He has become quite clever. I'm not able to read him like I used to be able to. This is the first time I'm not able to predict someone's action.
It felt like he was a blank canvas devoid of motives toward me.
He also gaslighted me into forgiving me. I'm not so much of a fool that I can't read that someone is gaslighting me.
No, it still pisses me off. He didn't only gaslight me so he could make me feel guilty but also took accountability unlike normal gaslighting to calm my anger.
What should I do? He is sleeping so soundly on my lap. One part of me wants to cut him, rip him, plunder him, punish him, while he is sleeping and the second part of me is telling me to forgive him, wants him to be happy, love him, do something for him, give him something, make a sacrifice for him, help him, assist him.
Why do I love you despite knowing you will never return my feelings? I love you. Why won't you return my love?
But Life is full of surprises, and sometimes unexpected things happen that we couldn't have predicted. I can't give up hope entirely.
I have decided. I'll simply get rid of all who get close to him with Ulterior motives and make him return my feelings.
But this feels like an obsession, Isn't True love Without expectation, finding happiness in your Love's happiness?
I don't care. I'll do what I feel like.
He hurt me, He didn't love me back, He might do this, and Having these thoughts would not appease my enmity.
Oh Ji yan I really really missed you! It was so so so so nice to talk face-to-face finally but you just had to hurt my feelings. I really wanna hug you and not just cuddle your hair but You just had to do that with that vixen.
Should I after all kill you and forever keep you with me?
....
'She finally left? System?'
Everything went as I calculated but seeing so much intense emotion toward me creeps me.
'System check if there are any formations she put on me.'
'I don't need details. Just remove it.'
'I see. Make modifications to it. Make it so she only hears and sees what I wish for her to see.'
'Excuse me system. Did I hear you right? DID I FUCKING HEAR YOU RIGHT?'
'Don't forget that I was deputed as deputy head of the Behavioral & Cognitive Analysis Unit for some time in my past life as a police officer. I can see through you completely. I ordered you to do a task and you gonna do it.'
'You know exactly what I want.'
I'm sorry Honey but I don't plan to shower you with love much right now, Maybe a bit if the situation demands. A smart woman like you would have surely seen through my Gaslighting and manipulation but This is what, that will make you vulnerable.
you would feel a sense of frustration and confusion. Despite recognizing this gaslighting and manipulation, you'll struggle with conflicting emotions, feeling a mix of anger, frustration, and a desire for retribution against my actions.
This unreturned affection from me would only intensify feelings of hurt, rejection, and desperation.
I also can't hurt too much. I'll need to make her experience intense Joy and happiness and then take that attention away from her. But unlike women in the past, She's smart and dangerous. They could never do anything against me but I'm not sure about her.
'If I'm going to such length then surely I must be loving her.'
'So you want me to consider reaching out to her in a 'calm' and 'measured' way, be truthful to her, listen to her concerns, and set clear boundaries around the relationship?'
'What a joke! I always maintained relationships effortlessly because I was the best they could get and now that I'm a king. It holds even true.'
'System, You don't know me. People rejoice, hereafter they will rejoice again; one who performs Evil deeds and succeeds rejoices in both existences. I will rejoice very greatly. I will be full of Joy when I see the success of my evil deeds.'
Why did this mongrel system even choose me as its host rather than some Shakyamuni or Muhammad if it needed some pure-of-heart guy or god-fearing guy?
Is this some sort of experiment where they turn the Bad guy into a good guy?
Oh yeah, I need to take the trial tomorrow. Thankfully My brother made them change the rule and I don't need to worry about working in the group as this time It will be an Individual trial completely.
I should meditate. It will calm me down and help in clearing the trial. Overthinking won't stop my trouble.