I fought with my utensil thinking of what to say that is pleasant enough to start a safe conversation with him like I did the last time
"Can you stop that?" His voice cleared every thoughts in my head
Shit
I would have to restart
"Stop what?" I was sincerely clueless on what he meant as I wasn't paying attention to anything other than my thoughts
"Playing with your food, it annoys me"
I'm glad it does
Have a little taste of your own medicine
"I.." he cuts me off immediately
"If you have no appetite then leave!" His voice came loud and angry.
No, no, no.
What do I do?
What do I say to calm him down?
"I do have appetite. Just thinking of how to start up a safe conversation with you." I didn't know when the truth spilled out from my mouth but I'm glad it did because he just sighed and continued eating. I followed suite trying to focus more on the food than what I was going to say to him.
"I was informed your mother called the home line" he finally breaks the silence after minutes of eating.
"Yes, she did" I replied plainly not wanting to discuss any further about it.
"She just called to check up on how we're faring"
"We?"
"Our married life"
"And what did you say to her about it?"
"I told her our married life has been splendid..so far" I made emphasis on the word 'Splendid' as I faked a smile. He could obviously hear the sarcasm in the word and on my smile, I made sure of that.
"Mm" he murmured then continued eating
Fucking...
I've lost my appetite
"Thank you for the meal" I said as I dragged the seat I sat on backwards before I stood up
"Sit down" I heard as I took one step towards the exit door
"I've eaten and I'm done, I'm okay, I'm satisfied" I panicked so I said thrde words that means the same thing, to avoid him thinking I lost appetite.. I mean, so he wouldn't know I lost appetite.
"But I'm not. Now sit." He commanded
If it was the real me, I would have ignored his first call, to hell with him but well..
I walked back to my seat and sat back on it
"So what exactly do you have me do now? Sit down and watch you eat?"
"Yes, as you should." He answered causing me to chuckle
"As I should?"
Compose yourself Genesis
Composure, composure, composure
I breath in and out
"Okay." I just sat there like a fucking doll and watched him eat.
Patients Genesis
You can do this.
I encouraged myself as I grabbed my black sleeveless pure silk gown underneath the table, trying to hold myself from bursting out and laying on him all the curses that have been flooding through my mind for the past slow quiet three minutes.
He wiped his mouth with the napkin before pushing his chair backwards and got up
"Now I'm done. We can return back to the bedroom." He said, still standing at his own side of the table causing me to sigh as I row my eyes obviously not expecting him to see because we're distance away from each other.
"Do you have something to say?" He asked like he saw me row my eyes. He started taking quick steps towards me
"No, just glad we can finally return back to the bedroom" I said as I quickly dragged my seat backward and got up but was pushed back down to seat as his hand pressed down on my bare shoulder.
"Did you just row your eyes at me?" He asked as he glued my ass to the chair with his hand pressing down my shoulder even more harder
He saw?
How did he even see it?
We were like twenty steps away from each other.. I mean, I could barely see his mouth chewing from where I sat.
"Uhhh..No, no, no" I panicked as his fingers dug dipper into my back
"You are hurting me Zachary" I forgot about the question he asked as the pain on my shoulder was becoming unbearable.
"Answer me!" He yelled.
"Yes! I unintentionally did, I'm sorry" I cried out, telling him half the truth in the process but he keeps pressing on
"Please Zachary.." I felt my eyes redden as tears filled in it with my other hand on his wrist that was pressing my shoulder. After a very long five seconds of eye contact he finally let my shoulder go and walked away.
Patients Genesis
All these unnecessary pain and drama will soon be over.
I wiped my cheeks, adjust my strips on my shoulders before I got up from the chair and immediately followed him, ten inches away from him to avoid anything unpleasant from happening, like the one that just happened.
I was about to take one step to climbing the grand stairs but I stopped, meanwhile he was already half way to the other end of the stairs
"Could I stay down for a little while longer?" I summoned the courage to say as I didn't want to be in closed doors with him, especially not as I'm still boiling from what he just did to me.
"Do whatever, I don't care." He replied with his voice echoing as he had already reached the other end of the stairs and took a turn towards our bedroom.
I sigh..
"Bitch" I have no idea how that came out of my mouth but it did and it feels quite good saying it.
Thankfully for me he wasn't here to hear me call him that or I wouldn't be expressing how good saying that felt for me, to you.
