It was obvious who was better.
Anyone could tell as much by watching the movements of my ninja,
Found, and Nakamura's fox character, Foxy. Okay, I guess he wasn't terrible
for a normie. Word was he'd been winning tons of bets with Atafami—the
game we were playing—but now his real level was clear to see. I knew I'd
win as soon as the game started.
Still, I'm not one to cut corners when it comes to Atafami. It didn't matter
that Nakamura only had one stock left. My plan was to throw him off by
pretending to charge straight at him like a madman, and then "wavedash." I
figured that at his level, he probably didn't even know what wavedashing was
—an advanced technique accomplished by short hopping and then
immediately performing a directional air dodge diagonally into the ground to
slide a short distance. With proper execution, the full technique happens in
less than a second.
Nakamura fell for my feint and tried to hit me. I dodged by wavedashing
backward and then seized the opportunity to approach. In this game, throws
are the foundation of combos. It's all about how many combos you can pile
on after starting with a throw. My character Found is really good at this.
Found grabbed Nakamura's character. After that, the game was mine. One
after another I hit him with combos that looked easy but actually required
delicate maneuvering. It's not that there was no way to break out—he just
didn't know how. Naturally, it was over.
Nakamura was out of stocks.
"All righty, then."
Welp, I won. Not that there was any chance I would lose to an amateur in
Atafami, but I was surprised by how easy it had been. What came next was
the part I was worried about.
Each player starts with four stocks. You face off on a flat stage, no
gimmicks, with someone you've never played before.
Those were the rules. They were fair, and now Nakamura had zero stocks
left. Me? I had four. So yeah, I demolished him.
When I looked over at him, I could tell he wanted to say something. He
kept glancing back and forth from my face to the controller in my hand, and I
could make out the tiniest shade of an inferiority complex in his eyes. Kinda
surprising, actually. During a normal day at school, Nakamura would never
look at me with that weakness in his eyes. I hadn't expected this.
He was handsome, with dyed brown hair. You could tell at a glance he
was one of those people who's good at real life—top of the class, a strong
athlete, girls all over him, even good at video games. A smooth operator,
head and shoulders above everyone around him.
You have the ever-confident Nakamura, normie extraordinaire, looking at
me like a kicked puppy. At me—an extreme, in-your-face geek.
"…chose the wrong…" Nakamura was saying something.
"Huh?"
"I just chose the wrong character."
"…What?"
"I had a bad character. That's why I lost."
"Um, n-no, these two characters are in the same tier…"
"It's not that—it's about the matchup. It was just a bad match for yours,"
he tried to tell me matter-of-factly.
I was dumbfounded. That was just an excuse no matter how you slice it.
Then I realized what was going on. His stubborn refusal to accept defeat
gracefully was a sign of just how much he looked down on me. Losing to me
was so humiliating that this show was the only way he could hold onto his
pride. He didn't even bother to make his excuse a good one. My inferiority
was a given for him. This kind of injustice is commonplace when you're on
the bottom-tier of life.
Except for moments like this.
For those moments when I was sitting in front of Atafami, things were
different.
"A-actually, Foxy drops fast, so I'd have to say it's actually easier to do
combos with him."
"I guess. It's all about the matchups with this game."
I took a breath and looked Nakamura straight in the eyes. I was scared.
But…
"…That's just an excuse." I'm so used to people looking down on me, it
doesn't even bother me that much.
"Look, I'm totally right, but you're all happy 'cause you won this shitty
game. It's so dumb."
This, on the other hand, I'll never get used to. I can't stand it when
someone gets stomped and then pretends they weren't even trying.
"Yeah, I am happy, and you only think it's dumb 'cause you lost. You've
never experienced what it's like to win, so I wouldn't expect you to
understand. I'd get it if you won and then said it was dumb, but you lost, and
now you sound like a sore loser."
As far as I was concerned, we were on the battlefield of Atafami, and
words were my ammo.
"Huh? It's all about which characters are better against others. God, this
game sucks. Win or lose, it's shit."
"The matchup can't explain how much better I was. You lost because
you're a weak player. I'd win even if we traded characters."
"…Fine. Let's switch characters. I can promise I'm not gonna lose to you
again."
His eyes lit up with fighting spirit. Only people in the top tier of life have
that kind of baseless confidence. The courage—or should I say the stupidity
—to insist they'll never lose even in this situation. Bottom-tier characters like
me don't have that privilege. We don't have the strength to act like we're
right when we're wrong—the confidence to think, Of course it'll work out.
I'm me. We lack that animalistic power.
In fact, it's the opposite—even though I had just crushed him, I still felt
slightly uneasy for some reason.
But for that one moment, I wasn't bottom-tier.
"…Actually, this is gonna be annoying," I said.
"Come on. If you're that sure of yourself, play me again."
"It's not that. I just don't want to have to listen to your dumb excuses
again after I beat you."
"Huh?"
When I'm playing Atafami, I'm a beast. "Fine. But we have to trade
controllers, too. I don't want to listen to you tell me the buttons didn't work.
Oh, and we should probably trade seats, 'cause you'd probably say something
about the glare on the screen. Let's start with eight stocks, too. Long battles
are where your strength really shows, right? What else? How about we ban
combos your opponent can't get out of unless they know how? 'Cause that's
really about knowledge more than skill, right? That should make it a pure
competition of skill, reflexes, and decision-making ability. Did I forget
anything? …Oh, should we trade clothes?"
Ha-ha-ha. Welp, I sure told him. Man, was I ever going to regret this later.
"…Uh, no, we shouldn't. Don't be a dick, dude. Seriously."
That was a mean look he was giving me. When someone glares at me like
that, I can't help reacting like prey meeting an animal higher on the food
chain, and pretty soon I'm feeling so inferior I want to start apologizing.
Even though in this case, there was no question I was in the right. Those are
the rules of life.
Nakamura and I traded places, traded controllers, traded characters, each
got eight lives, did not trade clothes, and then we were a start-button press
away from the battle.
"If I win, you have to say it, Nakamura."
"I know that."
"I don't think you do."
"…No, I do. I'll say you're better."
"No, I mean—of course that, but there's something else you have to
acknowledge."
"What?"
He just didn't get it.
"Earlier you said Atafami was a shitty game, right?"
"Huh?"
I was actually more pissed about that than about the fact that he wouldn't
admit he lost.
"…You have to say that Atafami is god-tier."
Obviously, I eight-stocked him.
* * *
nanashi: gg
Koki: good game
The next day, I was playing online matches in Attack Families—which
everyone calls Atafami. Since players can chat online with one another, it's
considered polite to exchange a few words after the game. Of course, I had
just won.
My winrate was going up steadily. After the rankings were reset four
months earlier, I'd climbed to the number one spot in Japan in just a couple
weeks and stayed there without any real threat ever since. My gaming handle
is nanashi, which means no-name. I chose it because I was embarrassed to
give myself a name, and plus "no-name" sounded cool. No connection to my
real name, Fumiya Tomozaki.
Before the rates were reset, I'll admit, I dropped down the rankings a
couple of times, but I was still almost always in the top spot. It would
probably be accurate to say I don't have any real competition in Japan.
Atafami has more players than any other online PvP, thanks to its
unusually high quality. In fact, if I'm the top player in this game, I might as
well say I'm the best gamer in Japan. Maybe.
There's only one other Atafami player I pay attention to, partly because of
their handle: NO NAME. They've never actually stolen my place as number
one, but for the past couple of months they've been right there behind me at
number two. This whole time, as far as I know, no one's stolen their place,
either. In other words, nanashi and NO NAME have monopolized the top two
spots.
In part because our names are so close, a false but plausible rumor has
been going around the online gaming community that both accounts belong
to the same person.
As nanashi himself, let me assure you right now. Nanashi and NO NAME
are two completely different people.
Still, there is circumstantial evidence for the theory: the fact that NO
NAME only appeared in the Atafami world a few months ago; the fact that
they rocketed to second place at an impossible speed for someone so new;
and most of all, the fact that nanashi and NO NAME have never competed
head on. After all, we both use Found, and we seem to have similar playing
styles. NO NAME probably learned from watching videos of me in the game
archives.
nanashi: gg
Yukichi: gg. You're super good!
nanashi: Thanks. Bye.
Once again, I won and left the match. Sure, I still lose occasionally, but
these days even that has started to take on aspects of a fight against myself. I
never lose because of my opponent's skills—it's almost always because of a
mistake on my side. That's why even at number one, it's still worth putting in
effort. I can still say I have room to grow.
I had just been thinking that my next goal should be to reduce errors
during fights when I glanced at the name written in the NEXT OPPONENT box
and my breath caught in my throat.
NO NAME Rating: 2561
I could feel my pulse starting to pound my head.
For the first time in ages, I was looking forward to a good fight. I could
feel my grasp on the controller tightening.
The game started, and right away I was surprised. I had thought NO
NAME was copying my playstyle, but their opening moves showed me I was
completely wrong.
I charged at my enemy, already planning my combo. But NO NAME was
standing on alert, charging a projectile attack.
It was the one thing I felt could put me at a disadvantage in a mirror
match between two Founds.
What's more, it wasn't a coincidence. I didn't have any evidence, but the
thought occurred to me all the same.
For some reason, I could tell they'd studied me but weren't merely
copying my style. They'd gone as far as developing their own
counterstrategy.
