The Following Night…
Dakota Roth…
There seemed to be no end in sight - the snow just kept on falling and it didn't matter how many times my dad and uncle Jeremy went outside to shovel the path from the drive to the front door - it just built up again higher than before, it seemed.
I have always loved snow and would wait eagerly every year in Scotland for winter to come around and snow to fall - the beautiful shine of the fine powder substance would blanket everything in a light coating, but this was so much more than I had ever witnessed in Scotland. I can't lie - I am a little afraid. The almost blizzard like conditions meant that as hard as dad and Jeremy tried, staying on top it felt like a losing battle.
Last time they went out to shovel the path, they had to harness themselves to a rope that was attached to the side of the house, just to ensure they didn't get lost in the chaos. That was how bad it was, and it really didn't look like there was an end in sight as it raged with all the ferocity of a woman scorned.
Relentless.
Powerful.
Destructive.
Beautiful.
For as scared as I was - I was in equal measures of complete awe. Mother nature was as brutal as she was awe-inspiring. The way she could ravage this earth but make it so beautiful at the same time - how could you not feel philosophical in these moments? It was a lesson in humility. For as much as we believe we are on top of the food chain - we're really not. We are inconsequential in the grand scheme of things and that was actually more than humbling as well as completely frightening.
"Can't sleep, pumpkin?" Uncle Jeremy appeared at the top of the stairs that led down into the basement, making me jump nearly clean off the sofa where I was curled just watching the snow gracefully fall from the sky.
"Jesus Christ - you scared the shit out of me!" I gripped my chest, willing my heart to slow down and finding it impossible as my eyes landed on the man who was my dad's best friend and my "uncle" as he strode from the spot at the top of the stairs that led to the basement where he was currently residing.
Holy mother fucking shit!
My mouth began to salivate as I was more than certain that my pussy was trying to eat my underwear. Dressed in a pair of classic grey sweatpants that hung low on his sinfully defined hips, the cut of his Adonis belt so pronounced that I was sure it could cut glass, wash-board abs created a perfectly sculpted six-pack, a beautifully chiselled chest that was so wide that it would be perfect for lying my head on. A light, almost indistinguishable scattering of hair completed the look of sex-God as he moved to the kitchen, not one ounce of shame for wondering around looking as good as he did.
Swallowing hard, I tried to cast my eyes back to the beauty outside but that paled in comparison to the man inside with me.
"Sorry, 'Kota. You, ok?" He asked, cutting the space between us so quickly that my eyes were drawn to those long legs until he folded himself into the spot near me on the sofa but not close enough that we were touching. More's, the, pity.
"Yeah-"
"Ok, how about the truth this time?" He pressed softly.
"I just-" my eyes drifted back to the view outside the window, the soft dull glow of the moon peeked through the clouds bathing the area in an eerie blanket that felt reflected more brightly by the brilliance of the flakes that were still falling, "this is-"
"You didn't get snow in Scotland?"
"No, we did, just nothing like this. I guess I am just a little scared-"
"Oh pumpkin, there is nothing to be scared of this is normal. We are safe here - we have plenty of food and water. This house is sturdy and has withstood many a storm, it will all be over in a few days, I promise," the feel of his hand touching mine is like pure electricity suddenly coursing through me - scaring me in an entirely new way.
I have never felt a pull like this to another human being. It is almost consuming in its ferocity. My heart kicks up in my chest until it feels like it is trying to beat right out of my chest to get closer to this man in front of me. The heat of his flesh against mine soothes in a way no other has ever soothed me. My eyes scan his handsome face - those ocean blue eyes shine brightly in the dark until I swear that there is some sort of super-human light behind them, the way his pupils darkened and enlarged as he watched me with the same level of intensity.
Is Charleigh, right?
Does Jeremy have a crush on me?
God, why do I sound so completely childish - a crush? What the fuck am I thinking?
"Thank you," I finally found my voice and fought every instinct in my body to turn back to the window.
A part of me wants to bask in this man's handsomeness but I know if I do, I am going to end up doing something that will embarrass me beyond reproach. I can't let that happen. Not when I have no idea what he is even thinking.
Even as I fight to keep my eyes trained on the sight outside of the window - I can feel his eyes on me. It is almost physical in its persistence. Lighting me up in ways that no other man has ever done to me. I can feel myself start to tremble. Is this what it feels like to be really attracted to someone?
I mean, is this what everyone feels when they are drawn to someone?
I have forsaken so much to take care of business at home with mom. Much to my own detriment it seems because I have never worried so much about being inexperienced as I find myself worrying about it now. In so many ways I just feel inadequate now. Unworthy of the way this man is looking at me like somehow, I harness the sun. I can feel his pull to me because it is matched with my pull to him but a part of me is screaming that this cannot happen.
As much as I want it - to feel his hard body pressed into mine, to feel his hands caressing my body, finding spots that no other man has ever touched, to feel those full ripe lips moving against my own, to feel him moving inside me. I also know that it is unlikely to happen - Jeremy is my dad's best friend. Jeremy was like an uncle to me for the first five years of my life.
