CHAPTER 3 – THIS IS HOLLYWOOD
3.1.2022
Red-Sand desert in the Democratic Organization territory
The limousine, the personal guards' cars, and the police cars traveled to their destination at a higher speed than usual raising clouds of dust in the great desert spaces. In each of the three limousines government members sat with their wives except for Monro who took his children, their spouses, Barney, and his wife in his limousine. The wives of the government representatives were involved in fascinating conversations on the latest clothing styles, price comparisons, and comments on the jewelry that each of them was wearing while the husbands talked about urgent matters of the Selected Democratic Organization including when each one of them could go abroad at the organization's expense, get improved offices with more space and bigger staffs, a fancier car and better positions for their family members and relatives.
Elena asked Barney with curiosity:
"Where are we going? Why are they going so fast?"
Monro cut in:
"Mrs. Barney don't worry. You are safe, in the hands of President Monro. We are visiting some good friends of mine. I am sure you will love them. They are famous in the Selected Democratic Organization and all over the world. We will be there in ten minutes."
Barney noticed that the convoy stopped in a sort of obscure and isolated oasis, in a sort of military base.
"We have arrived. This is the place. I am Monro, the greatest of all. I am happy. Everyone out".
Monro spoke excitedly. His bodyguards were the ones to get out first and again, according to their bizarre habit, they started to call each other and check that everything was in order until finally one of them was heard screaming at his friends to stop immediately before the convoy and get rid of their stupid inflexibility. The next one to get out of the limousine was Monro who was filled with enthusiasm, smiling with satisfaction and rubbing his hands. Everyone else followed with curiosity and great embarrassment, staring at each other, looking around, and trying to figure out the mystery without success. They all stood on a dirt road that led into a grove of huge trees that showed a small portion and hid a large one and they began walking forward towards the unknown, following Monro and his bodyguards. Suddenly Barney felt like the fearless Indiana Jones, penetrating the frightful heart of darkness on his new mission. Out of fear and worry, like a newborn, he rushed to hug and hold his body close to the surprised Elena, who tried to calm him down and ease his unworthy and irrational fears. After three long minutes of a tiring walk in the forest, the selected officials whose fat asses were used to managers' chairs in offices, good shoes, and resting on thick Chinese carpets, came to the Iron Gate surrounded by fences. Something seemed strange to Barney as if it did not fit the general picture. They stopped before the gate and the mystery was solved, the one Barney was turning over in his mind constantly. A sign was placed above the gate saying
"Welcome to the new and shared secret training facility of the C.I.A, Mossad, and the K.G.B..."
At the entrance of the strange gate in dark Gothic style, which was 7' 2" across and 8' 6" high, two security people were dressed in Karate garb, standing near each other and blocking the gate with their own 7'10" height and 6' 7" wide bodies. They saluted Monro like robots, moved to the side, and allowed the guests to pass as they observed them from above. After the group passed, they returned to sit in their giant chairs and continued watching a Karate movie on the TV screen and their sophisticated DVD together and every once in a while, they stood up and exhibited the Karate exercises performed by the little Chinese in the film.
Most of the government representatives did not understand what was going on and asked:
"What are we doing here, Mr. President? Why were we required to bring our wives here? Who are your guests?"
"Be patient and all will be clarified soon," smiled Monro. "Don't worry, I promise you perfect enjoyment, Monro style."
Suddenly he started laughing and made Barney shiver a little. Everybody continued walking along the fenced path and suddenly they arrived at a Bauhaus-style gate 7' 10" in height- and -6' 7" in width. Two security people stood close to the gate, 7' 2" tall and 5'11" wide dressed like cowboys. They saluted Monro again, looked at the people who passed through, and afterward sat in their chairs watching a western and drew their guns like in the movie. Again, the guests continued walking along the fenced path while the scared Barney hugged Elena for security.
"I'm not so sure this is happening or maybe we are just actors in some B- movie."
He whispered in her ear, and they giggled. Elena drew her lips to his ear and whispered back:
"Maybe this is a new reality show but if we are the actors, where is the money they should pay us?"
