It felt like forever walking back through the dark secret hallways. I had roughly memorized the path and the junctions that Cain had led me through, but I still had the feeling that I was a bit lost.
Meanwhile, thousands of thoughts rushed through my head.
What if I never found my way out of here? What if I walked right into a traitor's arms? What if George or Cain were chasing me?
No... if they really did that, they would have definitely caught up with me by now.
George's priority was probably getting Cain to Leopold in the first place. And Cain's priority right now was probably a confrontation with Leopold and his own Family.
But… would Cain make it? According to the voices in the throne room, there were probably several 'guards' holding Cain's family captive. Would Cain be able to take on all of them?
I quickly shook my head. Why was I worried about him? I was lucky to get off scot-free at all. But why did I care so much that I had 'left Cain behind'? Why did it trigger this uneasy feeling in me? Why did it feel like I was betraying him? After everything that happened to me... after everything he did to me... I had good reasons to leave him, didn't I?
I wanted to bang my head against the nearest stone wall. Why did it all have to be so complicated? In all the novels I've read, the protagonist always knew what to do. They were always determined and always fought for what was right. They always had an answer for everything and it was always kind of easy for them. And me? What have I been in this world? I couldn't even make a real difference here. I couldn't even bring myself to really love someone like Cain. That feeling nagged me.
Was I such a failure? Why wasn't it okay to actually do something to save my skin? Was the desire for a quiet, simple life really too much to ask for? I didn't really understand.
…
I was relieved when I recognized the bright door slot behind the fireplace in Cain's room. I immediately pried the door open with all my strength and breathed out a sigh of relief when I found myself back in Cain's bedroom.
It was quiet. As if nothing had happened right now. It almost felt the same as always. But only almost.
Not a second passed before Isayah appeared in front of me with her dark fog. I don't think I've ever been so relieved to see her here.
I quickly wiped the tears from my eyes, "I...I have to go..."
"I know." She answered calmly and opened another secret door in Cain's room. It was the same door that Cain used to take me to the summer festival. The door behind the bookshelf. My heart tightened painfully as I thought back to that time.
The summer festival was one of my most beautiful experiences here. It had felt almost magical. But now that faint memory has receded into the distant past. The reality I was in now was very different. It was no longer easy. Life suddenly felt difficult. And heavy.
I quickly tried to shake off this oppressive feeling, but I didn't really succeed. It was like a weight holding me back. Damn it, why me? Why did I have to be the one with a bad conscience. There were enough people in this palace who needed a bad conscience far more than I did. Why did I always have to stand in my own way?
I decided that for now I should rather concentrate on my escape. I fixed Isayah in the dark stone entrance with my gaze and followed her with silent steps.
"...You're so quiet, boy." Isayah remarked and made me wince a bit.
I didn't answer directly, just bit my lower lip in embarrassment.
She probably couldn't understand what I was going through anyway. She wasn't a person of great feelings. She seemed rather cold to me. Almost like a robot. But her reliably unfeeling manner gave me some comfort at the moment. At least it didn't complicate my emotional state. She was … calming.
"You don't need to rack your brains like that. If you don't want to attract attention during your escape, then you shouldn't look so stressed and rushed. I hope you know that." She explained calmly, her gaze was now directed forward again.
"Yeah, I know..."
"You need to learn to turn off your inhibiting thoughts and feelings. Otherwise they could break your neck at some point."
But how should I do that?! I wasn't nearly as perfect at it as Isayah! Not everyone could turn off their feelings and running thoughts just like that!
Isayah saw my slightly despairing look and smiled a bit apologetically: "I know it's not easy. And I, at the age of over 300 years, have had plenty of time to perfect this art. But otherwise you can't survive so many years in the palace. It would drive you insane. Once you realize, like I did, that love is just one big lie, everything will become much easier."
"L-love is not a lie!" I replied quickly. After all, I had been in love before. In my past life.
"What you had in your old life was a crush at best. You got heart palpitations, you were excited and also nervous. That's a natural reaction when you're attracted to someone. But that has nothing to do with love. Basically, there are some sexual instincts behind it. That's why a crush never lasts forever. That's why people cheat on each other. That's why people hurt each other. That's why people want to bend you to fit their ideal. That's how it is. People are shallow and fake. You should understand that best of all!"
"T-that's not true!" I tried to counter, sounding rather unsure.
Suddenly Isayah turned to me and grabbed my shoulders hard: "Wake up Chris! This isn't some silly fairy tale where you end up with the prince in shining armor! You would never be happy with Cain. You would desperately meet your end at his alter ego. Escape is the best option for you to stay alive! This is your reality now. You better accept it."
I just stared at the floor dejectedly and nodded slowly.
"It would be best if you really just forgot about him. You can't save him. He had been lost for a long time. I should have known that…"
"But… but you still had hope."
Isayah snorted derisively at that: "Hope is only for fools. If you don't take your destiny into your own hands and act, you will always be someone else's puppet."
Isayah's somber worldview sent chills down my spine. What did she have to go through to become like this? What have people done to her?
Suddenly Isaiah stopped and I almost ran into her.
"What's going on?" I asked, but she kept staring straight ahead.
I was briefly afraid that we would be spotted and that Isayah would see someone in the dark tunnel in front of us. But when I walked up to her and looked into her face, I noticed that her normally dark eyes suddenly looked white and cloudy.
Did she perhaps have something like a vision? Did mages get visions at all? Or maybe that's what her eyes looked like when she saw a distant happening through her crows?
I had never seen her like this before, so I was a bit concerned. I grabbed her shoulder to shake her awake. But when I touched her, a strange feeling shot through me like a bolt of lightning. It was as if I was seeing short sequences of images.
It was the throne room. I saw Cain completely covered in blood with a serial killer's gaze. His eyes glowing scarlet red. It looked like he was on the verge of insanity. Dead people were lying on the ground everywhere. Including the royal couple, George and Cain's sisters. The pale marble floor of the throne room was stained dark red from all the blood oozing from the lifeless bodies.
I stumbled back a few steps from Isayah, completely distraught. My head was pounding violently. Shortly thereafter, Isayah regained her consciousness.
Her gaze scanned me from top to bottom.
"You saw it too." It wasn't a question, it was a statement. I nodded cautiously.
"Quick, we have to hurry." She said, quickly grabbing my elbow as we ran down the long hallway together.
The only thing I could still perceive was my racing heart and our breath echoing off the bare walls…