Dixie
My parents' house served as a safe haven for me, and I was there with Charli, my best friend and sister. Nothing except emptiness filled my senses. The lifeless expanse. Noah was the one person who fully accepted me for who I was. I didn't say my safe word because I wanted us to "break up"; I said it because I was afraid, he betrayed our trust, and all I could do was cry. There was nothing left to do.
My fingers circled around the call button at least four times a day, but I couldn't bring myself to press it. Day after day, he would call and leave voicemails, some of which I didn't have the courage to start or even finish. I know my heart will never be the same again, but I'm convincing myself that everything will be fine.
There was a moment when he simply stopped calling, and things began to fall apart for me. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't looking forward to seeing the missed calls or hearing the messages, but he was under no obligation to do so. A part of me wonders if the whole thing was blown out of proportion, or if I was totally insane. I had to be wrong. I needed to be wrong. But what if I wasn't? What if I had to go through it all over again?
Heartbreak isn't always as tragic as it appears in movies. I wasn't going to be wrapped in bed blankets and eating ice cream. Life continued on without him, sad enough without him. My mind continued to wonder how he was doing and if he was in good health. I cared about him and still do, but that truth is too much for me to bear. And what I saw the day before has stayed with me ever since. It lingered in my mind for a long time.
•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•
"Dix, mom and dad left, but I told them you were asleep." My sister is always there for me, and I appreciate it. I couldn't bear telling my parents about any of this right now, especially with everything going on.
"Thank you, Char," I said, a slight smile on my face.
"So, how's everything going with Noah?" she said, her face beaming. I could tell Charli liked Noah for me, but the fact that there is no longer a Noah and I is a terrible reality. This is the one name that started a flood of tears and caused my heart to break all over again.
"Italy was lovely at the starting, but then the ending was not so marvelous. Feelings aren't my thing, and there are a lot of things that have happened that I'm not ready to talk about yet, but Noah and I are no longer anything." This was the most difficult thing for me to admit because the more I said it, the more genuine it felt, and I didn't want it to feel real.
"Oh no, Dixie, I'm so sorry. I understood how much he meant to you, and whatever the problem is, I'm sure it can be resolved. A tale always has two sides to it."
I just kept quiet. What if she's right? But I saw what I saw, and he still lied to me even if I didn't. I couldn't be upset since I had to get ready to study and work on homework with Halley, Kate, and Larray. At the very least, it would keep me occupied.
Noah
There is no point to anything. It just does not make sense any more. I wish I had been able to tell her everything. I wish Alissa didn't exist. All I want to do now is start over. It was because of me that her flawless and glorious smile vanished.
I spent the rest of my time with my family. It wasn't ideal, but I was missing my parents and needed something to keep me occupied. When I was marking papers, my mind was always drawn to her, my high-achieving, well-organized, and attractive student.
My folks are those cool parents that are also incredibly nosy. I'm sure they knew I was seen with a woman in Italy, so I was in for a big surprise when it came to them and their interrogation.
"Care to tell me who the girl is?"
"Mom," I groaned. How nosy can she be? "She's just someone I know. I needed a date for the occasion, and she was the one I chose. It's not a major deal."
"Tell someone that. My son is in love and I can tell."
"Mom, I'm sorry, but I'm not-" She walked out of the kitchen without even allowing me to continue my sentence. Now I realize where all of my dominance comes from. Was it true that I was in love? Was it love at all? I'm not sure what I was thinking, but all I knew was that I needed her. I wanted to be able to call her and ask about her well-being, as well as buy roses for her and give her the fucking world but I couldn't and that killed me. Everything inside of me had broken, and I had a feeling she was breaking five times as badly as I was.
3rd Person
Halley called Dixie to tell her that the flight had landed and that she would be arriving at the flat shortly. Dixie appreciated this because none of her friends were like that. They merely showed up when they felt like it or when it was convenient for them. She hoped today would be a wonderful diversion because she needed to pass her examinations despite her heartbreak.
