Chapter 32 - Elias 31

TW// PTSD, trauma, panic attack

Elias stared at the hole in the wall, frozen. The silence felt heavy, and he was aware of every beat of his heart. The little breeze from the outside of the prison felt like her touch against his skin, gentle and cold. The wind like her fingers going through his hair. The scars on his back began to ache, a feeling as if a blade was slicing through his skin again and again. Feeling like he was back in that room, tied up, scared and vulnerable.

He could hear her whispering in his ear. Elias' body started to shake, unable to control his beating heart and uneven breathing.

She's gone.

She's gone and I'm not safe.

I'm not safe…

Rea turned around, but Elias couldn't seem to look at her. His vision started to blur, and he felt like he was going to pass out on the ground in a second.

"Elias?" Rea's voice broke.

"I n-need some time."

He ran to the hallway on his left before anyone could say anything. His knees were weak, and it took every single bit of his energy to get away from them. They can't see me like that. They can't see me vulnerable. Elias stopped and leaned against the wall not far away from others. He couldn't move anymore. He knew their eyes were on him. His back ached more, every scar so defined, so open, blood spilling down his back. Cold hands on him, touching him, hurting him.

"Elias?"

Tivon held his hand and Elias couldn't help but to flinch away. He didn't want to. He didn't want to back away from Tivon, but he couldn't help himself.

Tivon didn't release him. He was shaking too. "Elias, it's going to be okay." He said quietly.

Okay? How could I possibly ever be okay?

"Breathe with me. You're going to be okay."

"N-no." Elias took a shaky breath. "O-okay? Tivon, h-how could I ever be okay? She's gone Tivon. She's out there." His voice was breaking. "Nobody is safe from her. They are not safe from her." Elias finally met Tivon's eyes. "I'm not safe."

Cornelis had come closer, but Tivon gestured her to not approach.

"We won't let her hurt you. We won't let her hurt anyone. We still have enough time to find her before the word spreads around. She won't hurt them."

Elias shook his head. "You don't understand Tivon. She does more than just h-hurt you." He closed his eyes, trying not the envision everything Luana has done to him. "It's not just the blade and scars. It's more than her t-touches. You don't understand Tivon, you never could."

Tivon shook his head. "Elias, I understand."

"How?" Elias sounded so desperate. "How could you possibly understand?"

Tivon stopped for a second, contemplating something. "No Elias, you don't understand. It's getting worse with every day." Tivon paused and looked away.

What are you talking about Tivon? What is getting worse?

"I see them everywhere." He said quietly after some time. "B-back at Parahill, I saw your parents." Tivon closed his eyes and shook his head. "Elias I see dead people. Not just people I don't know or have never seen, but t-them. I saw t-them at Rhiamon."

Cornelis was still approaching them, but at the mention of Rhiamon she stopped.

"I saw Adrien." His voice was breaking. He looked back up at Elias. "Elias I saw Pit and Alieana." Both Elias and Cornelis flinched at that. "I s-saw them, but not just that. I could feel them." Tivon lowered his voice till it was barely a whisper. "They felt so real."

Cornelis grabbed Tivon's shoulders. "Tivon, why didn't you tell me?!"

"I-I… They are dead, you wouldn't believe me."

Elias shoved Cornelis away from him. "Cornelis don't."

Cornelis hastily turned to Elias and hissed. "He could've told me he saw the dead."

"It's not the easiest thing to tell someone that. And it was Alieana and Pit."

Only then, when he spoke their names out loud, had he realized it. Tivon saw and felt them. Them. Suddenly he regretted shouting at Tivon. Elias realized now that Tivon indeed did understand him. Alieana and Pit had done similar things Luana and Pit did to Elias. It was not exactly the same, but it was still terrible. Elias looked at Tivon, worried.

"It's okay Elias." Tivon said quickly. "It's okay. Don't bother with me, we need to-"

Elias opened his mouth as Ivan approached and spoke. "We need to move and find Luana and the pirates who attacked us."

"Ivan." Said Rea. "Not now."

"No, he's right." Elias looked at Ivan, trying to steady his voice. "I'll go after Luana. We can't afford for her to get to her pleasure houses. We need to find her before she does anything."

Cornelis stepped forward. "Your curse hasn't ended yet."

