Rain poured down around them, completely unnoticed by the two bodies locked in furious combat with one another. They danced around the clearing as they sought an advantage on one another. Mud splattered across the ground as one of them dug in and launched himself forwards towards the other. The slew of kicks that followed were dodged until one of them left the attacker over extended. A block turned into a grapple, which then turned into a leg sweep that sent the opponent flat on the ground and face first into the dirt.
"Damn it Mikasa! Always with the fucking legs!" His words were harsher than his tone, but only because of the exhaustion in his voice. They'd been going for hours already, and despite the improvements to his stamina, Eren was wrecked in terms of energy. The exercises Gohan had originally been putting him through had been good for physical training, but little else as while Mikasa and the rest had gone ahead in leaps and bounds as they accessed their Ki, Eren had improved with a relative crawl.
"You're improving." She commented. Tone flat and distant as she watched him rise to his feet once more. She opened her mouth again to offer and improvement, then closed it and simply waited for him to be ready again. It pained her to act this way, but she'd said she would trust Petra and that's what she would do, and despite her frustration with him she truly did not enjoy beating Eren around each and every day. She flicked an eye towards one of the nearby trees where she could just about make out the form of the scout, Gohan's training and assurances having allowed them to reduce the size of the guard that Captain Levi wanted watching Eren whenever he left his cell.
It wasn't her hair that gave her away this time, as it had been covered by the hood of her cloak due to the rain. Instead it was the Ki she could sense from her, still winding down from the training she'd just been doing as well. It had been with Oluo this time, rather than Gohan like it had usually been, the monkey tailed boy having decided to teach some of the others a few pointers on any of their specific mistakes. While it was his job to teach everyone and not just her, Mikasa had noticed that something seemed to have shifted about him when it came to Petra.
Ever since she'd seen them in that compromising situation, Gohan had seemingly made an effort to keep his interactions with her a bit more of a distance. In spite of what some may have thought, Mikasa was not romantically blind, especially after three years of Jean's pining after her, and it was clear that Gohan seemed to be feeling something. What was less clear was what would or should happen next. It had been a week since then and Petra had certainly noticed the shift in his attitude, the two of them having talked more when they were paired up together or just when they felt like hanging out. Petra had figured out something about their interaction had seemingly spooked him, but she figured he was uncomfortable, and while Mikasa agreed she wasn't sure it was for the same reason that Petra thought.
It was very hard to judge Petra's feelings on the matter though, as a sunny disposition and Mikasa's inability to read peoples mind meant she couldn't tell whether Petra was disappointed because it meant less training time, or because she hadn't wanted to be disrespectful, or any number of things. Mikasa wasn't romantically blind, but she certainly wasn't experienced in the matter. She settled on dealing with it another time as Eren found his strength to fight again and moved to grab her.
It ended like it always did, with Mikasa unharmed and Eren not being quite so lucky. When he hit the ground this time, he was back up quickly, charging at her with her a roar and striking viciously. He wasn't necessarily more dangerous when he started losing control like this, his swings wild and openings obvious, but she acted more cautiously anyway. With Eren's bullheadedness, he would be more likely to injure himself when she took him down. So, she backed off, giving herself more room and time to stay out of his way, which of course only served to make him angrier as she danced around him, not even the satisfaction of forcing her to block letting him vent some of his frustration. She knew that if she opened her mouth to tell him to calm down, he'd only be worse as she knew well from experiencing such prior attempts.
When she finally knocked him down again, she grappled and held, letting him squirm in her arms and burning out his rage. Damn him, damn him for making her do this she thought as they struggled against each other. Her own anger shone through as she changed her grip and rolled onto his back, pulling with more force than was really necessary. Why did he push so damn hard against her? She just wanted to help, why couldn't he see that.
"Damn it! Get off of me!" Eren struggled fruitlessly against her, swinging a hand behind him and managing to get a hold on her, but not having the strength to do anything to her. Until suddenly, he did. A surprising burst of strength managed to break her hold on him and send her sprawling into the mud. He was rising without hesitation, and Mikasa scrambled to her feet to avoid being caught flat footed.
When he charged towards her this time, the difference in speed was incredible. Mikasa was dodging less and less, having to put far more effort into blocking and absorbing the blows than anything else. She caught her chance to breath when dropped his guard after an attack, and she swung a solid blow directly into his chin. He paused, she backed away, and for a moment the two stared at each other, emotions burning in their eyes.
