What was worse, being couped up here like a prisoner, waiting for the giant to leave us his crumbs and rations, or going out into the world and getting food abundantly?
I laid flat on my nesting, gazing up into the brown ceiling; fleets of questions running through my mind.
"We don't know any places to hid out there. I think we should just..take our time" I repeated in a high pitched, annoyed tone, mocking Sharp and his ignorance.
" Take our time...just how much damn time does he need to take??The whole of my freaking life??Tchh" I kept rolling over what Sharp said, and every time I did, I got angrier and angrier. I imaged myself walking over to him and kicking him through the door, or kicking myself through the door, so that I could leave him and Chessy here by themselves; Two knuckleheads left behind in this shithole with a blood sucking parasite with fur and fangs, so they could both "take their time" together, without me.
Just how much longer did they want us to wait?? I waited for Cheesy to get in shape. I waited for Mother to get better, and she died before that even happened.
Now, I have to wait for him to sort out his fears so that we could be "practisal??" And gradually find paths outside???? All the time Sharp's been a speedster now he wanted to slow down???
"Utter Bullshit....Tcch. And he acts like he's so big and bad" I mumbled indignantly. Fuming away in my hatred of his indecision my ankle and tail began to ache. Looking over I rubbed the scarp on my foot, switching sides to examine the state of my tail.
There were reddened bruises all over it and it hurt to the touch. Telling my mind to lift it was a neurological order that was wasted, as my tail laid flat on the ground disobediently, a burnt, scarred foreign object that was no longer a part of my body. Feeling the pain brought a clear image of that horrible bird's eyes in my mind, my body recollecting how blood chilling and cold it was to stare at something that was so much bigger than me. I remembered how frightened I was when that Falcon came running after me, and how long it took me to distract him.
That encounter was a nightmare; The most life-threatening chase I ever had in my entire existence. I was terrified the whole time, but I continued to "twirl and prance" with the wretched thing to distract it for the sake of my brothers, didn't I?
And you didn't hear me complaining about it.
I certainly didn't forget how loosely we hung over the fire, how the flames flashed below us. We were fried rodents almost! I wouldn't even have had to go through that if I just left that night I was on the clear eye.
What if I just got up and went through this door, go past the cat exit and never looked back?? What if I just ran and left them here by themselves?
Maneuvering myself to sit up from my position, I leaned on my hands, gawking at the slanted door of our peephole.
I heard a small voice at the back of my mind with the most insensitive intentions. It was my voice. It was my longing...
"Leave them here Burrow...they are two grown adult rodents who obviously don't need your help with anything...
"Leave them behind or die" it taunted.
Then, I came upon a realization. Mother was wrong about two things. One was that rodents were to hold their heads up high with pride, that we were living creatures who deserved life like anyone else.
Two was that mother always thought me to be responsible, to be the "wisest" of the two because I liked to keep things safe, always approaching from a logical side before I did anything. But in truth I just wanted to avoid the worst-case scenarios, and if I was moving carefully with focus just to avoid danger, was I not a coward instead of someone that was brave?
I sighed, feeling a heaviness in my chest at these painful truths. My heart soaked in the mucky slums of self loathe and hopelessness, whispers of my failures echoing in my mind. Sharp and Cheesy shouted in the background, continuing to play Dratsmate as if it were another regular day. They flung their heads back and guffawed, laughing and jesting like they had found a whole pineapple glazed ham in a garbage bin. For once I was not annoyed by their loudness. Not this time. I only wished it was even more deafening, so that it could drown out the disturbing thoughts going through my head.
I closed my eyes, shutting my wandering brain out to quiet my conscience.
For just a second I felt at peace, and so I took deep breathes, relaxing to fall asleep, like a tired, wounded soldier.
..............................................................................
Sharp and Cheesy had matched an even score, Sharp winning five times and Cheesy having won the same amount. They were in the last quarter of their match now, Cheesy's back against the wall as Sharp's Bishop rodent came in closer and closer.
" Annnnd this is mine" Sharp quivered his whiskers, stretching his arm over to his Bishop soldier, crossing it over to ambush Cheesy's knight.
"Fourscore! About to be an easy win" Sharp bragged. Cheesy looked out into space, his mind drifting off. Sharp waved his arm in front of the rodent, seeing that his mind was somewhere else, dealing with other matters.
"Hellloooo?? Earth to Cheesy???I just took your knight, and you could've avoided that. Put your head in the game!" Sharp teased, Cheesy sighing and looking up at Sharp. His eyes were white and bulgy, filled with excitement.
" Yes yes I know but I can't help it. I'm worried about Burrrow. He looked sad today when you told him that he needed to wait a while before going outside again" Cheesy admitted, Sharp dropping the knight down on the table and rolling his eyes.
"I knew you'd come up with this" Sharp said, shaking his head as he watched Cheesy's innocent eyes.
''But just look at this from his side Sharp. Burrows always wanted to go out and explore, to become different, to truly live and experience life. Therefore, I used to spy on him when he snuck out, and he would spend a long time just looking out of the window and noticing everything outside. Remember it was him who recognized that those feathered things were birds, and he made the Eagle on the board as the villain, as well as the cat" Cheesy pointed to the feathered one and the Feline that was sitting in the game, at the back as Sharp's back up.
Sharp sighed, blinking repeatedly and peering at Cheesy.
"Look all I did was make a suggestion. An idea. And for once, it wasn't a bad thing!! It benefits all three of us and our survival. If Burrow don't realize that he's more selfish than I thought. Did you see that bird? It was certainly no Eagle but whatever it was, it spotted us from a mile away and decided we were its breakfast. Do you want to go out there and die?" Sharp asked Cheesy, narrowing his eyes as he looked at him.
Sharp leaned over, looking into Cheesy's face.
"As a matter of fact, since you wanna fill Mother's role, do you know the landscape out there??Any hidden spots that we could avoid those big clunky machines in the streets, or out run whatever else is out there???Hmm???" Sharp asked, Cheesy nodding his head.
''Alright alright alright...I get it" Cheesy said, sighing and shaking his head at Sharp's insisting. He folded his arms and leaned back in his chair, peering at him begrudgingly. Sharp's hands gestured to the game in front of them, Cheesy taking his soldier, and putting his cat Queen ahead. They stayed silent for a while as they played the game, Sharp making his move, and then Cheesy making his.
"And let's not forget.." Sharp slumped back in his chair and flung his paws up in surrender, disgusted as Cheesy continued to explain.
"He's probably thinking about everything's that happened. Mother dying when they were so close, the cat, the giant, the fire...everything! We look to Burrow for ideas and moves and what to do next, and poor him probably feels overwhelmed and doesn't know what to do. Sharp just put yourself in his positi-"
"Okay okay!! I'll talk to him about it." Sharp finally caved in, shaking his head and flashing Cheesy an aggravated look, Cheesy flashing him a warm smile.
"Awww thank you Sharp. You know you act tough and bold, but deep, deep down inside, you're actually a softie" Cheesy reached over and pinched Sharp's cheeks, Sharp fanning off his hand and gesturing to bite him.
"Oh hush. It's your move" he reminded Cheesy, folding his arms and waiting for him to go next.