The more I stayed with him the more I was convinced I was in this situation ship alone. He just had to be the man I could never have and I was okay with that but it hurt terribly. He limited the time spent with me and even worse the communication was way worse. I thought that things could get better but every day sounded as I was forcing this onto him. As if not getting the clue, my stupid heart still wanted him more than anything. I even had dreams that had him in them. He was just the man that I needed in the moment yet he never granted me the chance.
Over and over again I found myself going through each and every one of the conversations we ever had. Somehow I saved each of them for a time like this. I could see the pattern, I could see that he didn't share the same emotion I had but I had to be stupid and emotional and try to please my heart. My fiancé had started complaining about how much of my time and attention he was not getting but still I couldn't bring myself to pretend to be okay at least for his sake. I tried so much but still it did not work. The hurt was too much but I masked it to be in terms of memories and insecurities which we could handle.
As the days turned into weeks I started healing. I was certain now that whatever I thought we had was one sided and I was not going to force him to want me back. I was going to move on and focus on my marriage that was yet to happen. I kept myself preoccupied with thoughts of when he would publicly propose since it had been an intimate two of us thing that had happened a year ago. No one knew that I had gotten engaged but I wanted everyone to get to know that he wanted me in his life as much as I wanted him.
It was easier to focus on what I already had rather than what I did not have. Ethan was what I did not have but Delvin was everything I had. I couldn't possibly deny that I could visualize all my life with Delvin as opposed to Ethan. I needed to focus on that so that I could heal. It was the best option I could ever place on myself. I was tired enough of the back and forth and the emotional ties that were causing me to overthink or at least I thought I was until my phone vibrated to the sweet three tones that indicated he had texted me. After weeks he now wanted to talk to me.
I was still in my towel when that happened and somehow like the lovesick puppy I was, I grabbed my phone forgetting that I was semi naked and opened the text almost immediately. So much for healing and moving on. With him, there was no moving on. He was just like a virus that once it found its way into your body it could just pop up and show at the most random moments. It was just super annoying yet I fell for it every time. I was quite excited to be hearing from him after all those weeks so much so that I almost forgot how much it hurt when he stopped talking to me.
Hi, dress warm. So cold out here.
Oh and stay safe.
Two texts. Nothing significant with them. It was almost as if he was looking for any excuse to talk to me. I could tell whether it was frigging cold if I just drew my curtains enough to peep out. Somehow I couldn't even understand why he wasted his time and energy to tell me that. I interpreted it as him trying to find any excuse to just speak to me but I did not tell him that. I instead just smiled at the stupid text. At least he still had me in his mind even after all those weeks. I found myself typing in the response even without thinking about it.
Winter cold or just normal cold?
I had no hope of receiving a reply to this question since I had gotten used to him just blue ticking me and moving on with his life. He had been that type of a person for so long that I had almost forgotten how sweet he had been at first when we had met. It was funny that it was only about two or three months since that first conversation that led to all that.
Winter cold baby girl. I'm driving I will hit you up once I'm in the city.
All the weeks of progress was going down the drain and I watched it as I turned to face the mirror naked with a goofy smile on my face. I could only admit one thing when it came to him, there was no healing. Moving on was even out of the question. For the first time in weeks I was feeling happy and beautiful from inside out. Everything that a baby girl ought to feel. Damn him. I exclaimed playfully in my mind.
***
"Baby I told you I'll be back in a few days. I'll come back tomorrow though." He spoke on the phone with his wife all while he held me in his arms. Somehow it made me smile how he could make both of us feel special without offending either of us. He had his eyes on me while he spoke with a sexy crooked smile looping his lips. He just couldn't stop himself could he? Sometimes I just wondered why it did not offend me that he had her and that he made her feel as special as he made me feel. He placed a peck on my lips still listening to the conversation on the phone.
"I promise you I'll be back by tomorrow evening Kirsten," He spoke seriously and I immediately knew that tonight was going to be the end of the random healing trip that I had been taken for. I was going back to my wallowing pit for another few weeks or month. I was however grateful that he had given me that moment. I felt like I was human again. I had almost forgotten the loss of my husband with him being loving lover as he was being. I heard him say his goodbye and it drew me away from my thoughts and back to the present. He said I love you and I could tell it was for the both of us. He had his eyes trained on me with sincerity shining from deep within them and immediately he hang up, he placed his lips on mine in a searing kiss. Had I not been lying in bed with him I was sure that my knees would have buckled at the intensity of it.
"How about we take advantage of our final night here instead of feeling sad that it has ended so soon?" He suggested before turning us around so that I was straddling him.
"You don't have to tell me twice." I whispered before I placed my lips on his sealing our agreement and starting out amazing night together.
Morning came too fast. I doubt we slept more than an hour. We had been afraid of wasting any moment we had together. After Delvin, I realized that no one knew how much time they had in life. Making use of the available one was a key element for me. I woke up to the sound of the shower running and I knew it was time. It was time to say goodbye to the new life I was almost getting used to. The joys of waking up to a familiar face all over again. The time out from thinking about Delvin. It was time to go back to my lonely lifestyle.
I sighed deeply before I got up from the bed and walked my naked self to the bathroom. It was only fare if I got at least one last shower together. I was hating this more than anything. He had his normal but I didn't. For me, it was just going back to trying to reestablish a routine again, without my person. I could feel the sadness creep in and the throws of impending depression trying to sink its craws into me but I tried to shake it off. I had at least the remaining part of the day to be with him. I would try and enjoy the journey with him before giving in to the darkness. I didn't bother notify him that I was in the shower with him because as if sensing I was behind him he turned and motioned for me to join him.
