Arlo. Arlo. Arlo.
He is everywhere and is in everything.
Every second ticked by the whisper of his name. Every breath I take in sounds like him. Every streak of sunlight conveys the warmth of his smile. And every time I closed my eyes, his smiling face was all I could see behind my eyelids. He is the only thing running inside my head. He, Him alone.
Two days have passed since the tree house incident and I'm eager to see him again. Even if it's for once. Even if I only get to see him from afar.
I never yearned for Fridays as I do now. It's as if I can't stay calm until I make sure that if I go there again, he will be there too. On top of the tree house, sitting on the balcony with his legs dangling down in the air with no care in the world. I want to see him smile again, and I want it to be directed at me.
I'm not sure if he'll be there, though. But If he comes back, I'll be right there. And that will be the day the butterflies burn down in my stomach rebirth.
"What is going inside that pretty head of yours?" Mom's voice brings me back down to earth. Away from Arlo.
I blink once. Twice. And then stare at her. "Nothing."
She sits down beside me where I'm sitting on the wooden bench in our garden, "That nothing holds something."
I shrug, "Just bored out of my mind now that Lilly isn't here to annoy me at every single chance she gets." It isn't a complete lie. I always get lonely when Lilly wasn't around.
A chuckle flees out Mom's lips as she ran her slender fingers through my hair strands. "Actually I'm glad she's at school. Who doesn't wish for peace?"
I giggle. Lilly is unbearable at times. Mom always says that I'm the best child anyone can have. Calm and obedient. Lilly on the other side is loud and wicked. Lilly used to say that she doesn't get jealous of me. But whenever mom says I'm her favorite child to tease her, she gets all moody. She says mothers can't be prejudiced against their children.
"Zera," Mom straightens her posture, lips worrying between her teeth. And suddenly I'm all ears. Waiting for the words to fall out of her mouth because whenever she calls me by my name, that must be a serious talk.
"Um, you must have noticed that your medicines ran out" She stares at the newly bloomed rose as a distraction from my eyes.
"Why didn't you tell me anything?" She asks, now looking me in the eye, and all I can see is the concern brimming in her blue orbs.
"It's not working, Mom" As much as it hurts me to let the words out of my mouth, loud enough to be heard, that is the truth. Even though I had so much hope in this one, it was for nothing.
"You don't know it, kid" The fine lines on her forehead become more apparent as her eyebrows crease together.
"I think I know enough, Mom." The words come out harsher than I meant them to be, I wanted them to be.
"You don't." She stands up and pins me down with a sharp look, "We are going to the town now. To your physician. Come inside."
I bite down my tongue since I don't want to piss her off any further and watch her go. I don't know why they are spending so much money on me when we all know it's for nothing. I won't ever be okay. I had accepted it but they hadn't. And I don't know if they would ever.
My eyes drift to the newly bloomed rose in front of me, the one Mom was looking at moments ago. It's a soft pink. And it reminds me of his lips. Soft and pink. Nowadays everything reminds me of him. Everything held a piece of him in them.
I try to shake my thoughts away. But it was no use. Even though I wiggle him away, Arlo keeps crawling back inside my head. And then it is all him.
The air.
The flowers.
The sky. The shape of the clouds. The song of the birds. Everything.
Everything.
Maybe it's because he is the only boy who has ever looked at me. Smiled at me. Talked to me. It is just him. Only him.
And I never know I was so desperate for this lively feeling until I got it in my grasp.
"Zera! Do you want me to come out there?" It is my mother's voice that pulls me back from Arlo again.
With a loud sigh, I stomp inside.
🌙
"I'm sorry, Mrs. Eryx." Those two words. I've been anticipating them. Like every other time, it hit me in the face. Broke my heart again.
I heard mom let out a shaky sigh which is more like a gasp in my ears. Her hand on my shoulder got heavier as she balanced herself on me.
"Can't you do something about it?" Mom's voice was low and when I glance at her, I saw the tears building up in her blue orbs. I felt an ugly sting in my chest.
"I'm afraid I can't promise you anything," Harzen whispers. He gave me a pitiful smile, "I'm changing her whole medication. And I hope this one will work better." He pulls out two small glass bottles of potions from his cabin. A red one and a yellow one. He holds it out for mom and she takes it from him.
"Mrs. Eryx," Harzen hesitates, his sad eyes only making my heartbeat elevate with horror. I'm scared of what he will say next.
"If Zera wouldn't shift until she turns Sixteen, I'm afraid she never will." I feel like a thousand deadly knives stabbing me as my brain functioned his words.
I
would
never
shift
if
I
hadn't
by
my
sixteenth.
A wolf-less soul will not survive long enough.
I would die.
What should I do?
I didn't know I was crying until my mother pulls me into her embrace, her hands cradling my head ever so gently as she whispers in my ear: "Don't cry, My Zera. Everything will be alright."
I turn limp in her arms, A voice in my head screaming, crying, whimpering: I don't wanna die yet.