Chapter Forty-Five – The Lies We Tell
Rusty stole glances at his mom, who grimaced slightly with each bite she took. A lot of convincing had been employed just to make her sit at the table with them. When they arrived, he and August had found his mom in a worse state than he'd expected, and that irritated him. She had been the one to call him over, even encouraged him to bring a friend, and now she was like this. As much as he tried to tell himself that she wasn't responsible for her mood swings, and maybe those pills made her worse not better, just as she had told him, he couldn't control the rancor he sensed developing, hard as a rock inside him and growing at a frightening speed.
"You have a lovely house, Ms. Wilder," August tried her best to make conversation.
Yeah, lovely. The lawn was dryland, and it looked like his mom had chosen that precise moment of the year to do some cleaning, because there were old things thrown out in the back yard all over the place. At least she had taken some time to clean the living room and the kitchen. He should have been grateful for small mercies. And August, of course, tried to play the role of the pleasant guest, as much as she was able to do that under the circumstances.
"It's a pain to keep a house like this," Rusty's mom complained right away. "And this boy of mine has forgotten he has a home. He only comes to see me if I call and call to tell him to drop by once in a blue moon."
Definitely in a bad mood, Rusty mused and looked down at his plate. The quiche Jonathan had battled with him to take along seemed tasteless. Good thing he hadn't given in to the idea of bringing Matty home. His mom was on the warpath.
"College can be very demanding," August said, "especially since it's senior year. Rusty needs to focus on his studies."
"He should focus on family from time to time," his mom continued in the same vein. "And I know he doesn't care about studying and college. He's just doing it for his father. As if that will ever convince that wayward man to give a damn about his family."
August gave him a sympathetic look across the table. Yeah, she had been the better choice, after all. If Matty were here, what would he think of a scene like this? Matthew Han looked like someone who came from a family that would never make their son feel like this when bringing friends over. No, probably he came from a family with strong values and a great love for their only son. A universe away from how he had grown up. He crushed the napkin in his hand and then threw it on the table. "I'm done," he said and pushed the plate away. "I'll show August around town. We'll be back in a couple of hours." That was the minimum required to deal with the anger growing inside him like a nasty beast.
"But you two just got here," his mom protested. The look in her eyes was regretful, but Rusty had learned a long time ago not to fall for that kind of act. If he gave in, she took, and took, without thinking twice.
"I'll take care of the dishes, Ms. Wilder," August offered and quickly got up. Probably, she couldn't stand spending time in that awful woman's company a moment longer.
"This town has nothing for you young people to see," his mom mumbled but mostly to herself. "Just make sure to come back before dark. I go to sleep early. That's what the doctor says I should do. He doesn't care that I suffer from insomnia. So, no loud noises, all right?"
"Duly noted," Rusty said and grabbed his own plate. He'd have to apologize to Jonathan for treating his quiche like that. It looked like even the best food in the world tasted like cardboard when served with a side of family drama.
***
"Well, do you regret coming along already?" he asked August, as soon as they were outside and could breathe freely. Even the air in that house felt oppressive. No wonder he had spent all his days either outside or at Maddox's house since they'd moved here.
"No. I'm glad," August replied.
"For real?" He put his hands in his pockets and began walking fast. "Don't tell me this kind of thing makes your day or something."
"No, but it was more than enough to convince me that you needed someone by your side on this trip back home." August took his arm and wrapped hers around it. "Has she always been like this?"
Rusty took a deep breath. "I'm so pissed at her right now, which makes me want to say 'yes', but it's not true. When I was little, she was different. She liked to laugh a lot. Actually, she was sort of extreme, I mean like really hardcore. We would play together until I couldn't sit straight because my eyes were closing by themselves. Then, my dad came home and scolded us. Really, it was like she was the same age as me."
"It sounds like she used to be fun. So, was it the divorce that, you know, messed her up?"
Rusty shrugged. "That sounds like a reasonable explanation, right? I mean, she always blamed my dad for everything, even the slightest of her mood swings. And she made me believe that, too." He took a moment to think about it.
August nudged him lightly. "You're not so sure anymore, right?"
"No."
"Maybe you should ask your dad, too."
He scoffed. "Yeah, like he'd tell me anything. I tried a few times, you know? I tried to understand why he left us."
"And what did he tell you?"
"He gave me the spiel. He and mom hadn't seen eye to eye in a long time, and discovered that they were very different people. It sounds like a bunch of bull to me. He must be guilty for it if he doesn't want to say. And that kind of confirms what she's kept telling me all the time, doesn't it?"
August nodded thoughtfully. "You've had it rough, my friend."