"Why? Why do you have to still be better than me? Why can't you just stay still!" He snarled and darted in again, and although she wasn't caught off guard like she was before he was still pushing her surprisingly hard. When she tried to counter attack again, to her surprise he managed to block the punch and pull her towards a grapple. As she recovered, she pulled away from his grasp, the two locked in a battle of strength.
"God damn it! This isn't fair, just lose for once!" His leg kicked out and tripped hers, landing hard on the ground with her back and him on top. They continued to struggle though, both of their muscles straining with the effort. "I've got you! This time I'll win! I won't live in your shadow anymore!"
That…that was what this was all about? A red mist descended over her vision as Mikasa's arms strained harder and she fought back, pushing him up just far enough to bring up her foot and launch him away. She stood back up at the same time he recovered, only this time it was she who charged first, a heavy rage flooding through her body. "All this time," she shouted in between punches, "I've been trying to be strong enough for you. To keep you safe, to pay back what you gave me, to be strong enough to make you strong, and you're angry because of that!?"
"I never asked for you to babysit me!" He roared, blocking most of her blows until one caught him on the chin and sent him reeling back. If he felt the power behind it, he didn't react to either it or the pain, instead raising his hands into a guard pose once again. "Why do you always push like that? Force yourself into other people's problems!"
"It's what you taught me to do!" Mikasa shouted back, closing the distance to begin another barrage of attacks. "You showed me that I had to fight! I have to fight to keep the ones I love safe!"
A block by Eren turned into a counterattack, one that was caught by Mikasa and forced the two into a struggle match as they pushed against each other. "Not for me! I promised I would be strong enough to face the Titans!" He reared a fist back. "And I will be!" She blocked it, pushed slightly back by the force and low traction in the mud. "I'll kill them all! With my strength! Not with yours!"
Mikasa brought up her leg and gave him a push kick in the chest, breaking them free from their grapple. "Then let me help you! I'm strong, I can make you better!" She charged back towards him.
Something snapped in him as Eren pulled his arm back for an immediate counter. "I don't need your help! I can do this. I will do this!" As soon as Mikasa came in range he swung, with more power than he ever had before. His arm glowed, a spark of electricity went around him.
Lightning struck down into the forest, a crack of thunder booming across the countryside. Flesh and bone formed from thin air, tearing across the clearing and forming into a mighty arm that struck Mikasa dead centre. She was pulled off her feet and thrown backwards as the hand grasped around her and pinned her against a tree, the mighty wood cracking in several places but holding shape barely.
There was a moment of silence following the boom and the air escaping Mikasa's lungs as she was hit, shocked and laboured panting the only sound the two of them noticed. Finally, Eren snapped himself out of his own shock and began to pull at the arm that had formed, muscle and sinew wrapped up the flesh of his limb that wouldn't let him go. It strained and held on to him tightly, refusing to be apart from him until he managed to wrench himself free with a spurt of blood as several spots of flesh on his real arm were ripped off where tendrils of Titan viscera had connected to him. When he was released and hit the ground, he darted straight towards the raven haired girl, any pain in his arm entirely pushed out of his mind.
He pulled desperately at the bony fingers which caged Mikasa to the tree, but the grip was unyielding with its inhuman strength. Mikasa herself was unable to help, whether it was by having her arms pinned down at her side or by the shock of what Eren had just done, she couldn't do anything to try and free herself.
"Eren…" She said softly, notes of he didn't know what tinging her voice, but he didn't stop as he continued to strain with all his might.
"Damn it, come on! Ragghhhh!" He had his foot placed against the tree and was using all the power available in his legs and arms to free her. But he couldn't. "Damn it! This isn't fair! I'm strong, stronger than this! I won't let you be trapped like this! Not by me!"
"Why?" The words were soft and beaten, barely audible over his own cries of rage and downpour of rain, but they cut through to him anyway. Slowly, he turned to look at Mikasa, who looked back at him with the twinkle of tears in her eyes.
"Why do you even care? This is what you want isn't it, to push me away and be rid of me?" It cut into him like a knife to the heart, and his hands trembled. "I can't do this, I can't take it anymore. You push me away, only to pull me right back." She choked, emotion sapping what little strength she had left. The pain of so many years, of owing her life to a man who had taught her how to live, only to have him bite back at every gesture of love she returned.
"Please Eren, I can't take it."
His knees gave way at the same time her tears began, breath choking back her sob, and he collapsed against the fingers that still wrapped around her. "I'm sorry Mikasa…" He eventually choked out, his tongue wavering and body wracked with emotion as he felt the dam inside him break. "I'm so sorry…"
It sounded so weak and pathetic to him, but it was all he could manage. All the pain, all the rage, and the love he felt bursting forth as tears began to streak down his cheek.
