Ash gave forth a low, blood cuddling sound. Presumably a sound of laughter. "You're breaking up with me because I held your neck for a little while earlier? Oh, don't be silly. I hold it longer and tighter than that every time we fuck and you like it."
"No," I told him. "I'm breaking up with you because you're just a lowlife asshole."
"And you think that's reason enough for me to let you walk out on me?" he turned to refill his glass.
My heart ached at his nonchalance. A part of me wanted him to beg me to stay, to apologize and promise he would never physically hurt me again. But the other part of me knew that violence was Ash's language, that no matter how much he tried to conceal it his nature would always show.
"No, but its reason enough for me to walk out of your life." My heart ached even as I said the words. I didn't like saying them to him, and I wasn't going to lie to myself; I loved him. I loved him enough to let him kill me.
However, the saner part of me seemed to be the one running my mouth and controlling my legs. "I was just thinking, maybe people like you deserve to be alone. Maybe I should stop this whole I feel pity for thugs because no one loves them thing."
He stared at me for a while, as though he was thinking about something before saying, "Princessah, you can't leave me. I can't live without you."
His words caught me off guard momentarily but I shook them off. He is only trying to make you stay, a voice at the back of my head said.
"Ash, I don't think this thing of us will work. We should go separate ways. I'm a bitch after all, and I'm always going to be on a lookout for boys to sleep with." I forced myself to say. I wanted him to smoothly let go of me, even if it was based on a lie.
Well, not entirely a lie but...
Forget that, I just wanted him to go. Once he was gone, I would naturally be forced to get over him and heal.
"About that," Ash seemed to think about it for a while. "You should visit the hospital tomorrow. You fucked around and I don't want you to infect me with any disease. I'd like to get the proof of results tomorrow."
His words went through me like a hot blade through my chest. I had slept with someone else, true, but his words unbelievably stung.
"Ash, we're fucking breaking up. Why would..." I breathed. "Never mind, it's pointless talking to you." I turned to walk out. I was going home to cry over my self-inflicted heartbreak.
"Don't leave," Ash grabbed me from the back, pulling me against his solid body with his arms wrapped around my waist. He placed his chin on my shoulder, nestling his face next to mine. "I swear I will not let you leave."
I tried removing his arms from around me but he only held me closer. I could feel his solid body pressing onto mine. I could also feel his... Yes, I could feel it. But I didn't want to think about it because that would only make me want to stay.
He knew that too, and he was making sure I could feel how hard he was.
"After finding out about last night I rolled a joint. It's partially your fault that I have done stuff that you don't like without thinking it through. Your fault, and the joint's. But I am responsible for both of you so it's wholly my fault."
Ash moved his hands higher up until he held my breasts with both hands. He turned his face to kiss the side of m neck. "Just now," he was breathing loudly. "I had some alcohol. It must have counteracted the drugs, I don't feel so high anymore. Now all I want is you."
"Ash..." I started but he moved one of his hands down to hold my waist. He pulled my waist to himself, pressing my bottom against his erection.
Darn my unfilial body. I was aching to push hard against him, to feel the strength of his erection, to feel myself stretch as he filled me. To feel the powerful contraction of his biceps as he thrust hard inside me...
No!
My eyes snapped open. What was I doing? He knew I wouldn't be able to resist him, thus he used the sex card.
"Stop it." I quickly stepped away from him.
Ash closed his eyes for a moment and opened them again. "Princessah,"
"I have to go."
"Please," Ash held my hand.
"No Ash, I can't. I'm sorry." Even as I said it I could tell it was pointless for Ash had stepped close behind me again, his hands tugging my shirt off.
"Ash..."
"The idea of you leaving me," Ash walked around to stand in front of me, his eyes greedily taking in my shirtless sight. "Is painful. Infuriating." Resting his hands on my waist, Ash lowered his head and captured one of my nipples with his mouth.
"The idea of someone else touching you," Ash went on his knees, burying his face in my belly while his arms wrapped tightly around me. "I can't stomach it. It gives me the intent to kill. Don't leave me. Please. I don't want you out of my life."
His voice sent gashes running deep through my heart. "Ash," I cupped his face and turned it so that he was looking up at me.
He looked sad. He must have tried hard earlier to keep his sad feelings hidden hence the lack of emotions. I had cheated on him after all, and he had reacted in a calm way that an average human being couldn't not possibly pull off.
"I'll not leave you now." I told him. "Please just don't get physical with me again."
Ash nodded.
I helped him up and wrapped my arms around his neck. "I'm sorry my love, I feel bad for hurting you."
Without saying a word Ash brought his mouth crashing down on mine.
The feel of his lips moving against mine, his hands securely holding my waist and his body solid against mine reminded me once again of why I was with him. He told me countless times that he couldn't live without me but in actual fact, I was the one who wouldn't be able to live without him.
"How about I make love to you?" Ash swept me off my feet into his arms and walked me to the bed. "Not fuck, really make love."
I covered my face with my hands. "Don't say that."
He paused a step away from the bed. "Are you pretending to be shy? As in a good, innocent young lady?"
"Well, would you rather make love to a naughty bitch? Won't you save her for fucking only?" I raised an eyebrow at him.
"God, and just earlier you wanted to take it all away from me." Ash shook his head and gently placed me on the bed. He planted a kiss on my forehead. "I want to make love to all versions of you."