Shit. Should I have said that? Why could she only look at me with a grin afterwards and why didn't she say anything. Did I do something wrong? Yes of course I did, I shouldn't have said it. What was wrong with me? I know what it was. She drove me crazy. Keith this, Keith that. I don't like him at all and I hate that he flirts with me. I was really amazed that she worried about me 'flirting' with him even though I didn't do that at all, but okay...
"2 points for the Hillside Hornets." I hear the commentator shout. I look up again. The match is a bit difficult. The points are close and the game is almost done. The one who doesn't really seem to be there is Charlie. She hits the balls badly and throws slightly crookedly. I don't know if that is because of me or because of her face, which I know hurts a lot.
Coach who sits next to me shouts across the field again, his words are mainly aimed at Charlie, who threw the ball crooked again, so Jake had to take an extra step and Keith could just burn out the player from the other school.
"Yes. Yes!" She calls back grumpily. And then what we were all afraid of happens. The opposing team hits a homerun.
Coach fiercely jumps up. "You are all waking up now and start doing your work!" He shouts. "Miller." I get up gay... straight away.
"Yes, coach."
"I want you to replace Jake and strike last." Coach turns back to the field. "Time-out." Jake drops his arm and I watch our team walk towards us.
"Sorry Coach," some of them mumble, and I watch Keith and Charlie bicker as usual. Charlie rolls her eyes and shakes her head. Yet she curls her mouth up in pain for a moment, so it is her face after all.
"What was that?" He yells at Charlie. "Get your head out of your ass, Davis?"
Charlie puts her hands on her back and stares at Coach. "Sorry coach, I'm not quite there today."
"Do you think?" he laughs sarcastically. "I don't know what you got, but I want you to get yourself together, understand?" Charlie nods.
"Got it, coach." She nods to him.
He turns his attention to Jake, who is already shrinking slightly. "Jake Wright!" He roars. "You switch with Miller." I see how Jake breathes out in relief.
"Okay coach." Jake pats my shoulder.
"And Miller." I swallow when he fixes his withering gaze on me. "Don't let them hit anything."
Okay, I'm not nervous at all right now. I really don't need to lead my team to victory or anything. While everyone is running back onto the field, I quickly get ready. The other team was already amazed to see Charlie on the field and they will be even more surprised at my arrival.
"Relax." I hear someone say behind me. I recognize that voice out of thousands. Charlie. I slowly turn to face her. "You know as well as I do that you are much better than a lot of morons that stand on that field."
I let my gaze fall for a moment. "I don't want to disappoint anyone." When she stays quiet I close my eyes for a moment.
My breath catches when I feel her index finger under my chin and she lifts my face. "That won't happen, just throw the damn ball." She puts my cap on and stares into my eyes again. "They will underestimate you, take advantage of that."
"I needed that, thanks."
She takes my breath away again when she smiles, I would prefer to lean in on her, but I hold back. What am I doing? Her blue eyes soften when she looks at me again. "Let them eat shit, as Jake would say." I shake my head with a smile and walk with her onto the field.
"Charlie Davis, keep your head together." Our coach calls after us. I see her roll her eyes.
Is it because of me? Did I say that out loud? Shit.
"What?" Charlie looks at me questioningly. Yep, I said that out loud.
"It's what I said that makes you hit so badly."
"First, ouch, that's very offensive for a captain." She grins when she looks at me again. "Second, I have a headache that almost causes my head to explode and third..." She glances around to see if people are close to us. "Why should I mind that you're gay, I'm gay myself, so no, it's not because of you." Her eyes are softer again, so I nod.
"Jay," she says when she sees my doubts. "Get it out of your mind, it's not important." She turns me over to the opponent's batter and squeezes my shoulders to loosen me up. "Just think of that jerk in front of you and throw the best pitches you have and I know there are a few." When she lets go of me and squeezes my arm again, some self-confidence flows through me again. I forget her for a moment and can only think about baseball.
I hear the ref call and see the time start to run down. I stare into the eyes of the batter in front of me, who grins smugly. That mistake makes me even more confident.
