Chereads / The Bartender at the End of the Universe / Chapter 11 - Ch 10: You're Never Fully Dressed Without a Smile

Chapter 11 - Ch 10: You're Never Fully Dressed Without a Smile

"Now, I believe that should settle your curiosity on this matter?"

Sentenza tilted his still smoking pistols up towards the sky.

"Curious. You made no attempt to avoid them."

"Well, not all of us have the luxury of being able to avoid a gunslinger's bullets," the smiling man explained calmly in a voice dripping with equal parts sweetness, venom, and chastisement. "As I was saying. There are some accounts that I would like to clear."

Sentenza looked down at his guns and then back to the man with a stupefied look on his face. Then, something clicked. His face contorted into a harsh glare as he stared at the intruder.

"This is not the best time," scoffed Trizel as he stood up from his chair and cracked his knuckles. "Perhaps you should come back another day. Maybe with a few more reinforcements if you intend to threaten us."

The strange figure had stepped in through the doorway. Even though they were in full light, their body was cloaked in shadows. Still a few pieces of their outfit could be seen here and there. Such as their hat, which was a weathered, wide brimmed, black fedora with a worn piece of rope wrapped around as the band. The hat was somehow always positioned just right to keep their face completely in the shadows. Except of course their always present, toothy smile. Most of the rest of their clothes were hit just right by the light so that they were mostly shadows, but from what could be seen, they seemed to be in an ancient, worn black suit. It was old, ragged, and all in all, it seemed more suited to a corpse than a man.

"Now now, no need to be so hostile." tsked the man with a mocking smile.

Sentenza glared straight at the figure. "Tell me straight up. Did you give that kid a way to survive getting shot?"

The man's smile grew even bigger. Why it seemed to spread from ear to ear now. "You seem upset about something dear Sentenza. Which is odd, especially when you were given the best deal out of everyone here."

"Curious. Do you know what deal he is speaking of?" queried Sid.

"I've got no clue what he's blathering on about." snapped Sentenza before he gently set both of his pistols on the table in front of him.

"Oh dear. Oh dear." tsked the smiling man. "You're all so forgetful. Or..." an ominous twinkle sparkled for a brief moment from where his eyes should be. "Or maybe you all do remember, and you're afraid what that means with me coming to collect."

The four of them sat in silence. Sentenza glared at the man as he seethed with unbridled anger plastered over his face. Sid looked blankly towards the wall as he seemed to be searching his memory for anything relevant. After a frustrated huff, Trizel walked over to the kitchen.

"I believe you all understand, yes?" mocked the smiling man. "Or at least enough to allow me to collect what I need."

Sentenza shifted his eyes from his pistols and back to the man as he scratched his neck. Sid lifted up a finger as he appeared ready to say something, but then a barrel came flying towards the man as Trizel threw one from the doorway of the kitchen. The smiling man lifted a single hand and caught the barrel as if it was nothing more than a baseball casually tossed his way.

"We will not be intimidated!" declared Trizel proudly. "If you want to intimidate us you had better come back with an army. Then you might have a small chance of succeeding. Miniscule, but still a chance."

The man shifted the barrel over his head with ease before he set it down. "Hmm, and what is this exactly?"

"It appears to be one of the pine beer barrels." commented Sid. "I wish Trizel had thrown one of the pure brown sugar barrels, as he knows that is my favorite." Sid turned back to look at Trizel, and consciously made himself frown and shake his head.

"What? It was the closest one." grumbled Trizel.

"I just wish you had been a little more thoughtful," added Sid as he continued to robotically shake his head back and forth.

The smiling man popped off the bung on top of the barrel and took in a big whiff. "Interesting," he murmured.

After he stuck the bung back in the barrel, he set it down. With a flourish, he clapped his hands together. "It seems you all have been holding out on me."

There was an ear-piercing howl as Bakade came down the stairs and caught sight of the smiling man. In a flash she was upon him, with her bony jaw open, the flames of her eyes extinguished, and her claws ready to rip through his flesh. But with every, blindingly quick swing, the mysterious man simply moved out of the way.

