I don't know where or how long I've been running. I still can feel the rest of the adrenaline in my system, and I need to get it all out.
The sun is already high up, and it's probably already late at noon. I collapse to the ground, resting my back on the big tree behind me. If I'm not so angry right now, I will feel intimidated by the size of this tree. I drag my knees to my chest and hug them tightly, securing the earthquake inside my chest.
Why am I so angry at everything? Since this Rebel blood flowed in my veins mysteriously seven years ago, my temper has become unpredictable. Whenever I try to have a decent talk with people, I always end up screaming at them. What is wrong with me?
I can't understand my own feelings right now, I'm so sad, but I'm so angry at the same time. I don't even know what makes me feel this way. This is too overwhelming. I just want to stay in the woods, lying on the ground, until I finally understand what's wrong with myself. I'm exhausted but still feel the urge to run again. My body is trembling, and I feel so cold that even the sweat on my forehead tells me otherwise. What is wrong with me?
I feel so desperate right now, hopeless to find the answer to my unspoken question. What has happened to my old life? I miss my parents, and I hope they're okay. I miss Liam, the sweet 14-year-old boy who would never do everything his 21-year-old is doing to me. He would never send me back to Lucas and help me get out of this place. He would never lie to me!
Why everybody I've known my whole life is changing?
'No, you're the one who's changing!'
Maybe going back to Lucas is a good option so that he can kill me, and I don't have to keep hiding anymore. I will just tell Lucas they use me to spy on him. I've often thought about my own death after Liam left. But I would die elegantly in my head, probably because of saving other people's lives. Then maybe it's time to achieve that glorious death I've been so devoted to.
"You either die as a hero or live long enough to see yourself become the villain." I always think about that quote from my favorite superhero movie. I can still die as a hero. Who knows?
I let my head rest on the tree behind me and close my eyes to ease away the pain that suddenly comes to my head.
Breathe, Ava! You have to live if you want to save your parents! Then you can save Lucas, Aiden, and Liam too. You can return to your old life if you keep fighting for it. Maybe life is still worth it, after all.
***
I open my eyes and find myself lying on the ground. Did I fall asleep in the middle of the forest? When I realize that the dark has already swallowed the forest, I jump to my feet. Shit, the sun is setting! I need to get out of here before it's too late.
I need to run if I want to get back before it gets really dark. I quicken my pace while trying to remember the way back to the bungalow. I'm running blindly, taking turns without knowing where they will lead me to.
After what feels like 30 minutes of sprinting, I can see a glinting of lights ahead of me. That must be the way out! As I speed up, I realize running towards that direction is a mistake.
I can see the lockup clearer as I get closer. There is nobody outside this place. Where are the guards? I cheer at myself in my head and slow down my pace, knowing that I don't need to be running from anyone. I can walk to Liam's bungalow now.
"Fuck," I swear under my breath when someone suddenly blocks my way. But it's too late to stop my feet from running, and I close my eyes right before I hit that person.
I feel my body touch the ground so hard. I can't breathe for a moment, and pain shoots through my whole body while my legs still throb from the sprint.
"What the fuck was that?" someone beside me grunts.
My eyes are blurry, and I'm trying to grasp some air. I hear footsteps approaching me, and I quickly put my hands under my body before pushing myself up. I'm already half standing when a strong arm catches my shoulder and yanks me back to the ground. This time, my butt first crashes to the ground, cutting off the oxygen again from my system.
"It's you!" Someone shouts from above me. "You punched my neck!"
I quickly open my eyes and see the guard I punched so hard that night for hurting Sabrina! The image of Sabrina's face comes back to me, and how his smirk disgusted me that night when he proudly told Peter how much fun he had with her! I know I should just ignore him and run away, but I can't push away the adrenaline rush to kick him in the shin. I should've never let him live back then.
'Finish what you've started! You didn't get to kill him last time. Now you can!'