"Rusty Parker, when did you get here?"
The sudden exclamation made them both stop right in the middle of the street. Rusty's face lit up as he saw Maddox's mom right there, a bag full of groceries in her arms, just closing the trunk of her car, eyes smiling just as much as her mouth. At her age, she was still the prettiest girl in the whole neighborhood. Without looking standoffish, she had a way of carrying herself and dressing that always made her seem put together and on top of everything. With seven kids at home, plus Rusty, she had to be, or otherwise her soul would have ended up being theirs alone.
"Mrs. K, let me take those for you," he said gallantly as he grabbed the bag. "This is my friend August," he added.
"So happy to meet you, August," Florence said and opened her arms.
August just threw him a small alarmed look but she returned the hug. As they pulled away, she realized. "You must be Maddox's mom!"
"The one and only. Have you kids had anything to eat? I just got back from a farmer's market miles away from here, but everything was a steal. If you come around in about three hours, I'll have dinner ready."
"Oh, we wouldn't want to impose--" August started.
Florence turned toward Rusty. "Doesn't she know you're my eighth child? I can't believe you haven't told your friend about me, Rusty." Her tone was playful, none of that guilt-trip his mom was an expert at dishing out like it was her prerogative. "And how is Matthew? Did you bring him along, as well? We all want to meet him."
Rusty groaned. "Does Maddie ever keep anything from you?"
"Hopefully, only the things that don't concern me," Florence replied cheerfully. Then, as if she could read his mind, she added, "And it does concern me when it's you getting involved with a pretty boy with smarts that only rival our Jonathan's."
Just how much was Maddox sharing with his mom? He was so going to kill his bestie once he got back to Sunny Hill. But it warmed his heart to hear Florence talk like that. "I didn't bring him this time," he admitted, and it was the first time since he got here that he regretted doing just that. Maybe he should have brought both Matty and August so that they could meet the famous mother Kingsley.
"Okay, we'll come over," Rusty said and snickered as Flo embraced him tightly, risking crushing all those organic veggies between them. "Let me just take these inside for you."
August waited until they were both outside again. "Wow, Maddox's mom is awesome, Rusty. And she's seriously crazy about you."
"She's crazy about everybody." That wasn't exactly true, but Florence did more than her fair share of work when caring for all kinds of people. Such as his mom. Rusty felt his anger coming back and pushed it down.
"Aren't we going to be out too late if we have dinner at her house?" August asked. "Your mom seemed quite annoyed with us."
"Yeah, when isn't she annoyed with something or someone?" He breathed in and out once and loudly. "We're going to be careful not to wake her up." He doubted she would even be asleep. There was always the possibility that she was itching for a fight, something he had dodged for quite a while. Despite Florence casting her little ray of sunshine over his visit there, the reality of his family burned darker.
That wasn't something he ever wanted to let Matty see.
***
It was sort of strange to spend Saturday without seeing Rusty at all and, since he hadn't texted, Matty had decided against being the first to do so. It was very clear that Rusty disliked visiting his mom profoundly and blamed it on boredom, but he was quite sure that there had to be something more to that dislike. Families could be complicated but, in all honesty, he didn't know much about such things. His family was a rock, a steady reality that he was a bit afraid that he must have taken for granted on more than one occasion. His parents were best friends and had always been, and that must have helped them become the happy family they were. They could be strict, too, but that came with the territory. He had to smile at all those Asian dad memes. It wasn't his dad always drilling into him that he had to learn and succeed all the time, but his mom of Irish and German descent. That also served as a recurring joke between him and his dad.
He hadn't spoken to them in a while. Great, now he felt a little guilty about it, too. He took out his phone without thinking twice as he sat on the bench in the quad that had been marked by him and Zoey as theirs. These days she was busy with cornering Dex from all sides, as she described it, which was why he was alone now.
His mom picked up on the second ring. "Matty," she exclaimed right away, "how are you? Is school fine?"
Of course, that would be her first question, so he rolled his eyes but did it with affection. "School's totally fine."
"Just fine?" she teased him.
"Absolutely great! Amazing! All these books make me want to get a tattoo with the most complicated math formula in existence."
His mom gasped for show. "Don't you dare get a tattoo, young man."
"Come on, mom, a small one," he begged.
She laughed. "How are things, Toots?"
"They're great. I'm studying just as hard as if you were blowing cold air down my neck."
"Cold air? I thought you once drew me as a dragon," his mom joked, although that one was true. "Besides studying. Have you met anyone? A cute boy, perhaps?"
