Dear Dixie:
This note will never get to you; because it will be burnt momentarily. However, I'm truly sorry for everything and I wish someday in the future I could explain everything. There's no one like you and Alissa definitely isn't going to one up you. You and I formed a much closer friendship; a bond. Your humour was sharp, with a real edge, and our exchanges of mild and gentle insults were hiding a much deeper state of emotional closeness. I was your dominant and you were my submissive but I also saw you as more. Someone I could love, start a family with and an eventful future. I'm probably too "pussy" to admit this and Bryce often tells me but it's true. I don't know how it started, and sadly, it looks like this day is the end. Somewhere along the line, though, I fell in love with you. It was something scary to acknowledge because I've never gotten feelings for a submissive. Maybe it was that smile or those hypnotizing eyes. Or perhaps it was your beautiful brain or the way you do everything. I don't think you even see it, and I doubt you ever will. I'm probably forever forgotten. Your laughter rings forever right inside my ears as your sadness makes me cry. I wish that I could be the one to always make you smile while also carrying the burden of your pain. I heard when you admitted you loved me and that was a huge shocker because I never want to bring up into my fucked up life; but I need you.. The worst part about it all is that it's just a forbidden love, a fruit of temptation that looks so sweet but I can never taste; until I did and now it's almost as an addiction. I feel trapped. Even if I wasn't trapped, there are far too many complications to ever make a romance with you viable, and just saying that breaks my heart in two. I think, in the end, I'm just forever cursed to have these messy, complicated and secret feelings. Our feelings became dangerously intense, and we both knew the consequences could be severe; the past is always the worst place to dwell and I should've told you about mind the minute I did. You'll never get this but i hope you know that I love you.
Yours truly
N.B.
This letter was written by Noah a few days after the Dixie incident in Italy. It was wreaking havoc on his heart, and this was the only way he could let it out. The only problem was that Dixie would never get it. He went over to his fire place as soon as he completed writing. Tears welled up in his eyes as he stood there watching the fire and wishing he could toss the letter in, but he couldn't. It was far too important to him.
Noah has never been in a position where a woman's love has lashed and bent him. Instead, he took the message and stowed it away in a dark box. He believes that a part deep down in her spirit would know and believe all of this, whether she sees it one day or not.
There was no way to get her out of his mind or thoughts, and he took it much more seriously than she did. Dixie was in pain on the inside, and this had a mental and physical impact on Noah. The old habits from the past began to resurface. One drink became twenty, and a few blunts became a lifetime of smoking. How could one woman have such an impact on a man? It's only possible that:
His one true love, Dixie Jane D'Amelio.