Weeks had past, I came into the living room where my dad sat. He looked and turned as I approached "What's going on?" He sighed "I got some bad news. Your aunt Casey was killed yesterday." I stopped dead in my tracks "What? How?"
He stood up "Her ex husband and her were shot while on the job." I looked away "When's the funeral?" He frowned "Tomorrow." I nodded "Okay." He came up to me "It's okay to cry honey. You don't need to hold it back." I looked at him "Leaders don't cry."
He laughed "Leader now? Of what?" I rolled my eyes and left running into Oliver at the front door "I heard about your aunt. I'm sorry." I turned my head to him "Don't you ever go home?" I walked down the steps and down the walk way. Oliver followed me "Meeting up with Nick?"
I stopped "No. Is there a reason you're following me?" He sighed "I wanted to talk about us." I turned to him "You know that is over." He raised his eyebrows "You didn't make that clear last night while you were teasing me. You made it seem you were confused."
I crossed my arms "Confused doesn't mean anything. You know I love Nick." He exhaled "But would you if our child didn't pass away?" I smirked "Fate says I should be with you because you are the good guy but I have a stupid heart that tells me otherwise."
He walked beside me "What do I lack that you see in him? Should we run off and be alone so those feelings resurface?" He stared waiting on an answer, I remained quiet "Remember how much you hated me but as soon as you were in labor you begged for me to stop it. All the nights we spent holding each other. You love me somewhere."
I looked away "I love you like a best friend. We didn't plan on having a baby. We barely planned to get married." He exhaled "But isn't that what you want? To be married and have children you know won't be hurt by this lifestyle. Being with Nick brings the danger and you know that. He's wanted by everyone and the second his family finds out he's alive they'll be after him too. That's no life for a child."
I held my tears back, he wasn't wrong. Being with Nick meant danger but I didn't care. Both of my parents lived through danger and we turned out okay and unharmed. I looked back at him "I can't be with you." He sighed "Why?" I frowned "That isn't your concern."
I continued walking and made sure Oliver wasn't following me. I felt horrible about my decision but I had to. It was the only way Nick and I could be together. I walked down the dark alleyway to his car, I got in "Please don't make me regret this."
He looked at me with a smirk "You'll both be protected babe." I laid back in the seat "I'm sorry dad." Nick grabbed my hand "He will understand some day." We left and drove to the airport; we flew to Moscow, Russia where Nick had a safe house that no one knew about.
The flight was much longer so we used that time wisely. Everyone on the jet understood that we wanted to be left alone. I laid with Nick on the bed; holding each other skin to skin. Refusing to break the kissing as we rested between each intimate moment.
I pulled away "Can we just tell my dad so he doesn't worry?" Nick frowned "Lily. We can't risk the call being linked back here." I hadn't cried in months but this time I couldn't help it. The thought of losing my family hurt but I made my choice and I have to live with it.
We made a irresponsible decision that night at the hotel. And I don't mean murdering someone. We weren't careful. Did I learn from my first experience with Oliver I guess not. Because here I am again recreating that with Nick. I couldn't see Nick as a father; he lacked most of the responsibility. Love and care for others. That's where I came in.
He held me tightly whispering "I never meant for this. You know that." I whispered "I'm not mad at you." He pulled away and wiped my eyes "Because of your family." I licked my bottom lip "Our child is never going to know my family. But it was either it didn't know you or them."
He brushed my ear back "Lil. I don't want you to regret this. If you're having second thoughts please tell me. If you want to go back, you can. We both know I'm not fit to be a father." I stopped crying and scoffed "Wow."
I stood up dragging the sheet behind me, wrapping it around my body "I thought I was set on my decision until that comment." He stood up with the blanket around him "Lily. You're overthinking what I said." I turned "What's there to overthink. You said it straight forward."
He sighed "Can we go back to bed?" I shook my head "I think I'm gonna go sit up there." He stood in front of the door "This is new to me. Please just bare with me while I prepare myself." I look at him "You aren't wrong. You aren't fit. You don't love or care about anyone but yourself."
He put his hand on my jaw and held it "You taught me to love and care about you." I pulled my face away "You don't know the meaning to either one of those words. We both know you don't feel either one." He picked up his pants from the floor, he pulled something from his pocket "Will you marry me?"
I grabbed my clothes and threw them on; I opened the door "No." I sat in the chair against the window; he came out and sat beside me "I may not know how to feel or show but I'm learning. You know my dad isn't the best at that kind of thing." I turned to him "Why do I need to pick someone? Why can't I just be here for myself."
He held my hand in his "If that's what you want to do. I will support you." I started crying "I love both of you. Oliver will forever be my soul mate and you'll forever be my bad wanted desire. But maybe I should choose me this time and my baby." He let go of my hand as I pulled it away "I love you."
I looked at him "Like I told Oliver, I only love you because you bring out the bad in me. You push my limits and keep it interesting with lust." He stood up "But here I am willing to make the changes. I have always had respect for you. I could've taken advantage of you at any point, you could've been easy to let go of but I kept coming back."
I looked away "It's about control." He nodded and went back to the room; I laid on the window sill and fell asleep till we landed. I was getting anxious and impatient.
Once we landed, I swear I ran off that plane as soon as that door opened. Nick took me to his house; I stood by the front door "Can you get me a ride to a hotel?" He turned after setting the bags down "You're staying here. I'll stay at a hotel." I raised my eyebrows "I would prefer a hotel. Besides this is your house, wouldn't be nice to make you sleep somewhere else."
He exhaled "We can argue about it all night but I won't. You're staying here." He threw his bags in the separate room "I'll find a doctor for you tomorrow. I'm sure you're jet lagged." I went into the master bedroom and slammed the door in his face as he continued to talk to me. I laid down and fell asleep; he knew how to choose comfortable beds. I think that's what I'll miss the most. I'm just kidding.
I woke up an hour later, I grabbed the phone next to me and sent Nick a text "Sleep with me?" I laid back down and rubbed my stomach "I love you." Nick came in "Can't sleep?" I looked at him shocked "That was fast." He nodded "I was just in the kitchen cooking for you so I wasn't far." I faked a laugh "You cook now?"
He came in with a plate "If you got to know me more than sleeping with me then you'd know that yes I can." He set the plate on the table "I'm not sure if you were craving a specific thing. You were talking about pancakes on the plane."
I grabbed the plate, I smelled the sausage and felt nauseous. I moved the plate over, I jumped up and went to the bathroom. Nick stayed in the room; I cleaned myself up and went back "Please take the sausage." He grabbed it from the plate "Must be a boy because with your hormones a girl would enjoy sausage." I looked up at him "That isn't how it works." He laughed "I'm aware. Just had the opportunity so I took it."
I started eating the pancakes while he was in the kitchen, he was trying at least. I should lay off of him a bit, he isn't Oliver after all. He came back and sat beside me "What do you think?" I nodded "I could eat these everyday."
He looked away "Can..." He paused; I looked up at him "What?" He exhaled "Can I feel? Is that crossing a boundary?" I moved the plate to the table "No. It's not." I laid back on the head board, he stood up laying next to me. I studied his every move, he was terrified. I never saw fear in Nick but this moment he was.
I grabbed his hand and place it on the skin of my stomach, he gulped nervously. He removed his hand, clearing his throat and putting on his hard core image again "That's cool." I pulled my shirt down "Wait till you feel it move. It's the best part." He grabbed my plate "Are you done? I can make more?" I shook my head "I'm full."
He left the room shutting the door behind him. I knew he wanted to learn more but I think he feared to love someone who wasn't himself. This child would love him no matter what and I'm afraid that's what scared Nick most.