I'll be dead by now.
I walked straight to the maid's quarter, immediately I opened the door and everyone turned to see me the noisy room fell silent.
"Do you need any assistance Ma'am?" A maid asked
"You would have pressed the service button in your room and one of us would have quickly come to your aid, Ma'am" another said. I really wasn't paying attention to the questions thrown at me instead I was busy ransacking the room with my eyes in search of Martha, my new found friend.
"Have anyone seen Martha?" I finally broke their questions with my own question
"I think I saw her headed towards the laundry room a minute ago" a maid quickly replied pointing at the direction she must have seen Martha.
"I'll go fetch her for you ma'am" Stella said as she walked towards the door where I stood
"There will be no need for that. I'll go meet her instead" everyone gasped giving a each other questioning looks
"It is fine. Really, it is no big deal" I reassured but of course that's no reassurance to them, that's more spice to a gist they must be building up in their heads already.
"Thank you" I finished before closing the door for them to begin what they can't wait to start.
I walked down to the end of the corridor and turned to my right, I stood in front of the already slightly opened door
This must be the laundry room
I stared at the young lady in uniform who unbelievably is older than I am. I watched the young lady doing her chores with so much focus in it, like it is apparently her pleasure doing it.
How can she do strong after what she has been through?
Suddenly she turned the rest of the laundry behind her but saw me and got startled
"Oh my! Have you lost your way? Do you need something?" She asked as she quickly dropped everything she was doing and started taking steps towards me.
"No, no. You don't have to bother, I'm not lost" I stopped her from taking more steps towards me
"Was told I'd find you here" I finished
"Can I be of any service to you?" She asked still standing where she stopped, waiting for response
"No, I'm fine. Continue what you were doing" I said and she immediately nod her head before she turned back to continue with the laundry. I stood at the door for another twenty minutes watching her do her thing with so much concentration like I wasn't there at all, like her life is perfectly full of roses and nothing else matters but the laundry in front of her.
"How do you do that?" I had to ask. I started taking slow steps towards her
"Do what?"
*Be so focused, no matter how hard and stressful it is. How do you get to be so focused with the terrible and hurtful things you've been through in the past. How are you able to do that Martha?"
I want to learn... I need to learn from her
"I don't let my past define my present or my future. I live my present like I was born in it, like I never lived my past."
"How is that even possible? All I think about at this point in my life is my past pain"
"That's where you fail in living" she said as she finally emptied the basket that was once filled with dirty clothes inside the washing machine before she looks up at me to see my confused face
"So you wake up in the morning feeling sad and all, why? Because you thought about your past?"
"Most mornings" she sighed
"You shouldn't live all your days in pain and grieve, don't do that to yourself or you'll get lots and lots of wrinkles on your face before you age" she joked and we laughed.
"Uhh, so that's the secret to your young pretty face?" I teased her
"I can't tell, probably." We burst out laughing again.
"Just try to stay happy Genesis" she said after a long run of laughing which felt good.
"I can do that..it would be difficult but I think I can try.
"Let's get going" she said holding the basket under her armpit.
"Are you done?" I needed to ask because the washed clothes were still in the washing machine.
"Yes. I'm done with my own share of the chores. Another maid has already been assigned to take it out and rinse, then another dry, iron, fold and to return it back to where it should be, these all done by different maids."
"Oh! Work are shared accordingly?" I asked, amazed by the ordination
"Yes" she simply replied. I followed her back through the corridor towards the maid's quarters
"Alisha ya terminé" she said to a maid, telling her she was done with the laundry
"Bueno" I heard the maid say
Come to think of it, I've been wondering how Spanish isn't spoken much here.
I mean.. we're in Spain and I'm quiet sure that majority of the maids are from here, yet this is the first time I'm hearing one speak it in this house
She closed the door and led me towards the sitting room
"I don't hear that much here." She turned to me looking utterly confused
"And what would that be?"
"Spanish. I don't hear anyone speaking their dialect here"
"Because it is not allowed"
"But you..just.." I didn't know how to form the question in my head.
"Yes, I know. Alisha is an exception." I chuckled. I guess somehow I found that funny.
I mean, Zachary don't make exceptions
"And why is that?"
"We still find that quite shocking and we're still clueless on why but yes, speaking of any language other than English is unacceptable. He makes sure to put more focus and interest in English literacy before employing but somehow he employed Alisha who finds it difficult to make a sentence in English.
