Hope was slipping through her fingers. Her future was slipping away. Why is that when things seem to get better and she actually thought she'll be able to make it, things just get horribly astray?
Rea stood by the window of her bedroom and watched the ships leave her harbour. The sun was just about to rise up, the rays touching the surface of the still sea. Rea tried to hold in her tears. Why does everything I do go wrong?
The banquet was her only chance to prove herself to be worthy of the throne. And now everyone, all the Dukes and the Duchess, all the Kings and the Queens, found her unworthy and unfit for a Queen. Rea was relieved that nobody got seriously hurt, because they would probably banish her from the kingdom if that happened. She could feel the anger and resentment towards her as everyone was leaving.
And what was Neirin doing there? Back at the island Rea silently hoped that it wouldn't be the last time seeing her, but seeing her at the ball, seeing Neirin attack them, she still couldn't believe it. Neirin had said she knew barley nothing about the kingdom or about Rea. Why attack then?
Rea buried her face in her hands. How could I let Luana escape? She gave a word to Elias, she would never let that woman be free and now Elias went after her, despite knowing how dangerous she is. She could never forget seeing him after he gave himself up to Luana. His pain, the shivers of his body, the fear. She had to see it all again last night. He was terrified, yet he still chose to go after her. If fates decided he would die by her blade, Rea would never forgive herself.
How could she let this happen? How could she ever live on like that? Rea held her breath, trying not to free the tears, she had been holding in for hours, but she still let go. She could never be a Queen.
A knock on the door disturbed her. Rea quickly wiped away the tears with her long sleeved violet dress. She turned towards the door.
"Come in?" Ivan entered the room and closed the door behind. "I thought it was Margey."
Ivan shook his head. She sat down on the window still and looked back through the window. Ivan approached her and sat opposite her.
"Did everyone leave?" Rea asked faintly.
"Everyone had set sail."
"Good."
They sat there in silence. Rea opened her mouth to speak, but Ivan spoke first. "It was my fault." Rea looked at him, but he did not meet her eyes. "I reduced the guards at the prison to secure the castle. I was also supposed to patrol the whole castle the whole time." He went through his hair with his hand and sighed. "I didn't think everything through and with you gone…"
"Ivan."
"If anyone's to blame, it is me."
Rea placed a hand on his leg. "Ivan, it was not your fault."
He finally met her eyes. Rea could see in his tired eyes, dark circles gathered underneath them, that he had stood up the whole night blaming himself. It was only then when Rea realized how hard it must've been for Ivan, when she was missing. Ivan did everything he could.
"If it's anyone's fault is mine. I should've been more careful." She looked down at her hand resting on Ivan. "I was reckless and stupid."
"But I sent you out on the sea?" Said Ivan.
"Yes," she smiled. "And that was a marvellous idea of yours." She cupped his hand with both hands. "I just should've been more careful and stick to the deadline."
"You never were good with deadlines."
"Indeed, I never was." Laughed Rea. Her look suddenly turned serious as she looked down. "What should I do Ivan?" Rea asked quietly. She looked up, hoping Ivan would have a solution. He always had on. Please, Ivan. I need help.
Ivan looked down, thinking, but Rea knew that look of his. He had nothing. Despite being in this kingdom for his whole life, being a General, being someone Urien trusted, Ivan still didn't have enough experience.
"I don't know."
Rea looked back through the window at the rising sun, hoping Ivan wouldn't notice the tears running down her cheek.
"They were right." She paused for a moment. "I could never be a Queen."
"It's not true Rea. Don't listen to them. Even if they don't think you are fit to be a Queen, you can still be one. You don't need to prove yourself to them. The title could already be yours."
"If it were just for the title I wouldn't care." She meet his eyes again, not caring to hide her tears. "I'm doing this for the people, Ivan. I am saving this kingdom for them. Because if Naydawin falls, the people will lose everything. They may come to Lucine, but if Naydawin falls, Lucine is next. And those people," Rea pointed out the window to the village. "They won't be safe anymore. I don't want to see my people suffer."