"Throw the ball, girl," I hear him say.
I turn my feet into the ground beneath me, get a grip. Turn the ball in my hand a few times and then stare up with a pair of eyes that only say determination. The boy swallows. Asshole.
The ball flies towards him and then when he wants to hit the ball swerves in and misses the batter. Nerd. Strike 1. He swings his bat a few times and returns to the striking zone.
Screwball. The ball is a flop, shit. It took a lot of strength and I threw it wide, only to see the batter putting his bat forward. I look questioningly at the Umpire and the plate Umpire. The plate umpire seems to have doubts and walks over to the Umpire to discuss. Andrew walks up to me and Keith nods at me that the batter indeed moved his bat. I hope the ref also sees it that way. Oh yeah, the Umpire is the referee.
"You got this one, he wanted to strike and moved his bat too much." I look at Andrew.
"Just wait for the empire, I don't want to assume anything, I've done it before and it was still called a wide." Andrew shrugs.
"Then they are fucking shitty empires." I nudged him with a chuckle. He shouldn't say that so loudly.
"Count." I hear the Umpire say. Strike 2. I grin and Andrew pats my shoulder to run back to his place. The batter shakes his head angrily, getting ready with confidence. Time for my Knuckleball.
I pull my leg up, arm back and throw as hard as I can. This ball is good, he misses. He's out!
------
3 outs, thanks to these misses and two catches from two other hitters. The time is running out and we still have a lot of points to make up for.
"Nolan first, Walker second, Miller last." Coach Lewis shouts. I hear the rest of our team grumble. Charlie sits down next to me in the dugout, she sees that something is bothering me.
"My shoulder," I say quickly, grasping the hand she almost put on my shoulder. "I'm okay."
"Are you sure?" For the first time she seems concerned, but that disappears almost faster than it came. "An injury is not convenient now." I nod and look at Nolan, who hits his second hit and starts to run. He gets to second base just in time.
"I can still strike." I swing my arm back and forth a few times, ignoring the sting I feel. I wanted it all too badly.
And then her hand is on my leg and I immediately stop waving, I can't breathe anymore. "Jay."
My eyes find hers. "I can do this."
Her hand falls off my leg and she shakes her head. "Fine."
"Damn it!" Scolds coach Lewis when Walker's ball is caught and he's out. "Your turn, Miller." In his eyes I see that I have to hit as hard as I can, only Nolan has to run in with Andrew and then we have won with 1 point more. Don't panic, I can do this. I signal to Andrew and Nolan not to try to steal bases. They nod to me.
"Go get them, rookie." I try to ignore Charlie's stare and slowly make my way to the striking zone.
"Yes. You are going to screw this up, Miller, mark my words." I growl at Taylor and rest the bat confidently on my shoulder.
"Time." The pitcher throws, the ball is mean and sails barely over the base.
"Count." I see the pitcher grinning smugly. I take a deep breath, close my eyes for a moment, and loosen my shoulders. Try to ignore the pain in my right shoulder.
The ball comes towards me again, due to an error in my calculation I strike, miss and the catcher catches the ball. "I knew you couldn't do anything," he whispers in my direction. Oh boy.
I squeeze the handle of the bat harder and let everything come towards me. Focus! Mute the sounds, it's just me and the pitcher. I stare at him, see how he holds his hands, that he is just going to throw a fastball and that's where he makes a mistake. What he doesn't know is that I always hit a fastball.
He throws, hard, very hard. But I don't hesitate for seconds and hit the ball perfectly. Thonk. The bat hits the ground and I'm gone.
The audience is quiet, very quiet. You don't hear anything, I only hear my heartbeat and my feet getting up and off the ground. Then I hear everyone cheering very loudly. People from my own team jump out of the dugout and scream in joy. I see Nolan and Andrew are in, so I speed up. I didn't pay attention to the Umpire, I just saw my ball fly hard, high and far away. When I sprint to home base, I see the Umpire making a counter-clockwise circle above his head, so I slow my pace. A grin breaks over my face. Homerun.