Weird.
"So, apparently she is an exception. So or else we need to say something directly to her we're not allowed to speak it."
"Strange"
"Surely it is, as it is with you being down here instead of in your bedroom asleep." I looked at her, searching for my tongue
"Unable to sleep?" She helped
"Yeah..umm, yes..quite" I stammered
"I thought you were so persistent on your husband coming back and now he's back, you're here and he's there.." she said looking up at the grand stairs then back to me
"Martha.." I called and somehow it sounded like a warning call. She stopped and turn to me, stopping me as well as she was right in front of me.
"I'm sorry.. I am so sorry. I didn't mean to be too mouthy." She quickly apologized.
"It's fine" I reassured
"It is not as easy as you see it" I said as I continued walking towards the sitting room leaving her still standing there.
"I know, I know" she said as she quickly turned to follow suit
She's just saying that..
She knows absolutely nothing.
"Yeah right" I responded.
"Of course, I do." She said touching my shoulder, she must have noticed the sarcasm in my response
"You like being around him but you don't know how to show it" she finished
What?!
Quite opposite
Yeah, just like I said she has no idea.
"Exactly" I lied
Of course I can't tell her that, that it's not it..
If I do,
She will definitely know that I'm the mystery friend I speak off
"It's okay to be shy. You'll eventually learn to adjust your shyness, he is your husband so you have all the time in the world to go at your own pace."
Can she stop talking?
"Oh, thank you." I said to her, though what she was saying was beginning to irritate me.
Does she really think I would ever have anything to do with Zachary?
I plan on fleeing, I just need a little more time.
I can't blame her though she is indeed clueless.
"She said I should thank you from the bottom of my heart on her behalf for your advice. She believes it will certainly come to a great amount of use, so thank you very much." I said trying to pull us out of any conversation that is concerning my married life with Zachary that will soon be cut short. I twisted the sitting room door knob and opened the door.
"She is welcome, glad to help." Martha said as she walked inside the sitting room and closed the door behind her.
"Wow" she exclaimed, taking her time to explore the entire sitting room with her eyes.
"It is beautiful, isn't it?" I asked knowing that I had the same expression on my face when I first entered this sitting room.
"It most certainly is" she said looking at me since she was done exploring with her eyes.
"I guess you've never been in here"
"No, I haven't"
"Even to serve him wine?" She looked confused a first but finally realized who I was talking about
"No, I've never been assigned to serve the boss wine."
"And why is that?"
"It is only two maidens that are permitted to serve the boss wine"
I never knew Zachary is someone that loves coordination
"What about food?"
"No, I don't do that either"
"Then what do you do?"
"Laundry and cleaning"
"Oh!" That explains why I had never seen her since I arrived here, not until today.
"He is the one that assigned that to you?"
"Sir. doesn't assign maids to their duties, he only chooses who is worthy enough to serve him."
"And he didn't think you worthy enough?" I asked and she could only raise her shoulders
"That is silly. For him not to see how worthy enough you are is silly"
"It's fine ma'am.. Genesis, I'm not complaining" she tried to cover up
"My husband can be quite annoying at times" I said as I threw myself on the couch
"Oh no! Please don't say that" she quickly snapped which startled me.
I mean, apart from the fact that I am only trying to make her feel better, it is the obvious truth.
I gave her a questioning look
"You shouldn't say that about your husband, it doesn't make me feel any better."
"I didn't practically say it, all to make you feel better."
"I'm sorry but please don't say it to my hearing"
"Okay." I didn't want to elongate the argument any further.
"I could help you." She finally said after a minute of awkward silence
"With what?"
"I could help you feel free to express your romantic feelings to your husband." I choked on my own saliva
"Are you okay?" She asks as she walked up to me
How would I be okay?
I don't have even the tiniest feeling for that.. unexplainable human of a husband.
And I don't plan on being his wife for long.
"Oh no! That would be way too much to ask. You've actually helped me enough"
"I hope your friend not you. Now I want to help you."
"Oh Martha, that is so sweet but I don't need any help. I am my husband are doing just fine, trust me." I lied.
"Alright. But if there is anything that troubles you or your friend, please don't fail to ask for my help."
"Of course, thank you." I quickly replied with a smile.
I really admire her struggle to get involved, to help, it reminds me of a particular set of people that I know.
Truly,
I have found a good thing in her.