"Nothing happened when I was under the other curse why should this time be different!"

"Because you killed them!" She hissed.

Tivon looked up. "How do you know that? Nobody told you yet."

"Who cares?!" Elias ignored Tivon. "I don't care about this stupid curse! Luana is out there, and she is dangerous- "

Cornelis suddenly grabbed Elias' wrist and twisted it so he could see his tattoo. "The sea doesn't forget."

Elias furiously stared down at her eyes. It was her fault. This curse would never exist if Sabur hadn't met her. None of this would happen if Sabur wouldn't fall in love with her. Everything leading to this point happened because of her.

Tivon stepped in. "I'll go with Elias."

"No." Cornelis' eyes were still fixed on Elias. "I've been looking for you this whole time because I'm running out of time Tivon. I need you."

"Need me for what? Why are you running out of time?"

"Don't forget that you're cursed too. And if you didn't realize it by now, I was trying to find my sisters, other witches to help you get rid of this curse." Rasped Cornelis.

"How can you be so sure, this curse could be broken, and Elias' can't?"

"Because the voices told me so. You were chosen."

"Then why didn't you choose someone else?!" Yelled Tivon.

Cornelis' face turned stone cold. "Y kyk ponr quononxy ona, ruy yonygyx kyk."

Tivon closed his mouth. Whatever she had said to him, it must've been something serious. Something only Tivon could understand. Elias knew Cornelis was right. She had been searching for him this whole time. He needed to go with her.

"Cornelis is right." They turned to Elias. "You need to go with her." He turned to Rea, who was just standing there listening to them, her face pale. "Rea needs to stay here. I'll go alone after Luana."

"Elias, you can't possibly go alone after her." Ivan stepped in. "She's on that ship and if all the stories of it are true, you are not going to make it out alive."

"They are just stories, and I am the Captain of The Rose Sparrow, I can deal with some pirates."

Abruptly, Tivon grabbed Elias by the wrist and pulled him away from everyone. He stopped and turned towards him. "Please don't go. I can't do this again. We still don't know what caused you to forget us." He looked at him with concerned eyes. "What if it happens again? I c-can't lose you again. Please, not again."

Looking down at him, Elias wanted nothing more to run away with Tivon. Away from these problems, away from their traumas and curses. Away from the pain. All Elias wanted to do was hold Tivon close and leave. But he needed to put an end to this. Elias needed to find Luana and stop her, because only then he would be free.

He couldn't take Tivon with him. Elias would never forgive himself if he would fall into Luana's hands. It pained him to admit it to himself, but Tivon was safer in Cornelis' hands.

Elias lightly brushed Tivon's cheek. "I won't let myself forget you. I can't forget you. Not again." He pressed his forehead against his. "I would sooner forget how to breathe than forget you."

Elias saw a brief smile cross Tivon's face when he looked up. "And the curse? If you ignore it you'll die."

"Luana is probably going to her houses. When I find her, I can save the boys when I'm there." He held Tivon's hand, brushed his ring, and said quietly. "Then I'll come back to you, and we'll go somewhere far away."

Tivon smiled, reached up and brushed his lips against his. "Promise?"

"I promise." Elias gently kissed him and then leaned back. "Be careful."

"You too." Said Tivon. "And if something goes wrong, anything, please send out a message, tell Dorea, call us." He lowered his voice. "Don't let her hurt you."

"I will. The same goes for you. If anything happens, I'll come."

Elias turned to Ivan. "Don't send your troops after her. It's possible that they're preparing a trap for you. I'll go alone with my ship and if I'll need aid, I'll send out a message." He turned to Rea, who was still pale faced and quiet. "Make sure that the guests are safe and that they can safely leave the kingdom."

Rea slowly nodded. Elias then turned to Cornelis. "Be careful going to the forest. The pirates who attacked us fled there. And make sure nothing happens to Tivon."

At last, he turned to Tivon. "I'll come back. I promise."

Tivon smiled back as Elias turned towards the hole and looked out at the sea, the ship with blue sails barely visible on the horizon. He took a breath, trying to push the memories of Luana away and exited the prison through the hole.

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Cornelis' language

"Y kyk ponr quononxy ona, ruy yonygyx kyk." "I didn't choose you, the voices did."