When my foot hits home. My teammates run towards me and I get lifted. 21 - 19.
"Put me down!" I laugh when Keith and Andrew just lift me higher.
"Indeed guys, put her down," coach Lewis grins. Who really grins for the first time this evening. I am put on the floor and take the coach's hand. "Welcome to the base, Miller, well done." I can't help but smile. My eyes move to Charlie, she smiles too. She's holding her fist out to me, but we're not doing that today. Before she can respond to it, I put my arms around her. She seems to be in shock.
"I .. uhh."
"Just hug me back, Charlie," I laugh. After a lot of convincing, she puts her arms around me. I close my eyes, this is the safest I've felt in ages. I almost feel disappointed when we are pulled apart and I am dragged into a group hug.
"Jay, Jay, Jay, Jay!" The boys cheer who keep jumping up and down. Even though I smile, my eyes keep sliding to Charlie. She rubs her neck and walks back to the dugout. She seems confused.
"Drinks are mine tonight," Keith exclaims.
"Now you have to come, Jay," Jake roars. Oh yeah shit. The party.
------
Yes. I'm fucked. I'm dying so hard inside. I know I'm going to be home late too, which brings an angry dad, that's just what I need and I know I'm going to face a lot of problems here and that's not really something I'm looking forward to or anything.
Jake puts his arm around my shoulders and grins at me. "No stress, this evening is going to be great, star player."
I roll my eyes. "Do not make me laugh."
"You hit a home run, didn't you." He imitates the Umpire and draws a circle in the air.
"The other way around, dork," I say, turning counterclockwise.
"Whatever, you know what I mean." I smile and push his head away. Idiot.
Another arm is put around me, Andrew smiles at us. "Don't listen to Jake, all he does is drink."
"Dude." Andrew grins when Jake hits him. "That's so not true."
"Mm-hm," Andrew answers with a smirk.
"Guys," I squeak. "I'm suffocating." I quickly squeeze out of their embrace and run forward a bit. I didn't look at who walked in front of me, but now that I do look, I can't help but let a small smile break over my face.
Charlie glances over her shoulder before looking back at me. "I would stay away from them." There is also a small smile on her lips. "They will probably get involved in a beer pong tournament again."
"Ah the beer pong tournaments, what a surprise."
Charlie grins. "That's a loss for sure."
"Jake," we laugh in unison. Mmm, it's getting easier to make her laugh and harder to stay away from her. I'm trying to fight it, I just can't trust her enough, but it's tough. It feels so good and safe, all I want is to move closer to her, but that will only hurt me more, I know that. I have given up being nothing, I have now settled on friendship, nothing more, nothing less.
"Radler?" I hear Jake ask, shaking me. We are all at once in a house, a big house. There are at least 40 people in this living room and it makes me a bit uncomfortable.
"Yeah." I manage to squeeze out.
Jake winks and disappears in the crowd.
"What are we going to start with?" Andrew rubs his hands and then puts his arm around Keith's neck. Keith's eyes glide over my body once more and it makes me feel very uncomfortable.
"Drinking game?" Suggests Keith with a grin.
Charlie shakes her head at her brother. "Isn't fun, Jay doesn't drink." I nod in agreement. Thank you Charlie, dodged another awkward game.
"Not for this one time?" Begs Keith with a pout.
"Stop whining," hisses Charlie, I have to suppress my grin. "How about playing pool? The table is empty." I follow her eyes and find the table. I can hear the boys moan. "Jay?" I'm staring into her blue eyes again.
"Sure, why not."
"Anything more to add, Keith?" Charlie looks at him quizzically, he just raises his hands.
"No boss, lead the way?"
Charlie rolls her eyes and approaches the table. She pushes a boy to the side who wants to grab the stick, he angrily turns to offend her, but when he sees her he quickly runs away. Okay...
"Teams?" Andrew asks, giving his stick a bit more grip and then looks at us.
Keith wants to open his mouth but Charlie is ahead of him.
"Guys against girls, you get Jake." Charlie grabs the stick from Keith's hands and holds it towards me.