Even more surprising was the unparalleled precision of NO NAME's
movements and their overwhelming ability to get out of combos. The tiniest
hesitation on my part and they were instantly free.
I still had the better neutral game, and I was better at pulling off flashy
combos, but honestly speaking, just in terms of escaping, they were already
beyond me.
I should admit I'm not very good at that. The reason being I'm too good
to get caught very often. It's one of my few weak points.
Basically, don't get comboed to start with, and you'll never need to break
out.
That's my approach for all of my moves. Which means the moment NO
NAME reaches my level in terms of neutral game and combo potential, I'll
lose because I'm not great at escaping.
And I'd be willing to bet NO NAME is already aiming for that goal.
How do I know? It's easy.
Given NO NAME's overall skill level, they're way too good at getting out
of combos.
Someone who's this good at the game wouldn't get pulled into combos
often enough to practice getting out of them. That's why most of the top
players—myself included—are great at offense and not so great at defense.
But this NO NAME…they've got way too much defensive experience for
the number two player in Japan. They must have made it their strength.
Which means NO NAME has had a lot of opportunities to get into
combos—to be specific, they've made a point of getting caught on a regular
basis for the sake of practice.
So NO NAME sacrificed the immediate gratification of winrates and the
thrill of playing well in exchange for eventual skill and long-term position.
They're prioritizing their ability months from now, even if it means being at a
disadvantage in whatever game they're currently playing, letting their winrate
drop, and watching their ranking and reputation suffer.
Some people might say they're deliberately dropping in the ranks to show
off against weaker players, but they'd be wrong. It's right and proper
training.
At the very least, I don't know of any other player who's traded instant
gratification for such clear and comprehensive results.
NO NAME. I thought I'd be the top player in Japan forever, but I can't be
quite so sure anymore. All I can say is this: If any Atafami player in Japan is
going to pass me up, it'll be this person.
Those were the thoughts running through my mind as we duked it out at
our current skill levels, and I won with two lives to spare.
nanashi: gg
It was time for the usual parting exchange. I was planning to cut out as
soon as my opponent offered the default reply…
NO NAME: Do you live in the Kanto area?
Huh? They're asking where I live? What are they up to?
nanashi: Yeah…?
NO NAME: Would you like to meet up?
nanashi: You mean irl?
NO NAME: Yes. If it's okay, I'd like to talk and have a rematch.
An invitation to meet offline. Probably one-on-one. Am I reading this
right?
What should I do? True, it's getting easier to meet face-to-face with
people from the Internet these days, and honestly, it's not that dangerous.
Given we're already connected by our status as the top two Atafami players,
meeting up could be interesting. So…
nanashi: Okay, let's do it.
NO NAME: Thank you! What's the closest train station to your house? I
was the one who initiated, so I'll come to you.
nanashi: Oh, okay, it's…
I gave the name of a station, and we made plans to meet. It wasn't actually
the closest one to my house, but the major terminal a stop over. I figured that
would be more convenient for them.
NO NAME: Got it! So I'll see you next Saturday at 2:00. Looking
forward to it!
And thus, right after our long-awaited match, NO NAME and I agreed to
meet offline like it was no big deal at all.
* * *
After playing Nakamura on Saturday and NO NAME on Sunday, Monday's
homeroom in second-year Class 2 was more ordinary than I'd expected. I'd
been prepared to find that my place in the pecking order had plunged even
further thanks to Nakamura, so I felt a little deflated, but mostly relieved.
Nakamura had a reputation as the best player back in junior high (and thus
probably in high school, too), and I was known for my unusual skills, but the
match between us hadn't exactly been earthshaking news. Still, word had
filtered through the class that it would be the most interesting thing to happen
for a couple of weeks. I figured the reason no one was mentioning it now
despite the buildup was that they guessed what had happened and were
treading lightly around the sore spot. Well, that was the most peaceful
outcome I could have hoped for.
My days as a loner passed as they always did. Nothing exciting happened,
but I wasn't particularly unhappy. As the saying goes, "If it ain't broke, don't
fix it." This was my life, and I was fine with it.
That was the general situation until a minor event occurred on Wednesday
afternoon.
I was walking down the hallway on my way to eat lunch by myself, as
always, when I ran into Nakamura. Under normal circumstances, we'd have
ignored each other, but this time something was different. Nakamura had a
girl with him: Aoi Hinami.
Aoi Hinami was the ideal Japanese girl—beautiful and talented, but a little
innocent, too. The inarguably perfect heroine, popular with guys and girls
alike. Of course, she was at the top of our class academically, but she was
also way better than any other girl at sprints and throwing and the rest of PE
activities. And not just girls—she was neck and neck with the top guys, too,
like some kind of game-breaking character. She wore pleasant, natural
makeup and had a friendly smile, and there was something about her that was
impossible to hate. I'm not sure whether to call her simple-minded or sincere
or just kind of a ditz, but that minor weakness crossed the final t on her
perfect-girl identity. Admittedly, her charm was a little sexy, too. It's beyond
me how she made it all work. I'm terrible at real life, and even I couldn't help
liking her. Or maybe I should say I was in awe of her.
I have no idea what she's doing at Sekitomo High School. This may be
one of the better private schools in Saitama Prefecture, but it's still Saitama,
and compared to the college prep schools in Tokyo, we're average at best.
Plus, we're out in the middle of a bunch of rice fields. Get a couple
kilometers from a train station in Saitama, and you'll generally find yourself
in the middle of nowhere.
I remember overhearing a conversation in class once, when I was sitting
behind two other kids. They weren't exactly cool or uncool, but they were
definitely cooler than me.
"So what do you think about Aoi-chan?" one of them had asked.
"You mean Aoi Hinami?" the other one said.
"Yeah."
"What do I think? I mean, she's awesome. Doesn't everyone think that?
She's a superstar."
"Yeah."
"She's, like, a prodigy. School, sports, looks…everything about her is
perfect. 'Genius' still feels like an understatement."
"True that. I know I could never beat her at anything. Neither could you."
"But she still gets along really well with everyone; that's the weird part.
If you asked me which girl I got along best with, I'd say Aoi Hinami."
"…Me too. I'm closer to her than any of the others."
"Right? It's strange. She doesn't get anything out of being friends with us,
but she doesn't pick and choose. She doesn't use people, I don't think."
"What is it, then? I guess we could call her a genius at life…"
"That's the perfect way of putting it. She's not a baseball genius or a
genius inventor or whatever—she's a genius at life. A goddess."
"I wish I could thank her parents for putting her in school here."
"Right? The only thing better about Saitama than Tokyo is that we've got
Aoi Hinami."
As I listened to their conversation, I thought, What's that say about me,
then? I can't even make friends with Aoi Hinami—I've never even talked to
her! Maybe I'm my own kind of genius.
I was also thinking they should stop talking about Tokyo all the time and
focus on beating Kanagawa first. Or maybe Chiba. We'd never lose to Chiba.
Anyway, Aoi Hinami was there in the hall with Nakamura. Of course, she
would have known that Nakamura and I were going to play each other, and
that knowledge was the gunpowder for our little explosion.
"Oh, Tomozaki-kun! I heard you played Shuji in Atafami! How was
that?"
"Um, uh, hi, Hinami-san, uh, it was grape."
I was a stuttering mess. I even said grape instead of great. I'm not going
to blame my status as a super-geek; I bet even a casual geek would have
stuttered with Aoi Hinami.
"Ha-ha-ha, 'grape'? What are you talking about?!"
She was obviously laughing at me, but weirdly enough, I didn't feel like I
was being made fun of. Maybe it was the innocence in her smile, or the
beautiful sound of her laugh, or maybe it was how gracefully she covered her
mouth with her hand. All I felt was happiness at having made Aoi Hinamisan laugh. What the heck was going on? Her smile was bewitched or
something.
"Ha-ha-ha, I enjoyed that! Oh yeah, I almost forgot to ask! Who won?"
Enjoyed it? She enjoyed it! Could there be anything more wonderful than
Aoi Hinami-san enjoying something I did?
She was like some kind of saint with the power to put these thoughts in
my head. What was this?
"Uh, um…"
"Yeah?"
But Nakamura was right there next to us. The sight of me had obviously
put him in a bad mood. I couldn't do much about it, though. I'd dug my own
grave with that overzealous speech after we played.
The problem was, I didn't know what would happen if I said I won when
he was already irritated, and especially when he standing next to the school
heroine. He probably wanted to impress her, and he probably wouldn't be too
happy if I stole even more of his thunder. Yup, this could get nasty.
Okay, I'll admit, part of me wanted to show off in front of the most
popular girl in school. I may be messed up, but I'm still human. On the other
hand, I knew it wouldn't lead to anything. In fact, people might be like, He's
too good, what a freak, LOL! Why? Because life is an unfair, shitty game.
And in that case, it would be better to just smooth things over and say I
lost. Then again, I might end up hurting Nakamura's pride… And that was
when I realized something.
Wait a second. Why was Aoi Hinami, the perfect superwoman, asking me
this question? Since she was friends with Nakamura, asking him would have
been more natural. Was she making conversation to put me at ease because
we'd never really talked before? No, someone as attuned to the social climate
as Aoi Hinami would have already figured out that Nakamura had lost from
the general atmosphere at school lately. Given that, bringing it up with me as
a topic of conversation would be an odd move. What was going on?
…I couldn't come up with anything. As I considered how to answer,
Nakamura suddenly spoke up.
