With memories
Of days gone by
In my solitude
You taunt me
With memories
That never die
Sitting in my chair
Filled with despair
There's no one could be so sad
With gloom everywhere
I sit, and I wonder
I know that I'll soon go mad
*Clears throat*
I was uncertain of how long I wanted them to drive. Figuring a few hours around Chicago and out to the town would suffice. I wonder how I even find myself in this situation. Had no idea he was apart of the FBI. Upon reflection my problems start well before that.
You can not be affected if you do not put yourself in a place to be affected. Having fallen and turned into a drunk I allowed myself to be misled and in a pinnacle full of spiritual desires and ego. Though led astray by my own inner temptations, there was a positive in the circumstance.
For the first time since being abducted as a child,I witnessed a vampire at this pinnacle. He was unlike the ones who held me in their home long ago. Their desire for blood was very minimal; where in his case he seemed to have thrived on it. Was it an immaturity? Or a different breed of, of animal?
I was able to notice biological differences within the two species of vampires I encountered in my life. While the leopard jacketed vampire licked the glass of his home when I was spying on him, I noticed the makeup of his mouth. The FBI agent whom I just killed also had a similar makeup. I was shocked to see another one of his kind.
This is all starting to become too much to handle. There is spoiled blood on my boots. I don't know if it is from Nina or the FBI agent. Nina, who is she? She also carries the makeup of the leopard jacketed vampire and the agent, Why didn't she shoot me in the bar?
" Take a left here." - I said to the driver I was holding captive.
Had no choice but to take them hostage. They are well beyond scared and there are kids in the car, one who sits right beside me. How much more destruction can I accomplish in such a short span of time, a short span of life? When will I find my period of peace?
I don't understand why I was there in the first place. They took me when I was only a boy. It really was her. Alexander did not want me living among them and he treated me as such. But she oddly took care of me and up until the last day of seeing her she treated me as a mother. They must have known I would turn into this beastly creature and wanted to make money off of me in the trafficking industry. All I think about now is wanting to hear from my parents.
I've hurt many people in my life. Wrestling life on my own. All the way down, feeling my shame, constantly reliving my terrors every time I close my eyes. The disease and curse of the beast taking over my heart. It comes and it goes. How can I let her close to my heart?
She took me by surprise with her beauty and vibrations. I fell in love with her, I fell in love with protecting her and guiding her. Someone who I've come to trust and appreciate. How can I let her close to my heart? What if I hurt her or worse kill her?
All this time I haven't changed into the beast that sits deep within me like the depths of a daunting lake. I'm going to have to pay the same for my deeds as the man who drives this van. But the only difference is that he has free will to change. Me, I am left with no security or knowing when I will lose it all. I have lost my faith facing this discouragement and under this burden.
What is actually left of me? Here I sit, wanted by the government for killing a FBI agent and after what happened in the Central African Republic the target on my back is possibly even larger than I think. I should get in contact with Tyrone.
He established himself after the incident in the chopper, surviving the crash. He also found refuge in one of the nearby local camps. I didn't know that man could demonstrate such forgiveness and mercy. I had tried to kill my brother and still he found me years later to receive answers about his own questions and fulfill his own level of interpretation of the beings and creations of this life. He is like family, a honest man and I am sure I speak for everyone who has known him when I say, he served his country well. As long as he remains as a confidant , I am sure I would never completely lose myself.
Get it together, I need to get it together. Concentration on discovering the truth seems to be the only thing that keeps me composed and intact. Focus. Focus. I must lay low for a few days and then return back to finding out where the leopard jacketed vampire is. Nina surely went to him after this, she must have; but at this point, with all that just taken place she would be in the wind by now.
That leaves John and Alexis. He had just come from the bar when I spotted the attack and was a part of the VIP…..
"Sir, Sir, where do I go from here?" - The man must of felt tired and terrorfied while driving me around.
" Let me out here. Thank you."- I said, handing him a wad of cash.