Hide and seek. This is the old-fashioned children's game in which one of the players will look for the other players that are hiding somewhere around. The seeker needs to count up to ten and look for the hiders.
I loved this game when I was young. You will hide, run and sometimes you have to be a seeker to find the hiders. I didn't know that this game would also have a role to play in finding my true love.
It started way back when I was in middle school. I have this friend of mine. We grew up together and attended the same school since kindergarten; since we're just living in a small town where everyone knows each other. He became my playmate, schoolmate, teammate, and my mate (close friend).
His name is Kyle Nicholas Smith, yes, a boy and our house are just meters away from each other.
He always comes to my place to play with me, study most of the time, and sometimes just to annoy me. He always plays tricks on me.
We have always been like that until we become teenagers. We always go to school and go home together. He always sees me home before he walks to his house, making sure that I can enter the house safely even though he still can see me once he reaches their doorsteps. He's just standing before our gate and he will only move once I close the door behind me.
I find it sweet and that is the time I started to feel something for him, but I'm afraid to be rejected. I don't know if he feels the same for me, so I just kept it to myself. I will hide these feelings I feel for him and I will wait for him to see them. I don't want to change how we look at each other, I also don't want to be the first one to confess my feelings. I'm a girl, and girls shouldn't make the first move in situations like this, well, that's my perspective.
When we were in middle school, he breathlessly ran toward me. His brown hair becomes messy because of the wind after running. Drops of sweat are running down his flawless face, you can't see any acne or blemishes on it. He is prettier compared to me, I also take care of my skin but it's nothing compared to him.
He puts his hands on my shoulders while gasping for air. When he recovers, his chocolate brown eyes meet mine and his thin lips start to open. "Anna," he called my name with excitement in his voice. He is two or three inches taller than me, so his minty breath brushes on my cheeks when he says my name.
"I have ... good news ... for you," I wonder what he wants to say that made him excited. It's either about his academics, which he always brags to me, or something else that surely breaks my heart. "Stephanie," he started, "I asked her to be my girlfriend," I knew it was about her, but I didn't expect that he would ask her that.
My eyes widened at his news. I don't know what to say, I don't even know what I should feel. There is a sudden pain in my chest, it hurts so much, it's like someone is digging a hole in my chest.
He burst into laughter and then pulled me against him for a hug. I want to be happy for him, I want to laugh with him, but I can't. I can't believe that the person I'm waiting for is already taken. What if I confessed to him the first time I felt this feeling for him? Will he be this happy too?
"Congrats," was the only word I could say. I wish I could say, "please choose me and not her," but I can't. This is his dream. This is what he wanted from the very start. Who am I to stop him from getting what he wants? I'm just his friend. I don't want to be selfish. I want him to be happy too, and not just me.
I know his obsession with Stephanie Green, he has had a crush on her since we first stepped into middle school. She has long golden hair with waves at the end of it, she also has skin as white as a chalk. She is a total idol in our school in terms of beauty, every girl in our school, except me, envied her beauty while the boys wanted her to be their girlfriend and my friend is no exception.
If Stephanie is a beauty, my friend is the brainy one. He's always on top of every exam while I was below him, I'm at the place with less than him, second place in other words.
Even in his heart, I'm just a second placer, and will never be his priority. When he said that he was going to ask her to be his girlfriend once he got enough courage, I thought he was dreaming an impossible dream. I didn't know that he's being serious about it.
Ever since they became official, I've started to distance myself from him. I don't want to be a third wheel or to be accused as a side chick or whatever they called it.
When they started their relationship, I started to go to school earlier than before and went home late. Sometimes, it's unavoidable to meet them, and we'll say "hi" when that happens; but most of the time, I avoid encounters with them.
I became more aware of my surroundings at that time. Looking from left to right like a crazy criminal that is scared to be caught by the police. If there is a chance, he will go to my house to have a small chat and that chat is all about him and Stephanie. This is the disadvantage of having a house next to each other. It is obvious that he is happy being with her, I never saw his eyes shine that bright, like a star in the night sky. It hurts, but I have to accept the fact that he will never seek this feeling I have for him.
He's still doing those things we did before, but the difference is that I'm not the one who's with him. I'm not the one who's sitting next to him during lunch or when visiting the library. I'm not the one who's making him laugh out loud, who's chatting with him from day in and day out, personally or through social media.
I still make friends, but not as special as we were. We still see each other at school, but we only nod as a sign of acknowledgment. He also stopped visiting our house, which made my mom wonder. I explained to her everything I know and that made her feel sympathy for me. I know to myself that I can live without him by my side. I don't need him. I can be an independent woman but I still welcome him as my friend whenever he needs me.