"God, Aoi, just shut up. I lost, okay? Let's get going and forget about this
dweeb," he spat in the most irritated tone I'd ever heard.
The air between us froze. Uh-oh, now what?
"Wow! Really? Tomozaki-kun, that's amazing! Come on, Shuji, don't
you worry!"
She said "don't you worry" very affectionately, even a little teasingly. The
tension softened.
"…Aw, shut up!" he retorted, this time smiling with exasperation.
"But Shuji's good at everything! Wow, you must be super-good if you
beat him! That's amazing…"
"N-no, it wasn't a big deal…"
"I want to play you next!"
"I—I don't think that's a very good idea…"
"Yeah, maybe not. Sorry, just got carried away!" She giggled.
For some reason, she was really easy to talk to. I guess this is what people
mean when they talk about "communication skills." And Nakamura was
standing next to her with this tiny smile, like he was watching over a child,
even though she'd just made him admit he'd lost. It must have been the way
she teased him a little afterward that did it. If that was the case, she really was
amazing.
"Uh, well, I'm off to the cafeteria."
"Okay! See you later. Teach me some of your tricks next time!"
"Uh, yeah."
"…ing…" Nakamura was muttering something.
"What?"
"Nothing. Bye."
What just happened? "Uh, bye."
"Bye!"
I walked off toward the dining hall while Aoi Hinami's second "bye"
reached the back of my head.
…Whew. I survived. I let out a sigh of relief.
But now it was all starting to make sense. She must have known from the
start that even if she brought up that topic, she'd be able to get everyone
feeling okay, even excited, by the end of the conversation. A decision only a
normie could make. There was no way my brain could have predicted it.
All the same, I hadn't expected Nakamura to reveal that he'd lost.
Hopefully that won't make him hate me even more… With that thought on my
mind, I arrived at the dining hall.
That's how the little explosion in my everyday life was softened by the
formidable communication skills of Aoi Hanami before it shrank and faded
away. I normally can't stand the weird confidence and excessive enthusiasm
of normies, and I used to think it didn't serve any purpose. But I had to admit,
Aoi Hanami was incredible. My values had shifted a little, marking a small
milestone in my life.
The following Saturday, a much bigger event occurred.
"I'm here!"
"I'll be there in two minutes."
"Okay!"
The day of my meeting with NO NAME had arrived. I'd gotten a message
saying, "If you need to contact me, use this e-mail address!" so now we were
e-mailing. It seemed NO NAME was already waiting. I took the train one
stop and arrived as well.
"I'm here."
"Okay! I'm waiting outside the convenience store by the east exit."
"Got it. What are you wearing?"
I could see the convenience store right across from the east exit. There
was an ashtray outside with a couple of guys standing around it, smoking.
Which one is NO NAME?
My cell phone vibrated. I opened the message. Okay, then.
"I'm wearing a white and blue shirt and a black skirt!"
A girl. Well, I guess that's possible. I assumed it was a guy, but there's no
reason for it not to be a girl.
I walked over to the convenience store and looked around until I spotted a
girl in front of the vending machine. White and blue shirt, and a black skirt. It
was her.
From the back, I could see she had silky black shoulder-length hair and
skin so fair it was nearly transparent. I couldn't see her face, but she was
probably young. Even from behind, I could tell she was cute. Oh shit. Now
I'm nervous about saying hi. Hope my voice doesn't crack.
"Uh, 'scuse me, are you NO NAME?"
I managed to say it okay. The pure and innocent black-haired girl started
to turn toward me. What would she look—huh?
"Hi! Yes, I'm NO NAME…huh?"
"…Uh…? …Err…"
"Ehhhhhh?!"
Before I could even express my surprise, Aoi Hinami screamed.
Aoi Hinami?! What's going on?
"Um…Hinami…san?"
"Okay, give me a sec. I need to calm down… You're definitely
Tomozaki-kun, right? From my class?"
"Uh, um, yeah…"
This was no Aoi Hinami look-alike. It was the real deal. But what hit me
before the surprise was her strange behavior. She sounded totally different
from usual. Like, not at all cheerful. Cold. At the same time, though, it didn't
feel like an act.
"You're nanashi?" Her tone was kind of aggressive.
"Yeah, that's me…," I answered awkwardly.
"…!"
A sharp crease appeared between her eyebrows. Huh? The Aoi Hanami I
knew didn't scowl like that. She was more innocent, daintier…
"Well, this sucks…"
"Huh?"
"I don't want to believe this. I don't want to believe the real nanashi is a
loser who's going nowhere in life."
"H-Hinami-san?"
What did she just say? "A loser who's going nowhere in life"? She wasn't
the type to insult a guy right to his face, was she? What's going on? Does she
have a split personality? Or was I too much of a freak even for her?
"Wh-what's wrong? Hinami-san, you're not…yourself. The way you're
talking and stuff."
"!"
She leaned way back, looking extremely uncomfortable. Her face is very
expressive, so it was easy to read her mood. Normally, she uses that quality
to a much cuter effect, of course.
"Oh… I've got to stop forgetting myself when it comes to Atafami…"
"Huh?"
"But if that's all you saw, it's whatever."
"Whatever…?"
"You said I'm just talking and acting weird, right? If that's all you
noticed, then it's not a problem."
"Not a problem…?"
Um, yes it is. It's a huge problem. Who are you and what have you done
with Hinami-san?!
"…"
"…"
An unexpected silence descended over us. Well, this is awkward. But Aoi
Hinami just stood there with that intimidating frown on her face, making no
effort whatsoever to ease the tension.
"W-well anyway, so you're NO NAME. That's a surprise…I mean…"
I even stumbled over finding a couple of words to fill the silence. Well, at
least I'm consistent.
"Yup. I'm disappointed, too. I can't believe that nanashi, the one person I
respected, turned out to be garbage without the slightest spark of ambition.
You're the type who's willing to just give up and lose at life."
"…Huh?"
I was already busy beating myself up, and here comes the outside world to
give me another kick when I'm down. She was being really harsh. I mean,
"garbage"? She did say something about respect, but that was in the past
tense. I'd been preoccupied by how different she was from her school self,
but I couldn't let her diss me this badly without saying something.
"W-wait a second. Um, was all that…necessary?"
"I only said it 'cause it's true."
"Just because it's true…doesn't mean it's okay to say it."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"You don't even know me, and you're saying I d-don't have any ambition
and that I just let myself be a loser… What I'm trying to say is, you don't
have any right to lecture me. I think it's rude."
"Maybe you should stop talking with your mouth full before you start
telling people not to be rude, don't you think?"
"I don't have anything in my mouth!"
I opened my mouth wide and finally managed to talk without stuttering.
Aoi Hinami eyed me coldly.
"…Okay, I'll give you that. I guess I was rude. I owe you an apology. I'm
sorry. When it comes to that game, I get kind of worked up… But I'm gonna
to tell you something, and I'm giving you fair warning it's rude… I'm upset
because the only person I respected turns out to be the type of person I hate
most."
"That's what I'm talking about…"
"You have no right to talk about manners. Look at what you're wearing."
Huh? What do my clothes have to do with anything? It's not like there's a
dress code.
"Wh-what do you mean? People can wear whatever they want."
"…Hmph. That's exactly why I hate your type."
"Huh?"
She was still going. Even though she had apologized two seconds ago.
"When you meet someone, especially for the first time, there's a
minimum standard for what to wear, right? Okay, I know we technically
aren't meeting for the first time, but you didn't know that, did you? Look at
the wrinkles in your shirt. Did you even bother to iron it? And the cuffs of
your jeans are all raggedy. How long have you had those? Have you
considered buying a new pair? It's been ages since I saw a high school
student wearing high-tech sneakers. They're all muddy, and the laces are
frayed. It's obvious you walked over here with them untied. And come on—
your hair looks like you just rolled out of bed. Did you brush it at all this
morning? Did you even look in a mirror? If you were meeting someone for
the first time, and they showed up looking like you do now, wouldn't you
think they were rude? Well, Tomozaki-kun?"
After her tirade, I was suddenly aware of my appearance. I hadn't thought
about it earlier, but I suppose you could say I wasn't dressed very well. Okay,
so she was right about one thing. Still, what's her problem? I didn't come
here to get roasted by someone I barely knew.
"B-but it's none of your business, is it? It's a free country."
"Yes, it is. If that's good enough for you, I guess that's fine. It's just that
you said I was rude, but you're just as bad. That's all I wanted to say."
"Just as bad?"
"Well, this isn't actually the first time we've met, so you don't have to
apologize. If this really was the first time, then you should have, though."
The expression in her eyes was worse than contempt for literal garbage
and more in the realm of actual hatred.
"…But now I've said enough that I really am being rude. I don't think any
of it was wrong, but I'll apologize again. For being rude, that is. I'm sorry. I
don't feel like talking about Atafami or having a rematch anymore. Goodbye."
With that, Aoi Hinami turned on her heels and started walking toward the
station. I caught a glimpse of her face as she went.
I'm not sure myself of the reason I went and opened my mouth. I should
have been more than happy to say good-bye to someone so rude. Maybe I
was annoyed about what she'd said, or maybe it was because for that brief
moment when she turned away, she looked more dejected than hateful.
"…Wait. You think you can say whatever you want and then leave?"
Aoi Hinami stopped and looked back at me. "Sigh. Now what do you
want?"
