John sat in his crib, staring at his new mother, Helena. He had been born as a baby in this medieval world just a few days ago, and was still getting used to his new surroundings. He didn't like his father, Marcus, who was scruffy and untidy looking to John's eyes. Marcus was nice and often played with John when he was there, but John didn't enjoy feeling being treated like a baby.
"Waa waa," John tried to say, pointing at his diaper. He was feeling frustrated and helpless, unable to communicate with his new family.
Helena, who had been knitting in the corner of the room, looked up in confusion. "What is it, dear?" she asked, not understanding the gibberish coming out of John's mouth.
"I need a damn diaper change, for fuck's sake!" John thought to himself, still unable to form the words with his baby mouth.
"Waa waa waa!" John cried, flailing his arms and legs.
"Is the baby hungry?" Helena asked, misunderstanding John's cries. She reached for the nearest cloth and unfastened her dress, preparing to breastfeed John.
John's eyes widened in shock. "Are you kidding me, Mom?!" he thought to himself, feeling embarrassed and frustrated at the thought of sucking on a woman's breast. He had been forced to do so for a few days already, and was relieved when Helena stopped and sniffed the air.
"Oh, I see now," she said, realizing that John's diaper needed to be changed. She quickly scooped John out of his crib and headed towards the wash basin in the corner of the room.
As she cleaned him up, John couldn't help but feel a little bit relieved. "Thank god," he thought to himself. "I was starting to think I was stuck sucking on your tits for the rest of my life in this medieval world." But of course, his mother couldn't understand his words, and he was left with nothing but the coos and gurgles. "Way to make a grown man feel like a helpless baby."
A few days went by:
"Great, just great." John complained. "I'm stuck in this world as a freaking baby without any powers at all. And to make matters worse, there's no electricity. I'm stuck playing with wooden toys all day. I miss my Xbox, my iPhone, and my Starbucks. At least in my past life I had some entertainment and convenience."
John was in utter despair: "How am I supposed to survive without my daily dose of caffeine? And don't even get me started on the lack of modern medicine. If I get sick, I'm pretty much doomed. But at least I am healthy at the moment, right? I mean, I will never ever be stuck in a hospital bed hooked up to a bunch of machines. That's something to be grateful for." John added sarcastically.
"But damn I miss my comfortable bed, central heating, and a fully stocked fridge. I miss being able to just order a pizza or hop on the internet whenever I want.... Ah, the good old days. When I could just lay in bed all day and mindlessly scroll through Instagram. Those were the times."
John was thinking of his past, it wasn't the best life but at least it was easy.
"It's hard to accept this reality and my circumstances when all I want is a cold beer and some Netflix. Oh well, I guess I'll just have to keep dreaming of the good old days." John's voice was sad. He tried to find something good in his new Situation: "Being a baby isn't all bad. At least I don't have to deal with bills, traffic, or annoying coworkers. Life is so much simpler now."
Helena sits in the rocking chair, her newborn son cradled in her arms. She gazed down at his face, noting the unusual calmness that seemed to always be present. Unlike other babies, John rarely cried or fussed, and when he did, it was almost as if he was able to calm himself down quickly.
She has always been a devout follower of the gods, but lately she has been having doubts. John's behavior is unlike any other baby she has seen. He has gotten quiet and calm after he was born. Only when he needs something he cries, and there is a strange intensity in his eyes. She can't help but wonder if he is possessed by an evil spirit.
She has heard stories of people being possessed by demons and evil gods, and she is terrified that the same thing has happened to her son. She considers seeking out an exorcist, but she is afraid of what will happen to John.
"Marcus, have you noticed anything...different about John?" Helena asked, turning to her husband who was sitting nearby.
Marcus looked up from his book and glanced at the baby. "What do you mean, dear?"
"It's just...he doesn't cry like other babies. And sometimes, I swear I see a hint of intelligence in his eyes," Helena said, her voice filled with concern.
"Intelligence in his eyes? Helena, he's only a few weeks old," Marcus said, trying to reassure her.
"I know, I know. It's just...I can't help but worry. What if he's possessed by a demon or an evil god?" Helena said, her voice growing more anxious.
Marcus sighed and set his book down. "Helena, you're letting your imagination get the best of you. John is a perfectly normal baby."
"But what if he's not? What if he needs an exorcism?" Helena said, her voice becoming more and more panicked.
"An exorcism? Helena, that's ridiculous. John is our son, not some demon-possessed monster," Marcus said, trying to calm her down.
"But what if he is? We can't take that chance, Marcus. We have to do something," Helena said, her eyes wild with fear.
"Alright, alright. If it will put your mind at ease, we go to the church and ask him to take a look at John," Marcus said, giving in to her demands.
John, who had been quietly listening to the conversation, let out a horrified scream. "No, no, no! I'm not possessed, I'm perfectly normal!!" John began to cry and babble incoherently, trying to communicate with his parents. "Nuh-uh, nuh-uh, dada! Muh-muh, muh-muh!" he cried, shaking his head back and forth.
"See, Marcus? He's possessed! He is definitely possessed!" Helena said, her fear increasing.
"But Helena, he's just a baby. Babies don't always speak clearly. It doesn't mean he's possessed," Marcus tried to reason with her.
"We can't take that chance. We have to do something. I heard that the church has special rituals for exorcisms on babies," Helena insisted.
John continued to cry and babble, becoming more and more desperate to be understood. "Buh-buh, buh-buh! Puh-puh, puh-puh!"
"Fine, we'll take him to the church and see what they say. But I still think this is ridiculous," Marcus said, giving in once again.
John let out a frustrated wail, tears streaming down his cheeks. "Muh-muh, dada! Nuh-uh, nuh-uh!"
As they left the house, John continued to cry and babble, hoping that someone would finally understand him. But his parents were too focused on the idea of an exorcism to listen to his true cries for help.
In John's head, he continued to curse his parents for thinking he was possessed. "What the hell, mom and dad? I'm not possessed, I'm just a freaking baby! Can't you tell the difference?" he cried to himself, his imaginary swear words becoming more and more colorful as they walked to the church.
"And an exorcism? Are you freaking kidding me? That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard. I'm not some demon-possessed freak, I'm just a normal baby with normal baby issues," John continued to rant in his head.
"And the church? Seriously? I can't believe you're taking me to some creepy old church to get exorcised. Do you have any idea how ridiculous that sounds? I bet the priests are going to laugh their freaking asses off when they see me," John thought, his frustration reaching a boiling point.
As they approached the church, John could feel a sense of foreboding creeping over him. He had never been to a church before, and the dark, looming building filled him with a sense of unease.
"What the hell is this place?" John thought to himself, his fear growing with each step. "It looks like something out of a horror movie. And what are they going to do to me in there?"
Despite his fear, John continued to nonstop babble as they walked towards the church, his parents still determined to have him exorcised. As they entered the building, the musty smell of old wood and incense filled John's nostrils, making him feel even more uneasy.
"I can't believe this is happening," John thought to himself, his heart racing with fear. "I'm just a baby, for God's sake. Why are they doing this to me?"