"What's up?.... I mean what happened? You've been sullen after you guys came back?" Shin asked Felix who was driving. He had noticed that Felix was a bit off and didn't say anything when he came back with Axel. The meet-up had just ended and the others had left. They were now driving back to Shin's house but it had gotten him that Felix was not in a good mood. He wasn't talking or looking at him he was just focusing on driving.
"You can talk to me you know?....why are you upset?" Shin asked in a concerned voice but Felix said nothing. It was getting uncomfortable, with them not talking, Shin didn't like it.
"Axel was so happy after your hang out together...his mood was already boosted when he came back.....I really admire your closeness, just less than twenty minutes and you were able to...." he didn't even continue because Felix had pulled up on the side of the road.
"What's wrong?" Shin asked but all he got was Felix hitting the steering wheel countless times and cursing. Shin didn't know what to do.
"Did something happen?" Shin asked again even more worried. Felix looked at him and then got out of the car. He didn't want to do something crazy when Shin was watching. He wanted to hit something, especially a wall until he bled and his hands hurt. He wanted to punish himself for not being able to stop Axel from taking drugs and yet being the one who gave him the drugs.
He felt so upset that he didn't even want to talk to anybody. He just wanted to lock himself up in a room and punish himself for being clumsy again, for not being able to take care of his Axel. He just walked even though he didn't know where he was heading, all he knew was that he didn't want to go back to the car now because he might start a fight with Shin and that wasn't good at all. He didn't even look back, his eyes were filled with tears that wherever he didn't see clearly where he was heading and he tripped almost every time but that didn't stop him from walking.
Shin was on the back following him, running to catch up with him. at first, when Felix got out of the car he thought that he was just going to maybe lean on the bonnet or something but after seeing him walk that fast, he knew something was wrong. By the time he was thinking about following him, he was already far and all he could do was just run after him. He called his name but Felix didn't look back. After almost five minutes of trying to catch up with him, he was successful but not entirely.
"Hey, please can you... can you at least stop and talk to me?" he said panting, trying hard to catch his breath. Felix was just some inches away but was still walking.
"Please go back, just go back to the car and go home... I wanna be alone right now" he said coldly but in a low calm voice.
"Why?... Did I do something? Did I say something I wasn't supposed to say? Can you please tell me if I've done something instead of running away and trying to push me away like this?" This was enough to make Felix stop, on hearing his boyfriend's broken voice.
"No, you haven't done anything....just please go back..." he said trying hard not to look at Shin because that would add him more stress. He could feel that Shin was about to cry and he didn't want to see him crying.
"Are we really dating? Am I even your boyfriend? Is it so hard for you to love me back? Tell me huh? Do you even love me? You don't even talk to me, you don't tell me what's going on, do you know how I feel about it? I just feel that I'm not important to you and maybe you don't trust me enough to tell me what's going on with you...I don't even understand you at all... It hurts so much, it's hurting, it's painful" Shin said pouring down, crying like a little baby because of the pain he felt. He just couldn't take it anymore. Felix walked up to him to hit him but Shin just hit his chest crying.
"Why does it have to hurt this much? Is it better if I just hate you? Will it stop hurting?" he asked in tears looking at Felix.
"No, you can't hate me please, what will I do if my boyfriend hates me? How will I survive knowing that you hate me? I'm such a bad boyfriend, right? Always making you cry, it's as if I've never made you happy, I hate myself so much for that, baby please, I'm sorry okay?" Shin said hugging his boyfriend who was still crying.
"I will make it up to you okay?" he said but Shin said nothing. He didn't even hug him back but he just remained in his arms. He was still upset and tears were still running down his cheeks, it just hit him that only Felix could hurt him like this, only he could make him cry in a second.
" Let's go back to the car okay?" Felix said but it was as if he was talking to himself. Even though he held his hand and they walked together, Shin was all silent, he wasn't saying anything. On getting in the car, he drove to Shin's house. It was already seven in the evening when they got to the house. Shin went directly to his bedroom without saying anything and after Felix made sure that everything is locked starting with the gate, he followed him.
He knocked on the door several times but Shin wasn't answering. He then decided to open it and got in without permission. Shin was lying on the bed, facing the wall, with his eyes still open.
"Baby, are you still mad at me huh? I'm sorry.,.. cute sorry" Felix said getting on the bed and hugging his boyfriend from the back. He then raised his head to look at Shin who still wasn't saying anything. He pecked him on the cheek.
"Baby, I'm sorry... Okay?" he said again but got no response.