I'd been running my mouth to stop her, so to be honest, I didn't have a
follow-up. I was too worked up to read her expression very well, but behind
the hatred I thought I saw a glimmer of hope at the same time. My mind was
a blank. I was only conscious of a growing chill in my fingertips.
"You said I was losing at life or something."
I didn't know what I was going to say next. My heartbeat reverberated in
my lungs and rattled my brain.
"You've got great base stats, so someone like you wouldn't get how I
feel."
Aoi Hinami's mouth moved ever so slightly, like she was repeating my
words, but I couldn't hear her. I wasn't even sure what my voice sounded like
just then.
"Life is unfair. I'm ugly, I have a bad build, I overthink until I can't do
anything, I'm wishy-washy, people make fun of everything I do, and I have
no confidence in my ability to communicate. How is someone like me
supposed to beat someone strong like you?"
This might have been the first time I ever said something like that to a
stranger.
"But that's all fine. Because life's not fair. You don't get results just by
trying hard. If you could, I would, but life doesn't have rules. No rewards, no
right answers. As a game, it's a piece of shit. If there's no right answer, then
there's no point in trying. And I hate the way normies like you live. Your
confidence is totally baseless, and you go around in packs just pretending to
have fun."
With the floodgates opened, I couldn't stop myself.
"Even when I have a reason to be confident, I shy away. When I'm in a
group I just feel alone, and it's not fun. I'm used to this life. I don't know
why things are this way. You have a problem with that? I've been like this as
long as I can remember. That's fine with me. I'm a loner, but I have my fun.
I'm fine with this…"
I clenched my fists.
"…So don't force your values on me!"
I felt the heat suddenly drain away. The thick mist cleared from my head,
the fire in my eyes began to dim, and Aoi Hinami's expression gradually
came into focus.
Her face was blank. She was just staring at me.
"…Stop crying like a sore loser," she mumbled matter-of-factly.
"What?"
"I said, you're a sore loser. You hate the way 'normies' live when you've
never experienced it yourself? That's idiotic. How do you know you hate it?
If you'd experienced it and then said it wasn't any fun, that would make
sense. But you've never experienced it, have you? In that case you're just a
sore loser."
…I had the feeling I'd heard a similar argument in the past. The very
recent past.
"There's nothing I hate more than someone who loses and starts trying to
justify the loss instead of making an effort to improve."
That argument really did sound familiar.
But this wasn't the same thing.
"I get what you're saying, but this is different. You can't change
characters in real life."
"Characters?"
"The moment we're born, our futures are pretty much decided. You're
good-looking and good at academics and sports. You're top-tier. If I was like
you, I'd be doing a little better in life. But I'm not. All my skill points went
into things like hair-splitting and a tendency to be contrarian. It doesn't help
in life at all; it actually makes me think too much until I lose all confidence
and motivation. What do you expect? My hands are tied!"
Aoi Hinami was eyeing me silently, so I kept talking.
"Your character is just better than mine. And that's fine. I've honestly
enjoyed my life just like it is. So leave me the hell alone…"
"A better character, huh?"
Aoi Hinami glanced down and to the side for a moment. Then suddenly,
she spoke again.
"Come with me." She grabbed my arm.
"Huh?"
With that, I was dragged away, dumbfounded and not entirely willing, by
Aoi Hinami.
* * *
So there I was, sitting with my legs politely folded under me (but still
slouching) as I scanned the room searching for the source of a very sweet
smell for lack of anything better to do. I didn't see any perfume or incense.
But the smell was so sweet and pleasant that it had to be coming from
somewhere.
There was a bed with white sheets and a light-yellow terrycloth blanket. A
pink pillow and a pair of soft, clearly well-loved pajamas on top. A little
black oval table with nothing on it except a cutesy orange pen and a black
lamp. A white dresser and bookcase. A stylish black desk. Pale pink
carpeting. The only other things in the room were a couple of simple, warmcolored knickknacks that were vaguely cute and tidy-looking. She hadn't had
time to spray an air freshener or anything like that.
Maybe the fabric?
I could be convinced that the room had taken on the smell of her clothes,
sheets, blanket, and carpet. But to achieve that, she would really have to be
on top of cleaning and laundry and stuff. If I hadn't seen the completely
transformed Aoi Hinami of a little while ago, I'd have believed the perfect
heroine was capable of this, but not anymore.
What was her problem anyway? She just said whatever the hell she
wanted and made me say things I didn't want to say. Usually, if you dragged
a boy from your class who you hardly knew into your room against his will,
that would be considered insanely ru… Wait a second, I'm in Aoi Hinami's
room!
I'd been vaguely aware of what was happening and tried to ignore it, but
in truth, I was in deep trouble. I'd never been in a girl's room before, and I
had no idea what I was supposed to do. For the moment, I was just sitting on
the floor. I'd probably already done ten things wrong.
The girl in question had left me there by myself, muttering a very
mysterious "A better character, huh?" on her way out. She'd only been gone
a few minutes, but I could already feel my mind trying to strangle me from
the inside.
I'd managed to trick myself into staying calm by thinking about a variety
of other topics, but I was about to break. Give me some peace already!
Thump, thump, thump. Someone was climbing the stairs, so this room
must be on the second floor. I was panicking so badly I had actually forgotten
I was on the second floor. Was Aoi Hinami back?
Click. The door to the room opened.
"…Uh, I'm just visiting."
A girl I'd never seen before came in. Even I have enough communication
skills—or should I say manners—to offer a proper greeting in this situation.
Honestly, she wasn't as pretty as Aoi Hinami, although there was a slight
resemblance. Probably her older sister or something. I bet she was wondering
why that perfect beautiful girl had let this dud into her room. I just hoped she
didn't feel the need to say so out loud.
"What do you think?" she said.
"About what?"
"A C-plus, maybe?"
"What's a C-plus?"
"…You really have no experience with girls, do you?"
"Huh…?"
I didn't even know her. What did I do to deserve that? The knack for
sudden rude comments to super-geeks must run in the blood of the Hinami
family.
"I'm not wearing makeup."
"What?"
"It's me, Aoi Hinami. I took off my makeup. How dumb are you?"
"…Ehhhh—?!"
I did notice a resemblance, but still, how could she look this different? I
never got the impression she wore super-heavy makeup. In fact, it was the
opposite—I thought she was the natural type. What was going on?
"You said my character was better than yours, right?"
"…? Yeah, and…?"
"Do you understand now?"
"…Understand what?"
"You're so dumb, it's almost criminal. Obviously, I mean that with a little
effort, your appearance parameter can improve."
"Oh."
So that's what she meant. I got what she was saying, but that still didn't
give her the right to lecture me.
"Even if you're a low-tier character, you can improve yourself. Your
face's base stats aren't an excuse for giving up on life."
You sure about that?
"…That's it? You brought me up here to lecture me with clichés?"
"Pretty much."
"It's really none of your business. I already told you, we're different. First
of all, I'm a guy, so I can't wear makeup. Plus, our initial status is different.
My facial structure is what it is. What can I do about it now? That's just part
of being bottom-tier… Anyway, I'm going home."
I picked up my bag and stood up, less tense than before. Maybe because
I'd just vented everything that was on my mind.
"You really don't get it at all."
"…What now?"
"What do you think the most important elements of a person's appearance
are? Tell me three."
"I said I was leaving. Do I still have to play your little game?"
"Oh, so life isn't the only thing you run from. You aren't even up for a
tiny little fight. You really are a sore loser."
The insults kept coming. She had some nerve.
"Give it a rest already! Fine, if you insist, I'll take your bait. Important
elements of a person's appearance. The face they're born with, for one. What
else? Their height and weight, I guess."
"Wrong."
Shot down.
"Okay, then what?"
"Your facial expression, build, and posture."
I basically said build, didn't I? "…What about your face itself?"
"Not a major issue."
"Uh, I doubt that…"
How could your face not matter to your overall appearance? Obviously it
did. My own life was proof.
"Then have a look at this."
Aoi Hinami covered her face with both hands. She straightened up, then
took her hands away like she was playing peek-a-boo. "How's this for you?"
"…Uh, what just happened…?"
The girl in front of me was surprisingly pretty, as well as 50 or 60 percent
friendlier-looking than before she hid her face. She looked like Aoi Hinami
without her makeup on. Actually, shouldn't she have looked like this before?
"Do you get it now? It's all in my expression."
"No way… It's gotta be more than that."
"So how do you explain it? Some kind of quick-change magic trick?
Instant plastic surgery?" As she spoke, she let the energy drain from her face
until it was what she had called a "C-plus" again. But even as that thought
entered my mind, she was changing back to the friendly beauty. Again and
again, she flipped back and forth.
"Oooh…"
I felt like I was watching an amazing skill. It was really impressive,
honestly.
"Okay, I admit I had to practice a lot to get this good," she said, slowly
transforming once again. "By the way, did you notice that I'm changing my
posture as well as my expression?"
"Huh?"
Now that she mentioned it, if I watched closely, I could see her back
hunching over as the energy drained from her face, then straightening again
as she became more genial and attractive.
"Your posture affects the impact of your facial expression. Just by
perfecting your expression and posture, you'll be more than able to convince
people you're a normie. Of course, I was blessed with a nice face to begin
with, which is why I can get this beautiful."
"You're a confident one, aren't you, Your Highness?"
"Exactly. Confidence is key."
"That's not what I meant! …Anyway, what's your point?"
"You don't know?"
…Okay, I guess I do.