Memories of playing tea-parties with him flood my mind. Of being held on his shoulders as we went for days out. Of riding his back as he pretended to be a horse for me when I was obsessed with having a horse of my own. Of him reading me stories when I was feeling ill. All of the things that an uncle would do come racing at me that I feel somewhat sick at the thoughts I am currently harbouring for him.
My dad would throw a fucking fit if he ever found out what I am feeling and what Jeremy is feeling if my suspicions are correct.
"Tell me about your life, pumpkin?" Jeremy suddenly asked me, taking me by surprise as his hand lingered in mine, whether it was innocent or not I am unsure.
God, I feel so utterly lame - I wish I could tell for sure what he is thinking. I wish I could read the signs of someone being interested in me. I had foolishly pushed aside all areas of my life that wouldn't result in me bettering my circumstances and now I just felt so completely lacking on so many levels that it hurt my head to even try to contemplate it all.
"What do you want to know?"
"Any boyfriends?" He asked, his voice tight and as controlled as he could possibly keep it.
"Ha! Are you kidding?"
"What? You are a beautiful young woman, 'Kota. I am sure you were beating them back with a stick-"
"Hardly." The blush crept up along my collarbone as my panties once again took the brunt of my arousal seeping out of me, "things were too unreliable for me to worry about men and dating," the words leave me without thought and instantly I felt foolish for admitting it all, "sorry, you didn't want to hear that-"
"That's where you are wrong, little one. I want to know everything," he corrected me instantly, "you didn't have it easy with Anna?"
"Understatement of the century!" I sighed, "dealing with her bipolar was like a full-time job in itself. Especially when she refused to take her medication. It was like an up-hill battle. Every step forward we took, she would slip back two-steps. It wouldn't have been so hard to live with if it weren't for the fluctuations in her moods-"
"What do you mean?"
"Well one minute she would be happy, almost manic in her zest for life - it was like living with a whirlwind, she'd have all these ideas and want them done instantly but then the crash would come, and it was a struggle to even get her out of bed some days, other days the mood would be almost violent-"
"Did she ever-?"
"Only that once. It was mostly verbal - I was a disappointment. I was the reason she was separated from the man she loved. I was the reason that he didn't want us-"
"That is utter bullshit, Dakota. If you believe nothing else, believe that. Your dad was devastated when she took you away. I have been with him almost every day since then and it was as if he was only half living without you," the true depth of his belief in his words warmed me in a way I hadn't expected if I am being honest.
I mean, since we have been back, I have seen just how much my dad has wanted me here. I have seen it in the house all around us - photos of me, mostly from before mom stole me away. The way he had that bedroom all set up for me. The money he had set aside from me. It all screamed that he had just been waiting for me to come home.
And now that I am here - I don't ever want to go back to Scotland. In fact, if I never saw my mother again, it wouldn't have as much of an impact as it would if I lost my dad.
We had been robbed of so much and that was why I knew that despite my feelings for Jeremy - I simply couldn't pursue it. I had to find a way to bury them and move forward because losing my dad for any man - it wasn't worth it. Was it?
Jeremy Danielson…
What the fuck am I doing?
This is dangerous, I know it as sure as I know that the sun will rise in the morning. Some might say it was reckless and I guess I have no recourse because it is beyond reckless. I know it's wrong. I know that I am risking far more than just a friendship.
Jason has been more like a brother over the years. The guy is loyal to a fault, and he has always had my back - especially when Lauren and I split up; opening his home to me while my ex-wife basically took me to the cleaners in the divorce. You see as much as we both agreed that staying married wasn't fair to either of us, she still wanted to carry on the way we were - trying to tell me that I would come around, that my dreams of being a father would eventually evaporate. I mean - how selfish could one person really be?
Anyway, I know that what I am doing is wrong. I know that I should let Dakota's hand go. I know that I should create distance both physically and mentally but the thought of my flesh not touching hers leaves me with a silent and cold dread.
The soft and smooth feel of her hand has somehow begun to thaw out the cold that has settled around my heart. My fingers trace little circles along the back of her hand, stopping at her wrist and moving back to the centre - repeating the process as I revelled in the heat coming from her.
I don't quite know what it is about this woman, but I am drawn to her like a moth to a flame. Powerless to fight that pull. And the moment our flesh touched - I was surprised that sparks didn't erupt between us. This connection between us is electric and the more I try to deny it the more prominent the idea becomes in my head and my heart.
"Only that once. It was mostly verbal - I was, a disappointment. I was the reason she was separated from the man she loved. I was the reason that he didn't want us-"
"That is utter bullshit, Dakota. If you believe nothing else, believe that. Your dad was devastated when she took you away. I have been with him almost every day since then and it was as if he was only half living without you," telling her the truth was something I had to do here because the look in her eyes nearly killed me.
