"I don't think I heard you properly. What did you say?"
Li Yuchen proudly repeated himself, "I said you, dad, are terrible at picking up women."
"Come here Xiao Chen". Li Chuanmo had never been as tempted to inflict physical pain on his son as he was now.
Li Yuchen sensed the danger and quickly held out his hands in a gesture of surrender, "Wait wait Dad. I wasn't insulting you, I was only stating facts!"
Judging by the still-violoent look on his father's face, his words weren't convincing enough, so he tried another tack, "I can help you!"
Li Chuanmo's look changed to one of suspicion, "Help me with what?"
"I know my Goddess is currently angry with you. I can help you reconcile with her."
"Call her Auntie."
Li Yuchen: "__" was that seriously important right now??
Li Chuanmo coughed, "Go on. How?"
"Easy. I have made a step-by-step guide for you, but before I share it, you have to agree to five of my terms."
Li Chuanmo waved his hand dismissively, "Who knows if your guide will be useful? One term."
"You will know if you try. Five terms."
"I can always come up with something by myself, you know? Two terms."
"Hah! With your style, I'd have gotten married before you even get round to having her forgive you. Four terms."
Li Chuanmo gave him a glare, while Li Yuchen looked smug. He almost decided to cancel the whole thing, but he was desperate. He really wasn't happy that they were in a cold war yet again.
"If I succeed, she'll be your Auntie and even more. Three terms."
"Deal, but you must agree to my terms unconditionally. You're not allowed to go back on your words."
"Deal."
The negotiation was a smashing success. Father and son smiled at each other for a few seconds before going back to business.
Li Chuanmo spoke first, "Alright, state your terms."
"The first term is that I don't have to go to boarding school, that you won't force me to go."
Li Chuanmo furrowed his brows, but a deal was a deal, so he had no choice.
"Fine."
"The second is that I would be allowed to call my Goddess whatever I want, as long as the title is not disrespectful." This was the main condition.
At this point, Li Chuanmo was seriously doubting himself. Did he really make the right choice by listening to this troublemaker? What if he just made matters worse?
It was not even up to five minutes, yet he was already regretting that he agreed to this deal so hastily. But again, a deal was a deal.
"Fine. Just make sure you keep your own end of the deal."
"Sure."
"What's the third one?"
"I want to keep it blank, sort of like a 'get out of jail free' card. You have to approve whatever condition I bring up."
Li Chuanmo sighed deeply.
"Fine."
"Wonderful! Now let's shake hands to seal the deal", Li Yuchen got carried away and stretched out his hand for a handshake. Li Chuanmo raised an eyebrow.
"Is that your third term?"
"Of course not." Li Yuchen lowered his hand while pouting. His dad was just too petty!
"Alright, now let's hear your brilliant plan."
"Okay." Li Yuchen also assumed a serious look and sat down across his father. He brought out a small notebook. So I'll ask you a few questions to analyze the matter before telling you my game plan.
"First, why is my Goddess angry with you?"
"Because I wanted her to come home with me so that I can take care of her post-surgery."
"What? My Goddess had surgery? No wonder she was in so much pain. And you still made her angry!"
Li Yuchen glared at his father, who felt a headache coming on.
"Okay, but at least, you explained to her why right? Or how did you make her come with you?"
So Li Chuanmo summarized the episode in the hospital. By the time he finished, Li Yuchen shook his head and wrote down in his notebook: EQ - minus 20.
'Indeed, an IQ of 178 did not equal the same value of EQ. Or was it inversely proportional?' Li Yuchen wondered.
"We're on the same side now. We should be talking about the solution."
Li Yuchen grudgingly agreed, "Okay, fine. Moving to the next question, what have you done so far to coax her?"
"Coax?" Li Chuanmo mulled on the word as if he had not heard it before. "I only let her be, so that she can calm down."
Li Yuchen looked at him as if he had grown two heads, "You let her be? You mean you didn't try to make her feel better or apologize?"
He wrote down again, EQ — minus 50.
"Was I supposed to do that? But isn't she a rational adult? I thought she'll get over it once she thinks it through. I did it for her own good after all."
Was this real?
Li Yuchen gave up. His dad was a lost cause. Who talked about rationality and love in the same sentence? Who rationalizes emotions like a business deal?
"You threatened her for her own good? You forced her into doing something she didn't want, and you expect her to smile at you? She might know you love her, but you have to show it by your actions!"
At Li Chuanmo's blank look, Li Yuchen started saying "oh no, this can't be true" in his mind. He asked hesitantly, "Don't tell me you've not even told her you love her?"
Li Chuanmo massaged the back of his head. He had a raging headache now. "Um, about that, we have not spoken about love yet."
How did he even get round to talking about love and emotions with his preteen son? The whole situation was getting more outrageous by the minute.
Li Yuchen stood up from his chair. "I think we have to reschedule. The plan I drafted was for someone with at least an EQ of minus 20, but for you dad,...."
He paused for dramatic effect before continuing.
"Your EQ meter reading is in the range of "undetectable levels!"
"Xiao Chen!"
"But it's true Dad, think about it: You forced a sick woman to come and live in your house. What would people at the company say if they know? They would insult my Goddess, thinking she forced herself on you somehow and you were just being a responsible employer.
"Worst of all, my Goddess will be left wondering what she actually means to you, and whether you like her romantically or if you're just being a good friend."