"Okay?"
I looked up from my clasped hands on my thighs. "Huh?"
Her bored expression morphed into an unimpressed scowl. "Don't even fucking try to act dumb with me. I'm not fucking playing with you." I swallowed the protests at the base of my throat and settled for a compliant nod. "So why have you been avoiding me all damn week? Cos I'd been tempted to chuck a knife at the back of your head several times."
I cleared my throat. "Maybe I'm just tired of seeing your face."
"I'm really not joking with you, Dee."
Damn, what was I going to tell her? "Life is just so hard, Nelly. Like so fucking hard." That was the most plausible explanation I had but Nelly didn't seem too impressed with it.
She leaned back in the sofa and stared me dead in the eyes. "If I wanted a parable, I'd open the Bible and read the gospels of Christ. I wouldn't come to you for that, so don't fucking tell me a parable." I let out a deep breath and she scoffed. "You're just dragging this shit out and I don't fucking know why."
I actually was dragging it out. Why was I doing that though? Was it fear of rejection? Guilt? "So I had a client on Monday morning. Miss Samantha." Nelly blinked once, she obviously wasn't expecting that. "She's a new client, actually a transferred client. So she has depression and I was asking her about her drug abuse history. Lady told a couple tales and I kinda zoned out when she was talking about her relationship with her baby daddy."
"So her story made you reflect on your own relationship with Diego?" My head bobbed slowly and her brows went up in slight puzzlement. "What has that got to do with you avoiding me?"
"Every fucking thing, Lee." I snapped at her. "I'm a fucking bad person, Nelly and I'm aware of it. The lady started talking about how terrible the man was to her and I realized I was just as bad as the man was. Maybe even worse. At least, Samantha is still alive."
Nelly stared at me for a while, it felt like I was an insect and she was a scientist observing me under a microscope. "What you're trying to say is that you think you're responsible for Diego's death?"
"I don't think I am, I know I am"
"Oh really?" Her lips formed a straight line. "So how did you do it? You slipped a pill in his drink to poison him? You bludgeoned him to death with a club? Stabbed him severally in the chest with the kitchen knife?"
Despite myself, my lips twitched at the edges in repressed humor. I didn't know which was funnier, her sarcastic words or the fact that she said it without any emotions. "I'm not fucking joking, Nelly."
"I'm not fucking laughing either." She pressed further on the underlying issue at hand. "So tell me how you know you killed him."
I hurried after him into the living room. "Where the fuck are you going to?"
He took his car keys and kept walking towards the door. "I don't know, anywhere that doesn't have you in it would do just fine."
"Fine! I don't want you here either. I hope that you get hit by a fucking truck on the way."
His scoff infuriated me even more. "Goodluck with that one."
I pulled his arm and he pulled it out of my grip. "Get the fuck out of here, Diego. I hope you end up dead cos I don't fucking need you. I and Mikayla, we both don't need you."
He knew I was trying to make him respond by roping Kayla in but he decided to not take the bait. He ignored me and swung the door open, leaving me alone in the living room to keep talking. I was so restless that night, walking to and fro in the house while raining curses on him. After about an hour, I eventually got tired and finally went to bed. The shrill sound of my phone interrupted the sex dream I was having and while still flustered by the experience, I answered the phone.
"Hello, is this Mrs Deborah Rodriguez?"
My brows quirked at the unfamiliar voice. "Uhmm, yeah."
There was chaos in the background, I could hear multiple people talking at the same time, running feet, metals clanking and the faint sound of an ambulance. Who was on the phone? "This is Brian Young from the LA Fire Department and I called to let you know that your husband, Diego Rodriguez, was involved in a ghastly accident. He drove into a parked truck and the car caught fire. Currently, he's in the Intensive Care Unit of Charleston Hospital. You might want to se-" The phone fell out of my hand and crashed to the ground.
"So the reason you think you're responsible for Diego's death is because you said a couple things in the heat of an argument?" My brows ticked at her bored tone, she sounded like she was indulging me. "So you're like a temple priestess now? The female version of Azrael?" Her head bobbed slowly and I eyed her warily, who knew the next thing that'd leave her mouth? "That's actually impressive."
"What are you talking about? I'm not fibbing, those things really happened." She nodded in agreement and that action alone made my blood heat up. "That's why I didn't want to tell you, you'd make me look stupid. That's what you always do."