"You're trying to say that even an ugly bastard can manage to look
ordinary, at least?"
"Ooh, you are good at guessing!"
"So what? You want me to try harder? Didn't I already tell you it's none
of your business?"
"It's not that."
"What, then?"
Aoi Hinami looked me in the eye—or more accurately, she gazed so
deeply into my pupils it was like she could see into my brain.
"It's that people like you, or at least, this version of you, have the most
despicable souls of anyone in the whole world."
"Wha—?" What the hell are you suddenly attacking me for?
"I did say 'this version of you.'"
"Th-this version? …Don't think you can distract me by trying to imply—"
"You're about to get a very smug lecture, but don't feel obligated to pay
attention. I do plan to give you orders, but ultimately, you're the one who'll
decide whether or not to obey them. You're free to ignore everything I say.
Keep that in mind."
Aoi Hinami cut me off, changing the mood. There wasn't a shred of
humor in her words or eyes. Even someone as socially awkward and
oblivious as me could tell this was as serious as she got.
"…Uh-huh…" Her quiet drive and composure, way beyond what you'd
expect from a normal high school girl, overwhelmed me.
Having gotten my consent, she began to explain. Her expression was
neither the lackluster C-plus face nor the friendly, pretty one, but instead
something sorrowful and very human.
"…You said you don't have communication skills or confidence, and
compared to you, my base stats are high. But they're not. To be honest, I was
an average person—below average, even, at least through elementary school.
That's why I'm not beating around the bush. Communication skills and
confidence and the other things you mentioned—all of those can improve
with effort. My life since junior high is proof."
Her confident tone suggested that her claims were well-supported.
"…You said life was irrational and unfair, but that's not true. The game of
life functions on a number of simple rules. You just can't see them because
they intersect in complex ways."
I could tell she was getting in my head, whether I believed her or not.
"I respected nanashi. I've gotten through a lot with effort alone. I was
confident that I was better than anyone when it came to hard work and
perseverance, and the results would show that. But I just couldn't reach
nanashi's level in Atafami."
Her explanation continued. She didn't move or gesture hardly at all.
"I thought nanashi could outdo me in effort, and that's why I respected
him. But behind the curtain, this is what I found. When it came to real life,
nanashi not only lost, he didn't even put up a fight. Then, he was a worthless
deadbeat who used his default attributes as an excuse to run away. Worst of
all, he was a pathetic sore loser trying to justify himself by jumping to the
conclusion that a pleasure he'd never experienced must be boring."
Strangely, despite everything she was saying about me, I didn't feel
angry. Maybe I was overwhelmed by her earnestness and intensity, but more
than that, I was starting to sense a similarity between us.
"I'm an amazing person. You think so too, don't you? I might even be the
most amazing sixteen-year-old in Japan. But in one area, you're beating me.
We're the same age, and gender doesn't matter for this. So I'm going to go
ahead and say it: It makes me sick to know that you, the person who's
beating me—nanashi, the one person I respected—is ruining his life. It's
unforgivable! It's disgusting! If the person beating me is worthless, doesn't
that make me worthless, too?"
I think the reason she didn't strike me as arrogant even after everything
she'd said was that she had obviously paid in blood and sweat for all her
success.
"It's my pet theory that the best games are always the simplest. The game
of life looks like it doesn't have any rules, but actually, it's just an elegant,
complex intersection of the simplest rules. You said life's a shitty game, but
that's ridiculous. There's no better game in the world. You just don't know it
yet… Nanashi is a great gamer, so how can I let him keep losing at such a
wonderful game? …Tomozaki-kun, I'm going to give you an offer—no, an
order."
Details aside, I'd never met someone whose basic worldview was so close
to my own. That's exactly why—
"I'm going to teach you the rules of this game one by one."
—her explanation made so much sense it was almost annoying.
"It's time for you to get serious about playing the game of life!"
That was the major event that took place on Saturday.
* * *
"Okay, I get what you're trying to say."
I don't think I'd ever been lectured this honestly and with so little BS by a
person I hardly knew.
"Good." Aoi Hinami's face was still her real one, far as I could tell.
"But there are a few things I still don't understand." Yes or no, I couldn't
afford to give a perfunctory answer to a question like this.
"I think the game of life is trash. I can back that up with a lot of proof, and
I'm fairly confident I'm right."
The bottom tier gets exploited, and the top tier reaps the benefits. There
are no simple, elegant rules. It's just a shitty game.
"Yes…"
"So when you say life's a great game, and that I'm just making excuses,
and I'm a sore loser, it doesn't sit right with me."
"Right."
"But…"
"But?"
As I spoke, I remembered how Nakamura blamed his loss on the game
itself. "I agree with you. Not making any effort and covering up your loss by
blaming it on the game is the most pathetic thing in the world. There's
nothing I hate more."
Aoi Hinami's mouth stretched into a wide smile.
"Really? Now that's worthy of nanashi."
"…But sometimes it really is the game's fault. In many games, you can
make up for a shitty character with technique, but there are a few where it's
just impossible."
"And you want to say life is one of those games where it's just
impossible, right?"
"Right. That's why it's garbage."
"In your view."
"Maybe. But I don't know how to look at life the way you do."
"Of course you don't."
"Yeah, obviously. People can't see through someone else's eyes. In a
game, you can try out a top-tier character, but in real life, you can't try on
another person's perspective. My only choice is to trust my own view of
things."
"Uh-huh…"
"So when someone says life is the G.O.A.T. or whatever, I figure it's just
because they're a top-tier character. Their opinion isn't gonna change my
mind." I looked Aoi Hinami straight in the eye. "And that's my perspective."
This time, the disappointment on her face was clear.
"…Yeah. That's fine, then. The final decision is yo—"
"But," I interrupted. "…But this time, I'm starting to think it might be
worth it to hear you out a little longer."
Again, I looked her straight in the eye. Damn. She really is attractive.
"Why do you say that?"
"Because…" I thought for a moment. "Because the way you put it is too
similar to mine, even if you are a normie with good looks. I think we have
enough in common that I might learn something from you."
"Hmm."
"But that's not the main reason."
"…And what would that be?"
Her gaze shifted toward me with interest and suspicion.
"The person who's saying this stuff is the only gamer in Japan I respect—
NO NAME."
"…"
"…"
"…Lame."
Huh? I thought I nailed it!
"…Wait, how was that lame?"
"You can't just slap on a weird one-liner at the end. It's lame."
"Cut me some slack; it took all my courage to say that."
"Don't care. You might think it was deep, but it wasn't." "Hey, I have
problems with communication. How 'bout an A for effort, at least? I respond
well to praise."
"Did you do something praiseworthy? No, you disappointed me. Nanashi
would never change his mind that easily."
"Huh? What was easy about it? And I didn't change my mind; I just said I
was willing to hear you out a little longer."
"How's that any different? Sounds the same to me."
"No way. I trust gamers, and you're the second best in Japan. That means
the person I trust more than anyone, other than myself, is saying there's
something I don't know. Which is why I'll listen. That's all."
"Doesn't that mean you changed your mind?"
"I already told you, no! I'm just gonna listen and then decide if you've
convinced me. I'm a long way from accepting your offer. If you don't
convince me, no dice."
"But you'll listen to me for now."
"Of course. I'm nanashi. It only took one game for me to tell how much
effort you put into honing your skills. I think listening to you will be worth
my while."
"…Hmph…I guess."
"I guess," huh?
I was about to congratulate myself on surviving a whole conversation with
a classmate, and a heated one at that…when I realized I wasn't actually
talking to Aoi Hinami. I was talking to NO NAME. Maybe it wasn't that
impressive after all.
"Well, teach me already. What are the rules?"
I wanted to judge for myself whether the game of life was as "god-tier" as
they say.
"Tomozaki-kun, you really don't get it. I already told you, the rules
intersect in complex ways. They're not that easy to teach."
"You can't teach me? What the hell? Why did you change your tune all of
a sudden?"
"…Okay, consider this. When you buy a new game and bring it home, do
you get good by reading the instruction manual?"
"What's that got to do with it?"
"Just answer the question."
"…No. I mean, I do read the instructions, but to get good you have to
play. Otherwise, you won't understand what it's really about."
"Exactly. They're the same."
"The same?"
"You don't master games by reading the instruction manual. Same with
real life."
Same with real life? I thought about that for a second, but before I could
answer, Hinami started talking again.
"You usually try playing new games without reading much of the
instructions, right?"
I nodded.
"Life's the same. You won't get good without playing."
…That didn't sound right. After all, I'd been playing all my life.
"Wait a second. The reason I'm the way I am is because I've been failing
this whole time."
"Exactly. And when you're having trouble in a game, what do you do?"
"In a game? Well, it depends what kind…but I might level up, practice,
look at some strategy websites… That's about it…"
"Spoken like nanashi himself. Correct."
"And?"
"You can do all those in life, too. That's the essence of the game." She
grinned.
"…Wait a second— No, I do get what you're saying. You're telling me to
level up—to make an effort? I guess that's the only option."
"Right."
"But it doesn't work as well in real life as in other games. You can try till
you're blue in the face—it won't make a difference. The limits are set when
you start it up, and you can't undo them. It's a shitty setup in any game,
including life. But you probably wouldn't understand… After all, you're a
top-tier character."
"Do you really understand?"
"Understand what?"
