"Death?"
I widened my eyes looking at her.
She explained to me the same thing that Josh said to me and I had to shut my mouth. seems even after paying that amount, thru still want to erase me from this earth.
So a surrogate?
Yeah, a surrogate, that is what I am going to be. That is what my destiny looks like, I am still wondering if it will get any better. Will I manage to get through all that shit after bearing a baby for her? I have never imagined getting a baby but I have imagined getting married. What will Josh think about it? Will he agree with this? I don't want to disappoint him when my belly starts to grow and then he finds out that I am pregnant. He will think the baby is his and I don't want his drama with Kendra.
"What about Josh?" I ask trying to adjust the apron that now felt so little on my body. I looked around but seems we were only the two of us. She searched around and then started walking all around the place, clicking her jeels to the floor and tapping her finger on the wall.
"What about him? Haven't you guys had sex before?" she asks.
I wanted to say something but I quickly close my mouth before it starts to spill some stupid things to her. She will think that I am stupid and just as they predicted with her mother. She raises her brows and looks at me.
"Several times, that still doesn't explain what he will say or how will I tell him."
"Yeah, because you are stupid just tell him you were raped and were ashamed to talk about it!"
Is she serious now? Does rape sound like a normal thing to her? I was raped just a month ago and she wants me to say that I was raped? I don't even want to think about that.
"Stop scoffing, unless you are thinking otherwise about this then you will have to be shot in the street by Xander's men for killing our baby!"
I quickly nodded while my head bowed down because I was afraid of everything. Moving from shelter to shelter was also to protect me from The 'White's' family.
I had to agree to everything, say 'yes' and everything goes away, I will be protected by my sister, and I will have a safe place now. I don't know if this should be on the list of complaint sets that I say to dad when I get to visit him on Thursday or should just let it be.
"Good, now, walk, I want to take you back to your stupid boyfriend then I will say you are sorry for running away from him today and you will never do that."
My mind was racing back and forth with a lot of questions to answer. I wanted to think but I couldn't. I wanted to talk but turns out I had to speak all alone.
"You are starting the preparation tomorrow, you will go throw the IVF so, don't think you will have sex with my husband!" said Kendra with anger dancing on every single word that she uttered.
As much as I have been dreaming of having sex with her husband, of late he is not in my mind, all that I thinking about is how I can get myself from the mess that I have created.
She went ahead to rumble how I will be paid in an installment to make sure that I get everything. The down payment was five hundred thousand dollars. That was enticing and I loved it all. I couldn't wait to get that amount. Though I still held my doubts as I thought of how I am going to have to walk through that pain and all the stress.
The hood was quiet seems like there was no one being slammed tonight. Checking Big Mouth's house, the lights were off, but as soon as the gate opened the lights were on and someone was standing at the window. A cry came out of Whisper's house and I knew that maybe, his husband is back drunk and shouted at the kids or even snatched their food because his wife didn't leave him any.
"Maybe the money will be good to get Josh and you out of this place," Kendra says as she tries to avoid the potholes and the dirty water on the ground. My hands are trembling as we stand at Josh's door. Nothing has changed in this place, they are still the same things. I want to knock on the floor but Kendra beats me at that. The door is opened as soon as Kendra's pretty hand has finished kicking on it.
I lower my head. I don't want to face Josh at this time after running away from him. Opening the door, I see some pretty legs standing on the door. Wow, I was replaced in a month, that's funny, what was I expecting? My heart didn't even crush, I just laughed at myself when I thought that Josh loved me. I looked up, the lady threw her hair to the other side and her long neck was visible with love bites all over the place. Her wavy hair was pretty on her head and she had pretty dark eyes. I envied her, the way she had dreamy eyes, and an amazing smile, unlike my goofy and shy smile. Deep down I knew, that will never be me, all that smiley, all that happy.
"How may I help you?" she asked looking at Kendra before looking at me.
"Who are you?" Kendra asked while popping her head into the house. As for me, my head just couldn't be lifted to look at her. It was on the low. I knew my place and it was not with Josh, maybe I should get that clear and just focus on the dream.
"What do you mean, who am I? I live here!" Kendra was not in the mood to start shooting at her. She pushed her aside and she stumbled falling on the dirty water with her hair soaking in it.
I wanted to feel sorry for her but I smiled knowing that she deserved it. Kendra pulled me inside the house and threw me on the sit. Looks like I might as well be thrown around like the new girl who has been given a hair treatment for the night.
"Josh, Josh, where the fuck are you?" Kendra shouted while looking around the house. She moved to the bedroom while leaving me in the seat. The petite lady was back with her head all wet and dripping on the floor. Please tell me that she is going to dry the floor because I am not.
"Why did you do this? Why did you push me over? Do you know how much it cost me to make my hair?" She shouted looking at me as if I was the one who pushed her into the water.
I didn't know what to tell her but luckily Kendra walked back with Josh following her.
"Bitch, what are you doing? Why don't you wipe your hair out before you come in?" shouted Kendra. This is how she treats people. How I wish everyone could see this side of her. We have that side that we don't want people to see. Tomorrow she will be on Instagram shouting about how she is happy and humble.
"Babe, why are you looking at her speak to me like that?" shouted the new girl. Wow, just a month and they already call each other babe? I have been with him for two years and that rarely came out. Josh looked at her and then at me. I was not interested in him so I looked down waiting for Kendra to speak before I know what is ahead of me.
Kendra looked at Josh waiting for him to say something but Josh was mute. He was there, looking around but nothing was being said.
"So, you are not going to tell her that you were chasing your ex down the street because you missed her?" asked Kendra while laughing.
Miss me? That is ridiculous. I didn't even miss him. I was okay until Kendra showed up with her stupid idea that I will still have to agree to if I don't want my head delivered on a plate.
"I don't know, maybe they should fight and we will see who can be my girlfriend."
What's up with Josh? Why would I even fight to show that I love him? I might as well walk and go to the shelter instead of waiting here to be kind or something. I can't fight for a man. I would rather have myself die single.
I stand from the chair and decided to walk out but some man stop me from heading out. "Where do you think you are heading to?" I turn around to look at Kendra who had her hands on her waist while the petite girl is still quiet looks like she is in shock that Josh wants us to fight.
"I can't fight, I think I will be staying in the shelter home," I said and looked at the man standing in my way but my strides were stopped by a cold metal on the back of my head.
"You sure you are going to the shelter because that is not what we agreed on, Vanessa!" My body trembled as the gun was pointed at my back head. My hands quickly went up my head and my tears found their way down my cheeks. As much as I want to get out of this place, I don't want to face the gun. I don't want to die right now!
The man held me and turned around to face Kendra, the Petite girl looked around and wanted to rush to the window but the gun was shot at her head and she fell on the window with blood spattering all around. I closed my eyes, Josh just looked at the scene without fear.
"Seems like I am staying with my ex and another round of smelling beaches and blood!"