Her lips formed an unimpressed frown. "Not you trying to play the victim to weasel your way out of this. I'd fallen for that trick one too many times, Dee. You're trying to make us not talk about this because it makes you uncomfortable. Well not today, mi amiga cos we are talking about it. " I looked away uneasily, she'd caught on to my tactics. "Chica, you're way too superstitious. That's my verdict." She made a tsk sound. "Or maybe it's not even superstitions. You're just a serial overthinker. And the thing about thinking too deep is the fact that you'd experience every emotion irrationally."
My face scrunched in mild exasperation. "So you're trying to be a psychotherapist now?"
Nelly's shoulders lifted in a shrug. "You're clearly not thinking straight but not to worry, I'm here to realign your thoughts. You've been talking shit all night and I'm sick of it. This guilt tripping isn't going to exonerate you from your mistakes, not one bit. If you want to be a martyr, that's completely fine but this is definitely not the way to do it." She ignored my annoyed scoff. Why did she always have to be sarcastic? "You said something like this after his funeral, you just didn't give me the details. Chica, you've got a whole fucking daughter to think about. In my opinion, you have nothing to regret about."
"Ughhh, Mikayla." I let out the breath I had been holding in and my voice dropped to a barely audible whisper. "Sometimes, I feel sad for her when I'm with her. I feel like I deprived her of something. Or someone." I looked away and Nelly's loud sigh echoed in my head. "I feel like a fucking monster sometimes."
She stayed silent for a while before leaving the sofa she was in to share mine with me. Her fingers perched on my shoulders and started kneading the stiff muscles in the joints. She must had really felt pity for me because Nelly was not very generous with her massages. I could beg all day and she still wouldn't give me a second of her time. But at the moment, she was doing it without request. I closed my eyes and allowed her nimble fingers work their magic on my shoulders.
"Dee, you need to get that narrative out of your head. You shouldn't feel pity for Mikayla, she has the most awesome mom who'd sacrifice a lot for her and that's all that really matters. The past is the past for a reason, you obviously can't change it so why do you have to keep reliving it, torturing yourself while doing that." She balled her fists and hammered on my shoulders lightly. "That's why you immersed yourself in work, right? So you wouldn't be able to stay with Kayla and experience that guilt all over again?" I responded with a single nod. "Mi vida, you're wrong. So fucking wrong. You shouldn't do that, besides you didn't kill Diego. He died because he was drunk driving. He drank a whole motherfucking cellar and ran into a truck right after. You didn't force him to drink, you didn't force him to drive, all those were his actions." She cut me off when I tried to argue. "And yes, you said you wanted him to get hit by a truck but then, everybody says the exact same thing. I say it, Kayla says it, even my abuela said it to me on Sunday because according to her, I desecrated the eucharist by talking about sex." She chuckled softly at the memory. "You see my friend, stuffs like that happen. You don't need to take it too serious. You didn't kill him or aid in his death. Stuffs happened and he died. God bless his beautiful soul." She paused to make a sign of the cross. "You and Diego had issues in your marriage and most people do too. Nothing too special, mi amiga." Her hands tugged at my ears in a playful gesture. "You're not a bad person, Dee. If you were, I'd know for sure."
I rubbed at my eyes hastily to prevent the tears from spilling. Nelly's talk made me a lot more better and a little less guilty. "Well you , on the contrary, are a bad person and I'm very sure of that." She rolled her eyes in humor and I continued. "I'm the hero in this story and you're the villain."
She pushed my head and went to her previous sofa. "I ain't never seen a story where the villain saves the day. You should be ashamed of yourself for real. I know I am." My nose wrinkled in displeasure. "What were doing in the kitchen before I caught you? Trying to make breakfast and dinner for tomorrow?"
"Nah, I was thirsty. I forgot to drink some when I got back from work." She nodded in understanding. "And now I think of it, I didn't even get to drink a drop because someone likes sneaking up on people."
Her face had a blank expression on it. "I didn't sneak up on you. It's not my fault that your ears are faulty." She brushed my protests with an impatient wave of her hand. "Why did you come back late anyways? I'd have asked you then but you didn't even put your fucking head up." She stood and tried to do an impression of me with her head faced down. "You looked like a fucking archeologist. Or a miner looking for some valuable shit on the ground." We both burst out in laughter, Nelly's occasional wheezes interjecting the atmosphere.
