"If sleep was your problem, then you shouldn't have tried to look fine in front of me. You shouldn't be relying on the drinks. Have you forgotten? I was your sleeping pill." She proudly says, and he chuckled at her words.
Yes, she was... Was... Past tense. That was a long time ago, his life is way more messed up now than it was then. His sleeping pill would not help him this time. He was sure of it.
" That was a long time ago Piccola, things are different now." He shrugs, gently squeezing her hands in his own.
"How so? How are things different now?"
"Well, for one, we're not kids anymore..."
"How does that even matter?" She interrupts him. "I helped you sleep then, why didn't you come to me so I could help you again? Why did you rely on alcohol instead?"
"Because I don't think my sleeping pill will be effective this time around." He bumps her nose with his index finger.
"How can you be so sure when you didn't even give it a try??" She instantly threw another question at him. He knew the answer to the question, he was sure of the answer. He was sure that his sleeping pill will not work this time because, he was not the same person he was years ago.
Simple things like that would not work on him anymore, and that's why he turned to drinks. They were strong enough to help him... She wasn't.
"Luna, what's the point in trying, when I already know the outcome?" He replies with his own question, and she hated his lack of faith, it made her want to punch him straight in the face and ask if there was any harm in trying.
"Shall we test it out then?"
"Ehn?" Before he could have the chance to even protest, she turned him to his side and forcefully brought his head down on her lap. "Piccola__" He moves to rise up from her lap, but then... "Ouch!" He shrieks as she pushes him back down without mercy, forcing his head to stay there.
And with no other option, he arranged his head in a much more pleasing position, making himself comfortable on her lap.
"Now, slowly close your eyes," She says sweetly. "I really don't think... Ouch!!" He yelps as she slaps his mouth close with her fingers.
"Close your eyes and Mouth" She scolded, stressing the word mouth, indicating that he needed to shut up for his sleeping pill to take effect.
Now, tenderly, she stroked him, combing back his hair with her fingers, and it was soothing. And he loved her calming touch.
"Aren't you feeling cold? We should go inside," he suggests.
"I'm fine. The blanket is warm and big." He was indeed a very warm and big blanket, but this human blanket might be feeling cold, so she wraps the blanket that was around her shoulder, round his body too. "we can share it, now sleep." she orders, still stroking his head gently with one hand, and holding his hand tightly in the other.
"Try blurring out every unwanted sound, if you don't want to close your eyes, then look up and count the stars, listen to the slow rippling sound of the waters moving, listen to the crackling sounds of the night cricket, feel the cool night breeze crawl upon your skin, and lastly... Lastly, feel the sound of my voice reaching the deepest part of your mind, heart and body, and slowly let sleep take over your body."
And like she had said, he laid there in the silence, counting the stars, while she counted the hair on his head.
He marveled at how big the Moon was tonight, and then his mind shifted to his little moon who held his head on her lap, and looking up at her from this angle, he wondered on how big his Luna had grown, she had really grown from that tiny little girl that slept next to him when he just moved into their house years ago, to a tiny person he could rest his head on.
Looking at her like this now, she was beautiful, and she shined bright in the night, this little Luna of his.
Why didn't he try his sleeping pill first, he wondered. It worked then, so maybe she was right, maybe he should have gone to her for help instead of acting strong and fine in front of her.
But then he knew why he did not. He didn't want her seeing him broken. But now she's seen, and as expected she offered to help. But he just felt like it wouldn't work this time... Things were really not as they were.
Although her careful stroking and touch was soothing, and it calmed all the nerves in his body, and ticklishly made his eyelids weak, he knew he wasn't going to fall asleep this time.
But he did.
Right in her arms, gently rested on her lap, he had fallen asleep, and she fell in love with the peace she saw.
And she kissed him.
She kissed his eyes that peacefully slept, she kissed the cringe that had formed at his forehead, causing it to straighten out, then she kissed his hand that she held in hers. She kissed the side of his face, and then his nose. Oh how she wished to kiss his lips, it was tempting, and she wanted to fall for this temptation.
