The night before we left I had walked with Cersei through the Red Keep's gardens, one of the best ways to ensure a private conservation wasn't overheard in this snake pit.
"And he fucking spoke that bitches name." she spat out, continuing her rant about Robert's failings.
"Yes, and in time our debt with him will be settled. Still, are you willing to do your part in my plans?" I said calmly, carefully rubbing a spot on her arm just so, using my knowledge of her body to calm her down.
She gave a sour chuckle "Your plan to turn the Red Keep into a harem under our control?"
"If you want to be crude." I said, chuckling slightly.
"Fine, we may as well profit if he will betray his vows to me anyway." she said.
I pulled her into a sideways hug, "And are you going to be able to put up with him long enough to give him an heir instead of taking moon tea just to spite him?"
She winced slightly, clearly it was something that she had thought about, before sighing "Fine, I'll give him his damn heir and then I'll raise him to be a lion and not a stag."
"It's always better that a king be predator instead of prey." I said in agreement.
After a moment of silence I continued "Do you want to get him to love you though? It will make the revenge all the sweeter if in his dying moments his heart breaks at realizing how you played him for years."
She smiled at that before saying, deep excitement clear in her voice, "Yesss. But how would I manage that? Even in our wedding bed and buried in my cunt he still shouts her name."
"Robert doesn't like weak women, you've already seen how much he hates court. Do you really think that the traditional image of an ideal noble lady is to his taste?" I said, not exactly answering her question but instead trying to lead her to the obvious.
After a moment of contemplation she said "No, he's like you in that regard I think."
"So don't be that ideal noble lady. Father is dead and I care far less than he about those kinds of appearances, so let the true Cersei shine through a bit more. You are the Queen and the sister of the wealthiest Lord in the Seven Kingdoms, your Uncle will be commanding the standing military forces in King's Landing and the castle will shortly be filled with our people. So long as Robert approves of your actions, everything else is just the bleating of sheep. You've long wanted to learn a blade, so I'll send someone to Braavos to find an instructor of the Water Dance and send him to the Red Keep to teach you. Once he's arrived simply tell Robert that you decided to learn the blade, he will laugh and probably encourage you. What he won't do is try and stop you.
"You also like to ride, so just up and decide that you are going on the odd hunt with him. Yes it will mean sleeping in tents upon occasion but it will get him to appreciate you more. And when it comes to court, act to protect him and his interests and make sure he realizes it without just coming out and telling him. He understands the games of court but despises them, so if he thinks he can trust you to act in his interests then you will be able to wield much of his influence in court; and consequently across the whole of the Seven Kingdoms." I explained, using my deep knowledge of Cersei to craft an idea that would appeal to her on a near primal level.
She smiled a true smile, hugged me tight, and then released me before saying "Thank you Jaime, this will be fun."
I laughed, "Glad you approve. Think you can use your new Queenly powers to get a set of riding leathers that will keep you covered but leave nothing to the imagination made by tomorrow? Because if you can then you can ride a horse while all your ladies in waiting will be in the carriages with the luggage, and Robert won't object if we push the pace enough that they won't catch up by the time we need to make camp. That will make you the only woman around, so you won't have to deal with him chasing other skirt, and will let you talk to him like "one of the guys". He's knows you're a woman, believe me no man will ever forget that, but for him to respect you he has to identify you with things that he considers manly."
I hesitated for a long moment and then continued "If you really want to enthrall him then once we finish dinner on the road, stand up, grab him by the shirt, and pull him towards your tent while saying "Come husband, my cunt is missing your cock."
Her face shifted from contemplative and thoughtful at the first part, to one of mild disgust at the second. "Really? That is so crude, not to mention a gross libel. There is only one cock my cunt misses and it is not attached to that pig."
"Aye it's crude, but it will also cause him to probable lift you up and swing you over his shoulder as he almost sprints back to your tent. Probably while laughing his ass off at the looks that will be on the other men's faces. You have to remember Cersie that Robert is generally a crude barbarian and to make anyone love you they have to be able to see at least some of themselves in you. If you play the proper lady, as father ensured you could do so well, then there will be nothing of Robert for him to identify with in you. Give him those hooks though and you will have him wrapped around your finger." I explained.
After a long moment of silence she nodded decisively "Right, I'll do it. But you better be right about Robert, Jaime.", she warned; leaving it up to my imagination what the punishment would be if I was wrong. A moment later she continued "If I want the leathers done before we leave then I need to go, even for a Queen it takes servants time to produce clothes."
When Cersei showed up the next morning in silk lined riding leathers that covered it all and yet hinted at everything, with her hair thrown back in a french braid, she looked like she could be one of Odin's Valkyries if you but gave her a blade. Everyone seemed stunned speechless, Kevan looked like he was about to have a stroke, but I was watching the one person whose reactions really mattered; Robert's. He had gone slack-jawed and he had to shake himself three times before he manged to splutter out a "What?!", seemingly just overloaded with questions and so unable to ask a clear one.
Cersei shrugged and acted like this was nothing out of the ordinary as she said "I decided a carriage didn't suit and I've always liked to ride. Do you have a problem with that husband?", the question said with a pointed tone that made it clear to everyone that he damn well better not have a problem with it.
The king shook himself before smiling broadly, "No wife, and let me just say that I prefer this look to your dresses."
'good, I did read him right.' I thought even as everyone else decided to keep their mouths firmly shut after the King's endorsement of Cersei's antics. Tyrion on the other hand turned from his perch on the back of one of the carts and looked me in the eyes, raising one of his brows in clear question. Silently asking if I had caused this. I gave a minute nod in answer.
With that excitement out of the way, we were off and like I predicted we made great time; leaving the wagons far in our dust.
Robert seemed much happier on the road, and lack of other women had him fucking Cersei every night after that first when her blatant demand to be fucked had had him blink once, toss back the entire rest of his flagon of wine in one massive gulp, sweep her up over his shoulder, slap her on the ass, turn to face the rest of us, say "It's good to be King.", and dart for their tent at full sprint. I laughed long and loud while everyone else was too stunned to say anything, instead facing one another and seeming to silently ask each other if they had all just seen that. Kevan looked apoplectic though, so I quietly touched him on the shoulder and when he looked over I tossed my head to the right and stood.
Once we were out of ear shot he exploded "What the fuck is she doing?! It's like with your fathers death she has lost all sense!"
"She's doing what I told her to do." I replied, and when he whirled around with his mouth open to say something I held up one hand in a command for silence before continuing "Robert isn't interested in a courtly women, he wants a barbarian princess. Why do you think he fell so hard for Lyanna Stark? So Cersei is going to give him his crude barbarian princess and he is going to love her for it. Hopefully she gets a marriage that she can at least stand and a husband that she doesn't hate so much she will ensure any child she bares isn't his out of simple spite, out house gains a daughter who has the King wrapped around her little finger, and we loose nothing beyond perhaps a bit of respect from sheep whose mewling bleats mean nothing to us.
"Robert might be King and Jon Arryn might rule but I intend to see to it that House Lannister owns the entire board the game is being played on."
Kevan stared at me quietly for a long moment before saying "You are your fathers son." in a tone that made it unclear whether that was a complement or insult before he turned and left for his tent without another word.
I shrugged slightly as I headed towards my own tent, 'between the ten day trips to and from Casterly rock and the week or two I should easily be able to keep him as a guest, along with the fact that at the Rock we can ensure that none of the servants would even dream of warming his bed, he should be fucking Cersei every day for more than a month and I know that both of them are fertile, so hopefully we will be seeing an heir nine months from now'
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