"Girl, this was the definitely the worst week of my life. I couldn't even concentrate during the staff meeting." I grimaced when I remembered how absent-minded I was, to the point I didn't hear Andre when he called me. "Andre asked me to wait after meeting and I didn't hear him, because I was thinking about you."
Her brows lifted a fraction. "Who the fuck is Andre?"
"The new CEO."
"He called you?" She wiggled her brows in a suggestive manner. "Why did he ask you to wait behind? Did he make any advances? Damn, men really are dirty bastards. So he wanted to have sex with you?"
I let out a deep sigh. "Hell, I wish."
"Ohhhhhhh." She cooed. "You wish he wanted to have sex with you?" My lips make a downward curve and she gave me a deliberate slow once-over. "I thought you weren't interested in him. Oh, how the tables have turned."
I hissed and stood to go to the kitchen. "No fucking table has turned. I didn't say I wanted him to want to have sex with me, I meant I wished he called me for something as trivial as sex."
"I resent that. Sex is very fucking far from trivial. But that's by the way." She followed after me. "So why did he ask you to wait behind?"
I took a bottle of water from the fridge and proceeded to get a glass. My encounter with Nelly the hour before made me drop back the glass, I wouldn't be happy at all if I broke another. "I forgot to submit my log-ins. And that's because I haven't been writing them." I chugged down the water in the plastic bottle. "For the past two weeks, Lee."
"First off, what's a log-in?"
I discarded the empty bottle in the trash can. "Uhmm, it's like entries." Her blank look told me she didn't know what an entry was either. "Like records, kinda. Everytime I have a therapy session with a client, I write down the minutes of our discussion. Later on though, I'd have to write my personal views on the session, my suggestions, therapeutic solutions, observations and a bunch of other official nonsense. It's just so the company can keep a track of the client's progress, the therapist's proficiency and whatever else it is used for."
She nodded slowly before responding. "I didn't understand a fucking thing you said but I'm not that interested, so it's all good." I scowled derisively and she shrugged in nonchalance. "So according to you, you haven't written a log-in in two weeks?" I nodded in affirmation. "For any of your clients?" Another nod. "Isn't that going to be a lot of work whenever you decide to write it?" I grimaced in horror and nodded again.
"It's a terrible amount of work, Lee."
She started to snicker until she saw the expression on my face. "Oh, I know that look. You want to ask me to help you out with something." I smiled sweetly and she shook her head with so much vigor, I thought it'll roll off her neck. "I'm already refusing."
I pouted. "But you haven't heard what my request is yet."
"I don't care, I'm just not going to do it." I gave her my big puppy eyes and she scowled. "That only works with Mikayla and you're not her so move along before I poke your eyes with my nails."
I glowered at her for a few seconds. "Well it involves Kayla so you'd have to agree anyways."
"What do you mean?"
"Andre gave me till next week Friday to complete all the log-ins and submit them. I can't do it while I work so I'd have to do it after working hours so....." I let the word hang so she could fill the blank space herself.
She narrowed her eyes at me in suspicion. "So you're trying to say you'd be back home late?"
I snapped my fingers, just like Andre had. "Exactly!"
"How late?"
I winced as I responded. "Very."
A frown settled on her temple. "9pm ish?"
Damn, why did she have to ask for specifics? "11pm ish."
Her nostrils flared up, just like I expected. "This is bullshit."
I nodded solemnly. "I know, mi amiga." The display of my hand cut her off from interrupting me. "But it's just for a week. Just one week, Lee."
"For the record I hate your job."
I nodded in agreement. "Me too. But then, it pays my bills so I guess there's no alternative for me."
We horsed around for a couple minutes and decided to retire for the night. Whenever she slept over, she always spent the night in my room. So as I walked her to my door, I kept warning her to desist from scattering my room.
"For real. Is there any chance you'd keep my room tidy?" She shook her head in defiance. "Please."
"Keep dreaming, motherfucker." Immediately, an image of duvet and bedsheets on the floor came to my head. I was pretty sure my room would look that way the next morning.
"Idiot." She chuckled softly as her hand touched the doorknob and she turned her head to look at me with a wicked grin on her face.
