The water was boiling hot, and I sat there with my stoic face, while the scorching sun baked me into a golden sun kissed skin.
The next day; after being tormented by my own retarded thoughts throughout the night; it turns out that the test is just simple; that I only need to rest.
Yet, I made everything complicated, getting all work up, and now I can never be the same again. How infuriating.
On the other hand, Camilla then started training me in how to unseal the only remaining sealed attribute, which is fire.
But no matter how much I stayed basking under the glaring rays of the heating sun; I couldn't feel any warmth thus I feel unable to find or sense the fire attribute. To the deepest depths of my glacial soul; I felt no warmth; only a bitter cold penetrating in every inch of my flesh and bones; stinging like frostbites; painfully numbing my heart.
And no matter what I felt; no reaction was seen on my face; just plain deadpan and blankness. Unfeeling and indifferent. Beneath the calm surface are nothing but insecurities; guilt and shame; self-doubt and unease; endless worries and regrets.
Like I'm hiding a nasty hideous scars; it's unpleasant.
"This wouldn't work; there seems to be something wrong with you Lady Moonlight," said Camilla, staring at me with a little apprehension. "Just what did you discover within yourself that you change so much in a night's rest?"
I glance at Camilla, sitting beside me in bubbling boiling hot water. Her eyes seem oblivious to what ripples and storms happened within me last night.
"What is troubling you, Lady Moonlight?" Camilla asked, clueless.
"My reflection in the water," I mumbled, staring at the chest-level transparent water, reflecting my face. "I was made aware and grounded."
An anxious sight escaped her mouth, floating to my ears. Camilla then stood up, staring at me like how a teacher would to a student. But those warm empathetic eyes failed to cause any ripples to the calm surface water in my heart.
"It seems that the issue lies too deep, then no matter how much you train under me; you can no longer achieve the same feat we did the last time. After all, you must first handle those concerns in your heart, and maybe by then, Lady Moonlight can finally unseal the last attributes," Camilla stated.
"What should I do then?" I questioned in a blank tone and no emotion; but by the question alone; I made it possible for Camilla to discern the emptiness and loss I feel in my heart. "I am tormented, Camilla."
"By what?" Camilla asked, full of tolerance and worry.
"By my past, at the present, and to my future," I answered slowly, confiding my thoughts, because I don't know how else I could make Camilla understand me if I can't show it on my face.
"I have made a grave mistake to a lot of people and to myself," I added. "What should I do?"
Camilla smiled warmly as she made me stand up, and I did. "Child, you already know it in your heart; you should seek the answer yourself; look for it and find it; perhaps you might discover another side of you," she said.
"I see, you're right," I replied with a blank face. After all, I need to make things right again, so I need to go back to Nilad City first.
Afterwards, we went back to the city. King Hayam Wuruk agreed to let me go, so I could find the solution to my current predicament.
"Safe journey, Lady Moonlight!" The dark elves warmly escorted me and Bakunawa to the port.
I felt bad. I couldn't smile at them to make them feel appreciated. I could only nod my head with a stoic face and blankly said my appreciation.
They seemed to not mind as they continued to warmly bid me farewell. I felt lucky at that part.
"Hooman," Ynez called; her brows were pulled up together, then she went to hug me.
Sadly, I remain the same unfeeling person on the surface, but I made sure to hug Ynez back with my chilling body.
"Take care of yourself out there hooman; stop being stupid again, alright?" Ynez mumbled.
I nodded with my expressionless face. "I'll try."
"You must find a cure for yourself! And don't give up no matter what, do you understand?" Ynez said again; her voice sounded anxious.
But my face remains the same. "I will try."
"I'll see you again in Pariah Sanctuary; you must come visit us, hooman," Ynez said, hugging me again.
Gently, I pat Ynez on her head. "Don't worry, I'll come visit everyone in Pariah Sanctuary. I made a promise to Capriana after all," I stated in a neutral tone, waving goodbye as I went on top of Bakunawa's head, waiting near the shore.
"Take care!"
"Come visit us again!"
"We will hold a party for you and await your return!"
"Keep safe!"
I waved vigorously at everyone as Bakunawa moved, gliding to the sea. All the while, my face remains the same empty and deadpan.
Bakunawa then accompanied me again, sailing to the Paloma sea, going to the Nilad City of the Maharlika Island.
Ynez was left in the Majapahit Empire; Bakunawa will come back for Ynez after she sends me safely to Nilad City.
As Bakunawa and I sailed to the sea; I studied the books that Bakunawa gave to me. The first book is about the Six Elements; Light, Dark, Earth, Water, Fire, and Wind. The second one is the book that Bakunawa promised to find in the ruins somewhere in Nusantara Island; it's about the 8 steps of mastering the mind.
Bakunawa said that these two books will help strengthen my foundation, so I decided to study both.
According to the first book, the six elements are essential to life. With one missing element, the equilibrium will become uneven and unbalanced, causing chaos that might turn to destruction.
Each element is superior and inferior to their counterparts. Water to Fire; Fire to Earth; Earth to Wind; Wind to Water. Then Light to Dark, and vice versa, because without light, there is only dark. And with light being there, dark will be overshadowed.
