NOELLE'S POV
"You look like you've been through the wringer," Jinne remarked, her tone both concerned and teasing as I trudged into the classroom. It was the first period, and we had English—a subject that already required more focus than I could muster.
"I couldn't sleep," I admitted with a heavy sigh, dropping my bag onto the desk beside her. "I've been up since 3 a.m., and honestly, it feels like I haven't slept in five days." A wide yawn escaped me, further emphasizing my exhaustion.
"You need this more than I do," Jinne said with a knowing smile, sliding a cup of iced Americano across the desk toward me.
My eyes lit up at the gesture, and I immediately reached for the cup. "Thank you," I said sincerely, taking a long sip of the cold, invigorating drink. "You have no idea how much I needed this."
"I lost my virginity yesterday," I blurted out before I could even think to stop myself.
Jinne froze, her pen mid-scribble in her notebook. Her head snapped toward me, a mixture of confusion and concern etched on her face. "What?" she asked, her voice barely above a whisper but laced with disbelief.
"I had coitus," I said, trying to mask my nervousness with a small, awkward smile.
"Wait… Are you okay?" Jinne asked, her expression softening into genuine concern.
"I'm fine. Physically, I'm okay," I assured her, but I hesitated before continuing, my fingers fidgeting with the strap of my bag. "But, uh, I have a problem."
"A problem?" she pressed, leaning closer. "What kind of problem?"
I sighed, my cheeks burning. "For some reason, I don't want to see the guy I did it with. Is that weird?"
Her eyes widened slightly. "Why? Was he that bad?"
"No, no," I quickly clarified, shaking my head. "He wasn't bad at all! It's just…" I trailed off, struggling to put my feelings into words. "I feel so embarrassed. The thought of him seeing me right now makes me want to crawl into a hole and disappear forever."
Jinne studied me for a moment, her brow furrowed. "And who exactly is this boy? Do I know him?"
I hesitated, biting my lip. "Yeah, you do," I admitted softly.
Her eyebrows shot up. "Wait, what? Who is it?" she asked, leaning even closer, her curiosity now fully piqued.
"It's Jeremy," I said as calmly as I could, even though my heart was pounding in my chest.
Her reaction was immediate and loud. "What?!" she exclaimed, her voice carrying across the room and interrupting the quiet murmur of the ongoing class.
"Jinne, is there something you'd like to share with the class?" our English teacher asked, her stern gaze locking onto my friend.
Jinne shrank in her seat, her face turning crimson. "No, ma'am," she mumbled, clearly embarrassed, before turning back to me. This time, her voice was a hushed whisper. "Wait, hold on—Jeremy? Like Jeremy, I know? Or are we talking about some other random guy with the same name?"
I shrugged, trying to appear nonchalant, though I knew it wasn't working. "It's the Jeremy you know."
Jinne stared at me, her mouth opening and closing like she was trying to say something but couldn't find the words.
"I thought you hated him. How come you both, you know..." Jinne trailed off, her eyebrows raised as she made a suggestive gesture with her eyes.
"I did hate him," I admitted, my voice low but firm.
"Okay, so let me get this straight. You hated him so much that you decided to sleep with him too, to do what, show how much you despise him?" she asked in a teasing, almost mocking tone.
I didn't reply immediately. Instead, I stared at her, my face carefully blank as I tried not to betray the swirl of emotions inside me.
"I'm genuinely curious, Elle. I need to know how this supposed hatred of yours landed you in his bed," she pressed, giggling quietly.
"For the record," I said, trying to maintain some dignity, "he was in my bed, and he seduced me."
Jinne raised an incredulous eyebrow. "Uh-huh. And for him to end up in your bed, he'd have to be in your house first, wouldn't he, Elle?" she whispered dramatically, leaning closer. "Are you two, like, together now?"
I shook my head firmly. "No, we're not."
"Ooh, so it was just a one-time thing?" she asked her tone somewhere between intrigued and playful.
"Yes," I said with a sigh. "It was... too painful. I don't even know if I'd want to do it again."
Jinne's expression softened into one of understanding. "The first time is usually not fun, but it gets better. Trust me," she said casually, shrugging like it was no big deal.
My eyes widened in surprise. "Wait—you've done it?"
"Yeah," she admitted, her tone nonchalant. "It was really painful at first, but after that... it got a lot better."
I let her words sink in before venting my frustration. "Everything leading up to the main part was fine, even kind of nice. But once we got to the real thing... I couldn't even last three minutes. It hurt so much. It's nothing like what I've read in books," I complained, feeling a little cheated by all the romanticized portrayals I'd seen.
Jinne gave me a knowing smile. "When was your first time?" I asked, curiosity bubbling to the surface.
"Last year, on New Year's Eve," she replied, her voice quieter now, and for a moment, I noticed her eyes cloud over.
"Do I know the guy?" I asked, suddenly excited to uncover more about her mystery fling.
"You don't," she said quickly, shaking her head. "He left town not long after. And he didn't like me like that. We were just... casual."
Her tone betrayed a hint of lingering sadness, and I realized there was more to the story than she was letting on. Sensing her discomfort, I decided not to push further. Instead, I changed the subject.
"Hey, just so you know," I said, slinging my bag over my shoulder as we packed up for our next class, "I'm going to use you as my shield today if Jeremy tries to approach me. Okay?"
Jinne snorted softly, shaking her head. "Fine, but you owe me for this," she teased as we walked out of the classroom together.