Camerone:
My head is spinning with the summary the nurse has just given me on Scarlet's condition. I don't know how to feel or how to react I feel sick, like I am about to puke. The nurse said that she was lucky to have survived this accident, she said that usually with motorcycle accidents to this magnitude the rider almost always does not make it. 'She may actually pull through this. I swear she will never ride a motorcycle again if I have anything to do with it. I am positive that Jace will more than likely agree with this decision also.'
Jace walks out of Scarlet's room, and I can tell that he is barley keeping himself pulled together I am almost too afraid to ask him what I should be prepared to see when I enter her room. "Are you ok Jace?" He has been so strong for me, and I haven't even asked how he is doing. I know that he loves her so know that he must be struggling.
"No, I don't think that I am ok to be honest. I think this is the hardest thing that I have ever experienced. Then I see you...when I look at you it reminds of when you guys lost your parents. I remember the way you guys completely isolated yourselves from everyone. You held yourself together so well for Scarlet and I know that she did the best that she could, but I could tell she was dying inside. I didn't know how to help then, and I feel guilty because even now I still don't know how to help. It's like I've lost my will to live, I can't fuck breath...I can't even manage to swallow the damn lump that somehow continues to get bigger and bigger in my throat by the minute." I see him physically trying to force the lump down his throat.
"Well to be honest, when we lost our parents, it was pure torture, it was final we didn't get to say goodbye. To this very day I still have nightmares, losing them still affects me in a bigger way then I could have ever imagined. And with as close as I have come to losing Scarlet...I just cannot imagine going through this again with the only family that I have left. I have to believe that she will be ok. I've raised her, outside of you she is all that I have in this world, it will literally be the end of me. How does she look?" He looks so hurt and I can't prolong the inevitable. He swallows hard again clearly struggling for words,
"She is very bruised...she almost looks as though she is suffocating due to all of the tubes and the wires that are keeping her alive. She looks like she is in pain and at peace all at the same time. If you want to see her, you should hurry in about 20 minutes they are taking her for more testing to make sure her brain isn't damaged." He looks utterly defeated as he says the words and as clearly as I see the defeat on him, I feel it to my very core.
I give him a quick nod and slowly make my way to her room. I keep reminding myself that she is doing ok unlike the last time I was here at the ICU in this very hospital. I take a deep breath as I enter her room. The first thing I notice is how bruised her face is, she still looks as beautiful as she always has only, she looks like she is suffering. If I hadn't known this was Scar, I would not have recognized her as easily. I feel my knees begin to tremble, I walk over to her bed and gently kiss her forehead as I have done at least a thousand times growing up. I take her free hand gently as to not disrupt her monitors. "Hi baby sister, I don't know if you can hear me, but I love you. I'm so sorry this happened, dads' bike is completely totaled but I saved it from the chop shop. Honestly I almost didn't but I knew that you would be devastated."
I pause briefly trying to keep my voice from wavering, "Jace is here, we don't know how to tell Ella, mostly. Thank you for fighting to stay alive." I have to pause again because if I don't I know I'll break down again and I don't want her to hear that. I gently rub her hand careful not to touch her IV. Everything about being here, seeing my little sister in this bed surrounded by all these cords and tubes...it breaks me, I didn't get to see my mother and father alive like this, by the time I had finally made it to the ICU they were already gone. I look at Scarlet's face, with her helmet on how in the hell is her face so bruised. Shouldn't her helmet have protected her from something like this?
"Please sissy keep fighting, get stronger. I will be here rooting for you every single moment of everyday. Jace is here too fighting for you just as much as I am. We may be a small army, but we are a strong one. It's not your time to be with mom and dad...not yet. I still need you baby sister so stay strong for us." I give her another gentle kiss on her forehead just as the nurse enters the room.
"Sorry to bother you, I am here to take Miss Scarlet to get some more tests done. Hopefully with these tests we will have more answers and with the answers we can get a medical plan put together." The nurse smiles at me warmly with a thoughtful look on her face as she wheels Scarlet out of the room in her bed. I watch as far down the hallway as I can, I feel so helpless, I feel as though I have been kicked in the chest and that the wind has been completely knocked out of me. I feel the tears start to trickle down my cheeks spilling over the brim of my eyes once again without my permission.
I slowly make my way to the waiting room where I left Jace, I see him staring out the window with a look on his face that I can only explain as pure torture. I know how he feels in so many ways, he finally gets with my sister after having a crush on her for years and just like that she could so easily be ripped from us, all because of a stupid piece of shit driving drunk. In my line of work, I have seen the aftermath of so many accidents for this exact same reason and most of them end the same...someone doesn't make it. I feel so defeated in this moment.
"Are you doing ok after seeing her Cam? I know that it is too similar to when you went through this with your mom and dad..." Jace has a pained look on his face mixed with concern. He really has been a huge part of my life; he was there with me helping me through the loss of my parents and he was there when I thought that I couldn't continue to raise Scarlet. He deserves to be so happy, and I can tell from watching him going through this that he was beyond happy. I have to believe that everything will be ok, he will have his love back and I will have my baby sister back. I know for damn sure that there will be nothing that could stand in our way of protecting her.