They burst out laughing and stopped due to the angry stares from all around as if they knew something that the others did not. To Barney, it seemed like an unreal reality. He pondered over Elena's words and understood that they held some truth. Maybe he should sell the TV channels a daily reality program of the government representatives in action. He was sure that such a funny thing had never been on TV. Once again, they came to a new gate, 7' 2" in height and 5 feet wide and two security people stood close by dressed like knights from the Middle Ages, 6' 7" in height of 4' 7" in width. They again saluted Monro, looked at the people entering, and then sat in their chairs and watched a movie about sword fighting from the Middle Ages and now and then, stood up and imitated scenes from the movie. Again, the guests reached the gate which was 6' 7" in height and 4' 7" in width with two security guards dressed as boxers, 5' 11" in height and a combined width of 4' 3". They saluted Monro, looked at the guests as they passed through, and after that sat in their chairs watching Rocky and demonstrating boxing moves and Rocky's dance on the steps. The group continued walking along the fenced path and soon reached a gate 5' 11" high and 4' 3" wide. Two security people stood in front of the gate dressed in shorts, their height 5' 3" and their width (together) 3' 11". They bowed to Monro, stared at the entourage as the guests bent a little to pass through, and then they sat down in their two chairs and returned to a movie with Karate, gun shooting, sword attacks, and boxing. Sometimes they stood up and fought each other using all types of fighting techniques until they were exhausted and collapsed in their seats. Again, everyone continued on his way along the fenced path and reached another gate 4' 3" in height and 3' 3" in width. In front of them were two dwarf security guards dressed like commandos, 3' 7" in height and 2' 7" in combined width. They saluted Monro who tried to pass through while bending over but did not succeed. The six bodyguards took hold of the gate, raised it upward, and allowed Monro to pass through comfortably. Yeats tried to pass through, but the bodyguards quickly put the gate back in place.
Then Monro signaled everyone:
"Soon the bodyguards will pass through the gate, and you will do the same or you will stay here until I return. Anyone who does not continue with me will be employed here as a guard. Is there anyone who doesn't want to continue?"
Everyone screamed in ecstasy mixed with fear, "We will continue, Mr. President."
Monro continued walking while his guests stared at one another with shame and frustration and did not understand how to pass. The six bodyguards lay down on the ground and crawled inside quickly, stood on the other side of the gate and applauded themselves, shook hands with satisfaction while they checked their two-way radios and asked each other if everything was fine. Then those outside understood what they were required to do and started to crawl inside with sighs and groans and juicy curses in several languages. The commando dwarfs turned their heads towards the crawlers, looked at them with despise, and held their bellies while laughing. After everyone succeeded in passing through the gate with lots of suffering, they stood up and ran forward to catch up with Monro and his guards. The commando dwarfs were still laughing as they sat back in their tiny chairs and returned to the pornographic movie they had been watching before Monro bothered them. Barney and Elena were the first to crawl in. They turned around at the sound of the sighs and moaning of women, and they nodded without understanding and ran towards Monro. Elena was still out of breath when she angrily asked Monro for an explanation.
"Why did we need to pass through so many gates and crawl like stupid moles?"
As it is written in the Bible, answered Monro, "The chosen people will pass through seven circles of hell before they reach the Promised Land!"
"But we passed only five gates!" Barney interjected.
"You are right, Barney. I'm considerate and merciful and therefore I shortened the way for you a little," he laughed. "Don't worry; there are no more gates. The fun is over."
Barney and Elena looked disgustedly at the group of sycophants who burst out laughing at the remarks made by their prophet Monro, who continued explaining:
"By the way, once, the C.I.A., the Marines, the American Navy Seals, the Soviet KGB, and the Israeli Shin Beth trained here. This was the most secret facility and the trainees had to win over the guards of any type and any size. Today, however, we no longer need the commandos, the combat soldiers; we dismissed them because we don't have any more wars."
Barney asked, "But what are the guards doing here? You said there are no more wars, and we no longer need the commando forces."
Monro answered, "Listen, all the ex-warriors need to retire early five years from now, so why not stay here until they get their pensions? The same as those who need to retire early in factories and organizations that still exist and do not exist. The country will not throw them into the streets and make them homeless and army-less. The Selected Democratic Organization supports them."
Everyone applauded while Barney and Elena looked at each other and chuckled. They continued to walk several more steps and arrived at an exceptionally large concrete structure in front of which heavy and long trucks were parked. At the entrance to the structure, a sleepy old guard sat. He was hardly able to raise his hand and salute Monro. They entered an air-conditioned waiting room and opened their mouths with astonishment, stared with bulging eyes at the photographs that were hanging on the two walls around them, and sounds of enthusiasm were heard momentarily. The women stopped excitedly in front of the photographs of men and the men stopped in front of photographs of women. They looked at the photographs with the silly look of a child who got a very precious gift. Barney was certain that he was hallucinating. He felt like he was flying in the wonderful and unforgettable Hollywood. Barney and Elena started mentioning the names of the photographed actors from the posters of their movies.