"I'm sorry. I don't want to hurt you…I don't…" He didn't what? Didn't want to push her away like she said? He had, he'd been crying out for that very thing for so long now. He wanted to be free from her shadow, to stand tall on his own and break humanity free from this cage. But, he couldn't… he wasn't that strong…
"It's this world Mikasa. It's not fair… I worked so hard for years, training to be fight, we all trained."
"Then why won't you let me help?"
He was silent for a moment, tears dripping down his face as he struggled to free her. "I just…I can't stand the idea of not being enough. When Shiganshina was attacked, when the wall was breached, mom…mom almost died. If it wasn't for Gohan, then she would be dead! What happens when next time he isn't there, or you aren't there…?"
Mikasa's hand gently laid on his. "I'll always be there Eren, just like I promised. Just like you'll always be there for me." Her tears joined his, gently dripping onto their shared hands, and sliding down the giant bony hands that held her pinned to the tree.
"I'm sorry Mikasa…" He sniffled, openly crying as waves of familiar guilt washed over him. "I'm so sorry…"
"It's okay…" Her voice caught in her throat, her own cries building despite how much she tried to stifle them. Her hand gripped tighter around the bone of the first finger, the steam warming her hand but unable to hurt her now ki enhanced body. "Together Eren. We'll beat any challenge together."
He looked up into her eyes and slowly blinked away the tears. Without another word, he gripped his hands around the same finger as her. Planting one foot against the tree, Eren began to pull while Mikasa pushed. The bark of the tree cracked under the strain against it, chips of wood flying off piece by piece. Slowly, the finger began to open, the two cadets prying it open with their ki enhanced strength together.
"RAAAAAHHHHH!"
The two screamed out in mutual pain and anger as the grip of the hand on the tree was loosened, and Mikasa was finally freed from its crushing grip. Eren pulled her out, and the two embraced tightly in a hug, tears openly flowing once more into each other's arms. Their pain wasn't healed, but the wall between them had at least in some way been torn down, and they could continue to repair their relationship.
Up in the trees, Petra watched with a combination of happiness and sadness. She had been hesitating on whether to intervene or not and was thankful she'd made the right choice not to, though Eren would likely be in for a severe dressing down from Captain Levi once he heard about Eren's partial transformation without orders. Still, she felt sad over the pain that the two had still gone through together, whatever had led up to their current point had been hurting them both dearly, in spite of the love they clearly felt towards each other.
"Is everything ok?"
Gohan's voice was a careful whisper as he watched the two below and startled her. For a moment she thought she had been too distracted to notice his approach, nor his landing on the branch next to her, however something stood out to her as she looked over at him, something empty…
"I can't sense you."
She was as bewildered as she was concerned, thinking she might have regressed on her training until she realised she could still sense Mikasa's strong energy below, next to Eren's smaller one and the fading dirty feeling of the titan arm as it evaporated. Gohan had the politeness to look embarrassed as his strength returned and she felt the warmth of him again.
"Sorry about that, force of habit when I would try and be stealthy hehe."
He sheepishly rubbed his head with a blush. He hadn't technically needed to be stealthy with his Ki for several years now, but between reflex and his own personal training.
"But how did you do that?" She moved towards him, inspecting him closely as his previous emptiness made her question whether or not he was actually in front of her like her eyes told her. "Did you hide your energy somehow?"
"Oh, uh yeah. It's something I used to do around other people who could sense ki. I never brought it up since it's not really needed for your training."
His eyes were still on the two below, who had looked up in acknowledgement that they were there before heading back towards the castle together. As they left and the two watched them, Gohan continued on, feeling such ease and relaxation around her.
"It's not exactly useful for you, and it's quite different from what I've been teaching you guys."
"Can you teach me anyway?" He turned to her and was surprised to see her drop down to be sitting on the branch with her legs crossed. "More knowledge won't exactly hurt, will it?"
He chuckled. "I suppose not." Sitting down in front of her, he assumed the same cross-legged position she was in. "You start like we did before, reach deep inside of you and feel that energy."
He watched as she shut her eyes and steadied her breathing. "When you feel it," he continued, "don't try and bring it out, or smother it. Just keep a hold of it at first. You have to be familiar with it, it is simply another part of you. Let it flow freely within you, don't control it, or guide it, let it just… flow."