Finally, she saw Kate and Larray enter. Dixie hoped they would refrain from being invasive during today's study session and instead concentrate on the task at hand. She was unconcerned about what they did during their midterm, and she didn't want them to be concerned about what she did.
"It's took you long enough, but my friend Halley will be with us today."
"Halley? Halley Williams? Who is it that they say is fucking the rich guy?"
"At least she has a guy to fuck Kate. Do you have one?"
The room was deafeningly quiet. Kate was getting too insolent and blatant with her disrespect, and Dixie wasn't in the mood for any slander, especially when it came to sex.
"Okay, gworls, let's change the subject. Exams and graduation are both approaching. The year is flying by, and I still haven't gotten a proper D appointment. So homework comes first, then we study?"
The females burst out laughing. Despite the tense time prior, Larray's undoubtedly hilarious persona always brought the calm to the storm. They got down to business with their Literature and Math assignments, and thankfully no one suggested Psychology. Dixie had completed her psych assignment while in Italy. She only had to submit her work and begin studying for her examinations.
"The common law of human deviancy is caused by the brain trial or mental distribution," Kate said confidently. It appears she has been putting the extra work in to get good grades.
"It's a subconscious cause," she explained, "but yeah, it could work." "Halley," she shouted joyfully, "you're here." When Dixie saw Halley, it gave her the greatest joy in the world. Their stay in Italy together was far too brief.
"Dixie, my lovely girl Hello and hello to everyone. It's great to meet you. How are you, girl?"
Dixie's expression changed abruptly. Her thoughts began to wander back to recent events. She couldn't blame Halley because there was no way she could have known, but she felt she had to speak out and eventually tell Halley. She sensed the shift in atmosphere and swiftly changed the subject.
"Studying Literature or Psych?"
"Both, to be honest. Psych is simple, but Lit is difficult."
Everyone was in agreement. Psychology was difficult simply because of their vicious and sadistic teacher, but Literature was the most painful subject. Mrs. Smith was wonderful, but the books and analyses were not so much. They all despise this subject.
Dixie was relieved that they were able to study and accomplish all of their assignments without being interrupted. For once, she was relieved that everyone was minding their own business and not trying to intrude into hers.
•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•
"I'm have apple juice and cranberry juice. Which l do you want ?"
"None I'm fine, but drop the act," she urged, "What happened?" Halley asked emphatically. She didn't say it to frighten or coerce Dixie, but she loved her friend too much, wanted to help her out in any way she could.
Dixie stuttered and her cheeks flushed with shame, "I said my safe-my safe word." Halley was taken aback.
"What the hell," Halley exclaimed incredulously, "Why?"
"Do you remember the Alissa girl?"
"The one that hosted the thing in Italy?"
"Yes, she and Noah did know one other, and Noah lied to me about it. Plus, while I was walking in his office in Italy, I caught them all together. That hurt me, and I was scared, so I said my safe word," Dixie lamented.
"Whoa, whoa, I'm sorry, but I don't think he would lie to you without a reason."
After that sentence, Dixie gave her such a puzzled expression. She was sick of everyone instantly siding with Noah. Yes, there could have been a cause, but there was no need for lying. He could have been honest or told her he wasn't ready to speak on the topic yet.
"Don't look at me that way; I'm not picking sides, but he's in love with you."
She was deafeningly quiet, and let's face it, no one would know what to say in this situation.
"I'm not suggesting you go back and be his sub, but give him the benefit of the doubt, and if you want, I can ask Bryce about it?"
"Thank you very much, and yes, please ask Bryce for me."
Dixie went to take a shower and told Halley she could leave whenever she wanted. She saw all the marks because her reflection rebounded off the glass shower doors. Not in a sexual way, but simply a want for his presence. She still wouldn't cover the markings, but she wishes that hadn't happened in Italy and that she hadn't met Alissa.