Lion
Monkey
Tigris
Horse
Piggy
Doggy
Catty
Cow
Peacock
Dragon- The director
In the female posters:
Birdy
Cobra
After they all oohed and aahed over the pictures of Hollywood idols they bombarded Monro with questions.
"What is this structure for? Why are these pictures of Hollywood actors hanging on the walls? Where are your friends?"
Monro smiled. He held his finger to his lips asking for silence. He entered the well-lit main hall with illuminating film flashlights along with extraordinarily loud music from Swan Lake. Suddenly they all stood still, frozen and shocked, and finally, Barney felt like he was in a Hollywood movie. Just then, the trucks and cars stopped at the building's main entrance and from them, many people came out carrying various objects meant for a festive and glorious meal for everyone. The government members and their wives looked around the hall and at the opposite wall, covered with mirrors from floor to ceiling. Along the wall was a waste-high wooden bar for ballet dancers during training. Unfortunately, they fell all the time due to a lack of complete knowledge in ballet and instability and a lack of flexibility. These were Monro's best friends: exact doubles of the famous actors of Hollywood in their prime. The doubles were the right age and had the beautiful faces of the original Hollywood stars.
Monro explained to everyone:
"All the Hollywood actors you see here are doubles of the real actors. Regretfully, as all the real actors became seniors they asked for more money. I decided to get the doubles instead. As it is, the foolish spectators will never notice the difference.
Horse, Piggy, Catty, Cow, Peacock, Birdy, Cobra and
Dragon-The director
All those whose names he called appeared in front of them dressed in dance costumes, tights, and ballet shoes according to the Baltic tradition while near the wall, other players sat in front of them on simple chairs wearing clothes and female shoes, Monro continued:
"The additional doubles on the chairs are lion, who is busy knitting clothes for the baby he is holding. Near him sits a monkey, busy sewing clothes for the doll in his lap. Near him is Tigris, busy changing the diaper of a real crying baby. "Near him is the horse. Wearing belly dancer clothing and trying to learn to move his hips in difficult dance moves. Not far away from them, the two Hollywood actresses from the photographs cheered while fighting and were wearing marine uniforms according to the democratic tradition.
"This is Cobra, she is hitting the bloodthirsty boxing doll in the face. And this is Birdy who is fighting the boxing doll in the image of Hannibal Lecter. In front of the ballet dancer's dragon, smoking a cigar and trying clumsy movements to demonstrate to the ballet dancers. Suddenly he screams:
"No, No, No. That's not how you dance." Unfortunately, his false teeth flew out of his mouth and unintentionally hit the horrified lion who screamed with fright:
"God help me. What is that? Is it a secret weapon? Hey, hey, it hurts."
Dragon smiled all over and rushed to put his dentures back elegantly. The music suddenly stopped, and Monro waved enthusiastically and screamed excitedly like a young man in love who had just now met his lost love.
"Hi, friends, stop acting out as if you are real Hollywood actors." He whispered to the government guests with contempt, "Poor guys. All the famous Hollywood elderly from the famous retirement home "Oscar" begged me to find a movie for them. Therefore, the great Monro did just that. I made them sign contracts. This is going to be their last movie - "Escalation" –"War Memories of Love" but their doubles will play in the movie. It is not worth it for me to insure the real Hollywood stars. I'm sure they'll all die during production."
They were stunned and started to laugh out loud as Monro approached the director and the actors and hugged them while Cows creamed jokingly:
"Guys, did you see who is trying to impress us, another one who is acting as the new President of the Selected Democratic Organization? We were sure you forgot about us. Hi Monro, you vermin." They again laughed loudly; Monro pointed to his guests and signaled them to get closer to the actors.
"Meet my government members and my wives. Sorry, their wives. Don't forget that I'm their boss."
Each introduced himself, his post, and his wife and shook hands with the director and the actors while Barney panicked, and his knees buckled due to the magnitude of this sublime occasion. He held Elena's hands tightly intending to be the last to shake the hands of the actors. Barney sighed with relief when his turn to shake their hands arrived. He was excited to observe Elena's admiration and was sure she was experiencing multiple orgasms during each handshake with the admired Hollywood actors while Barney felt that with each handshake of a famous actor, his sexual potency increased. Monro received a phone call and answered it angrily.