With his parents being so strict and all, he had feared that coming out to them while still in high school would make them think differently of him, but his fears had proven completely unfounded. His dad had just nodded and hugged him, while asking him if anyone at school was giving him a hard time, while his mom had started a long list of all the positive traits her son's future partner should have. Rusty wouldn't make it through half of that list, Matty thought, and his heart grew small. But that was his mom's list; on his list, Rusty was not only at the top, his was the only name on it.
"A cute boy who studies hard, knows seven languages, plays the violin and is already a neurosurgeon at twenty-one? I think I saw one just the other day. He was saving the whales while teaching unfortunate children math at the same time."
His mom laughed wholeheartedly. "Say what you want, Matty, but it's important to have standards. I mean, look at you. You're a catch. You're smart, accomplished, ambitious, handsome. What more could anyone want in a partner?"
At least, his mom's list where it concerned him was shorter and more realistic. Matty didn't care to point out the stark difference between the two. "How are you and dad?"
"We're great. But for a couple of oldies like us, days tend to be the same. You're the one who should have news. And don't think I didn't notice how you dodged my question."
He wanted to protest. Would it be so bad to let his mom know about Rusty, at least a little bit? He didn't have to tell the whole truth. "Well, I sort of met someone," he said quickly before he had a chance to change his mind. "He's a student here, at Sunny Hill."
"Well, well, well," his mom said slyly, "your tone of voice tells me there are things about this boy you don't want your mom to know. I understand, Matty, don't you think I don't. But I would very much like to remind you that both your dad and I were young once."
"Oh, what a shock," Matty said gamely. "I would've never imagined it if you hadn't told me just now."
"So, who is this young man? What's his name?"
Matty licked his lips nervously. "Rusty. Rusty Parker. He's a star of the basketball team." Used to be.
His mom's silence didn't make him feel any less anxious. "He's a jock," she said matter-of-factly. "Not exactly what I imagined my future son-in-law would be."
"Mom!" Matty protested. "He doesn't even know he's my boyfriend." Now that just came out wrong. "I mean, we are just getting to know each other, and I like him very much."
"I had no idea jocks would be…" she seemed to struggle to find the right words.
"Gay?" Matty supplied the word she was looking for right away.
"They tend to be macho types, yes," his mom continued, unfazed, as if she hadn't been hesitating just a moment ago. "And the kind who cares only about sports. How did you and he get to know each other? Is he new at the school?"
It was a very good thing that he hadn't told his mom anything about his crush on Rusty over the years. This conversation was difficult enough as it was. "No, but we just haven't crossed paths until this year." At least, that was true. The source of his anxiety regarding this talk with his mom was complex. Was he afraid to disappoint her with his choice? What a joke. Of course, he was. All his life he had only aimed to make her proud of him. However, this matter of the heart, so to speak, was a lot more complicated than the good grades and academic achievements he had brought home over the years. It was, first of all, completely different. And then, there was the thing about his relationship with Rusty, of not having a definition, one clear-cut and obvious, as to what it was.
"You're awfully silent, Matty. What is it about this young man, - Rusty, right? - that you don't like?"
"I like everything about him," Matty replied. And he did. He had crushed on him for so long, but once he had gotten to know him, he had fallen in love for real. His heart felt suddenly so full that he couldn't keep in a sigh.
His mom laughed. "So, he must be dreamy if he makes you sigh like that."
"Well, he is," Matty said. "He's very handsome."
"And what else?" his mom continued to prod him.
"He's very bright and talented."
"Talented in regards to how he manages to throw a ball through a hoop?"
"Come on, mom, you taught me not to be judgmental."
"Sorry, sorry, just trying to get a feel for his character here," his mom replied quickly. "Don't blame me for being curious. You've never mentioned a boy before."
"He has more, like, hidden talents," he continued.
"Hidden? Why does he need to hide them?"
"It's complicated," Matty said quickly. The more this conversation progressed, the more he realized that it had been a mistake to start it. Rusty wasn't at all like the man his mom pictured while building her long list of attributes for her future son-in-law.
"You're not getting too involved in someone else's drama, are you, Matty?"
Of course, she would ask that. She was very protective, and he got it, and she wanted him to have a life that was all smooth sailing, but things weren't always like that. Even now, whatever drama Rusty had to deal with while visiting his mom, he had wanted to be a part of it. Too bad Rusty hadn't accepted his offer to come along. How could he really explain Rusty and everything that made him so amazing in his eyes, when the other person hadn't met him?
"I'm not," he said. "He's worth it, though, and it's not drama. It's just that he's on a path to discover who he truly is." He hoped that was the case. But Rusty didn't do things by half. If he wore a mask and a cape to roam the campus at night and sing arias from popular operas, it was because that had to be something he believed in. It was, however, only guesswork on his part; one of these days, he'd have to ask Rusty. He needed to put on his big boy pants and learn what truly made the guy he was in love with tick.