However, it was stated that Dark is actually as powerful as Light; they are weak and strong against each other. But because Dark is too mysterious; it was only vaguely stated that Dark can be as powerful as light.
As for how?
It was not included.
More importantly, with one missing element; the cosmos would cease to exist. That's why it was important that the elements are in perfect balance. Otherwise, the world will turn upside down and end in destruction.
That's not everything in the first book; there's more, but I decided to study bit by bit, so I move to the second book.
According to the second book, there are 8 steps to achieve in controlling our thoughts.
It was stated that most often than not; our thoughts guide our actions and decisions in life whether it was intentional or not. In other words, whether I nurture poisonous or powerful thoughts; it will one way or another develop in that path, because my thoughts subconsciously or unintentionally led me to it.
In my original world, this is basically called the law of attraction. Where positive thoughts bring positive results, while negative thoughts bring negative outcomes.
Like what Bruce Lee said; 'as you think, so shall you become.' Based on my experience so far, this is true in every sense.
In the book, it was mentioned how important it is to control our own mind and become the master of our own thoughts. It is said that the mind is always exposed to both positive and negative situations.
Oddly, through life experience, I always seem to gather both positive and negative ideas, because of everything that happened.
Anyway, the idea is to train the mind to filter out malicious thoughts and work my way towards constructive thinking.
After a day and a night of sailing about in the sea; Bakunawa and I finally arrived somewhere on the shore of Maharlika Island. She wanted to send me directly to the city, but I refused since it would only be pretty dangerous for Bakunawa to stay here. More importantly, Ynez is still alone in the Majapahit Empire, so Bakunawa must go back there as soon as possible.
At that; Bakunawa and I are finally going our separate ways from here. It's a little sad that I can't show any emotions in my face right now; I can't show Bakunawa how grateful I was with her.
[I hope that you find the cure to your stoic face, mortal.] Bakunawa stated, hugging me.
I nodded. "I hope for that as well. Good luck out there, my friend. Return back safely with Ynez, alright?"
[So long, mortal. Till we see each other again, my good human friend.] Bakunawa grinned, waving at me, then she dived back to the sea, turning into a gigantic serpent again.
Those large eyes stared at me, and I waved back, feeling lonely as Bakunawa turned and left. The sad thing about my situation is I couldn't express any emotions.
I feel sad, but my heart feels calm; it's always still, making me unable to show or display my feelings.
The wind passes by, fluttering my long hair in the air and my black royal suit in my tall and lean figure. I'm growing taller day by day; building muscles step by step.
"So much has changed…" I uttered softly through the gust of the wind. "...in me."
With one final glance at the crawling water on the white sand from the salty sea; I turned around and went into the forest, running with the skill Monkey Dance, going in the direction of Nilad City.
It isn't that far since I was dropped by the bay near the port town in the City of Nilad.
A while after, I soon arrived at that familiar marketplace, where everything started.
'I'm back.'
Fixing the cloak over my head, making sure that my face is hidden, I strolled the busy market and found that nothing seemed to have changed ever since I left this place.
All kinds of shady people are still bustling the corners of the alleyway; shameless vendors and merchants bartering at each other, bargaining on the price, and whether to wrangle or negotiate.
It was still the same; the only difference is that I fail to view things in a practical way, leaving me vulnerable with all kinds of questionable people.
At that time, I believed that everyone had goodness in their hearts, even if they may seem evil in every sense of their appearance; I believe in the goodness of the hearts of people; human or not.
Well, that was then, but now I don't.
Don't get me wrong.
I'm not thinking badly about them either. From what I understood, every single one of us have all kinds of intentions, reasons, and inkling. There is no need to view them whether they are good or bad.
Such things…don't exist.
We're all just individuals with different backgrounds, beliefs, and goals. Sometimes, those things will clash against the others and would result in conflict.
That's what I learned. There is no evil; just plain goals that are against some norms or the standards. Or perhaps the law.
That's all about it.
Nothing else.
I walk on the slippery mud. Steady and unhurried. Leaving footprints of the sole of my leather boots; unsinking but sticking. The strong scent of the unhygienic smell of people; mixed with fishy scent and rotten smell of vegetables. The pungent smell is indeed very familiar, which if I recall this area should be called as Baho Street.
As I pass by the small racks and stalls; vendors with a sick smile and contorted faces approach me, but I don't have time to entertain them. Soon, they move to their next target; always trying to pull in customers.
Strolling a bit more; the area soon changed into a more decent street marketplace; the surface is stoned but bumpy; the smell is more appetising as the grilling meats and all sorts of street foods reach my nose. There were skewer stalls, and other sorts of food stalls. This area is called Copper Street, because foods can be bought cheaply at copper coins.
Going a bit more deep into the public market; the scenery soon changed into cafes, bars, restaurants, and other sorts of small-time businesses. And the scent in the air is more clean and fragrant; the surface floor is much smoother. This is Kernel Street; this is the most ordinary area in this city, but something beneath appears shady to me. After all, the Dregs Arena is just located somewhere here.
But that is none of my business, so I went further until I reached the most high-end area in the City of Nilad. This is where the rich folks live; the most expensive part of the city, the Gilded Street.
After walking a little more, my footsteps finally came to a stop.