"Okay Gargoma, maybe you are the Speaker of the Parliament, but I'm telling you that a government meeting will not take place today. That is right; it is postponed till tomorrow. Don't forward any more phone calls to me today". Barney hurried towards the actors and asked:
"Tell me guys, what are you doing here? Why are you dressed in these weird clothes? How do you know Monro? Since when do you know him?" The actors were willing to answer but Monro cut in with an insurmountable smile of pride and arrogance.
"Monro is the greatest of all, did you forget? I bought all the Hollywood studios: Fox, Universal, MGM, Dream Works, and Sony and my friends here are playing in my movie, produced by Monro's Studio...Do you see? Politics is important but it is more important that Monro take care of the Hollywood of the Democratic Organization" Barney did not give up and decided that Hollywood should hear him out at that moment. Barney insisted on asking everyone:
"So, you are making a movie? That is great. What is it about? What is the plot? Is it about ballet? Is it…?" Monro answered with a smile and blatant arrogance:
"Monro will tell you about the movie. It is called Escalation –War Memories of Love. I am certain that this movie will receive the most Oscars, more than Gone with the Wind, The Godfather, The Lord of the Rings, and Avatar. I drafted the story, and it is about the war of the Selected Democratic Organization against the Free Islamic Forces. It takes place before the Third World War begins. During this war, a special Commando group lands in the enemy's territory of the Free Islamic Forces, to rescue important captives of the Democratic Organization who are sentenced to death. My friends here are the Commando soldiers now training the landing behind enemy lines. They will also wear masks during the war to confuse the enemy and its guards and the gates we just saw are for the Hollywood Commandos who practice on them." His chest filled with pride, "I wrote the plot. I am also their agent and their producer. My movie will win more Oscars than ever received in Hollywood. Monro will be the most famous name in Hollywood but the truth about the actors is known only to me." He screamed at the actors "Show my government who you are!"
The actors took off their latex masks or their makeup and the suits they were wearing over their muscular bodies and suddenly they revealed that they were the exact doubles of the elderly Hollywood actors with their special makeup, so they looked like the original actors when they were young. The double-actors sighed with relief, stretched their bodies and their upgraded muscles while nodding their heads in agreement, screaming yeah, yeah, yeah, and hugged Monro while screaming at him using imaginary song and dance steps.
"Monro, Monro. You are the man. You are the best of all. You are the greatest in Hollywood."
Dragon walked toward the music amplifier, played the disc of the Michael Jackson song "Thriller" and called to everyone
"Hey Commando asses, let's take a break from the shooting, let's dance with our new friends, the representatives of the Selected Democratic Organization"
The hall turned into a bizarre and grotesque disco, filled with clouds of Dragon's cigar smoke. The director was in a state of some type of unreasonable colossal madness. The dragon screamed excitedly, started dancing in ecstasy like a drugged frog, and drew everyone to dance as if there were not tomorrow while Barney danced like a drugged grasshopper and screamed to everyone
"Listen to a joke. God tells man after creating him; I have some bad and good news for you. The man asks, what is the good news? So, God tells him: the good news is that I gave you two important organs, one is the brain with which you can think and make your own decisions and the other one is your genitalia with which you can reproduce and enjoy. The man asks him: "So what is the sad news?" God tells him: "I didn't give you enough blood to use both at the same time".
They laughed and gave a thumbs up as if they meant to thank him, but Monro seemed furious that Barney took the attention away from him. Barney intentionally winked at him to humiliate him and kept smiling with satisfaction, proudly hugged Elena, and was extremely satisfied.
At the same time, in the White Mouse facility, Mike Satanic sat with a nasty expression on his face, raised the cover of the case which contained the gifted laptop, raised the false bottom of the case, and caressed, with murderous lust, the three loaded pistols that were hidden in the bottom of the case. Afterward, he left the room in which he had received President Aswad. He approached the laptops and pressed ENTER on all of them. In each one of the computers, photographs of important security and residential facilities in the main city of the Selected Democratic Organization came up. Pictures were taken secretly of the government representatives while entering his guest room also appeared. Mike Satanic smiled at the pictures of all these places and individuals, wrote on each of the photographs 4.1.2922 at 1 PM, added an email address, and sent them to their destinations.
Back in the hall all the government members and the Hollywood actors were dancing. They raised their arms while dancing in ecstasy to the music of the hit "Thriller". Dragon danced wildly and went wild like an epileptic, screaming with his arms - raised high:
"Come on the Selected Democratic Organization, come on Hollywood, come on Monro, Come on Escalation!"