Dialogue mfers... Dialogue.
I've seen so many cases of misuse of dialogue I almost threw my chips-ahoy. side note: no one will ever be able to convince me stress balls aren't for throwing at people who stress you out.
So... The past 6 chapters of this book (excluding the example passages) is evidence on correct dialogue. How? Becuase it's something I'd actually say, slang and all.
----- Examples - Notes
"Sigh!" a character said. - Don't do this, ever. If the character sighed, narrate it. Anything within the quotes is spoke aloud.
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Apart from that, if you're not sure if the dialogue is something that'd be said or thought aloud, then just say it aloud. It's that easy. If it's not something you'd say, then don't make your characters say it (this is, ofc, excluding differing slang).
Next, each person has their own way of speaking, so make sure it's reflected in the dialogue.
----- Example
"Billy! Get your candy ass down here and get me a beer!"
----- Notes
That boi has so much personality and flare one could infer several things from it.
A drunk dad or uncle is calling their son/nephew from upstairs.
They're probably sitting on a recliner watching tv with beer bottles around it.
---- Example
"Billy! Come down for dinner!"
---- Notes
Pain. It's flatter than a flatscreen tv. It'd be so much better just do "It's time for dinner!" or the classic trick "Dinner is ready!" but you end up having to set the table first.
--------------wheee dash -----------------------
Punctuation within dialogue... keep it the same as narration. Chances are if you're struggling with this you won't be able to pull off the next bits as well as you'd like. Learn how to walk before you run.
----- Example, Original
"If anyone asks you about your family, I hope you give them a good answer; only then will I show my face here; after all, I am well known around here," He responded, and she nodded, understanding his point of view.
---- Revised
1. "If anyone asks you about your family, I hope you give them a good answer. Only then will I show my face here. After all, I am well known around here." --------------------------- (focus on the dialogue only)
2. "If anyone asks you about your family, I hope you give them a good answer. Only then, will I show my face here. After all, I am well known around here."
----- Notes:
Always end dialogue with sentence closing punctuation (. ? !) #2 has an emphasis on "Only then" due the comma placed after "then." This is why you always want to read things as a reader when you edit to check the flow and see what the reader sees.
Only exception to ending punctuation with (. ? !) is "I said stuff," she said. 'Tis subpar but works well when used properly, except it'll probably never be seen often in ebooks.
It's used in traditional after long paragraphs, the short dialogue creates a dumbfounded effect on the reader along the lines of "all that, for this?" which pairs well with the context it's used in. That's just one case but ye, we're doing ebooks.
Also don't use "said," that's telling, not showing.
Heh... ironic.