"All right. But you sound like you're not convinced, Matty. And what's your relationship with him? You said that you're not yet boyfriends."
"Yeah." He didn't even recognize his voice in that whisper. Was his affection that poorly woven that the lightest breeze was enough to make it come undone? The sudden scrutiny, to which he was subjecting himself of his own accord, made him see things in a different light. He had been a coward, he realized, and got a little mad at himself.
"But you want him to be that for you, don't you?" his mom asked, oblivious to all the conflicting emotions he was experiencing at the moment. "Then you know what to do. You go at it with everything that has made you a success in life so far. I know you have it in you."
"Really? I have your blessing?" He couldn't believe his ears. This was his mom, the mom with the list, the mom whom he had drawn as a dragon when he was little and overwhelmed by her desire for him to succeed in his studies, and the mom who would never, never allow anyone to hurt him.
Matty had a hunch that even if hurting was involved, he'd be down with it, as long as it was Rusty doing the hurting.
"As long as you don't neglect your studies. It's senior year, Matty. You must give it your all. Speaking of which, how is that Jonathan Hamilton doing? Is he showing any signs of slowing down?"
"Unfortunately not, mom," Matty said, relieved to steer the conversation away from Rusty for the time being. "He's truly gifted."
"So are you," his mom shot back. "I wonder if it's because he comes from a wealthy family that he's seen with different eyes by the faculty."
"It's not like that," he explained. "Jonathan is really hardworking and intelligent. And he explicitly forbid his parents to make donations to the school so that no one thinks he's buying his way through." His mom didn't have to know all the details about how Jonathan had supported himself through half of junior year.
"And how do you know that? Have you talked to him?"
"We're friends, actually."
"Really? That is one important piece of news, Matty. Now, no matter how friendly you two are, make sure that you steal his methods of getting such impressive grades on his exams."
"I'm not turning to a life of crime for your sake, mom," Matty joked. "Jonathan is simply a scholar at heart." Also, an impressive cook. "I'm a practical person. I study to achieve something beyond my studies." That was the kind of thing his mom liked to hear, and he didn't want to keep her hanging.
"Well, keep me posted on how things work out with your crush," his mom said cheerfully.
"Crush? It's not a crush," Matty argued.
"It sounds like it is to me."
Minutes after his conversation with his mom ended, Matty was still turning her words over in his mind and examining them from all sides. It was only natural that Rusty didn't think he was serious; he had never said anything to that effect. What was the worst that could happen? For starters, Rusty might never want to have anything to do with him ever again. But if that were the case, wasn't he only postponing the inevitable? They had been tutor and pupil, fuck buddies, friends, and what else was necessary before they ended up having that talk?
It wasn't like he felt insanely brave, and that was what he needed to be if he wanted Rusty's heart for real. His mom had talked about Rusty being only a crush to him, because he still acted as if they were at the beginning of their relationship.
How was he going to have the guts to tell him how he felt? Truly felt?
"Hey, college boy."
Matty shook his head and stared up at Jamie. They were so close he could tell that if he moved his feet only a smidge he'd end up stepping on the other's toes. That also forced him to tip his head back to look at the intruder on his thoughts.
Jamie grinned, his tattooed arms crossed over his chest, the entire bad boy thing really working for him, and, for a moment, Matty forgot that he was supposed to say something.
Jamie leaned forward, bringing their faces close and making Matty lean back even further. "Cat got your tongue, pretty thing?"
Just as he was about to reply, Matty lost his balance and was about to fall on his back in the most comical way possible when Jamie caught him and helped steady him. "I've been told I make guys fall head over heels with me, but I never took it literally."
"Thanks," Matty said dryly, "you can release me now."
"And risk letting you fall? No, that won't happen." Jamie laughed and pulled Matty forward and then up to stand face to face. "What I really want to know is why that owner of yours is letting you roam free."
It was difficult to keep a serious train of thought with Jamie crowding his space like that. Matty liked to believe that he wasn't that big a sucker for a pretty face, but it looked like he wasn't as impervious to manly charms as he thought himself to be. "What owner?" He sidestepped and managed to put some distance between himself and the other.
Jamie followed him casually, his strut as confident as the rest of him. "Consider it friendly curiosity, but how on earth did you tame that beast, Matty?"
"I'm glad to see you know my name," Matty continued. And then, completely sure of himself and even proud, "I have no idea who you're talking about."