"No need to be so excited. I know it's been a short while. But really now? Is this how you should greet a guest?" he chastised.

"Bakade!" yelled Sentenza. "Get away from that thing and come back here with us."

Hearing her name seemed to snap her out of her frenzy as her flames relit in her eyes. She hesitated to retreat for only a moment before she finally put the table between her and the stranger.

"Well well, another piece joins the table. Shall I cut to the chase then? Oh, but before that, where are the other two? Surely you didn't eat them?" Even without seeing his face it was obvious he was looking right at Bakade.

Trizel puffed out his chest as he strode forward. "We would rather die than tell you wh...."

"Ted's sick," interrupted Sentenza as his hand fiddled with his now empty holster. "The chicken is up there with him."

"How marvelous," chuckled the man. "Treating him as if he is her little egg, is she? I never would have guessed she was capable of any compassion, let alone something like that." He looked down at the barrel and patted it slowly. "Hmm, it would be fun to let it play out, but she would be quite angry with me if I didn't help. One must take care of their investments after all."

"Sentenza! What is wrong with you! He is clearly an enemy!" snarled Trizel as he stomped towards the cowboy.

"They haven't attacked us, have they?" sighed Sentenza as he lifted off his wide brim Spanish hat and wiped the sweat from his forehead. "Ted wanted us to be welcoming, right? He certainly went out of his way to get things to work out for the rest of us."

"That is...it is diferent." Trizel remembered how he had threatened Ted when he first showed up. "I...fine. We shall see how this goes."

As the man started to head for the stairs, Sentenza nodded his head after him. "Sid, why don't you keep him company. It was your turn to watch Ted anyway."

Sid looked at the barrel that had been abandoned by the doorway. He took a step towards it and went to open his mouth.

As he did, the smiling man put a hand on the top of his weathered hat. "Oh, and please leave that where it is. I'd like to inspect that barrel personally."

Sid flinched, but then turned and followed behind the man.

"Do behave while I'm gone. I'd hate to have to lose some of my respect for the three of you. tata kiddos."

As he disappeared up to the second floor, Trizel grumbled, "I have never met such an irritating cad in my life."

"Heee mmaaaakeeesssss mmmyyyy bbblooooodd bbbooooiiilll," complained Bakade as she slumped into a chair at the table.

"Darn it," snarled Sentenza as he slammed his fist into the table. "Even you weren't immune to bullets, and you're the least human of us all." He pointed to Bakade who looked down at the small bandages on her thigh where his bullet had grazed her. "It's just plain wrong. Bullets not working on a thing."

"Different approaches are needed for different enemies," Trizel explained as he walked back into the kitchen. He came out with two more barrels as he continued. "A Sluric Wither feels no pain from fire for example. But ice? Well, ice will cut through one faster than I can down a drink. Now, let us trust in Ted's desire for peace, and Sid's abilities. Come, share in a drink while we wait."

Upstairs, the visitor led Sid straight to Ted's room. It was as if he knew exactly where everything was. He opened the door to find Ted lying on the bed with Nugget standing at the foot of it glaring at the door. The rest of the room looked just fine. It was sparse on furniture, but there were no holes in the walls, and no shattered wood or medical supplies scattered about the floor.

"My lady. It is good to see you doing so well," the smiling man put his hand on his hat and tipped it slightly as he bowed. When he rose back up, he started to walk around towards Ted as he interlaced his fingers in front of himself.

"I was unsure what he could have contracted," explained Sid. "Without knowledge of our evolutionary differences, or the types of bacteria and germs within this world, his, and mine specifically, I..."

The man lifted a hand up towards Sid, who immediately stopped talking.

As he moved about the room, Nugget kept her steely gaze straight on him. It was just like when she had first met Trizel and Ted, although she wasn't pretending this time. She was making it exceptionally clear what she was focused on. When the man was standing next to the head of the bed, and slowly reached towards Ted's face, she appeared between them. This caused the stranger to pull his hand back as if she had startled him. With her cold eyes she stood defiantly between the shadowy figure and the bedridden Ted.