And she did.
She kissed his lips, and he tightened his hold on her palm, gently squeezing her palm in his own. "Dan-a" he whispered, and a tear escaped her eyes, and trickled down onto his face. "Love me Zeno, Love your Piccola." She begged.
But he slept. With no consciousness whatsoever of what was happening in flesh. He just slept peacefully and dreamt of the one he still longed for.
*
*
Chapter Epilogue.
Italy, February 2004.
"Zee__Zee! Zee!"
"You'll fall, don't run." He told her as she burst into his room breathing heavily like she just completed a marathon.
"Papa and the doctor man says they will take you to the hospital and p__ and p__ and pwesprise__ no, pespwibe__no…"
"Prescribe?" He tries helping her out, and she nods with a huge smile on her face.
"They want to prescribe th__thiap__thiapy, no, theapy__no" she hissed, frustrated and wondering why the word had to be so hard.
"Therapy?" Once again, like a humble knight, he came to her rescue, and she nodded her head again.
"Therapy. They want to give you therapy. Zeno, why can't you sleep? Do you miss your mama?" She innocently asks, and a bitter smile plays on his lips as he nodded slowly.
"Yes, I miss her, and my papa."
She walks closer to him and climbs onto the bed with much struggle, while he just sits there watching how cute she was being "I miss my mama too." she says, breathing heavily again as she stood on the bed. "But I can sleep. You want me to help you sleep?" she asks sweetly.
"I don't think you can. Don't tell anyone, but there's a bad person in my dream, and he keeps waking me up" Zeno says with a sweet smile, urging her to sit down and stop bouncing.
"Don't worry, I'll beat up the bad person. And I know how to shoot my gun too. See?" She points her toy gun at him like a pro, and he nods, acknowledging her skills.
"So how will you help me sleep?"
"I'll sleep here with you, and you'll fall asleep too. Maria says if two people sleep together, they have the same dream, so I'll have the same dream with you, then I can beat up the bad person" Lords! She was so sweet, and she sounded so assuring and confident that he found himself wanting to believe her, he wanted to trust her and try falling asleep next to her, maybe then his nightmares would go away. Maybe then, just maybe he would get a good night's sleep.
"What are you waiting for? Let's go to war." Even at such a young age, she was commanding.
"I thought we were going to sleep?" he asks, baffled and intrigued.
"Yes we are dummy, but we're also going to beat up someone so he won't enter your dreams again, so it is war." She declared with so much determination in her eyes, as she pushed him down to the bed with her little hands, and laid down next to him, holding her gun in one hand, and holding his hand in her other hand.
"Luna__"
"Shh" she cut him. "sleep" she ordered, and he closed his eyes tight, and so did she. It didn't take minutes for her to quickly fall asleep, and he opened his eyes looking at her little adorable face next to him. He was tempted to pinch her smooth cheeks, but then he leaned closer and kissed her head instead, smiling to himself as he did so.
"We were supposed to sleep together, but you're sleeping alone." He whispers. He tried sliding away from her, but her grip was incredibly strong, if he forced his hand out, she'd wake up.
"You're so small, but you're holding me so tight." He positioned himself back next to her. He had no choice but to watch her sleep. Counting her lashes over and over again, drawing her face in his head, noting how small her fingers were, tracing and marveling at how pointed her nose was. She was a little beauty, and he gladly watched her sleep, and at some point, he had no idea when, but he had fallen asleep.
And he slept. And slept. They both slept. For hours, and hours, and the moon rolled in, and out, and the sun took over, and they still slept, hand in hand, next to each other, as a knight in distress, and a damsel in shining armor.
And although she didn't know how to pronounce the word, she had performed therapy on him without her even knowing, and it worked. On their first try even. And when he woke up later, and realized how much he had slept, and how peaceful his dream was, he kissed her head again and called her__ "My sleeping pill"