Jamie laughed and seemed to not take the hint that Matty didn't want company. "I see. You're playing hard to get. And that would be really exciting if Rusty were into dudes to begin with. So, you see my dilemma? How did you made him fall for your sexy ass?"
"The last time I saw him, he was doing just fine, still walking on his own two feet. No sign of falling," Matty hurried to assure him.
"Not by what I saw," Jamie replied.
Matty was torn. On the one hand, he wanted to learn more about Rusty from Jamie. On the other, he was pretty sure that it wasn't healthy for him to spend too much time in that bad boy's company. "Where are you going?"
"Right now? Wherever you are, sweetie."
Matty rolled his eyes. "I'm going to study in my room. Are you sure you still want to follow me?"
"Why not? I could rub your feet while you read your boring books. I could suck on your toes, too. I bet they're just as pretty as the rest of you."
"Oh gawd," Matty groaned, "you're one of those guys into feet. That's like the most boring kink in existence." He had no strong opinion about it, actually, but he wanted, no, he needed to show Jamie that he wasn't interested.
"I'm just pulling your leg." Jamie laughed. "See what I did there? Foot, leg."
"You're a total riot, what can I say. Now, what do I have to do to get rid of you?"
"Finally, a reasonable question. All I want is for you to join me for a cup of joe and chill."
"I don't drink coffee."
"I do. You can have anything you like." Jamie took him casually by the shoulders, and Matty didn't shake him off. It looked like playing along would bring him benefits, since now he was really curious what the guy's play was. Something told him that all that flirting was a smokescreen. "Me included," a whisper brushed by his ear.
Okay, so maybe the guy was laying it on a bit too thick. But Matty was still curious.
***
"Okay, what is it that you want to know?" Matty asked.
Jamie stared at him intently. "What's the deal with you and Rusty?"
"What's it to you?" Matty asked in the same manner and sipped his soda, his eyes never leaving the handsome guy sitting across from him.
"You see, as much as it might surprise you, that mofo is my friend. So, it hurts me that he didn't let me know he got himself a boyfriend."
"Come on, dude, there's only so much eye rolling I can do in one day without straining something." Matty felt embarrassed as he remembered how Jamie had witnessed their public kiss that time. He had been mad at Rusty and didn't recall much of how Jamie had actually reacted. Now, he was trying to smooth things over by playing it cool.
"You guys are fucking," Jamie said matter-of-factly.
"So?" Matty held his chin high, praying inwardly that no one was actually close enough to their table to hear what they were talking about.
Jamie threw him an incredulous look. "That's all you have to say? That mofo changes the girls he's banging faster than socks."
"He's not a big fan of socks, it seems," Matty replied.
Jamie's face froze in a gasp and then he grinned again. "I'll be damned." He shook his head. "Not a big fan of socks, indeed. He's into ass. Your ass." He pointed at Matty with a satisfied look in his eyes.
"Well, it's none of your business, right?"
Jamie sighed. "I've known Rusty for a while. He's tough, but, you know, I've never seen him being real about someone."
"What are you trying to tell me here?" Matty asked and took another cautious sip of his beverage. "That I should… what?"
"Convince him to be real about you," Jamie said with a shrug. "He needs that kind of thing."
"I had no idea you were close enough friends that you cared," Matty pointed out.
Jamie opened his arms, making sure to flex those guns in the process. "Call me a hopeless romantic at heart. I see the two of you, and I get interested."
"I am so not buying one word you're saying."
Jamie laughed but he didn't seem to be hiding anything behind that laughter. "Do what you must, Matty. Just to be clear. If Rusty gives you the boot, don't hide in a corner, crying your heart out. Come to me. I'm good at comforting people." He pointed both hands at his chest. "Some people might even call me an expert."
"I don't doubt it for a moment," Matty said. "Still, why the interest in what Rusty does?"
Jamie leaned over the table. "I owe the guy. And he never asked for anything in return until that night when he wanted me to show you a good time. That was a shocker. Especially since he changed the deal so I was left high and dry."
"You didn't seem that keen on him that time. You got pretty pissed."
Jamie hunched his shoulders and let them drop. "Eh, you were so pretty and I got worked up."
"Why are you here?" Matty asked. It wasn't the first time Jamie had been on campus. "I mean here, at Sunny Hill, on a Saturday."
"Why not? Hunting grounds," Jamie replied. "And also on a little mission."
"To tell me… what? That you want to offer your comforting services?"
"That, and to let you know that Rusty is worth the trouble, the mofo."
Matty blinked. Jamie wasn't the first person to tell him that. He sipped from his drink again. The odds were going up. He needed to make his move soon.
TBC