Her breathing slowed as he watched, and though her Ki did not change, he felt her relax. "Your Ki is much more than just your inner power, it is part of your spirit, and your soul. Let it be one with your body. Breathe in and feel the air enter your lungs, breathe out and let it go. As you let it go, feel the relaxation as it leaves. Let your mind and body free, let it drift away from its constraints. Feel your body, at peace."
Her breathing continued to slow, he watched as she eased. The rigidity in her back, the slight tensions through her arms. The creases of frustration against the raindrops. All of it, slowly began to fade away.
As he joined her in the meditation, he reached out to his own Ki as well. "Carefully, let your energy dissipate, bring it back inside of you. Let it pull back from the edges of your body and recede."
He let his own power level drop, suppressing it in demonstration. He felt her ki with his own, and watched as it remained steady save for the tiniest of dips. "That's it, breathe in, and out. Then let that energy pull back."
Again he reached out and felt her ki, and again there was but the tiniest of dips.
With pride, he continued to meditate alongside her. Letting the world fade away around them, and the sound of rain drift away…
When Petra finally opened her eyes, she looked across to see Gohans own were closed. But more than that, the edges of his lipped had dipped, a hint of sadness in his frown that Petra could make out. He was never good at hiding his emotions, but normally he would try a bit more than what he was currently doing.
"What's wrong?"
The question seemed to snap him out of his meditation, and he looked to her in confusion.
"What do you mean?"
"I mean, what's wrong? You looked so sad about something."
He looked away and tried to put on a façade, one which was even more obvious than normal.
"Oh, nothing. I guess I was just feeling a bit melancholic is all."
Melancholic Petra thought to herself. If she hadn't heard he had noble heritage already, his word choices would have been a dead giveaway in time. She reached out and put a hand on his shoulder in support.
"Listen, I know we don't know each other that well, but I've been working with others for long enough to know that keeping things bottled up doesn't help. Besides, as team medic, it is my duty to deal with psychological issues as well."
She said the last line with a hint of humour, but her intent was serious, and Gohan could tell. He sighed and shifted to lean back against the trunk of the tree.
"I was just remembering when I learned about all of this, when I would spend time meditating with my teacher or my father. Mr Piccolo, my father, my mother… I miss them."
His eyes were faraway, picturing the last time he'd seen his parents, the last time he'd heard their voices. His mother saying goodbye before his fight with Cell, his father cheering him on as he destroyed that monster. He wondered what they were up to ever since he'd disappeared from that world…
"You don't talk about them much. Can I ask why?"
Gohan truly never did talk about them, not in detail anyway. He was happy enough to give basic information, but he never liked to actually talk about them the way that most did.
"I don't know. I guess they're just, hard to talk about."
"How come?"
Petra's voice was soft and reassuring, with no judgement, just a gentle reassurance to continue speaking.
"I guess… I wonder what they would think of me if I was here." Petra almost wanted to ask why, but gave him the space to continue at his own pace. "I don't know if they would be proud or not."
"Why do you think they wouldn't be?"
It seemed impossible to think there could be anyone who wasn't proud of someone as talented and morally good as Gohan. He was called the Angel of Trost with damn good reason, and so many lives had been saved by his actions.
"My mother didn't want this life for me. She wanted me to be able to do something more than fight. To be smart, to go and get a normal job, not to live this way. This was my father's life. He was a fighter, not me. But he knew the potential I held, how strong I was, and so he needed me. But when he trusted in me to do the right thing, in the end I… failed. I failed and he died."
A tear streaked down his cheek at the memory. All the regret and guilt he still felt over what he had done, toying with Cell instead of ending things. His arrogance, his hatred, all it did was cost his fathers life.
"I failed and he died. Just like what happens every time I fail here." He clenched his fist, rage at the monsters which had taken so many lives, and rage at himself for failing to stop them. "My father saw more than this in me, he knew I could do better. I have to do better…"
Petra moved forwards and wrapped her arms around him tightly as he gasped in surprise. "You can't blame yourself like this Gohan. You are the strongest of all of us, and you've saved so many lives. People owe you a debt that nobody could ever repay. Don't ever think you don't give enough."
Gohan remained silent as the tears continued to well. Slowly, his arms came up and he returned the embrace. His tears began to build, until slowly they were flowing free. He choked on the pain inside of him that tried to tear itself out, even as the guilt held it down, trying to drown him in misery.
