Dear Diary:
I gave up on this writing thing but something happened. I met a boy. A man. Well I'm 15....just turned 15 and he's 19.... Technically, the consensual age is 16 years old but who really cares. He's gorgeous and I've never felt myself get so hot for someone before. I didn't even know he existed.... I met him exactly a month ago on a beach and now,well we're friends.
He doesn't know my deepest darkest secrets, but he's nice to me. He's the only male I can be comfortable around but he has a girlfriend. He doesn't think of me as a little sister... I hope not but he helps me with work. And keeps my company when my mom isn't there. Father stopped coming home and I'm glad. Never been happier to have a missing parent.
I think he likes me but he probably thinks it's weird because I'm younger than him but oh well. A girl can definitely dream. We've eaten dinner together for the past month. I had no idea he lived close to me plus his parents are like the richest in the city. They own all the building developments and he's working with them.
Aside from drinking, I'd say he's something else to look forward to. The conversations with him and just having someone listen to me is really all I've ever wanted. It feels weird and different plus I can't help but think what if he's like my father. What if he'll rape me one day? I can't be too sure about anyone, if I'm being honest. But it's just so different with him.
I shouldn't feel this way about someone who's literally an adult. But gosh, my heart is happy around him. I'm still mad because he pushed me in the pool the other day and my mom beat me afterwards. She told me to stay away from him and I should find better taste in men.
It's highly disturbing that she'd encourage her child to go and find a man in the first place but I don't expect any less from her. There's not a maternal bone in her body.
He doesn't know I drink. I hide my addiction very well. But my intake has slowed down a bit. I'm drinking an entire box a week instead of three or two boxes and that's just because I can't sneak it in properly. Mom's always home now and I have to pass his house to get to mine. I can't believe he always lived right there but then again,I wouldn't even begin to know because I'm not an outside person. I try to stay isolated.
It's sad that I'm writing this down only for it to never be read but I'll be back next month, I'll be back with more, if I don't kill myself before then goodbye.