The next morning. I went to Uche's house alone while Nick was still locking the doors, taking the new shirt with me. Thankfully, his dad left earlier.
"Julie, when I said you owed me a new shirt, I was joking." That was the first thing he said when I gave it to him.
"I know...I just thought I'd get you something." I bit my lips, worried he was rejecting my gift. He must have felt like this when I pulled him aside to question him after he got me the bracelet.
And just like he could read my mind, he asked, "Is this because of the bracelet?"
"No. I was thinking of it before you got me the bracelet." I shrugged in an attempt to be casual about him not wanting the shirt. Maybe he didn't like navy blue, maybe I should have just gotten a black shirt."Just give me, I'll throw it out..." I took the shirt from him, but he grabbed it back like a kid taking back their candy from whoever took it.
"Throw it out? I didn't say I didn't want it." He took off the shirt he was planning to wear to school and wore the new one."Fits." He said to himself in front of the mirror while taking a picture in front of the mirror.
I found myself smiling, but then I was caught smiling sheepishly in the back by his camera after.
"Stop," I giggled after realizing I was caught unaware.
"It's good though, should I post it?" He asked while picking up his bag. He left his phone in my hands so I could see if the video was really good.
I replayed it twice and the only things I could notice were how thin my legs were for my big body, and how thin my neck was.
"Don't post it," I gave him back his phone after we left his place and Nick joined us.
"But it..."
"Why do you smell like my sister?" Nick's voice interrupted him when he was about to reply to me.
"Bro, give us a minute." Uche asked him before turning back to me in a lower voice."I don't understand, the video is good, why shouldn't I post it?"
"Because I don't want your friends to view it and laugh about it."
"Nobody's gonna laugh about nothing..."
"You don't know that." I cut him short, "And why are we talking about this? You asked me if the video was good, and I'm telling you it's not, so what's the problem?" I asked a walked backwards to create more distance between us and Nick. I didn't want him to listen to us.
"The problem is that you always do this, Julie. You always..." He paused, looked at me and sighed.
"What? Say it." I demanded but no other words left his lips. He just ran his fingers through his hair roughly."We're late, let's just go to school."
He wanted to walk up to Nick but I rushed in front of him, curiosity eating me up. There was something he had on his mind that he wasn't saying.
"Say it," I demanded again but he just stared at me."Uche..." He looked away and blinked when I called his name."Say it, I wanna hear it."
"What do you want me to say?"
"What you were gonna say just now..." I folded my arms in front of my tall boyfriend and he just looked down with no words again for some time, and then he went;
"You really wanna know?"
"Yeah." I shrugged, thinking I was ready, but what a mistake that was.
"You always say bad things about yourself. I hate it when you do that. I hate it when you call yourself fat, and get moody after making yourself believe that. I don't like how you always complain about April, and I even do my best to make sure you don't have a reason to do that, but you still..." He stopped to breathe and I felt warm liquid fill my eyes."...you still do it, and now I feel like you don't trust me or something."
"Okay," I just said with a shrug and tried to act cool about all he just said but I couldn't hold my tears. A tear slipped and rolled down my left cheek so I wiped it off immediately.
"I'm sorry," He wanted to come closer when he saw my tears but I didn't let him. I moved back.
"I'm fine. It's fine...I just...it's good you said your mind...at least, now I know I have a problem..."
"That's not what I meant..."
"I know, I just...," I stopped and sniffed. I heard Nick's footsteps as he approached me from behind.
"Julie, you okay?" He asked when he saw the tears in my eyes.
"Yeah," I answered and taught him to go back the way he came, but instead, he just gave Uche a questioning look."I'm fine, Nick." I thought I should emphasize when his eyes became threatening.
"What did you do? She was smiling when she went to your place earlier?" Nick thee a question at Uche.
"Nick! I'm fine." I had to tell him again.
"Well, you don't look fine." He was quick to say.
"What are we even doing? We're gonna get to school late." I wiped my cheeks dry and turned and started towards school.
Uche ran up to me, "Julie..." He held my hand.
"Let's talk about it later, okay? Maybe after school, we'll find time."
****
So there I saw in the middle of history and philosophy lessons, thinking about Uche's words. I couldn't even convince either him or Nick that I was really fine; I couldn't even convince myself the same.
I just sat in my seat wondering what Uche would have said if I had told him I thought the reason he didn't want to fuck me was because I wasn't attractive enough. Would he have tried to make a point about how I degraded myself in my head, or would he have told me it was anything like that with him?