They said the only thing you can be proud of when everything has been taken away from you is your integrity and your worth. I believed that but what happened when they steal everything plus robbed you of the only integrity that you had left in your life? I am laying in this bed, bare on the bed, my legs are shaking and I don't know why but you might know the reason. They have taken everything from me, the little integrity that was left in me is all gone. There is nothing I can be proud of. I can't be proud that I have my virginity to hold on to because it was just taken some minutes ago.
My hands are still tied on this headboard, they are now sore and almost numb, I can't even say how that feels. My legs are shaking and they can't even move. The person responsible for all this is not anywhere near this place. He shut the door some minutes ago and said that I save myself of out.
Where is my salvation? They say, when you get dipped inside a pool of water then you are saved, but that's a lie, I was dipped in a pool of water when young because mum believes in that, trust me, there is no salvation! There is nothing that is going to save me. Maybe this is how it is written in my destiny. Ha, do I even have a destiny? So someone just wrote that I will ll have to be tied like this on a bed and have everything taken away from me? That is the stupid destiny?
I want to see my dad, as much as he can't say anything, I will be okay being in his presence. I can't tell him that I have gone through this, even if I tell him there is nothing that he can do, he will just sit in his chair and be sad the whole time. I want to see him happy despite the state he is in.
I struggle to free myself but it's hopeless, the belt is tightly tied to my hands, and I don't have any option but to force my hands out of this. This is the price that you pay when you attempt murder? Maybe, but I think this is the price that I paid after he gave out half of his savings to the family so that they don't kill me.
My hands are painful but I can feel them slide past the belt, I hope it's going g to work. My left hand comes out first and I rest as I wait to remove the left hand. There is no way I am going to survive if I run out of this place. So I will have to stay, I will have to face the situation and let everything be.
Trying to turn around, I feel the sharp pain that is walking up my thighs, the pain of being laid on, the pain of someone pumping himself in and out of me without a reason. I have no choice but to accept it all. I take a quick shower, hoping to calm everything down, I can't go to the police station, my stepmother has the police all folded in her picket. One day when I was young, I tried to report her for denying me food, the police called her, and she came and slapped the yell out of me. Nowadays, there is nobody I trust would help me. I thought Josh would, but after today, I don't think he is going to help me.
Done with my shower the house was quiet, all the neighbors were all asleep, and there was no voice or sound from any place. I looked at me the bed where the last thing I had was robbed from me and I hated it, I didn't want to sleep in that place. I don't think I can sleep here and be okay with it I will think of how every time Josh will be heaving on top of me with sweat dripping on my face and his hair tickling my face making me feel so disgusting. I can't sleep here tonight, I can't stay here, maybe I should use the sofa and let everything be.
I gather an extra pillow and head for the sofa, that is the only place where I can be comfortable. The only place where I can sleep comfortably without having any thoughts about it.
Waking up the following day, Josh was still not around the place. Maybe I should look for a job to sustain myself. As much as houses are so expensive and there is nothing that I can do about it. I know one day I might get to a place where I am happy.
I walk through the city, the moving vehicles which wouldn't stop hooting and people shouting at each other. I don't have any skills with me. Maybe I will just look for a palace where I can work and get a free meal. Going into a fast food restaurant, I walk inside but the waiter thinks that I was there for a meal.
"Uuh, sorry, I was asking if there is any job?" I ask a bit nervous but that is what I wanted. The lady smiled at me but I know that smile won't last.
"Ooh, darling, sorry we don't have any right now, but you can leave the details so that we call you to incase a space opens up." I quickly write my name and the lady places the small piece of paper inside her pocket. There is no hope there, she can as well throw it when am m gone and she sure did, the minute I stepped out, she looked a the paper and chewed it.
Moving along, the chilly winter was eating up my body, I adjusted my scarf on my neck and my Marvin was also neatly placed on my head to prevent my ears from getting cold. I had to walk straight as possible to avoid limping.
I walked for almost an hour that's when I stood in front of a diner, it was big but there was a sign written that they wanted a dishwasher. I looked at my fingers, 'are you sure you can wash the plates and cups? It's going to be a hard job,' I said to them. I hoped they could just tell me anything, maybe someone to talk to instead of talking alone.
After staring at them for twenty minutes, I walked inside the dinner and an old man was standing at the counter. I slowly walked up to him. Though I didn't know whether he was the owner. Every time I went to a diner or a fast food restaurant, the boss is always on the counter, unless it's a chain business, that's when the boss is not on the counter.
"Hello, I saw a poster that you were looking for a dishwasher," I started. Where are my manners? I didn't even say my name. The man looked at me, I didn't feel comfortable when someone is staring at me like that. Will he know that I am suffering that much? Or he will see that deep down I am in pain?
"Name?" he said while extending his hands below the counter to pick something.
"Vanessa," I said quickly and he opened the book directing it to my place, and asked me to fill in the details. After finishing up, I looked at his face. He had almost no black hair, all the hair was fading to white. His arms were still strong though.
"Come," he said in an Italian accent. I used to fear Italians but right now, I don't need to fear them, I need to wash the utensils and scrub pots if that is what is required.
Walking into the adjacent room, I realized that it was a kitchen, the kitchen was busy and people were moving up and down. No one was talking, just the best place that I needed.
"You will wash the utensils, from morning till three, you better not break my plates because the last person broke a dozen of them and had to pay them!" he said to me.
I looked at the plates that were being talked about, there was a lady busy in the sink washing them. I didn't know how I was going to start a conversation with her but I didn't need to because the man asked her to help me around. Fitting an apron on my waist and yellow boots to keep my feet dry, I started my duty. My hair was tied and a cap was forced on it to prevent hair from falling onto the plates. The lady didn't talk much too, she told me what I should do, the plates tend to pile up from seven to ten and from twelve to two. She reminded me to be fast and try to clean things as quickly as possible, "don't make the boss come in here for you."
The last part was more of a warning than a statement. I nodded but deep down I prayed that maybe my luck can work here. I wanted to ask if I can get a day off but I didn't I hope they give me at least a day off so that I can see my father in the hospital.
Done with the explanation, the lady took me through the plates since we didn't have active customers. She helped me and when she was done, she wished me luck and I was left all alone. The plates kept me busy, the clicking of the plates and spoon was my song and that was a sweet chorus in my head than the stupid voice of Josh's on top of my body and the granting that he gave. Time flew by, and for the first time, I realized that I could forget about my situation. By the time it was three I was done, done, and dusted. I didn't know what to do. Luckily another man walked in and replaced me. I hung my apron on the hanger and walked to the exit but I walked back to ask for my pay, the boss looked at me and looked at his books. He asked me to sign on the book, I don't why I was never asked if will come back but he didn't say anything. He fished out $50 and placed them on the counter. I raised my brows and looked at him. I don't know anything about being employed apart from my sister. I have just worked for about five hours and there is my money which could have cost me one whole month to work as a social media manager. I grabbed the cash and said thank you before rushing out. I had to jump into a cyber to check how much a dishwasher gets and I realized that I have been scammed my whole life. Some got up to twenty dollars per hour. This being a big city, I needed to look for a way to get more than just $ 50 in a day. Maybe I can be rich and have my place. Wait, who am I kidding? I might end up losing everything. I just worked from ten, who knows how it feels to work from seven?
I walked back home, but along the way, I saw a shelter for the homeless and was tempted to go in there. I didn't want to face Josh, I didn't want to face his wrath again. One leg was moving towards the homeless shelter and the other leg wanted me to read home.
"Fuck it!"