is nothing that she could say that would change that.