"Leveling up means self-improvement. It's the work of increasing your
basic abilities, from your appearance to your inner attributes. Practicing
means improving the skills you need for getting ahead in the world—in other
words, polishing the more concrete and practical abilities. Do those two
things, and you'll clear most of what life throws at you."
"…Okay, I do get what you're trying to say, but it's not that easy. When
you're at the bottom like me, there are tons of impossible problems when it
comes to leveling up or practicing."
"Uh-huh. Leaving aside the question of whether you've ever even tried,
I'll admit, sometimes that's true."
"So you do admit it? Then I'm doomed?"
"Those seemingly impossible problems are what we could call life's 'hard
stages,' and there are ways to deal with those. You already said it. Leveling
up, practicing…and one more."
That would be…
"Oh."
"Yeah. Strategy sites."
"…What's a strategy site in real life, then? Self-improvement books or
how-to books? You're saying I can figure it out just by reading some of
those?"
"Oh dear," Hinami said, giggling. "Well, I suppose that would work, too.
But there's only one strategy site in the world that's one hundred percent
guaranteed to work if you just follow what it says."
"What are you talking about? That's too convenient; no way."
"It's real. Although, I only know of one."
"…So what is it already? Where would I find it?"
"Well…," Hinami said, tapping her head slowly two times with her
pointer finger.
"Right here."
Her tone was playful and her expression overflowing with confidence.
She might as well have been saying, "Obviously!"
"…I've got nothin'. Your confidence is something else."
I couldn't help but laugh. It was surprisingly refreshing to take such a
clean hit.
"Naturally. I've had to beat the game out of necessity so far. I've drilled
every cause-effect relationship into my head."
It kinda made sense, but kinda didn't.
"Cause and effect, huh? …Are those the rules for life you're talking
about?"
"Exactly."
"Hmm…"
The rule for the life I know is that top-tier players get the benefits and
low-tier players get exploited. Everyone hates contrarians and cowards, and
hurting other people makes you look strong. The game of life is garbage
because those shitty rules are all there is. But this girl was boasting that life
had other rules—rules that could turn it into a great game.
She'd gotten real results, and that was persuasive. Her basic worldview
was close to my own, so it was something I could accept. I was starting to
think I might as well go for it—to get serious about the game of life.
But no. She was wrong. The more I thought about it, the more it seemed
we probably wouldn't ever understand each other. After all, that's how things
always end up with this type.
I asked her a question as a test.
"…So let's say life is god-tier, then. Let me ask you this: Where does it
fall in relation to the rest of the tier, among other games?"
That's the crux of it. That's the gulf between people who praise the game
of life and me.
"How good? …Well, as far as I know…" She looked up, briefly hesitant.
"Far and away the best, I'd say."
See that?
That's what I'm talking about. In the end, people who say life's the
G.O.A.T. are just looking down on all other games. They pretend to compare
life to a game when it's convenient, but in fact they view it as something
special and superior. They assume other games are worthless from the start
and only throw life in as a comparison after they've turned up their nose at all
the others.
And this girl was doing the same thing. Disappointed, I wordlessly took
my bag and got ready to stand up.
Just then, she started talking again.
"Actually…now that I think about it, it's tied with Atafami."
Her voice was so natural it caught me off guard, and so innocent the
revelation was anticlimactic.
"What?"
"Yeah. I was on the fence for a minute, but I decided it's impossible to
say which one is better. I mean, ideally I'd be able to say life was better,
but…unfortunately, it's a tie."
I was stunned. A tie for first place? Between life and Atafami?
Did she really just say that? The ultimate normie, Aoi Hinami?
"Are you disappointed? After all, you've already mastered Atafami. It
might not be worth your while to try out another game that isn't any more
fun."
"…You…"
Disappointed? That's crazy. In spite of myself—
"Yes, that does make sense," Hinami continued, muttering rapidly.
"You're already the best at one of the best games…which means I needed to
offer you something even more valuable… Damn, I messed up. I always act
before I think when it comes to Atafami. I really need to get better about
that…"
She looked at me again.
"Well, I did say the choice was yours, and it doesn't matter what you
decide. It would be wrong to gain your trust by lying, so I guess that's that."
"I…"
I almost spoke my mind but caught myself. Up to this point, I'd been
practicing Atafami because I wanted to, without anyone knowing. I really
wanted to get better, and success made me feel satisfied and happy. It was
fun, and that was enough.
But I also realized that I wasn't likely to win anyone's approval for it. The
most I would get is some praise on the Internet. I didn't have any gamer
friends, my parents never gassed me up for it, and it wouldn't make me
popular at school. I'm bad at sports, and I don't have a girlfriend, obviously.
Meanwhile, I spent my time on Atafami and got results, for me and me alone.
That really was enough. I didn't think I needed anyone's approval.
But now this girl—the strongest normie I knew—was saying that life and
Atafami were in the same tier as games. In other words, she was saying
Atafami had as much value as life, and she was saying it like an obvious fact.
This from the girl who knew life better than anyone.
Of course, the emotion I felt was contradictory. I'd always thought life
was a shitty game. The logical thing would have been for me to argue that
Atafami was way more fun. It's the best game there is, I should've said.
Don't compare it to garbage; quit messing around.
But now this girl who was better than anyone I knew at life—the most
widely accepted game in the real world—was telling me Atafami had equal
value. I wasn't sure what to think.
I didn't think it mattered if anyone gave my efforts their stamp of
approval. Which is good, because no one did. That effort was by me, for me,
and I didn't think I minded. I even thought it would be wrong if I did mind.
But now…
Incredibly enough, I was getting affirmation from someone.
"What's that expression for?"
"…I…" I looked down, trying to hide my feelings.
"Anything with rules is a game, in my opinion. As long as there are rules
and results based on those rules, it's all a game."
Aoi Hinami waited quietly for me to continue.
"If that's true of life, then life's a game. If those rules are simple, elegant,
and deep, it's one of the best. If not, it's trash… You agree with me there,
right?"
"Yes, absolutely. Life has rules, which makes it a proper game. And…
because those rules are simple, elegant, and deep, it's a great one."
"…Okay. I understand." I looked up. "In that case…"
"Yes?"
I met Hinami's eyes.
"The gamer in me wants to play."
Surprise colored Hinami's face. I don't know what expression was on my
own face when I said that, but it must have been enough to catch her off
guard.
"That doesn't mean I trust everything you said, though." I was talking to
the gamer in front of me.
"The game is right in front of our eyes. It's a challenging one, but
everyone in the whole world is taking part, so there are a lot of players. I'd
only played a little before deciding it was shit, but now I've heard from a
reliable source that it's actually great. One of the top players is standing here
saying she'll teach me some high-level strats. So…"
I ignored the dumbfounded shock on Hinami's face and kept talking.
"There's no reason not to play the game."
When I finished talking, I looked up. The stunned Hinami had vanished,
and NO NAME was standing in her place with an excited smile.
"…A speech worthy of nanashi."
"What can I say?"
"Do you trust me now?"
"No way. I won't trust you until I play for myself and see if it's really the
best."
It was true. I wasn't ready to trust her just yet. Still, like me, she thought
like a gamer, and she was giving other games a fair shake when she said life
was one of the best. After all, it was as good as Atafami according to her. It
wouldn't hurt to give it a try.
"But that's how it goes with games. You can't judge until you've played.
And if you're gonna play, you've gotta take it seriously from the start or else
it's pointless. I don't want to end up making excuses."
"Exactly," Hinami said, nodding and smiling.
"So I'm gonna try it out. I'm gonna play so I can beat the game like a real
normie, but I'm not cutting any corners. How's that sound?"
Hinami nodded, as if to say "Of course!"
"All right, then. Where do I start?"
"Oh, I like your attitude."
For some reason, she sounded really happy. She stood up, went over to
her desk, and started rummaging through it.
"What are you doing?"
"Life is a game that gives you a lot of freedom."
"Huh? Well, okay, but…"
"And when you have a lot of freedom, what do you do first?"
"Um…"
Freedom? Does she mean those games where you can steal a car and go
around killing people, or run around naked while robbing stores? If I thought
about what they had in common…
"You create your character."
"Hexactly," she said with a straight face, pointing at me.
"Huh? What did you say? Hexactly?"
"The first thing you do is create your character."
"No, what did you say before that?"
"…What do you mean? You must be imagining things," she said curtly,
looking away.
What was going on? Something about this seemed familiar.
More importantly, why did she say I was imagining things? I started to
protest, but she ignored me… Better just move on.
"…So character creation?"
"Yes."
Now she looked calm and peaceful, like nothing had happened. I didn't
get her. Whatever.
"But my character is already complete… And boy, is he ugly. Ha-ha."
"You give up too easily. Use this."
She ignored my cocky attempt at a joke and pulled something white out of
the drawer.
It was… Just wait a second!
"…Oh geez. You're not going to suggest I hide behind that all the time,
are you?"
"Nope. There's a better way to use it."
In her right hand, she was holding a face mask, the kind people strap over
their nose and mouth during allergy season.
* * *
"…I'm back…"
When I got home, I spoke the standard greeting, although not too loud
since I was saying it more out of habit than to inform anyone in particular.
I had to pass through the living room to get to my room, and that's when
my mom noticed I looked different than usual.
"Fumiya, did you catch a cold?"
"Uh, um, uh-huh."
I hadn't, but I couldn't explain what was going on, so I made vague noises
of agreement.
"If you needed a mask, you could have asked. Did you buy that yourself?"