"Sounds like a plan," Andrew says, ending the discussion, most votes count.
"Jay repels," Jake grins, placing the drinks on the table.
"Are you drinking lemonade now?" Keith looks at Charlie in surprise.
She rolls her eyes again. "Do you want this headache?"
"I'd say numb it with alcohol." Jake gets punched by her.
"And having a huge hangover the next day, which makes the headache worse, no thanks." She shakes her head.
"The idea was great, buddy." Andrew pats Jake's shoulder.
"You start," mumbles Charlie, who has almost emptied her glass within 3 long gulps.
"I repel!" Jake grabs the stick and already stands behind the triangle to strike.
Keith is already squeezing the bridge of his nose and Andrew is looking elsewhere.
"Why are they doing that?" I whisper to Charlie.
She grins. "Because Jake always misses or hits the black ball."
"Sounds like Jake."
"Exactly." We grin. I laugh when Jake strikes and he only moves two balls, the white ball and the striped yellow ball.
"Hey what a shame, we are." Charlie looks at me. "Well, let them know how we do it." Okay, I have no idea how to do this, but I will try... I try to ignore the grinning Andrew when I get into a position that I think is right.
"Andrew. Do you want to stop laughing?" I ask, I try my best not to burst out laughing too. And then I hear Jake and I can't help it anymore. I put my head on my arms and let out a laugh.
"How do you want to hit a ball like that?" I poke Andrew with the stick and shake my head, laughing. Even Charlie is smirking.
"Okay, maybe I made the wrong choice with the teams," she teases.
"Do I have to explain how to do it?" Keith looks at me quizzically, he just stopped laughing and looks like he's about to start again.
"Ey, what are you doing?" Exclaims Jake who punches him.
"We do not help the other team," Charlie adds with a grin.
"Bro's before ho's." Andrew chuckles when I poke him again.
I shake my head at him. "Not funny."
"Come here." Without saying anything else. Charlie is already turning my body into position. She's right behind me, against me.
The smile disappears from my face and my breath lingers in my throat. Oh god, she's really close. "You keep your fingers like that." She puts my fingers on the table and leaves the stick between my middle and ring fingers. God, I'm trying to pay attention to what she's teaching me now, but I'm getting distracted. Bit through everything. Her hair falling over my shoulder, her perfume, her face close to mine. But most importantly how her body pressed against mine.
"Look at the concentration on Jay's face." I almost laugh at Jake.
Charlie looks up for a moment. "Jake shut the hell up." He salutes her.
"Sorry, ma'am."
Charlie rolls her eyes again and takes my other hand. "You keep your second hand about here, with this hand you determine how hard you thrust" The boys burst out laughing like three little children, making me and Charlie roll our eyes.
"Toddlers."
"For real." She started letting go of me, to let me thrust, but I didn't pay any attention, yes only to her, but not to what she explained.
"I still don't know what to do." Charlie smiles and gets back behind me again. "It's not very difficult." Her hands fall over mine, making her whisper the last part. "You aim... and you shoot..." I can feel her heartbeat. It's pounding very hard, just like how hard her chest rises and falls. I turn my head far enough to face her. I get blinded in her eyes, everything around us goes slower and slower, until everything stops. Just a little bit and then my lips are on hers. It is already starting to itch in my stomach and I shiver. God, kiss me! Just kiss me. It's all I think and I keep repeating it. Her lips are so close.
"Thrust really hard!" A crash against the table pulls us out of our trans. Jake has fallen onto the floor and Andrew is leaning on the table with Keith on top of him. God.
Charlie clears her throat and stares at the pool balls. "You pull the stick back and hit it forward." With a smooth movement she punches, two balls roll into a hole. Both are fully colored. "We are whole." She clears her throat again and steps back. She takes the stick and thrust again.
"It's your turn, 3-year-olds," I say when Charlie hits a ball.
"Wait one second." Andrew pulls Jake and Keith off the ground. I looked sideways at Charlie, she was already looking at me too. I only look away when someone takes the stick out of my hands and I am forced to laugh at a joke. I can only think about her lips, her lips and her eyes.