Not so far from the café is a playground where most of the students from kindergarten play. Since it was already late, there were not so many people around and we had a chance to sit on the swing and talk without worrying too much about the noise.
Before we left the café, I took a bottle of beer for him and juice for me. I'm not a fan of alcoholic drinks, I easily get drunk after just a sip so I just stick with the juice and mostly water.
We sit there silently for a while before he speaks. "I'm confused," he started while staring at the beer in his hands, "I like someone but I don't know if she will like me back because I'm too cowardly to face her and my feelings for her."
So, that's what bothers him, he liked someone but he didn't dare to confess that sounds just like me when we were in high school. "After so many years, I thought I'm ready to face her again but when I saw her with another man, I immediately gave up on her without confirming what's her relationship with him," I'm playing with the box of juice on my hand, listening carefully to every word he says.
"In the end, I heard that they are not in a relationship, that they are just friends. I'm so stupid to judge their relationship without asking them, I even get her worried about me. I'm too cowardly and weak to be with her. I don't deserve to be with her."
He opened the can in his hand and drank it in one go. He's so depressed and broken because of this girl. I hope I can do something to lessen the stress inside him.
I take another sip of the juice in my hand before I speak. "You know what? Everyone starts at that stage. Being confused, afraid, scared, and feeling nervous, even the person who has been in a relationship before, but there is no such coward. You're just afraid of what she might tell you but the only way to know what she feels about you is if you ask or confess your feelings to her," I slightly pushed the swing where I'm sitting while staring down at my feet.
"Believe it or not, but I went through that too. I am happy to be around him but scared to confess my feelings, scared that it might change everything between us. That's why I keep my feelings in until he finds his one and only, I regret it until the end," I said.
"Just be yourself. If she truly loves you, she will accept you wholeheartedly, whoever you are. Confessing to her needs enough courage, you don't know what will be her response after you confess to her, it might not be the response that you expect from her. And accepting her decision is being strong, strong enough to face the fact that you are not meant to be, that she's not the one for you. By that, you are brave enough to say what you want and express your feelings and strong enough to face reality."
It's funny to think that this advice is coming from me. From me, who had feelings for him but was also afraid of the possible answer that I can get from him. I looked up at the sky and missed the pair of eyes looking at me with amusement.
That night, the sky was full of twinkling stars that I'd never seen before.
"For me, you are a better man now compared to before, Kyle. You can share with me your thoughts without hesitation, you can also share with me what you've been through in your past and are willing to try something new to fix everything," our gaze meets, and I look at him directly into his chocolate brown eyes with emotions that I can't explain.
"And most importantly," I hold his hand that's holding the can of beer, "you are still the Kyle Nicholas Smith that I know since kindergarten that was caring, gentle, and a bully," we both laugh at my last statement. This is the first time, after a month of not seeing each other, that we laugh together.
Our laughter slowly dies along with our drinks. Total silence covered the whole place. The rustling leaves from the trees and the chains from my swing is the only sound that you can hear.
"Thanks for being a good friend to me, Anna," I chuckled at what he said, he always tells me how good a friend I am to him. I'm just staring at my feet with my hands laying on the seat of the swing. "That's why I like you."
I turned my head to look at him with wide eyes when I heard his last words that keep on playing in my head like a broken cassette tape. My eyes widened like a saucer while his eyes were locked on mine with sparkles on them and the smile on his lips reached his eyes.
Like me? Is that like having a crush on me or like because I'm his friend? I keep my guard up. I don't want to put so much hope in a short sentence. I looked away from him to think for a moment and looked back at him again but with a smile on my face. "Thanks for liking me Kyle," is the only response that I could say. He said it under the influence of alcohol, it meant nothing once he sobered up.
The wind is getting stronger, so we decided to go back to the café where almost everyone left. After we cleaned the mess in the café, I let the remaining staff head home first so it was me, so Elaine, George, and Kyle left.
"Are you sure you can drive? George can drive you home," I said to Kyle with concern. "Yea, I'm completely sobered up now. Don't worry, I will be fine," he said while scratching the back of his head. All I can do is sigh heavily because of his stubbornness.
"Fine! Just take care and drive slowly," ''I will," he pulled me close for a hug and then kissed my forehead before he looked me in my eyes which were full of confusion. He just chuckled to see my reaction before he freed me from his embrace and then got inside his car.