"Uh, no, my friend gave it to me 'cause I said I had a cold."
"Oh really?"
She looked half surprised, half impressed. She didn't have to say it: Oh,
you have a friend close enough to give you a mask for free? Call it the bond
between parent and child.
"Anyway, welcome back. Dinner's almost ready, so go ahead and—"
"I know, I know."
She always says the same thing when I get home. Take a bath before
dinner. I cut her off mid-sentence and headed off toward the bathroom.
"Oh wait, actually…"
Bang!
"Okay!"
I opened the door on my little sister in her underwear and got so flustered,
I answered a question that nobody had asked.
"Eww, you're such a freak, Fumiya."
She ignored me and coolly pulled on her sweatshirt, not looking
particularly surprised. It was her fuzzy, oversize black one. Her stretched-out
black bra, which was the wrong size for her modest chest, disappeared
underneath it.
"I know you're lying."
"Huh?"
As she made her abrupt and cryptic accusation, she turned to me, wearing
just her sweatshirt and panties. How about putting some pants on already?
"That." She pointed to the lower half of my face.
"The mask?"
"You said your friend gave it to you."
"Uh-huh." I know where this is going.
"You don't have any friends who'd give you a face mask."
"Hey…"
This is just one of the annoyances of having a sister one year behind you
at the same school.
"You shouldn't tell lies that are so obvious."
She's in her first year, but you'd never guess we were related from her
exceedingly good looks and bright personality, which have made her plenty
of older friends in my class. Thanks to that, she apparently hears snippets of
information about me. Still, I don't see why I have to listen to my little sister
lecture me in the etiquette of lying.
"Hey, I do too know someone."
After all, I did get the mask from someone, so I wasn't lying.
"Okay, who? Who gave it to you?"
"Why should I tell you?"
"See? You won't tell me, so you must be lying."
Ugh. "Aoi Hinami."
"…"
My sister peered into my face. I'm not lying, girl. Gotcha!
For some reason, she sighed.
"What's that for?"
"Listen, that's not a friend." She sounded exasperated. "The reason she
gave you a mask is because she's an angel. Get it? She's nice to everyone.
It's not about being friends…she's just a really good classmate."
She sounded like she was lecturing a little kid out of pity. Anyway, I
didn't think of Aoi Hinami as a friend. If I did, she was more like a war
buddy. And an angel? No way. A valkyrie, maybe, but no angel.
"Don't take it the wrong way and fall for her or something. You'll
embarrass me."
"You think I'd fall for someone that rude?"
"…Huh? What?"
"Nothing."
"Argh! You're mumbling, and then with that mask on, I can't understand
anything you're saying!"
With that, she ripped the mask off my face. Damn.
"…I honestly don't get it. So creepy," she said, pushing grumpily past
me… No wonder. "I really don't get it," she said again.
In the mirror, this creep had a grin so wide it was almost too big for the
mask.
* * *
I looked at the mask in Hinami's hand, confused.
"What do I use that for aside from hiding part of my face? …Also…"
I was even more confused by where we were than by the mask.
"…Why'd you make me come over here?"
After Hinami took the mask out of her drawer, she'd told me to come with
her for the second time that day, grabbed my arm, and dragged me to a pasta
restaurant near her house.
"We are going to use it to hide your face, but the important part is what
you do after that."
What I do after that? …But that's not what I wanted to know.
"No, wait a second, I'm asking you why we came to this restaurant all of a
sudden?"
"Oh look, here it comes." She ignored my confused question as the waiter
brought us our food.
"Here you go. One Japanese-style pasta with mushrooms, and one threecheese carbonara."
He put down the carbonara in front of Hinami and the mushroom pasta in
front of me.
"Come on, answer my question."
"This place is really good."
She smiled in utter bliss. Did she have to smile like that? It was insanely
cute.
"…That's not what I'm talking about."
"Just listen for a minute," she said with a sigh, pointing at her mouth. She
did the same trick as before, switching between her beautiful and ordinary
selves.
"Oooh." Blink blink. "No, really, what is going on?!"
"You really are stubborn. I was just hungry, okay?"
She took a bite of her carbonara. I watched her wind the pasta around her
fork, watched the arc travel to her mouth, and then watched her mouth open
slightly to accept the coil of noodles before she pulled the empty fork out
again. Every move was graceful and beautiful and charmingly sexy. I
couldn't help following her tongue with my eyes as it swept off the sauce
clinging to the corners of her mouth.
"…So good!" she murmured softly with an innocent smile.
She was seriously, insanely cute.
"In other words…it's all in the expression."
Expression? "You mean your smile just now?"
"Huh? My smile just now?"
"Oh, um, never mind."
She was so cute I accidentally put my foot in my mouth. Thankfully,
Hinami kept talking like she hadn't really noticed.
"Are you listening? This is my pretty-girl mouth."
I looked more closely. The corners of her mouth were slightly lifted, and
her cheeks seemed firmer as a result. She was inarguably attractive.
Approachable, too. But as I stared at her, I noticed something else. Can't put
my finger on it. Must be her genuine cuteness. When I paid attention to that, I
couldn't look her in the eye, though.
"And this is my not-pretty mouth."
The spirit disappeared from her entire face. Looking closely, I noticed her
mouth droop and her forehead sag. Wrinkles even formed around her nose.
She wasn't ugly, but she was right on the line between beautiful and not.
"Ooo."
Blink, blink.
"Why are you oooing? You look dumb. Now's not the time to act
impressed."
"…Oh right." I felt a little intimidated. Yeah, maybe not so cute.
"Do you get it?"
She smiled.
"This is how I look on a daily basis."
She relaxed her mouth.
"And this is how you look."
"I-I'm really that bad?"
She'd caught me off guard. I didn't think I went around smiling all the
time, but wasn't it a bit much to compare me to the bad example?
"Yes, you are."
As if she'd been expecting my reaction, she thrust a mirror in my face. I
saw my droopy cheeks in the reflection.
"…Oh."
"Do you see now?" I did, unfortunately. "…Apparently so."
"I still don't think that would make much of a difference. The corners of
my mouth aren't the only thing that's ugly."
"You sure like to talk back."
"What do you expect? I've been thinking this stuff for sixteen years."
"For now, let's table the question of whether you're ugly."
That was nice of her. Sometimes, she could be surprisingly kind.
"I think you don't understand the importance of the mouth," she
continued.
"It's important?"
"Yes."
She'd started taking bites of her pasta between sentences, and I followed
her lead. Oh wow, this is good. Crazy good. What is this place? It's
incredible.
The aroma of the soy sauce melding with perfectly browned butter
reached my nose and scored a direct hit. I took a bite, appreciating the
combination of the fat oozing from the bacon and the savory flavor of the
mushrooms on my tongue. The rich flavors were spreading through me while
my mouth was enjoying the springy texture of the noodles.
"…This…is so good…!"
I had no idea pasta this good even existed… Thank you, Hinami…
I looked at her, trying to silently convey how impressed and appreciative I
was. Her eyes were clouded with intense greed.
"So yours is good, too, huh?" she said calmly, her eyes flickering from
my face to my pasta and back.
Um, so… Even someone with a communication block could figure out
what to do in this situation.
"…Want a bite?"
She opened her eyes wide and made a face a little too cute to look at
straight on.
"Thank you! Sure!" she said, sticking her fork into my pasta and spinning
it around. She brought it to her mouth and gobbled it down. Her enraptured
expression was practically carnal bliss.
Just before I could fall completely under her spell, I belatedly realized
what had happened.
"Aaah!!"
"What?" Hinami asked with confusion.
Wait. Wasn't that—? Didn't our mouths just indirectly—you know? Isn't
that what just happened…?!
"No, I mean, you… That was…an indirect…kiss…"
I took a lot of effort to spit the words out, but Hinami raised her eyebrows
disdainfully.
"Come on. Maybe if we were sharing a bottle of water or something, but
no one worries about little things like that after junior high."
"Really? Oh, um, people don't usually worry about it…?"
"Yeah. Anyway, as I was saying," she continued, ignoring my shock and
assuming a businesslike attitude.
"Imagine two men wearing sunglasses are having a conversation. Their
eyes and eyebrows are hidden. You can't hear what they're saying, but you
can see them."
"What are you talking about now?"
I was still upset about the indirect kiss thing, but damn, this pasta was
good.
"One is a normie and the other isn't. Do you think you could tell which
was which just from their appearance?"
Are we still talking about mouths? Let's see, two men wearing
sunglasses…
"Uh…well, I guess if I saw them, I could figure it out—God, this is good
—from their hair or the way they acted or their clothes," I said between bites
of my heavenly plate of pasta.
"What if they both had buzz cuts and suits?"
Buzz cuts and suits… I tried to picture it. Two guys with buzz cuts
wearing sunglasses…in suits…munch, munch…talking to each other.
"I think I'd still be able to tell."
Hinami nodded. "Right. Same hair, eyes and eyebrows hidden. You can
still basically tell which is which. Isn't that strange?"
"I guess so. This is delicious, by the way. That is kind of strange."
"Why do you think you can tell them apart? …Here's the answer."
She pointed to her mouth. No way.
"…Pasta?"
"Idiot."
Yeah, that was dumb. Sorry.
"…Facial expression?"
"That's it."
"Uh-huh…"
"Like I showed you before, your expression, especially your mouth,
makes a huge difference in people's impression of you. They pick up on it
subconsciously and use it to make judgments about your personality."