He wasn't strong enough though. He had the strength, he'd felt it, and known it for so long. The power that had comforted him and kept himself and so many others saved, yet refused to be free. He didn't need his strength against Cell, or even his super Saiyan transformation. Just something more than the shreds of power he had left, anything more and he could have ended everything. Stretched his Ki senses out and felt where every single one of the Titans roamed, and he could have blown them all out of existence.
If only he had his strength.
"I'm not strong enough."
He could barely get the words out, each one clawed at his throat as he forced them out in agony.
"We'll be strong enough together." The soft voice washed over him, calming him as he listened to Petra's words. "Together we'll be strong enough. With the powers and skills you're teaching us, we'll be enough together."
She pulled back to look at him face to face, his reddened and tear-stained eyes staring back into hers. He wanted to believe her, to trust that she was right. But he didn't know if he could. Could he truly set aside his guilt, to let others shoulder the burden he placed so heavily on himself.
Her eyes remained focused on his, fixed intently on staring past his gaze and into his soul. She looked deep into the vulnerable, the bare part of himself deep inside and offered him nothing but warmth. Then, ever so slowly, she inched closer. As she grew near, she stopped, waiting for him.
Could he do it? Could he trust so openly, and expose his soul to her and others? Hesitatingly, he leaned forwards as well. Inch by inch, until their noses were touching. A little closer, and their lips would be touching too, and he would be taking that leap of faith.
To share his burden and let his guilt ease.
If he moved just a little closer.
"What the hell is this!?"
They pulled apart quickly, turning their heads to see Captain Levi in the tree next to them and glaring hard. They sprung to their feet, hands clapped into a salute instantly.
"Captain Levi, sir!"
"What the hell are you two doing!?"
Venom laced his voice as he glowered at the two of them.
"Uh, sir I-"
"Enough!" Levi cut off Petra's nervous excuses before they could even fully begin. "You two have been out here for hours, hiding away and shirking your duties. I expected better of you Petra." The woman looked down in shame. "Report back to the castle and assist Eld with the cooking, I'll be speaking to you later."
Petra's eyes flicked over to Gohan, hesitant to leave him in such a vulnerable and emotional state. "Sir I-"
"Now! That's an order."
She gulped and nodded, sending an apologetic look to Gohan before she hopped out of the tree and let out a burst of gas from her ODM gear and flew off, leaving the captain and Gohan alone.
The man hopped from his tree over to Gohans, standing on the same branch as him and glaring directly at him. "What are you doing to my team Son!?"
Gohan was still stood, rigidly holding his salute nervously. "Apologies sir, I don't understand the question."
Levi's hand snapped out and grabbed him by his shirt. Gohan may have been more powerful than the man, but he'd grown strong quickly under his training, and the move caught the young half-Saiyan off guard.
"Do you even remember what you are? You're a soldier. That means professionalism, discipline, following the orders that you are given. You are here to teach your skills to us to fight Titans, not to go on vacation and corrupt my team."
Gohan blinked in shock, shame quickly building. "Sir, I haven't done anything of the sort. I-"
"You don't follow the orders you have been given! I know what you did in Trost, and what you've been doing ever since. You disobey orders like the rules don't apply to you, like you think you're above the chain of command. Going off on your own to do whatever you think is correct, regardless of what you've been told. Because of your strength, you've been given opportunities, and you've used every one of them to get what you want. Whether it be bringing Ackerman onto the team or trying to dictate strategy in a military court!"
He shoved Gohan back against the tree, hard. "Commander Erwin, Commander Pixis, even Premier Zachary have given you leniency because they have entrusted you with a duty. A duty that despite your own bull-headedness, they believed you would do to your utmost ability. To train us in your Ki ability. And yet here you are, having romances with a squad mate."
"It wasn't like that sir."
If Captain Levi cared to even hear his excuses, he showed nothing.
"You are meant to be focused, to be loyal to your duties. Your duty as a teacher, as a soldier, humanity's arm of the military against the Titans! You have a responsibility to us all, and you owe loyalty to the trust that has been placed in you, by your commanders and your comrades. You spit on us all when you abuse that faith."
He finally released Gohan, his shock and shame clear on his face.
"Don't ever betray that trust again. Report back to the castle, you have another lesson to plan for the morning."
With his final words, the Captain hopped off the branch and disappeared out of sight, only the hiss and whine of his gear to signal his leave. Gohan stood against the tree, motionless.
The Captain was right. What had he been doing… He needed to focus on his duties, on protecting everyone, and training them all. He cursed himself for letting himself slip and vowed to fix things. The remaining days he would be giving it his all. No distractions, he would pass on everything he could. He couldn't let anyone else die to his weakness.