Sightseeing wasn't my thing but with him I would even walk on hot coal if it was his thing. That was how much power he wielded over me. here I was walking along historical sites and listening to the guide drone on and on about facts about those places. I almost yawned with boredom so I kept hiding it under sneezes and coughs. I thought I was being subtle until I felt his breathe on my neck making me giggle.
"Focus baby girl. If I ask questions and you fail to answer them then you know the consequences." He had never been domineering before but this time he had decided to be and somehow it turned me on so much that I almost didn't even remember to stifle a moan. That earned a chuckle from him and a small spank to my back. This time I tried to pay attention though it wasn't even working.
We walked around for a while trying to see as much of the coastal city as possible before heading back. His dark shades with polo shirt and shorts looked delicious on him. He looked like something I would want to devour from the morning when he got dressed. I remembered how I found out clothes laid out and the bed made. It was weird that we were both in the shower and he had already made arrangements for all that to happen in that period. I was glad that he had decided to settle on the flowery romper for me. It was amazing how well he knew me even though we had never been fully together. The many fights we had before just took a lot of the time we would have spent together.
When time came for us to leave, it had to be one of the moments that I had dreaded. I couldn't see myself not being with him after that three relaxing days. I was a bit in a cloudy mood after that but it was okay. We changed to some comfortable outfits, me a nice black halter neck flowy dress and him black khaki pants and a white shirt. We packed whatever we had into his vehicle and saying goodbye to the place that had housed us for those few days. It was time to face the rest of my life now.
We drove in comfortable silence with his one hand caressing my thigh over my dress. It was one thing that kept my deep thoughts at bay. It was also one of the sexiest things a man could do. It was my weakness when it came to drives with men. He had made it pretty clear that if he did not have his hand on me the drive wasn't good enough. We had established that early into our situation ship. We had not given it a name then and we were not about it do it now. We were happy and contented with each other's company and that was what mattered to us.
"It'll be okay baby girl. I promise you." He whispered. He thought I was worried about sinking but what he did not know was that I had accepted the darkness and I allowed it to cover my life and I was happy dancing with my demons now. He had given me an eye opening experience that had allowed me to move on or rather accept that things wouldn't remain as they were before. The sneaking around would only be him not me. There was no one stopping me and as lonely as that made me feel, it reminded me of the freedom that I had just regained.
"I have no doubt. But right now I wish you can just fix me up one more time before you disappear on me again." I said back not turning to look at him but I could tell he was smiling. There was something about his smile that could make a whole vehicle turn a hundred degrees warmer. Maybe it was just my body but I did not wish to get into the nitty details. Almost so suddenly I felt his fingers skim the hem of my dress and pull it up a bit just to skim my bare skin. I felt the hairs on my body stand alerted of his touch and sensitive to what he made me feel.
"No doubt we have time for that. But you need to do exactly what I tell you baby girl. Failure to do that will mean you don't get your reward." He spoke his hand making its way to my inner thing and skimming the edges of my inner wear making heat pool inside me in anticipation.
"Anything daddy," the words came out before I could hold them in and it made my cheeks heat up in timid embarrassment. I heard him chuckle softly before he pushed my garment aside and started slowly skimming around my folds. He pulled away just as suddenly as he had started his assault making me desperate and disappointed all at once.
"All in due time baby girl, but first, take off your panty and put it in my pocket." He did not have to say it twice. I was already pulling it off. I looked at the flimsy thing and crinkled my nose. I never could understand their obsession with it but to each their own. I went to place it in his pant trouser but he held my hand and pulled it up to his nose and took a deep whiff of it causing my cheeks to heat up even more. When he let go I followed his instructions and placed it in his pocket.
"Good girl. Now spread wide for me." He spoke is voice quite husky and commanding.
"Close your eyes." He commanded and immediately as if understanding my eyelids put a black curtain on my eyes. I felt him skim his path up to my center again pinching little bits and pieces before massaging them, a perfect combination of pain and passion. I was tempted to open my eyes but I knew if I did, he would stop. I had been in this position before and I knew how it went. I felt him cuss lowly before his finger tapped lightly on the sensitive nub of my folds. That had me mewling but completely at his mercy. The intensity however was because caused by anticipation of not knowing what is going on. I felt him rub on it softly causing a sound to escape my throat. He pushed one of his digits inside me drawing away the little breath I had. He worked on my orgasm slowly building the anticipation.
"Do you trust me?" He asked in a strained voice. My breath was ragged as I tried to stop an orgasm from racking my body before it was time. I nodded before I remembered that he needed a verbal response to which I gave a breathy yes.
"Good." With a whisper he increased his speed steadily causing me to be a moaning mess but just as I got my high it all stopped and all I felt was cold.
"Fuck!" He cussed.
I abruptly opened my eyes and checked around to notice that the car was now flying off a cliff. All the sensation from the previous seconds was gone and replaced by fear and adrenaline. I turned looking only to see him trying to get reign of the car without being able to get it back. The fear and anguish in his face told me all I needed to know. We had been so consumed with passion that we had failed. With that I closed my and awaited our fate with ample patience. That was until the darkness really took over.