Yeah, I guess so.
"Sounds reasonable enough," I said, before suddenly realizing something.
"But wait a second. Is that the reason you're always smiling?" I couldn't help
shoving another bite of pasta into my mouth.
"Kind of. You're half-right, half-wrong."
"Half?"
"At first, I made a conscious effort to smile, but as my muscles developed,
it started happening naturally. Yeah, this is good… It took a couple of months
to get to that point, though."
"A couple months…"
So much effort lay behind that friendly appearance. "Anyway, you're
saying your facial muscles and mouth are important, right? …But what's the
mask for? If I hide my mouth, won't I lose all the benefits?"
"It's like weight training."
"Huh?"
"Weight training. They're muscles, so if you want to build them, you've
gotta train."
"…What are you talking about?" I asked, puzzled.
Hinami pushed a pack of thirty masks against my chest. "For the next
month, whenever you're not eating or sleeping—when you're out and about,
when you're in class, when you're talking to someone—I want you to have a
huge smile on your face under the mask the whole time."
"…What?! Seriously? The whole time?" I asked, bewildered, as I took the
masks from her.
"Obviously. We don't have forever. I want you to be done in a month."
Hinami sat back down. Somehow, her plate was already empty.
"Hey, you said it took you a couple of months. Why can't I go at the same
pace?"
"Don't be silly. You'd never make your goal."
"My goal?" That was the first time I'd heard her say that word. "To
become a normie?"
"Don't you know how it works? When you're going to start working
toward something, it's important to have a big, long-term goal, but you need
mid-term and short-term goals, too."
"…Oh." Yeah, when I was practicing Atafami, I did set those kinds of
goals.
"You of all people should know that."
"…Yeah, I guess I do."
"That's what I thought. You're picking this up quick."
When I want to reach a big goal, I progress a lot more smoothly if I have a
bunch of smaller goals to achieve. More like if I don't, then I don't know
how to move forward, and then my motivation disappears. At least, that's
been the case when I was mastering various games.
And since life is a game, too, I should take the same approach.
"You're going to move forward by clearing a series of small, medium,
and big goals."
"So I should think of my big goal as…becoming a normie?"
"Right. Of course, there are different levels of normie, your final goal
should be to reach my level."
"Isn't that…a little too hard?"
"I admit, it's a long way to go—the biggest loner in school to the most
successful in the real world. But if you do exactly what I tell you, it's not
impossible."
…Seriously?
"Well, all right… And what about my small and medium goals?"
"Right. First I'll tell you your small goals."
Gulp.
"Get your family or close friends to ask if you have a girlfriend."
…Huh?
"What do you mean?"
"What I said."
"Huh?"
Hinami looked at me, clearly annoyed by my confusion. "Geez… You're
so quick to catch on with Atafami and so slow when it comes to real life."
She turned her palms up and gave an exaggerated sigh.
"That's none of your business," I said.
"Can we go on? I'm talking about surface changes so big people around
you notice and ask you about them."
Hmm…surface changes big enough for people to notice and ask?
"…And they have to ask if I have a girlfriend?"
"Oh geez. It doesn't matter what, exactly; it could be 'I almost didn't
recognize you for a second' or 'Damn, you glowed up!' The point is, you've
cleared the level once people start saying they notice a big change in you."
"I—I see."
"The part about other people saying something is important. It's not
enough just for you to think you've changed a lot."
"Um-hmm."
"It means you have to get to a point where people are objectively looking
at you and seeing a clear improvement in your appearance. In the aura you
give off."
"U-understood."
Hinami was annoyed; I could tell from the wrinkle between her brows.
"Do I have to explain every little detail?"
"S-sorry…but how do I know…"
"Know what?"
"Even if the people around me say something, how do I know I've really
passed?"
"…Can you not even make that decision yourself?"
"S-sorry."
"…Fine. If someone says something, repeat it to me word for word, and
I'll decide if it counts."
"O-okay."
A feeling of reluctance and shame washed over me.
"Once you've cleared that goal, I'll give you the next small goal. It'll
depend on how you're doing then. And about the mid-range goal…well,
that's a simple one."
She smiled.
"Have a girlfriend by the time you start your third year of high school."
My jaw dropped. A girlfriend? Me? The guy who's been a lone wolf from
day one? She must have assumed I didn't already have one because, well, I'm
me. She was right, of course.
"No. Nope. No way."
"What?"
"That's way too hard."
"What's too hard about it?" She genuinely didn't seem to understand.
"You probably don't get it because having a boyfriend is easy for you, but
for those of us who aren't so popular, that's a crazy thing to expect. Plus, it's
June already, right? Which means I have less than a year! It's totally
impossible!"
Without even meaning to, I'd stood up to deliver a passionate lecture on
my own unpopularity. The waiter, bringing our tea, smirked as he set the
saucers on the table. Hinami sighed from her seat. God, how embarrassing.
"Huh? …Okay, let me ask you a question."
Her eyes were very, very cold.
"Uh, okay."
"What percentage of guys in their second year of high school have a
girlfriend, do you think?"
"Um… What, maybe twenty or thirty percent?"
"…Okay, let's go on the low end and say ten percent."
"Okay…" What is she getting at?
"Let's compare this to a video game to help you understand. We'll say
Atafami. You're the best in Japan, right?"
"Um, I guess."
"Okay, then let's imagine there's a total beginner who wants to master
Atafami. That's where you come in." She pointed at me sternly.
"Me?"
"Yeah. You have one year to give this person all the advice they need,
like how to control the characters and how to practice. They promise to do
exactly as you say."
"…Okay…"
"How hard do you think it would be to make sure that person is among the
top ten percent of all players in Japan in one year?"
The top 10 percent. That means a one-in-ten level, probably the best in
their class. Which means, well…
"…Super…easy."
"Hexactly."
"Huh?"
"It's easy, even when we set the number down at ten percent. In other
words, if you do what I say, you'll have no problem finding a girlfriend by
the time you advance to the next level," she explained, speaking quickly.
"Wait, what did you say before that?"
"…You're imagining things."
Huh? Is she messing with me? Her face was red. Is she making fun of me
and trying not to laugh? I seemed to remember hearing those words before…
"Let's focus on what's important. Do you understand what I'm saying?
It's not a very difficult goal."
Okay, maybe in terms of raw logic, but…
"But Atafami and life are different."
That earned me another sigh. "Would you stop assuming things? You may
be a pro at Atafami, but you're an amateur at life. If you're actually planning
give it a try, just follow my advice."
"…Sorry. Um, you're right."
I deferred to her and apologized. After all, I was the one who'd decided to
play. She was right—I didn't know the rules of life or how to skillfully
handle the characters. A top expert was telling me what to do, so for now I
figured I'd better just obey her every instruction. That's what a gamer should
do. I could decide later whether life was the god-tier game she said it was.
"Do you know where Sewing Classroom Number Two is?"
"Huh?"
"Sewing Classroom Number Two, in the old school building. Know
where it is?"
Oh, she was talking about our school… It sounded familiar. I thought I
remembered; I could probably find it if I went to the old building.
"Yeah, basically."
"Good. From now on, go to that room half an hour before school starts
every day, and then again after school."
"Why?"
"So I can tell you what to do that day, and later you can report back and
reflect on how you did. Obviously. What's training without trial and error? If
we're doing this, we're gonna do it right."
If we're doing this, we're gonna do it right. Well…I could agree with her
there.
"…Roger that."
"Of course, some days one of us will have plans, so we'll cross those
bridges when we come to them. You have my e-mail address, right?"
"Yeah. But I hardly ever have plans. Ha-ha."
"…Okay, are you gonna take this seriously or not? A few months from
now, you will have plans after school. Are you ready for that?"
She glared at me. Wait, really?
"Seriously?"
"Obviously."
She sounded super-sure of herself. If she was right, that would be pretty
cool.
"I understand. I'm ready." I bowed my head slightly.
"Oh, and…"
Suddenly, she sounded flustered, and all but a trace of her coolness was
gone. She sipped her tea and looked to the side.
"Huh? What?"
She jumped a little, like she was startled. What was her deal?
"Well, um, this was officially an offline meeting between NO NAME and
nanashi, right?"
Why are you so shy all of a sudden? "Y-yeah. What's wrong?"
"Wh-what do you mean, what's wrong? …You know, it's an offline
meeting…"
"What?"
"Oh, come on!" she said, sounding a lot more worked up than usual. She
glanced down for a second, took a breath, then made eye contact so deliberate
it felt almost unnatural.
"I mean, wouldn't we normally exchange Atafami friend codes?"
She'd been looking me in the eye throughout our whole conversation, but
now it felt like, I don't know, some kind of bluff. Like she was forcing
herself to keep looking at me because to do otherwise would be to admit
defeat.
Despite her sharp glare and tightly pursed lips, her cheeks were gradually
getting redder. Even someone with terrible communication skills like me
could tell it wasn't from heat or anger. Still, that doesn't mean I knew how to
respond. She did say earlier that she gets worked up when it comes to
Atafami, but I didn't know it was this bad.
"That's all… You look like you want to say something."
I had no intention of kicking the hornet's nest, so I just told her,
"Whatever, that's fine," and exchanged friend codes with her. Now we'd be
able to play friendlies any time.
I would never forget the way she was blushing, but I knew I shouldn't
think about it too much.
Oh, and by the way, even the tea at that pasta place was to die for.