The world seemed to sway in front of my eyes with every step I took. I barely had any appetite to eat, yet I had to sit down with everyone and take a few bites. My tired eyes concerned everyone at the table, even though I tried my best to not look like a living zombie. Finally, grandma broke the silence.
"Are you feeling alright, Moon?"
I looked at her as if she had asked me a maths equation, but I simply smiled at her.
"Yeah… yeah, I'm… I'm just a little sleepy." I tried not to look too disoriented, but in reality, everything happening around me made me feel sick and nauseous.
"Are you… Sure? You aren't even eating properly, Moon." Dad said, looking at me moving the food around on my plate with the spoon. I looked at dad thinking about something for a second and then looked down at my plate again.
"When… When exactly are we going back home, dad?" I said and looked expectantly at dad. But before he could answer, Mom got up from her chair, having finished her food.
"I think it's about time we get back home, Steven. Moon's question is very valid and I think we have stayed here long enough to learn about our history and culture. Therefore, I don't think it's logical to stay here any longer." Mom walked past us while she spoke but abruptly stopped behind me, noticing something.
"Why are you… holding the spoon with your left hand?"
My eyes widened at the question and I immediately exchanged glances with Anya, who looked equally worried.
"What happened? I'm speaking to you, Moon. What happened to your right hand?"
I was breathing heavily. Panic was setting in and I felt my hands go numb. What the hell was I even thinking while doing something so stupid?! I could have just eaten in my room, goddamnit!
"Moon, it is very disrespectful to remain silent when being spoken to. Come on, show me your right hand."
"Mom, I- I-It's nothing! I-I was just-"
"No, no. I want to know. You never use your left hand while eating-"
"What is the problem, mom? I-I just wanted to try! T-That's it!"
My mom opened her mouth to say something but went silent. She crossed her arms and looked at me. I could feel the tension hanging in the air.
"Well, if that really is the reason, Moon, I don't see what's stopping you from showing me your right hand." Her gaze shifted from me to everyone else in the room, as if she was trying to get everyone's approval.
"What's wrong, Moon? It's just your hand- show it to mom." Dad said while chewing his food, which made me cringe. But mom was impatient. While Anya and I once again looked at each other helplessly. Mom pulled out my right hand from under the table and held it up for everyone to see. I closed my eyes tightly to avoid any confrontation, but I could clearly hear the gasps coming from everyone in the dining room.
"MOON, WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?!" My mom's voice echoed in the room, while others murmured about something. She shook my hand violently, making me wince in pain. I looked up at her pleadingly, but I only saw anger in her eyes.
"ANSWER ME!" She shouted again. I shuddered, and looked away, trying to think of something.
"Think, you dumb-head!"
"I-I… I got hurt… by a cactus." I blurted it out and looked at mom who was confused by my statement.
"Cactus? Where did you find a cactus?" Mom let go of my hand and looked at me questioningly. Her piercing gaze made me recoil for a split second. I had to think and respond quickly.
"Uh… N-Near the river… um- A-Anya and I were… strolling there, and uh- I accidentally hurt myself."
My mom's face was stern, but she didn't speak for a long moment. Every passing second made me feel like a fool for saying that I even found a cactus near the river. I shook my head discreetly in disappointment, but mom didn't say anything else.
"Hmm." She said and turned around to leave. I looked at Anya who was equally as confused and elated as I was, but suddenly, mom turned back around.
"And who nursed you this time?" asked mom, a malicious grin spreading across her lips. The smile felt so dark that it made me shiver. I gulped, trying to think of an answer, but this time, I didn't have to take the bullet.
"I did." Misaii came out of the kitchen with her plate of food and placed it on the table. I looked at her and then at Anya, but Misaii stared straight at mom. Mom didn't break eye contact as well, as if they were about to start a battle, but then, mom simply left. Misaii too sat down and began to eat. Silence filled the room again. Everyone seemed to be engulfed in their own thoughts. I let out a sigh that I had been holding in for so long and took a few more bites. Finally, dad got the chance to answer my question with another question.
"Do you want to go back home, Moon?"
His question made me stop and think. Did I want to go back home? A part of me screamed yes. I wanted to go back home so bad. I wanted to meet Caleb, come to terms with our relationship, and just- live peacefully, away from all this chaos. But a part of me said no. That part of me wanted to stay here and get to know the secrets of Hestia, the story of the visions, and the people in it- because it was my story too. I could feel it, almost touch it with every sense in my body.
"I know I'm not qualified to speak for everyone," Misaii spoke up as we looked at her, "But, I think you should stay."
I looked at Anya who seemed relieved by her statement. Dad spoke up again.
"I was… kind of thinking the same." He looked at me and continued, "Moon, I know Hestia has been difficult for you since the beginning, but…" His face almost contorted in pain, and I could feel that it was because of me denying to learn about our roots, but I really didn't want to get involved in all this more than I already was.
"I really wanted you to show the true essence of Hestia. Which is why I brought us here during this time. Winter might seem like a bleak and desolate season, devoid of color and life, but Hestia and its people make winter seem glorious with all the pomp and arrangements they make every year. It's the festival of Eternia, the glorious beginning of life for Hestia. And I… I really wanted you to see it. Experience it." Dad took a long pause and sighed.
"But… I will respect your decision if you… want to leave." He got up and slowly left. Following dad, grandma and grandpa left too. It was just Anya, me, and Misaii at the table, now. The silence was all-consuming. I couldn't manage to eat anymore. Even the thought of it made me want to throw up. I felt guilty for behaving like a brat from the beginning. Maybe dad would've felt better if I tried a little harder to get along with Hestia, its people, and its culture?