"On the odd chance that you do have the ability to wish death on people, can I give you a couple names?" My face scrunched in confusion for a few seconds and when I finally understood what she meant, I glared daggers at her.
"Girl, you are crazy. So fucking crazy." She cackled and went inside my room. I was about to head to Mikayla's room when I remembered I hadn't done a particular thing. I knocked on her room door and waited for her acknowledgement. "Hey, I just wanted to tell you I'm sorry. You know, about the avoidance and shit. I shouldn't have done that and I want to apologise."
A beat of silence passed. "Bitch, if you don't get away from that door right now. I'm trying to sleep and you trying to love on me? I'll accept your apology tomorrow when you present me a loaf of home baked bread." I chuckled at her response. "With lots of chocolate chips in it."
"Yeah. Definitely not happening." She released a few Spanish curse words behind the closed door and I finally went to bed. For the first time that week, I slept with a burden free mind. As usual, I woke by 6am the next morning and started my Saturday chores. Unsurprisingly, Mikayla woke up before Nelly and told me what she wanted for breakfast.
"Waffles." Her groggy voice was comical and I stifled my laughter.
"What kind, sweetie?"
She closed her eyes for a few seconds and responded when she opened them. "Blueberry." I nodded and asked her to go brush her teeth. I knocked on Nelly's door to check with her.
"We making waffles for breakfast. You up for that?"
A muffled sound came from inside and a few seconds passed before she responded. "What kind of waffles?"
I scowled at the door. The audacity! "Bitch, you're going to eat whatever I give to you. Be it blueberry, cranberry, raspberry or strawberry waffles. You do not have a motherfucking choice, this ain't no fucking restaurant." I pressed my ear to the door to hear the curses she was flinging around.
"Eres una chica estúpida." I chuckled at that particular one and turned on my heels only to come face-to-face with a scowling Mikayla. Her arms were crossed across her chest, her eyes were squinted in disapproval and I couldn't deny, she did look a little bit frightening.
"Mama, you said bad words." With that, she made a tsk sound and shook her head in disappointment before strolling to the bathroom.
I stood transfixed for a couple minutes before shaking my own head in astonishment. Damn, my parenting skills were in desperate need of fine-tuning and refurbishment. As I made the blueberry waffles, snippets of my episode with Kayla came to me and I chuckled every single time.
"Kayla, you can't go to the park today. It's literally raining outside." I overheard Nelly and was particularly grateful that I wasn't the one who had to break Kayla's heart that morning. Since she couldn't go the previous Saturday because of the rain, I promised to take her the following week but as the Lord would have it, it was raining again. Must be heartbreaking for her.
Later that day, Nelly's mother called and spoke to each of us. The woman was particularly fond of Mikayla. After all, her daughter babysat her for me everytime. Nelly's relationship with her mom was a little confusing. Sometimes, they were chill. Other times, they would literally be screaming over the phone.
"It's been a while since I heard from your mom." Nelly remarked as the call with her mother ended.
"She called me a week ago." I blinked a few times when something came to my mind and tapped her leg in excitement. "Girl, you won't believe who she said is back."
She slapped my hand away. "Who?"
"Deshae."
Her brows went up slightly. "Deshae Marcus?" I nodded in affirmation. "Wasn't he the one who took your virginity?"
My face contorted with mild perplexity. "I don't see how that is important, but yeah. Anyways, my ma called to tell me he's back."
"Where did he even travel to? Fucking London, right?"
"Yeah." I chuckled when I thought back to the phone call. "Ma said he talks with a bit of an accent now."
Nelly snickered before clearing her throat. "Oi, mate." A few seconds of silence reigned between before we both barked out in mad laughter. "That was a fucking terrible British accent. The Queen might behead me if she got a wind of this." I agreed with her amidst my laughter. "Your mom met him at a store or something?"
"He actually came to the house to ask about me." I scowled when a slow smile formed on her face. "What?"
"You know what they say. One can never forget their first love."
I rolled my eyes. "Well, Ford from 2nd grade was my first love. Not Deshae."
She shrugged. "Maybe you were his first love then."
"I really don't care to be honest." I slapped her hands away when she try to poke my sides. "The worst part is that my ma gave him my number."
Mikayla beamed at that information. "Damn, I can't wait for when he'll call. I'd like to see the expression on your face then." I grimaced and prayed that he'd never call.
Old flames should be left to die out.