Anna had really done a number on her. Honestly, it made my blood boil. I had once had the thought that my friend's ex had taken his daughter to punish him for whatever slight that she had conjured in her head. That was just who Anna was - vindictive, spiteful, and childish on a level that no adult should ever be. Seeing and hearing about the life Dakota had experienced in the time she had been gone I find my original thoughts coming back to me - it was all about punishment. As much as I hate to admit it - Anna never wanted Dakota, it was all a power-play to get back at my friend. And I hated the woman for that.
"Thank you, Remy!" She sighed softly as my fingers grew a little bolder and slid up her forearm - God what the Hell am I doing?
I should put a stop to this. I should pull back but the very slight, very subtle sharp inhale from her sealed my fate. I could feel it - the attraction was definitely reciprocated. Fuck, I had seen it in the way she lazily perused my frame when I first came upstairs.
We are both going to end up getting burned at this rate, but I suddenly find myself wondering if it would be worth it in the end.
"Just telling the truth pumpkin," I winked at her, and she giggled softly - fuck me, just that little sound I had caused filled me with a sense of pride and contentment that I hadn't expected to feel if I am being completely honest, "so tell me, any plans to date now that you don't have so much to worry about?"
"I don't know," she admitted, her eyes watching my fingers trace little lines up and down her arm, the way she seemed to be almost hypnotized by it, her breath a little faster than normal drew my own gaze to her ample chest, it was clear that she was going braless as the straps of her tiny little vest top gave a tantalising view of her pert breasts, the nipples causing little tents in the material and I swear to God, my cock has never been this hard in my life, "it's not like I have a ton of experience, I guess a part of me is afraid-"
Not a lot of experience! Is it possible that she is a virgin? A surge of desire shot through my veins and had all of the blood in my body draw straight to my dick at the mere thought of her being untouched. Fuck me I am such a sleaze. Fucking perverted. The thought had my hand drawing back from her and I shifted further into the opposite corner of the sofa.
I need to get my head on straight.
I have to stop this stupid little crush I have on her.
"Well, I have a few guys working for me who are about your age, and they are good guys, if you ever want to try dating - let me know," no, no, please say no. Please say that you want me!
It is not difficult to see the sudden hurt in her eyes. The way she doesn't understand the sudden shift in me. Is it really possible that she is as attracted to me as I am to her?
"I just might do that!" Her tone hardened as she pushed her shoulders back and her head held a little higher - I could see what she was doing as clear as day; putting on her armour, shields lifted into place as she shut down whatever it was that she was feeling towards me only moments ago, "it would be good to make some friends here," she continued, spearing my heart with more daggers than I had ever thought possible, "I am going to have to get in the game at some point, and I know if you recommend someone they have to be a good guy,"
"Only-the-best-for-you-" my tone was tighter than I had ever heard it as jealousy surged through my body - my need to claim her building so quickly I feel like I have lost my footing.
"Thanks Uncle Remy!" So, I am back to designated uncle again - not going to lie, that hurt more than I was prepared for.
Both of us turned silent as we watched the snow falling outside. Maybe this was for the best. I mean what did I think would happen if I pursued her?
Jason would blow a gasket which I can't even say I would blame him for. This is his daughter. His little girl who had been snatched away from him fifteen years ago and here I am acting like some sex-crazed asshole imagining things that I have no right imagining.
So, what if this is the most I have felt for a woman since my divorce.
So, what if I can actually picture a future with her.
I have to push myself into believing that the pay-off wouldn't be worth losing my life-long friend for, because that is exactly what would happen. I know that. I feel it deep in my bones. In the coldest part of my heart screams across the once again darkened abyss of my heart. Long gone is the warm excitement of possibility. Replaced with that emptiness that had become a part of me.
"Do you plan to go back to Scotland?" I ask her, keeping my voice as normal as I possibly can as I mourn what could have been between us.
"Not if I can help it!" She replied, snapping out of her silence, and looking at me, "coming here was - I didn't really know what type of reception I would get. Given what my mom told me about dad, I worried that she might have been telling me the truth and he would turn me away but when he didn't - I sort of made the decision to stay if he will let me-"
"Of course, he will let you, little one!" I offered, my hand practically itching to reach out to offer comfort, but I fought it down, stuffed the need so far down that I felt like I was almost choking on it, "having you here is the only thing that he has ever wanted, having you home is like all his birthdays and Christmases have come together,"
"That is a nice thought!" She smiled absently, her eyes glazing over with tears that she quickly swallowed back, "well, I guess I need to find a job then!"
"I'm looking for a P.A. if you're up to it?"
What. The. Fuck. Am. I. Doing?
As if being around her here at the house isn't bad enough, I have to push the boundaries and insist on torturing myself even more by having her at my place of work. Have I officially lost my mind?
A temporary lapse in judgement that I have to admit feels right. God, now I feel like the one who is bipolar. The way my emotions are yo-yo-ing all over the place is enough to give me emotional whiplash.
"Are you serious?" She snapped her eyes to mine.
"Yeah!" No.
"That would be awesome," she replied because of course she did.
What the Hell have I done?
Now I am going to be distracted even more at work than I was when she was just a presence at home. I don't know what is going to happen now, but it suddenly feels very much like I have sealed my fate. I can only hope that we all come out of this unscathed.