"My my. It is true." he said with a smirk. "This doesn't seem like you at all. Still, I can't have you getting in my way now. After all, how good is a doctor if they can't even inspect their patient?"

Nugget tilted her head slightly at his words. "Now, step back from him little hen. I need to make sure he is doing well, as he is very valuable to us. Maybe even more than we had first thought."

The chicken paused a moment as Sid watched from the doorway. After a deep stare at the man, she finally moved to the side, and hopped off the bed.

Free of any interference, the man roughly grabbed Ted's face by squeezing his cheeks and turned him this way and that. He lifted the blankets and poked and prodded as Ted groaned. "Hmm, he is sleeping well enough." mused the man. "First, some fresh air will do him good." He walked over to the window and after undoing the latch, he lifted it open. "Ah, much better. Much better."

"Do you know what he is suffering from?" queried Sid.

"Yes, and no." He strolled back to the bed and flipped Ted over onto his stomach as easily as you would flip a coin. He lifted up the back of his shirt and inspected the bandages along his back. After a short, "Hmmm." he pulled his shirt back down and flipped him over. He pulled the blankets back up around him. Then he pulled out a bottle filled with viscous orange liquid. He unscrewed the top and put it up against Ted's mouth. As he held Ted's nose shut, he forced him to drink just a bit of the stuff. When he pulled it away, Ted let out a few coughs, before finally settling down. He spun like a ballerina and walked up to Sid.

"What are..."

He shoved the bottle into Sid's hands and wagged his finger. "That's a trade secret I'm afraid."

"Is this some kind of magic potion?" Sid asked as he inspected the liquid.

"Oh heaven's no. That's just a little gift from his reality. Dayquil."

"Wait a moment. You said this was a..."

"Oh, you are hilarious," he chuckled as he draped an arm around Sid's shoulder. "That wasn't what I was talking about."

"Then what..."

"Anyway," he seemed to get a bit of joy every time he interrupted Sid as his smile grew each time. "If you follow my advice, he should be awake tomorrow, and all better in two or three days. I'll need you to take him out of that bed, wash him and change his bandages twice a day. Once in the morning, and once at night. Oh, and make sure he has a couple tablespoons of that Dayquil every four hours."

As the man led Sid out of the room with his arm around him, Nugget continued to glare at him. Until he finally was completely out of sight, and she jumped back up onto the bed. Although, instead of sitting on his feet, Nugget walked up onto his chest, and settled down to sleep while she watched his face.

"Well now!" cheered the smiling man as he strolled down the stairs. "I can hardly believe my eyes. All three of you killers, sitting peacefully having not made any trouble. I am shocked I say, shocked!"

"Hoooowww Iiisssss..." Bakade was speaking slower than normal. As if she wanted to stretch out when she may receive what could be bad news.

"I believe this man knows what he is doing," explained Sid as he cut her off. "His appraisal makes sense to me, and if we follow his directions Ted should be back to normal in approximately seventy-two hours."

"Making things more complicated than they need to be? I like it!" cheered the man as he walked up to the barrel and poured some of the pine beer into his hand. He dipped on the small pool of liquid, and with a curious, "hmm," he licked his lips.

He made a quick turn towards the others who anxiously kept their eyes on him. "Now, I think you all have a lot to think about. So, as a favor to you all. I think I shall just take a couple barrels of this wonderful stuff you have made as payment for now. Then, let's say, oh twenty full barrels a week until I figure out a more permanent way for you to pay us back."

Trizel choked on air and would have spit out his drink if he had not already finished it long ago. "Twenty barrels? We'll be out of supplies by the second week!"

"Oh? Well, we can't have that, can we?" The man put his thumb and finger on his chin as he went, "Tsk. Tsk. Tsk. Very well then. If they are satisfactory, I shall consider bringing you some supplies of my own. If not, well..." His smile grew ominous and threatening, like a sadistic Tiger appraising a cornered mouse. "Well, you just may have to decide which drain on your supplies is worth keeping around, and which will feed the others..."