My words hang in the air for a while. Like a looming dark cloud of misfortune that has the potential to ruin everything if the need arise.
This time though, River's eyes roam the room for a while before he places one of his hand in his pocket and moves away from the door quietly.
"Well," he starts before clearing his throat and working it for a second too long, "there's a lot more I'd expected but visiting sounds just as good." His voice falls enough to make him sound like he is negotiating while at the same time stating a fact and it messes with my mind.
Choosing to ignore the jolt of unwelcome emotion that stirs within me, I press my lips together in an amicable smile before walking around him to leave the room first.
"This place will be very good for you," I tell him with a schooled tone, "it's very homey and nice."
"I'm sure it will. " he replies, walking closely behind me. "Should we maybe get some coffee before we head back?"
Against my better judgement, I nod my head as we walk out front to the driveway where Marcello and the others stand as they wait for us.
River takes my hand and steers me to his car wordlessly and I follow. There's not much I can do or say at the moment.
*****
Spending the day with River reminds me why I was very happy when we were friends and why I was devastated when everything fell apart.
But it also felt like the years we had apart had done so much damage that there were things that could never be the same.
For instance, dead ends in conversations when one of us ventured close enough to asking what happened to the other within those years, River's reluctance to expound on his issues with Sophia after I asked about her and my inability to explain to him why I cut him off and ignored any sort of effort to reach out despite his persistence.
All in all, I was the slightest bit happy that we were talking again. Well maybe not deeply like we would have before but it was a start.
"Thank you for the coffee. I had a good time." I tell him once we get out of his car.
"Me too," he agrees, his eyes searching my face for a second before he steps back with a small smile. "Will you be joining us tonight?"
I think back to my schedule and try to see if I have anything that needs to be worked on before or after dinner. When I find nothing of significance, I nod and turn to walk away with a silent bye.
Being in my office over an hour later does not do my mind any good. It keeps circling the day's events in a way that almost makes me dizzy.
I have sighed and groaned over a hundred times in the previous hour and although I hate how I feel, I can't help but wonder how the evening meal will be in a couple hours.
"Your boyfriend is such an asshole." Marcello mutters bitterly as he storms into my office.
I should have the door changed into something heavier so that these males don't just badge in. Give them something to work off they energy before walking in.
"Not my boyfriend." I dismiss flatly before pushing my chair back a little. "What did he do?"
"He 'politely' asked me to resign myself from your security team and instead relegated me to be Matthew's security guard." He complains and I can see why he would be upset. The old veteran he is supposed to work with is anything but pleasant. "I don't understand why he pretends to be so nice when he's with you."
"I'll talk to him if you want," I reassure him. "He has no right to remove my security team without consulting me first."
"He has every right as long as he is signing my pay. Don't stress about it. Matthew and I will work something out." he finishes quietly making me smile.
Marcello is that one friend that you can count on but doesn't know it. Like, we have never had the sentiments of a friendship and frankly, I don't even remember how we became friends.
He is just that one friend that is always there for you without the attachment.
While River...
"I heard that he is considering getting married." Marcello says and my lips thin out a little.
"Yeah. I think she is a family friend but I'm not sure."
"And you're okay with that?" he sounds like he's trying to hold back a scoff. A disgusted one at that.
"Why wouldn't I?" I ask with a shrug and stare at him as if the answer is a non verbal cue.
"I thought that maybe with your history and-"
"River and I have never had a thing." I tell him with a sigh. It's not like having sex on my birthday was a big deal anyway. "I don't understand why everyone assumes we were more than friends."
"He treats you differently. The way he talks about you or even to you doesn't pass off like something never happened between you two. So forgive us for being logical."
"I'm tired of this River nonsense. It's like I'm no one around here if we're not connected by some twisted past. Why not believe what I say over what you guys think? I'm the person in question. " I grind out, feeling mad at myself and everyone for not believing it.
Wait! No! Not myself, I believe it. Just not everybody else...
"I'm sorry if-"
"It's fine," I let out a breathe before I push my chair away and stand up. "I have to get ready. I'm having dinner with them in an hour or so."
"Look," Marcello calls softly and I look to him. " I'm really sorry about what I said. It's just that it's really hard to believe when he-"
"Just trust me okay? Nothing's going on." I reassure him and lead the way out of my office. "I'm really sorry about what he did to you though. See you later?" I smile weakly at him which makes him nod and walk away without a word.
Maybe I shouldn't have accepted the job offer yet!
*****
I don't think I expect much from the royal family meals except random questions about how everyone is doing and what we plan to do for maybe the holidays or upcoming royal events.
Arriving at the dining room tonight should have taught me how to raise my expectations.
I mean, I'm living with royals after all.
A beautiful young lady is sat by River's side when I walk in, his mother chatting to her about some fabric color while River nods his head politely before turning to me. The king, however, is nowhere in sight.
I don't think it's fair that I feel a little heavy as I walk to sit by the Queen's left hand side.
"Dear, my!" she cries and I give her a small smile. "You look wonderful."
"Thank you," I look down at the beige outfit that I chose to where and smile. The bandeau top is definitely my favorite piece of clothing so far from Zara's.
"Hi?" The lady smiles from beside River and I smile back with a small wave of the hand.
"Pardon my manners," River rushes quickly before turning to the lady, "Lily, this is Mia,"
"Nice to meet you." I say gracefully and thank my throat for not clogging up. "I like your earings."
Really?!
What? they are kind of nice.
"She is also the girl I talked to you about," River's mother continues. "Don't they look good together?"
"They do," I gush out to match her enthusiasm but it's true, the girl fits perfectly by his side. She looks composed, has a nice smile and an overall aesthetic appearance.
She is so pretty, her green eyes seem to glow when you look at her.
Talk about insecurities when you're around her. Suddenly, my choice of outfit doesn't really seem that nice anymore.
With a small tap on the table with my forefinger to dismiss my thoughts, I look up to find River staring at me like he is trying to read a clause from a policy document.
"We have a small get together with some of our mutual friends," He says, "Do you want to join?"
I know he asked only because he knows I can't say no in front of his mother.
With a quick nod, I say yes and continue staring at my appetizer before lifting the spoon to my mouth.
"When is the wedding?" I ask out of the blue and everyone at the table stares at me. I can also feel the maid servants' eyes staring at me from the back. "I just thought that you guys would like some nice media publicity before the wedding so..."
"We have not decided yet," Mia says with a polite smile, "There's just a lot we need to work through."
"Okay, but I'll be ready whenever you guys are."
When the next meal gets placed before me I feel like I'm gonna puke. This is not necessarily ideal and I don't even have a clue as to why I'm so worked up in the first.
And no, no one can convince me it's because of River and/or his looming marriage.
I've just only forced myself to tolerate the guy, it can't possibly be the reason, can it?
"A word, Lily?" River's serious tone crashes me back to the ground and I look up to find him beckoning me with his head.
"Yeah, sure."
I mean, what's there to lose anyway?
****