Standing in front of a tall spacious golden gate, I stared blankly at the golden sign board that says Cassidy Mansion.
In all honesty, I'm not the least bit excited to see anyone here again. Not even Alexandra. Or those two weird Saint and Saint-Warrior. Nor that gladiator woman Amana, who became my slave, and especially that silver haired man named Jabez.
But what can I do?
I must set things right. Otherwise, I won't be able to live in peace.
So troublesome, ain't it?
Well, I don't have much choice. It's my fault for taking things too far. And for being ignorant of, mostly, everything.
"Do you have business with us here?" One of the watchmen guarding the entrance came to me and asked.
I raised my hand, lifting the hood on my head, displaying my deadpan face. The soldier only stared back at me blankly. It looks like this one doesn't recognize me.
"Good morning, soldier. I'm here for General Amana Cassidy," I stated with no emotions.
The soldier squinted his eyes suspiciously. "Name and business?"
"Nasrin Urduja, the business is confidential," I replied simply.
The man widened his eyes upon hearing my name. Hurriedly, they opened the gate for me then they escorted me to the mansion. Afterwards, I was told to wait in the lounge area, so I sat on the golden colour-like couch. The maids served me plenty of cookies and tea.
I wonder if this was all arranged by that gladiator woman.
It didn't take that long as I heard hurried footsteps from the stairs, and two figures appeared, approaching me in a haste.
"Boss!"
"Lass!"
They called me simultaneously. The gladiator woman had a grim and troubled expression, while Alexandra appeared excited to see me.
I stood up, greeting them. "It has been a while, how are the two of you doing?"
"It was boring without you, where have you been?" Alexandra asked back with anticipation. "You seem so different?"
"Am I now?" I replied with a blank face. "Well, I've been to all sorts of places that you wouldn't believe."
"Oh, come on, I have time to listen," Alexandra said in a loud pitch voice, sounding like a child that met her parents for the first time. "Let's talk more."
"Mm, maybe next time," I said, turning to the silent woman, standing beside Alexandra. "Amana, bring me to Jabez."
Amana lowered her head to her waist. "As you wish, boss."
"Lead the way," I mumbled with a deadpan face.
After that, Alexandra followed with a dejected stature and disappointed face. Her shoulders were slumped, and her brows were pulled up together as she walked beside me. "Are you still upset?"
I glanced at Alexandra briefly, before staring ahead again as I followed Amana down to the lower stairs. "Not really."
"Lass…" Alexandra called. "I'm sorry about Pula. I have also been thinking about it. And I realised that I should have helped you at that time. But I just…I wanted you to learn and grow, can you not understand my point?"
"Professor, there is no point," I replied, sounding indifferent with no emotion. "It's all in the past now."
Alexandra let out a regretful sigh. "I knew you were still mad."
I didn't respond. Because I'm not really mad anymore, but maybe just disappointed.
"Why are you like this?" Alexandra questioned again, frustrated.
"Like what?" I asked back.
"Like you don't care," said Alexandra.
"Because I don't," I stated.
"Why?" Alexandra said, grabbing my shoulder, making me halt to a stop. "Why are you so indifferent? It was just one mistake."
"I know," I replied. I understand that, which is why I could only blame myself for everything that happened.
"Then why can't you forgive me and give me a second chance to make up for it?" Alexandra cried, not literally, but every word spat frustration.
I stared blankly at Alexandra. I didn't understand her before, and I still don't understand her now.
"But there is nothing to forgive, right?" I replied.
"I knew it, you're still upset," Alexandra said, sounding so sure. "Just look at your face. You don't even show a single emotion at me anymore. At least be mad about it."
It seems like I'm being misunderstood. Alexandra seems to not understand me either.
"You're mistaken. I don't need to forgive anyone, because it was my fault for being weak and ignorant. So what happened has nothing to do with you. I don't blame you for it," I explained in a summary. "You no longer need to think about it, Professor. Just let it go, because I'm not really mad. Just disappointed I guess."
My voice sounded calm but held all the truth in my heart. After all, no matter what I do; the only way I could make people understand me is to be blunt and straightforward about it.
Yet, my words seem to only make Alexandra more frustrated. Sighing, Alexandra then turned around and left.
As much as I want to comfort Alexandra, I need to prioritise another matter. At that, Amana and I continued to go down to the basement.
Like an echo of a deafening silence, resounding to the cold brick stone walls; our boots made clicking sounds of footsteps as we went down the stairs. My long black cloak extending down just right above my knees, swayed lightly as my body moved, walking at a steady pace.
Meanwhile, the gladiator woman is still the same. Wearing the same golden armour that seems light and not heavy to carry. Sword on the side of her hips. All of her armour is still the same as when I left her here.
Then in my mind, I wonder about Jabez.
"How did you handle Jabez while I'm away?" I questioned, almost sounding like a whisper. I was just curious, and perhaps, I'm bored with Bakunawa and Ynez no longer around me.
Yet, this simple passing question made Amana swallow hard as her back straightened stiffly. Am I that scary?
"So?" I urged Amana to answer, glancing at her.
Another gulp echoed to my ears as her brows pulled up together; her eyes stared at me full of anxiety.
"Aren't you going to answer?" I stated, staring at Amana blankly.