She paused, her lip shaking. Rea leaned her head in Ivan's hands. "I don't know how to save them." Rea sobbed. "I don't know where to go from here."
Ivan wrapped his arms around her and held her closer. "We'll figure something out."
"What, Ivan? What can we possibly do next?" She cried.
"I don't know yet, but we will. I would sooner die, than let you do this alone."
"But I'm running out of time."
"I know, I know." He hugged her closer, stroking her back. "You need to calm down first and then we'll figure something out."
Rea breathed in and out. She wasn't prepared for this. She was too young for this, too inexperienced. She could never figure it out on her own. Rea needed her parents. She needed her mother.
Rea sat up straight and looked at Ivan. "I need to see my mother. She'll know what to do." Ivan opened his mouth to oppose her. "Even if that means she'll want me to marry." Rea looked away and spoke in a whisper. "Even if it means marrying Ikram."
"Rea you can't- "
"If that is the only way I can save my people, so be it." She stood up and walked towards her closet. She stopped when her hands touched the handle. "If you don't mind, can you prepare the carriage."
Ivan hesitated. He wanted to say something. Rea wanted him to say something, but then he just nodded. "I will."
He stood up and left the room. As soon as the door closed Rea dropped to the floor. Marriage. Was that the only thing she was meant for? To marry a man and live under his shadow? Was that really the only thing she was good for? She looked back to the history of the Queen's and all she could see was that all of them had no power despite their title. All of those women lived under the King's shadows. They did all the ruling, Queens were only there to… Make an alliance and produce an heir.
If it meant saving her people, she would do it.
Rea stood up, wiped away her tears and opened her wardrobe to pack her things for her visit to the Kingdom of Lucine.
Ivan was waiting for her by the carriage. He helped Rea enter it and then joined her as the carriage took off. He stayed silent for most of the ride, his eyes darting to Rea now and then. Rea's eyes were fixed on the scenery outside the vehicle. Ivan was either trying to make sure if she's okay or start a conversation with her.
"You know you can talk to me."
Rea must've startled him. "Yeah, I know." He paused and sighed. "I just hope your mother will have other solutions, not just… you know."
"Yeah, me too."
Ivan had been the only one despite her mother to know what happened in Stocham and the whole thing with Ikram. She had told him, one night when she woke him up with her screaming from a nightmare. She told him everything.
Rea looked back through the window of the carriage. If she would believe in Saints and Gods, she would pray to them but deep down she knew that even Saints and Gods wouldn't be able to help her or changed the future for her, even if they were real. Her future was written by fate and if her fate was to marry a King or a Duch, then she wouldn't withstand it.
Rea never imagined being with a King or a Duch. Or even a man. She never wanted that but knowing from a young age that she will have to marry Tivon, she repressed any other thought. Deep down Rea just wanted to make her parents proud and happy, even if it meant not following the path to the future she wanted.
But would marrying Tivon even work? Urien never wanted for Tivon to become a King. As soon as he would marry Rea, Urien would make him King of Lucine.
Urien…
He knew how to rule, despite that his ruling was horrible. His bloodline and the Kings before him made Naydawin the kingdom it is today. He knew how to do these things.
And he defiantly knew how to fix things.
"Urien." Said Rea quietly.
"What?"
"What about Urien, Tivon's father." She looked at Ivan. Rea hated what she was about to say. "Maybe he knows how to help."
"Rea, asking your parents for help is something, but asking Urien? He's in exile and he's a madman. He definitely won't be able to help you."
"But what if he does? We can at least try." Ivan opened his mouth to say something. "Please."
Ivan closed his mouth, thinking. Finally, he sighed. "Okay." He turned towards the coachman. "Change the direction towards the Dympna"
"Dympna? But that is a town with that asylum for people who had lost their minds." Asked Rea.
Ivan slowly nodded. "I've told you, he's a madman."