A strange voice comes from inside my head, and I gasp when I hear it clearly. It's happening again! I thought last night was a ghost eavesdropping on my conversation. Who was that? I look around my surroundings, but the only person here is that stupid guard flying his fist towards me. Wait, what?
I close my eyes to take his punch but feel like my body is thrown into the air. Damn it, what's happening? I find myself standing on my two feet when I open my eyes. Hills dug onto the ground, and hands were already clenched in fists. I can feel the blood boiling under my skin.
'Now it's your turn!'
Who is that?
'DON'T DROP YOUR GUARD, IDIOT! ATTACK HIM!'
Not knowing what to do, my legs suddenly move towards the guard who already puts his defence up. I feel like I'm running in slow motion when my right fist hits the side of his head before he can even fathom my move. He's flying across the forest before collapsing to the ground. He doesn't move. Is he dead?
'No, he's still alive. Now kill him!'
That voice comes again. I keep looking around me, but nobody else is there! A second later, the door that leads to the dungeon bursts open, and two other guards rush out with weapons on their sides. They look at me and then at his friend's body, who's still lying flat on his stomach across the forest.
Oh, no, no, no, I'm in so much trouble.
'Kill them all. You can do it!'
What? No! I can't! I have to go find Liam!
'He can't save you! He's lying to you, and you know that! He's the bad guy, and now kill them all, or I will.'
"Who the fuck are you? Where are you? Show yourself!" I frantically spin my body and look around to find the source of the voice.
"That bitch is crazy!" one of the guards yells at me.
'I am you, and I'm inside your head! NOW KILL THEM!'
"NO!" I clasp my hands to cover my ears, but I can still hear the voice. "GET THE HELL OUT OF MY HEAD!" I drop my legs to the ground, and I shut my eyes.
'You can't get rid of me because I AM YOU! Stop whining and kill them! Open your eyes! They're coming towards us.'
I snap my head up, and the other two guards are already running towards me. The snarl on their face is telling me that they won't let me live after this. When one of them gets closer to me, I dig one of my knees to the ground as the anchor to prevent me from stumbling back. I clench my fist and blow it to the side of his stomach, sending him flying across the forest just like the first guard. Before the third guard can hit me, I'm already standing back on my feet. Everything is going so fast when I send my leg flying to his chin.
Wow, I didn't know I could do that!
I'm panting hard, and my fingers twitch under my fists. I let them loose and flick them up and down to relax the flexing muscles.
Ouch.
'I said, KILL THEM!'
"No! They're already unconscious, and I'm not a killer." I shout back to the invisible voice.
"What the hell is happening here?" A voice comes behind me, and I quickly turn around.
When the person sees my face, his eyes widen in shock. "Ava?"
Relief flushes over my nerves, and I run towards him and catch his tensed body in my arms.
"Oh, Liam, thank God it's you!"
He pulls me away and scans my body up and down with worried eyes. "Where the hell have you been?" He cups my face and turns it around to check for a new wound.
"I'm sorry for running away. I don't know what's gotten into me. I suddenly became so angry, and I just needed to run."
He pulls me back into his tight embrace when he's sure I'm fine. "I was so worried about you! Ken and I have been looking for you everywhere!" his voice is full of anger, disappointment, fear, and relief all at the same time. "Please, don't do that again! I can't lose you, Ava!"
'No, he's a liar, and you know better than this! He doesn't want you to die because he still needs you to complete your mission first.'
My body shudders when the voice comes back, and I tighten my arms around Liam.
"Are you okay?" he asks in my ear.
I nod my head slowly. Regardless of what I've just discovered, I'm surprisingly okay.
Liam finally lets me go, and he checks my face once again. A groan comes from one of the guards on the ground.
"What happened to them? Did you do this?" Liam turns his gaze to the guards scattered on the forest ground.
"They attacked me first," I nod again, and I'm not lying.
Liam's jaw drops open, and an unreadable expression crosses his face.
"Liam, there's something wrong with me."