It was late, and she had spent an excessive amount of time in the shower. Charli and her parents even came to check on her and make sure she was okay. That was the amount of time she took.
"Dixie are you still in the sh- oh good you're out," Charli said as she entered Dixie's bedroom.
"Yeah I'm getting dressed for bed. Wanna watch a movie together?"
"Just the two of us or with mom and dad?"
"With the four of us." Dixie reflected, "I miss my family."
Family. She cherished and missed having game nights with her parents and sister, as well as playing with the dogs and cooking together, and she was grateful to have spent the rest of the mid-term with them. They watched her favorite movie, The Cat in Hat, which provided her with the very needed distraction. It wasn't long-term, but it worked wonders. She went from crying to laughing with the people, or at least most of the people, she cared about the most. Everyone on the couch fell asleep at the conclusion of the night.
The rest of the days were spent with either in bed, studying or playing with the dogs. She tried to occupy her brain as much as she could.
Noah's visits to his parents' house were occasional. They did nothing but go to the mall and watch football. He went shopping with his sister then out to eat with them. His drinking was a source of distraction for him. He became an alcoholic in a matter of days. He reeked of vodka and alcohol, as if he'd taken a bath in it. Not to mention his unkempt appearance. It slammed into him like a ton of bricks. He lacked the willpower or energy to get a haircut, clean himself up, or even eat properly. When things began to deteriorate, he said his goodbyes and returned to his home. He couldn't bear the thought of seeing her face become unhappy all over again when school started the next day.
•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•
The midterm has come to an end. This morning is the first back day to school, and none of them are looking forward to it. Dixie didn't care what she wore, and Noah was still in his caveman days. She awoke at her usual hour and began getting dressed. It didn't make sense for her to go home, so she began her day at her parents' house, where she would likely pick up her clothing and belongings later or leave them. It's not as if she wouldn't return to visit them.
She got a call from an unknown number as she was getting out of the shower. It could have been Noah or someone else, but it wasn't either. She was both excited and terrified at the prospect of it being Noah. Was she prepared to communicate with him or simply hear his voice?
"Hello?" she asked, her voice timid and fearful.
"Hello, Dixie. Can we talk?" her heart fell, relieved that it wasn't Noah. She wasn't yet ready to listen to what he had to say.
"Um sure?" she said hesitantly.
"Halley and Noah both talked to me," Bryce sadly admits, "He misses you and he's not doing well."
"If you called me to bitch on his behalf, I don't want to hear it. He isn't the only one who isn't doing well." She didn't try to offend anyone, but it seemed like everyone was dismissing her feelings.
"Damn, he's right about you being a brat. But it was not the reason I called. Is it possible for us to meet at the coffee shop near your school? Because he won't tell you the truth, I'll tell you the truth, and you can decide what to do from there."
She agreed after hanging up the phone. It's part of her morning routine, so he would have seen her there in any case. Dixie had her hair in a bun and dressed in a very simple and casual outfit. This revealed her marks, and she didn't seem to mind. She knew it was knowing and took great pleasure in it, but it also reminded her of what she didn't have anymore every time she looked in the mirror.
"I'm leaving, Mom, Dad, Char," she said.
"Have a lovely day at school hon, and Charli already left. She and Chase are having breakfast together."
That is the sweetest thing she has ever seen. Charli and Chase's incredibly "platonic" friendship. She drove to the coffee shop after saying her goodbyes.
•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•
Dixie anxiously said, "Make it quick, I have school, and where's Halley?" She believed that if she maintained a solemn demeanor, he would be unable to readily intimidate her.
"I'll try," Bryce said, "I know you have school and Halley's already there."
"So, sure, he did lie to you," Bryce continued, but Dixie had to cut him off.
She moaned angrily and rolled her eyes, "God, I fucking knew it."
"But not in that way. As you can see..." It was now or never for her to hear everything, and all she could hope for was that it wouldn't break her as badly as everything else had.