Saturn
• • •
Last night, I dreamed of Calvin.
It was a warped, drunken dream, but a dream nonetheless. He had approached me at Lianna's party and brought me to bed when I was too dizzy to do so myself. In the dream, he had even whispered goodnight.
But that had been a drunken fantasy, the real Calvin was nothing of the sort.
"Saturn, come," he demanded, shouting at me from the back room. I stood in the doorway, awaiting my lecture.
"How on Earth did you make this piece of shit do what you wanted it to?" Calvin asked, glaring at the screen of the ancient computer with distaste.
"Well, first, I fixed my attitude," I said. Calvin shifted his glare to me. "And then, I patiently completed my task," I finished. When it was so harmless, I quite enjoyed getting under his skin.
"Why don't we close early tonight?" Calvin asked, changing the topic entirely.
"Sure, as long as you're going to finish..." I began.
"-I'll have you do it tomorrow," Calvin cut me off, "let's go." He stood abruptly and went to grab his keys from the hook behind his desk. I hurried out of the shop so as to not be locked in for the night.
The bus ride home was quiet. Calvin and I were the only travellers. Normally, he would select a seat at the back of the bus, far from where I sat at the front. Today, he chose the seat across from me. Perhaps to enjoy a few more moments of watching me before we went our separate ways for the evening.
When we left the bus, Calvin walked me to the door as he usually did.
"I should tell you something," he said as we walked.
"Okay..." I trailed off, keeping my eyes on my feet.
"I don't live in this building," Calvin admitted.
I glanced up at him. "I know," I replied, smirking.
"You know?" Calvin mused, "how?"
"This is the first year residence," I explained, "you're in second year."
Calvin looked amused by my observance. "If you don't live here then why have you been getting off at this stop all month?" I pressed.
"To walk with you," he said.
I stopped.
"My dormitory is very close," Calvin said, "let me show you."
Without pausing to question what was happening, Calvin had swept me away to his building. He was correct, it was close. In fact, it was directly across the street. Was this some sort of ploy to get me into his bedroom? I doubted it. Why would Calvin want to spend any more time with me than he already did?
Calvin's dorm was...intimate. My previous theory has proven to be incorrect, it turned out that he did not sleep in a coffin. After stepping through the mess that was his roommates' shared room, Calvin's looked almost tidy. Mostly, it was just quite grey. Both literally, and by the fact that the atmosphere was rather dull. But still, it smelled of him. Like the forest after it rained combined with men's cologne. It was small, private, and neat. What more could Calvin need?
"What do you think?" he asked me, taking a seat on his freshly made bed.
"I think I should help you decorate," I said softly, scanning the room for any sense of personality, and failing to find a trace. Perhaps this was Calvin's self-expression, bland, orderly, and limited.
"I might be open to that," Calvin said, "you can sit down, you know."
I hesitantly sat on his bed. "I didn't realize I was welcome to stick around," I said, puzzled by Calvin's sudden change of heart. He typically wanted nothing to do with me, what was going on?
"I want to get to know you," Calvin shrugged, "I have never had employees before. My mother used to work in the shop until this year."
"I see," I replied. I resisted the urge to tell him I wished she was still the shop's manager.
"Saturn, why did you come to Kenton?" Calvin asked.
"Oh," I mumbled, thinking for a moment, "my brother went here. And besides, I could go anywhere in the world."
"How?" Calvin continued.
I wondered if he really wanted to hear the truth. "Because my parents died."
Calvin's expression became solemn. I could tell that he regretted asking. Perhaps he regretted speaking to me to begin with.
"Do you want to know how they died?" I asked, attempting to lighten the heaviness in the air, "many people want to know, but most are too afraid to ask."
"I'm sorry about your parents, Saturn," Calvin said softly, "you don't have to talk to me about it. I wouldn't want to cause you any grief."
How generous of him. "My father died from cancer before I was born," I told him, "and the building my mother worked in burned down with her still inside. I was sixteen."
Calvin looked as though he desperately wished for the conversation to end. He frowned at me, with genuine care in his gaze. This was a new look for him.
"I don't want you talking about it anymore," Calvin said, "it was never my intention to have you bring up painful memories from your past. I simply wondered why, of all places, you chose Kenton."
I narrowed my eyes. Perhaps it was a good thing that he wished to stop speaking of my past. I didn't enjoy reliving my darkest moments, but they had become so casual to me recently.
"Why do you tolerate me?"
I glanced up at Calvin, who looked regretful of his words. Did he regret asking about my past, or about my feelings for him?
"You're the first person I've met who hasn't mentioned that I'm not from here," I answered, "it's quite refreshing."
"I think that's pretty obvious," he replied, looking me up and down. Should that have offended me, or flattered me? It could have meant either, coming from Calvin.
"We can't be friends, Calvin," I said abruptly.
Calvin smirked. He leaned slightly closer to me. "Did I make it seem like my aim was to be your friend?" he asked.
I found myself speechless. What did he mean? Did he see me as less valuable than a friend?
"I'll see you tomorrow," I said, getting up to leave.
Although part of me wished to stay with him, I needed to get out of there before his curiosity expired. I left without receiving a goodbye, and hurried back to my own dormitory.
Calvin McKnight, stop messing with my head.