Dad's smiling face began floating in front of my eyes. He was the most enthusiastic about this trip from the beginning. He was excited to bring us back to our roots and was excited for us to experience our culture. But… it almost felt like I ruined everything. For everyone. Misaii finished her food and stood up, and while walking past me, touched my shoulder affectionately. I closed my eyes and breathed deeply as if that touch was exactly what I was looking for.
"Don't stress about it too much, My Lady. If you don't want to, you don't have to stay here." Pausing for a bit, she added, "I know, the past few days were rough. I understand if you want to go back home."
Misaii's words gave me comfort. Surprisingly, even my mom didn't comfort me as much as I had expected her to. Maybe that's how it's supposed to be after a certain age. You grow up and you grow apart. In her defense, though, I would say that she's never cold. She's just not overly compassionate or comforting. But sometimes, that's all I need.
"Thank you, Misaii. I'll go to bed for now." I said and got up. Misaii smiled at me kindly and stroked my cheek affectionately.
"Mm! Wait for me!" Anya gobbled up the last bit of her food and came up right next to me.
"Misaii, where's Astra? I didn't see her the whole day." Anya asked as she then proceeded to pick at her teeth.
"Now that you mention, even I didn't see her around." I added.
"She has been home since yesterday. Our cat, Loki, is a little sick. She's tending to her."
I nodded, but then stopped to ask, "Wait, what do you mean 'home'? I thought you lived here?"
Misaii laughed a little and said, "Oh, no, no! I serve here. I had been employed here even before your great-grandma came here. I was just a child back then." Misaii almost seemed to relish the last words as if reminiscing her memories. Anya almost gaped, and even I did, thinking about how old, yet perfectly strong Misaii was.
"It's getting late, my dear. You both should go to bed." Misaii said and slowly walked away. Anya left too, but I walked up to Misaii again.
"Misaii!"
She stopped and turned around to look at me. She blinked a few times, probably wondering what else I wanted to say.
"Um… at the table, today… Why did you… Say that you nursed my wound?" I asked almost hesitantly, not wanting to bring up the topic of the wound at all. Not because of Misaii, but for myself. It gave me chills to even think about what happened earlier. Misaii looked at me thoughtfully, and said, "Astra was going back home, when she saw Anya, Vlad, and Victor gathered around the big tree near the river. Our home is in that area. On seeing Anya, Astra approached and saw you unconscious. Vic decided to take you to his home to treat you, and Vlad decided to bring Anya back home. Astra had to go home, but she advised Anya to tell me everything, and upon reaching home, she immediately came to me and told me everything.
"So… you knew?"
"I did." She sighed, and once again, patted my shoulder. It seemed like touch was a way of communication for her.
"Don't worry, My Lady. Victor might seem rough, but… he has no intentions of hurting you."
Misaii turned around and finally left before I could speak about anything else. She left me in the corridor riddled with more questions. As I turned back around, something seemed to move as I looked from the corner of my eye. I immediately turned to look around, but there was nothing. It was just me in the corridor.
"I'm… tired." I said, feeling frustrated. It was hard to figure out if anything even made sense anymore. I felt alone, disoriented, and troubled, and my phone was broken too. I kicked the ground, and then stormed into my room, banging the door closed behind me. I jumped on my bed and put my face against a pillow and screamed, hoping no one would hear me. I was not ready to take in so much. It was exhausting.
"Visions, these people, mom and Misaii, and now these flickering shadows. I really can't take this anymore!"
I tossed and turned in my bed. I wasn't able to sleep at all. Tons of thoughts clouded my mind and I felt angry with every passing second. I sat up on the bed and sighed. It was already dark outside. Only the moon shone above everything, lightening up the garden. The moon was a crescent now, waiting to be a new moon in about a week.
"It's funny how a new moon is nothing but darkness, and to get to the full moon, it has to go through a journey of shaping itself every single day until one day its true potential is seen by everyone. But then, once again, through the same format of shaping, it reaches nothing but darkness."
The thought somewhat brought a smile to my face. It was interesting how I was named Moon, but the real moon in the sky was so different from me. Calm, serene, peaceful and elegant- while here I was, trapped in a mess of events that I didn't sign up for. I sighed, and then, almost chuckled. But it was true. I felt like I was in the darkness. However, shaping myself to reach my full potential seemed even more difficult. What was my full potential even? Up until a few days ago, my full potential was known to me- to study fashion, become a fashion designer, start a family, and live happily. But thinking of it now, only left a void in my heart. It made my heart sink. I kept looking at the moon. There was no reason why I did it- maybe to get hope? Or maybe to find answers? But I got no answers, and neither did I get hope. Only the moon hung high in the sky, shining its calm and serene light upon every living creature. Thinking about that made me feel tiny and humble. Stripped off any qualities that I had, susceptible to the powers of nature. I smiled. And as if snatching my moment of vulnerability from me, my subconscious took me back to him… his blue-green eyes. His huge figure bent over my palm… so gentle, yet authoritative. His body smelled like lavender, and remembering his touch, sent a shiver down my spine.
"Moon, what the hell!" His deep voice sounded like a dream in my mind.
I shook my head and took a deep breath, finally laughing a little at my naïvity. It was true I admired him for his actions, but there really was nothing else. For me, it was only Caleb…
I sighed again, laying down on the bed as I pulled the sheets over my head this time, wanting to block all the thoughts that brought me anxiety, and sadness. My eyes were droopy now, but I still had to make an important decision for tomorrow. I yawned and closed my eyes, knowing it wasn't possible to delay my thoughts anymore, and finally fell asleep.