I planned to tell him about my departure that day but seeing him smile brightly and be happy with his friends, family, and Stephanie, I changed my mind and moved it the next day. The day that I have to leave the town where I grew up with him.
Before I sleep that night, I pack my things with the help of my parents. I know Mom already told this to Kyle's Mom since they are like best friends. I guess she does not tell to Kyle anything yet, which made me a little relieved because if she does. Kyle will surely run here by now and interrogate me.
I still don't know what to say or how to start when I face Kyle the next day, which makes it hard for me to fall asleep. The next morning, I wear a black long sleeve, underneath it is a white sleeveless top, tucked in on my ripped shorts. I put on a little face powder and a little bit of lipstick to complete my attire.
I went downstairs and met my mother who was crying with my father comforting her. This is the first time that I saw my Mom cry like this, it hurts my heart, it's like a knife is stabbing it millions of times. "Mom, what are you doing?" I laughed, hoping I could lighten up the mood somehow.
I pushed back my tears before coming out of the house and paid a quick visit to Smith's residences. It's just meters away from our house, but it feels like I walked too long before I could step on their doorsteps. My hands are so heavy that my knuckles barely touch their door to knock. I was about to knock again when Mrs. Smith opened the door.
"Good morning, Mrs. Smith," I greeted her with a smile.
"Oh, Anna! Why do you have to leave?" She cried and hugged me. I know she knows the reason why but I think she's asking me the main reason why I have to leave our town. After she recovered, she opened the door for me and led the way to their living room where she asked me to wait for him.
On our way there, I asked her if Kyle knew about my departure, and she said it is much better if the news will come from me. I got the feeling that it will be hard for me, but I have to at least say goodbye to him for our friendship's sake.
I waited for Kyle in their living room patiently while looking at our childhood photos when I heard footsteps behind me. "I'm so cute when we were little," I said, then lightly laughed at my joke. "I have these chubby cheeks that once you poke it, it will pop like a balloon."
"Yeah, you're cute. You almost looked like a pig back then," he laughs while I glare at him. He walked to their kitchen and I followed after him.
"What's up? Why are you here this early in the morning? And what's with your getup? Where are you going?" he asked me curiously. Of course, he doesn't know why I am here. It got hard for me to say it without shedding tears, but I composed myself and held it back.
"Before I answer that, how are you and Steph?" I asked him, trying to be not obvious in my current state. His mother is in the kitchen too, she's doing something but I know she's listening to our conversation.
"We're doing great! We're going to attend the same university. The same university that we planned before. The results are already posted, I didn't ask yours because I know you also passed," he said while picking up the knife and a spread to put on his bread, "you may be a little crazy but I know how genius you are."
I want to laugh or retort like I usually do when we are teasing each other but I can't. I sigh the pain I'm feeling right now. I feel that once I speak again, my voice will become shaky.
"I didn't pass the exam Kyle," I can hear sniffs coming from the kitchen, and Mrs. Smith is crying. Both of our parents know how close Kyle and I are, we are like brother and sister, and we always got each other's back. It is also hard for them to see us separated or in pain.
"Mom, what's wrong?" he asked his Mom, who was currently crying.
"Oh, it's nothing Kyle, go on. Keep Anna company, please excuse me," she walked past me, but I didn't dare to look at her. I don't want to cry in front of him.
"What's wrong with Mom today?" he wondered then looked at me, "I'll ask her later, but for now, what are you saying you didn't pass? Come on, don't play jokes with me," he turned around again to put the spread on the knife for his bread.
"I'm leaving Kyle," he loses his grip on the knife and the bottle in his hand, the broken pieces of the bottle scattered on the floor.
He chuckled mildly, "I'm sorry! I think I misheard you, I thought you said you were leaving," he laughs bitterly then covers his eyes with his left hand. I tried to speak again, but my mouth shivered like I ate something sour. I'm trying my very best to hold these freaking tears that may spill anytime.
"You heard it right, Kyle. I'm leaving. I never took the entrance exam here. I've been accepted to the university in the city. I'm going there to study," I said as bravely as I could. He is frozen standing there, looking blankly at me.
Surprised at my sudden news, no, it's not sudden but since he is the last person to know about this, it will sound so sudden. "I'm sorry, Kyle but I can't attend the same school as you this time," I said to him. He is still frozen like a caveman encased in ice for so many years.
I didn't expect this kind of reaction from him since we don't have a special relationship. I walked towards him to give him my final hug, I expected this, not hugging me back. I expected this from the very beginning. Maybe he is mad at me. Well, I can't blame him.
"You don't need me here anymore. You already have Stephanie with you that makes you happy every day and I'm sure she has changed and will never do the same thing she did last time," I whispered in his ear.
"You will be fine. Everything is going to be fine. Please, take care of yourself and Stephanie, also your parents. Don't let problems affect you," I'm now staring straight into his eyes, my hands cupped on his face. Tears start to flow down his cheeks, but he is not moving. He's just staring at me, watching my expression.
Hurt. It hurts in my chest to see my best friend cry because of me. Whoever that freaking digging in my chest, I'm begging you, please stop. I wiped the tears on his face with my thumbs before walking backward.
"Please tell your parents about my goodbye," I reach for the doorknob while staring at him. Yeah, I'm walking backward to ensure that he will not follow and stop me. I turned the doorknob and opened it. Before I stepped outside, I said my final message to him.
"Thanks for everything, Kyle. Take care," I close the door and walk in front of our house. I am not expecting him to accept me after this once we meet again in the future. I already prepared myself for it. I hugged my parents for the last time and kissed them both on their cheeks. They also kissed me on my forehead before they took me to the cab waiting for me. I got in and sat in the passenger's seat while my bags were placed in the back seat.
"Go on, Sir," I said to the driver. The driver already started the ignition when I heard someone calling my name continuously while gasping for air. I barely recognized it because of the engine noise. When I realized who it was, I let my tears fall while clenching my hands on my chest. It damn hurts. I can't breathe properly, I'm suffocating. I can't take it anymore.
The driver started to drive away. When I got the courage, I looked at the side mirror of the cab. I saw Kyle kneeling on the road with my parents beside him, comforting him. I wish I'm the one beside him, comforting him like before, but I can't. I can't go back now. I will never see him again even if we do, I'm sure he has his own family by that time.