I walked to the back of the car, some of the insects quieted down, and opened the trunk, the keys jingling in my hands , grabbing the tp and some waterless hand soap followed by hand sanitizer.
I then waddled, well, barely waddled, even though I am only three months along, my belly is already rounding. I've not been to the doctor, which makes me feel guilty, but I opted for the morning after pill so that I would not have this issue. And yet, here I am, still pregnant. I do take my morning pregnancy vitamin, at least I am doing something.
I open my driver's side door and use it as a shield that does nothing but help me feel a bit more secluded, and use the car itself to help me with my balance as I pull down my leggings and try to get them out of the spray zone. It's hit and miss when I need to pee out in nature. Of course, now that my belly is getting bigger, I am hitting myself more than I am missing! Ah, the glories of pregnancy and traveling in out of the way spots.
This time it is a hit....again....as my morning pee sprays quickly all down my leg and into my leggings, soaking my clothes and my body in the sweet ammonia scent. Its not too ammonia like since it's technically fresh, but still, its urine.
"Shit" I muttered out loud, trying to change the stream's trajectory, but only getting my hand wet as well as my shoes. "Feck!"
When my flow finally ends, I stand up and remove the bottom half of my clothes and shoes, then move to the trunk once again, finding not only a change of clothes, but also anti-bacterial wet wipes specifically made to clean the body. Luckily, when i began to plan this much needed escape from my reality trip, I thought of as many contingencies as I could, including the idea that I wouldn't be able to find nor afford a hotel every night and would be sleeping, cough cough, living in my car for most of the get away.
I stayed at the trunk and took care of my body, washing myself to the best of my ability, working with what I had. Once I felt clean, I wrapped all the dirty wipes in my trash bag, then dressed myself. Since I washed my face as well, I felt a bit more awake. I put the dirty clothes into my cloth bag that was thick and able to keep the smell of my urine at bay, like the other sweat soaked, spilled food, and worn clothes from this week.
I needed to find a laundromat and clean the now urine-soaked panties, leggins, socks and shoes.
I only packed leggings for this trip since I knew I was pregnant when I took off. The stretchy material would be enough to accommodate my changing body, that and the oversized shirts I took from my dad's closet. Having his smell helped me feel secure when I first set out, and now that his scent has been washed off, I feel comfort in the loose shirts.
I put everything back in their places and closed the trunk, since I am in the middle of a meadow, I decided to enjoy some breakfast before leaving.
I grabbed some water and a tea packet to put into it, plus some of the wrapped donuts. My body has been craving fruits the most, so I grabbed an apple, an orange, and a banana along with my table cloth that I would use as my picnic blanket. I would need to either throw it away or find a way to handwash it if I wanted to continue to use it.
I settled the tablecloth and put the food and my cold tea down, then I wiggled my way down, trying to be gentle to the little bundle inside me.
The ground wasn't the most comfortable, but it was still better than the concrete tables they have at rest stops off the interstates. I started with the apple, wanting the crunchiness before I ate the sweet powdered donuts.
I had several flavors of donuts, some the normal powdered or chocolate, but also the leche and lemon ones found in the Mexican grocery stores. I also had some other types of their breads and sweets, since they were not overwhelmingly sweet like the American brands.
After eating two of the donuts, I moved to the banana after taking a swig of tea.
My hands barely unwrapped the banana when I felt eyes on me.
Goosebumps flared on my skin, from my neck down. I hadn't shaved well since I first began to travel, but the goose pebbles made me think that my leg hair would be even longer after that. Then my body felt chilled as the feeling of being watched increased.
Much like the stalker I had back home.
Yet, not as vomit-inducing. I swung my head back and forth, trying to find the prying eyes, finally getting on my knees so that I could see more around me.
Nothing.
Not one little object out of the ordinary. Just like my stalker. I could always feel his eyes on me, but I could never see him clearly.
I could feel my adrenaline spike. 'It's time to go', I thought as I cleaned up my area, grabbed the table cloth and ran to my car.
Just as I passed the trunk ready to open the driver's door, reminding myself not to step in the pee puddle from earlier, I instead had my heart fall to my knees as I fell to the ground as ungraceful as one could imagine. My knees sunk into the soft ground, the flowers cushioning my fall as I came face to face with a wolf. My heart skipped a beat, then rampaged in my chest. My saliva dried in my mouth, as my brain swirled. I was hyperventilating and couldn't stop.
"I'm going to die" the words repeated in my head, until I couldn't see anything anymore and fell the rest of the way down, landing on my extended belly as darkness encased me in her welcoming arms. My last thought was not of my death, but the pain it was going to suffer through.