It was almost ten in the morning. Felix woke up and looked at his boyfriend. He felt bad that they didn't talk last night and he even fell asleep instead of convincing his boyfriend to talk to him. He raised his head and sneak peaked at his boyfriend. He was surprised when he saw that his eyes were open but he wasn't moving. He was just staring at something that Felix couldn't tell what it was.
"Baby?" He called hoping that Shin would speak but he didn't. " Baby, I said sorry, right baby? Are you still and at me baby? Please talk to me, baby... Will you?" Felix said pouting. Shin got off the bed slowly leaving Felix looking at him.
"Baby, are you going to ignore me now?" Felix asked but Shin didn't look bad. He had spent the whole night crying and his eyes were swollen and they were hurting. He got to the bathroom and opened the shower, a cold one to let the water run up on him. He knew if he used the bathtub then he might end up drowning.
"Baby please, I'm sorry..." Felix was on the bathroom door knocking. He didn't know what to do but he just wanted his boyfriend to talk to him.
On the other hand, Shin didn't say anything even though he heard him, he remained silent but tears were falling from his eyes like a waterfall and he still didn't make a sound. Heaven ended up dropping to the floor slowly and letting himself cry but without making any sound. He didn't want Felix to know that he was crying.
Felix had been leaning on the door of the bathroom for almost half an hour now.
"Baby, please come out and talk to me... I'm worried... I'm worried so much... Babe?" He called out once more but he didn't get an answer. He could hear the shower water flowing but his boyfriend wasn't talking. He got anxious and worried about what Shin was doing for that long in the shower. What if he was hurting himself in there? What if he was crying? What if something has had happened to him and that's why he is not talking? All these questions kept on rotating in his head making it ache.
"Babe I'm gonna hit myself with a belt until you forgive me.... I'll do it even if it takes an hour, a day, two days one week, a month, or a year... I'll punish myself all you want as long as you forgive me," Felix said and went to the wardrobe and got a belt.
Shin thought that he was joking and didn't open the door but when he heard the first whip, he started shaking. The way it was sounding it was so obvious that it had landed on human flesh. He tried to assume it but when he heard the second and the third he got up from the floor immediately, opened the door, and got out. Felix was kneeling some meters away from the wardrobe, his shirt off and a black belt in his hands. He smiled when he saw Shin but that wasn't enough to stop him from whipping his back again.
"This is for hurting you baby," he said looking at his boyfriend and then another whip.
"This is for making you cry the whole night..." he was about to whip himself again when Shin ran to him, kneeling in front of him, and got hold of his hand before the belt hit his back.
"What are you doing? Stop it.." Shin said in tears but Felix just smiled.
"I'm a bad person, I deserve it, I hurt you baby can't you see? I'm punishing myself for that" He said
"Do you think I'm happy or will be happy if you do this? Your back is even bleeding, the other day's bruises are not yet healed but you are hurting yourself, is that so pleasing huh?" Shin said in anger.
" Baby ok sorry... I'm so sorry okay?" he said and dropped the belt and then hugged Shin so tightly. " I already love you so much, so much and I can't stand you being mad at me... Will you forgive me? I won't hit myself again I promise...," he said hugging him tighter.
"I'm so mad at you, so mad, I'm so mad," Shin said hitting his boyfriend on the chest and crying. "You hurt me so much yesterday you know? I couldn't sleep last night and I wanted to drown myself in the bathtub... I'm so mad" Shin said crying.
"I'm sorry, I won't do that again baby, promise..." Felix replied and pulled off the hug to look at his boyfriend. "Your eyes are so swollen, your beautiful smile won't be visible without your eyes today, why did you cry? Don't do that again okay?" Felix said cupping his boyfriend in his hands. He then looked at his hair and the clothes his boyfriend was on. They were dripping wet and he wondered how he had not noticed that.
"Don't do this again okay? You'll get sick and I'll be so worried and mad at you at the same time... lemme help you change your clothes" he said getting up and helping Shin to get up too.
After helping him change, gheh sat on the bed. Even though he wasn't crying anymore, someone could tell that he had been crying.
"You don't have to tell me everything now, I'll wait until you are ready, I'm willing to wait.... but don't push me away, please... just let me in, that's enough, I don't want to be hurt again so please choose me, I want you to choose me..." Shin said trying as hard as possible not to shed a tear but it fell and he rubbed it off immediately. He was just scared that if this is how the relationship is in the first days then Felix might find someone else and leave him.
"I will, always..." Felix replied and hugged him. "Just give me some time and I'll be able to tell you everything when I'm ready I'll give you so many stories until you get bored with me..." he said and Shin nodded.