"Tortured to death, almost, but we made sure that he stays alive just like what you ordered before you left," Amana replied hurriedly, not forgetting to gulp again in a nervous manner.
I nodded as I retracted my eyes, staring forward down the stairs. "I see."
After that brief conversation, I decided to close my mouth and stay silent. As much as I wanted to discuss with Amana about her slavery contract; now is not the right time. And it would only make her feel tense around me.
Since Alexandra walked out, and as soon as Amana and I were left alone, I felt the atmosphere or the mood between us become tense all of a sudden.
Even though a massive change happened to me; there are still a lot of things that remained the same. My intuition and senses are still sensitive. And if I'm being more honest, I think I became more sensitive with my surroundings.
I could sense the emotions, the mood, the atmosphere. My physical senses also became more sharp and keen. It was so easy for me to probe the current emotions of the people around me.
But that's all about it. I may feel their feelings, but I don't always understand why people feel what they feel. I just know what people feel, but I don't know why they feel that way. And I'm not interested in understanding them.
My reason is simple; it's none of my business. I suppose that is another thing that stayed the same; my indifference and simplicity.
While walking down the stairs. I heard Amana next to me swallow hard again, peeking glances at me as we strode down the stairs. I guess she was nervous and anxious to be around me. That can't be helped. After all, I went all psycho with them back then.
Well, I was mad and hurt for losing Pula.
I'm not upset anymore though, but that lingering bad thoughts is still in my head. They never seem to go away. Despite my constant efforts of meditation, my mind seems to always harbour malicious notions.
Like, destroying the world; killing and torturing people to death; making people suffer. So on and on.
Upon leaving the Majapahit Empire and now that I can no longer do the water cleansing technique; because there is no waterfall in the city of Nilad; the rotten thoughts seem to have frequented my mind more often.
Especially after learning some low-tier, middle-tier, to high-tier dark Skills during the voyage with Bakunawa. Like, controlling my shadow or other people's shadow; hiding inside the shadow; using black smokes to put anyone into an illusion, while poisoning and trapping them inside until they die.
There are endless possibilities on how to use the dark attribute. But I chose not to use them unless I finally decided to kill; human or not. As a self-defence of course.
Although I haven't killed anyone yet, Bakunawa gave me all sorts of books about dark attributes, which made me put theories after theories on how to use these skills. As a result, I have nothing but malicious ideas in my head. Why is it malicious?
Because it involves murder.
Still, by just using a bit of the dark attribute energy; my mind grew more chaotic.
If it wasn't because of my water attribute, I think I would have gone crazy long ago. At that, I decided to postpone on using my dark attribute, and instead, I trained with my water attribute more. After all, it is the only mana I have that could make me feel calm with my unspeakable ideas. Otherwise, this dark attribute would only end up devouring my mind, and I might really end up committing yet another sin.
Bakunawa advised me to control my violent urges by meditating and training. The unpleasant thoughts became minimal, but it was still there, lingering in my head; always and constant.
At this point, I might really become the super villain in this world just like what happened in the novel. Isn't that just ironic?
I hated immoral things and felt repulsive to them, and yet, I did them in one fell swoop. I said I didn't want to become like the original Nasrin, but yet here I am.
How hypocrite of me.
I confided these musings to Camilla before leaving, because she is an old priestess woman, and she didn't judge me when I confessed my past crimes to her. And Camilla said that it was because of my dark attribute, but is it really because of that?
In my opinion, the one responsible for those deeds is still me in the end. Blaming the dark attribute for those sins is just irresponsible. How do I put it?
I can't seem to explain it specifically or in detail, but the gist is that I'm partly at fault for letting those bad thoughts consume me.
Fortunately, the water attribute came and made me feel calm about my dark repulsive thoughts. But the consequence is that I seem to have developed a deadpan face. And I can't express my own emotions.
It has its pros and cons. People can't read my thoughts nor my emotions. But it made it easy for people to misunderstand me.
"We're here, boss."
Amana's voice snapped me out of the trance as we both stopped in front of that familiar door to the basement of this mansion. Two men stand on guard on both sides of the door. I remember their faces; Cranky-guy is Talon, and Serious-face is Paxton.
How nostalgic and hateful.
How could I forget that this is where Pula died. Of course, memories will come flooding back to my head as soon as I see this damn door. At one glance at that door, more vengeful thoughts came hanging around in the deepest parts of my subconsciousness.
Hold on, I'm not upset, alright?
Really. I'm not. It's already over and all in the past now. So, I'm not raging in madness!
Fine, maybe I am. I admit that I'm still not over it. Just a little. Perhaps, it's the reason why I have these lingering dark thoughts in my head.
It's nothing unusual anymore. But getting used to it isn't healthy for the mind, for the body, and for the soul.
Still, on the surface, my face remains stoic. It's at times like this I feel happy with my water attribute; it's there to make me stay calm and rational with the little bit of madness going on in my head.
"Open it," I said with no emotions. "Amana."
Amana nodded as she started to move, unlatching and creaking the door open.
With the door wide open, I walk slowly as I step inside the spacious basement room. In the middle of the room sat a man on a chair with his legs and hands tied with stone cuffs.
His face is all bruised up; clothes all tattered and stained with dried blood; his head hangs down, and eyes are closed.
"Wake him," I uttered faintly.